How To Be Happy

[Green Gaia]

If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion. -His Holiness the Dalai Lama


If His Holiness is correct, and all it takes is compassion to be happy and make others happy, then why don't we do it? Or is he wrong?

 

[Engyo]

#1 - because its not easy to do, it's counter-intuitive, and it is a long-term solution which doesn't provide instant gratification. #2 - because the happiness the Dalai Lama speaks of is not what our capatilistic and materialistic society generally trains us to understand and accept. #3 - because what the Dalai Lama means by compassion is not necessarily the definition most Americans use - it can often mean telling people what they don't want to hear, not giving in to their desires, or not allowing them to keep on deluding themselves. It can be a (non-physical) very tough-love approach - not at all easy to hear or accept. It is NOT telling people what they want to hear, giving them whatever they want, catering to their selfish desires, allowing them to maintain their illusions and delusions, etc.

Buddhist compassion is hard work, both for the person practicing it and those upon whom it is practiced. It is a transformative experience, for both.

 

[Lightkeeper]

I think self-forgiveness is the bottom line and this would be compassion for yourself. I think the hardest person to forgive is ourselves. It takes sharp eyes to see all of the ways we beat ourselves up. When we forgive ourselves, we are then able to show more compassion to others. I agree that compassion for ourselves and others is the key to happiness. Compassion is the ability to put yourself in someone else's place, it's forgiveness, it's understanding. I don't think it is always helping someone. It might be letting someone to just be who they are and loving them for it.

 

[jewscout]

I agree with Engyo on this one. I don't think the happiness we think of in our society is was the Dali Lama is talking about. People today need things to make them happy. Oh you can say your not like that but if you were to, say, lose your home, or you car, or you tv how would you react?
Then again i could be totally off base with this.

 

[huajiro]

If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion. -His Holiness the Dalai Lama


If His Holiness is correct, and all it takes is compassion to be happy and make others happy, then why don't we do it? Or is he wrong?

(Compassion: Literally, suffering with another; a sensation of sorrow excited by the distress or misfortunes of another; pity; commiseration).

Basically, I think he means "do unto others as you would have them do unto you". If we all treated each other as we want to be treated (with exception to the sado masocists) we would not have problems in the world. He is correct, we just don't do it, that is the problem.

 

[Lightkeeper]

I think it's more than do unto others as you will have done unto to you. Compassion has to do with our connection and relationship to other beings. Compassion allows for deeper connections to others. It is in our deep connections that we find true happiness. All of the material things in the world mean nothing unless you can deeply relate to other people. If you deeply relate to other people, you have little need for possessions. The need for possessions is a sublimation for lack of intimacy with others.

 

[anders]

If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion. -His Holiness the Dalai Lama


If His Holiness is correct, and all it takes is compassion to be happy and make others happy, then why don't we do it? Or is he wrong?

Read Engyo's post on "compassion". I think it works. It does for me.

Moreover, I don't like the Christian "Do unto others ..." reading. It presupposes that you know better than others what is good for them; quite an Übermensch view: If you're a masochist, you should go around beating people, because that's what you want them to do to you. The Buddhist, Daoist etc. wording "Don't do to others what you don't want them to do to you" is more on the safe side.

 

[Lightkeeper]

Yes, finding and giving compassion is hard work. Yes, you have to take the tough love approach, but you have to take this approach with yourself first. You have to tell yourself the things you don't want to hear. You have to peel away the many layers of self-deception and accept yourself as you truly are. Under those layers is where you find compassion. The outer and the inner work together, it's not just how you treat other people. I think compassion is the surprise and the prize for all of the hard work. It's probably not what you consciously were looking for in the beginning.

 

[Engyo]

Lightkeeper -

If you notice, HHDL said to practice compassion, without any qualifications. I don't think it is possible to practice compassion in the Buddhist sense without practicing it towards all, and especially towards yourself first. There is no selectivity possible if one truly practices compassion; i.e. you can't be compassionate towards one individual or group of people and not towards another person or group, most certainly including yourself.

 

[mrscardero]

I am happy when I know I have helped others. Whether they choose to return the favor or not, that's their choice. I will continue to be there for others no matter what. I respect every one around me. Whether they return that respect, again is up to them. I don't really follow in the "do unto others as you would have them do unto you". For me, "I will do good to others even though I will not receive good in return."

 

[huajiro]

I think it's more than do unto others as you will have done unto to you. Compassion has to do with our connection and relationship to other beings. Compassion allows for deeper connections to others. It is in our deep connections that we find true happiness. All of the material things in the world mean nothing unless you can deeply relate to other people. If you deeply relate to other people, you have little need for possessions. The need for possessions is a sublimation for lack of intimacy with others.

You are right, doing unto others is only part of compassion, being empathetic is the key. As far as those feelings being more important than material posessions, I agree completely.

 

[Lightkeeper]

Lightkeeper -

If you notice, HHDL said to practice compassion, without any qualifications. I don't think it is possible to practice compassion in the Buddhist sense without practicing it towards all, and especially towards yourself first. There is no selectivity possible if one truly practices compassion; i.e. you can't be compassionate towards one individual or group of people and not towards another person or group, most certainly including yourself.

You will notice I said the inner and outer work together. I said nothing about excluding anyone.