How to Hate Women (or to Hate Men) and Get Away With It!

[Me Myself]

Men and women are different. Sure some men act more feminine and some women act more masculine, but by and large we're different creatures. The only difficulty here is determining whether these differences have more to do with biology or with culture, but that's by the by. We're different.
A classic human reaction to something different is to view it as in some way flawed. This might manifest itself overtly (men are violent, shallow brutes and women are callous, manipulative swine) or it might manifest more subtly. It's when it manifests subtly that it creeps up on people, even the most tolerant person can have a moment where they damn the opposite sex for what they consider to be their flaws.
Furthermore people like a scapegoat for their disappointments. It's easier to target a different group than it is to target a group you belong to when looking to vent your frustrations. Everybody does this from time to time, but a lot of people catch themselves when they do (or am I being too optimistic here?). If you don't catch yourself you can spend years justifying your dislike of a group to yourself and heaping more and more of your grievances onto them until eventually you hate genuinely hate them.
We're really not tolerant of what we consider to be "other" no matter how much we might like to think otherwise.

I agree in genera, more on the last parts than on the first parts. The thing is that while we have different thins influencing us (society influences us in different ways, hormones tend to influence differently, etc) the most important part IMHO gets to be the individual differences from one man to another man can be way higher than that of the same man towards another woman, which is why I wouldnt put great token on the general differences of the genders.

But sure, biological and cultural factors affect differently to both, but just as they affect differently to each person. By majorities we are very different, but by person to person we can be so alike as in the example I put above.

It's similar to saying that an architect and a lawyer are two different creatures. Most of the times they will be even if both share the same gender. An artist is prone to think very differently than an accountant.

There are many things that divide us, but I think in core, most differences can be both strengths or weaknesses depending on application. I think with each generation the things that differentiate each gender become less and less so, and this IMHO is very good.

 

[Sunstone]

I am with legion where she says it would seem he dislikes certain actions and customs and not women themselves.

But are you certain you and legion are not misjudging him? What about the possibility you have misunderstood the OP? Have you checked into that? Are you absolutely certain you understood it?

How did you found out he hated women? was it something in his tone of voice? facial expression? body language? this tend to be the biggest check points for emotional responses. For how long have you seen the behaviour?

I know you say you know him for 10 years, but I mean how often in such time did you see himand how often did he displayed this emotional cues of intent underneath his mask?

Fascinating.

 

[Me Myself]

But are you certain you and legion are not misjudging him? What about the possibility you have misunderstood the OP? Have you checked into that? Are you absolutely certain you understood it?

How can I judge? I am spelling out possibilities, that's all.

Fascinating.

Everything is.

Any interest on feedback for the questions? of the answer type?

 

[Sunstone]

Men and women are different. Sure some men act more feminine and some women act more masculine, but by and large we're different creatures. The only difficulty here is determining whether these differences have more to do with biology or with culture, but that's by the by. We're different.

I myself would place much greater emphasis on similarities than differences, but we both agree there are, for whatever reasons, some significant differences between the sexes.

A classic human reaction to something different is to view it as in some way flawed.

I'm glad you brought that up. It strikes me as a point well worth making.

Furthermore people like a scapegoat for their disappointments. It's easier to target a different group than it is to target a group you belong to when looking to vent your frustrations.

Another good point.

We're really not tolerant of what we consider to be "other" no matter how much we might like to think otherwise.

Do you think tolerance can be learned? Or are relatively tolerant people simply born that way?

 

[Sunstone]

Any interest on feedback for the questions? of the answer type?

None. The questions themselves don't interest me. What it might say about you for asking them does interest me. Although, perhaps not enough.

 

[Me Myself]

That I am interested on how you came to your conclusions?

 

[Erebus]

Do you think tolerance can be learned? Or are relatively tolerant people simply born that way?

I would say that tolerance can absolutely be learned. People in the West have learned to be much more tolerant of black people than they were only a few decades ago for example.
However, I think that the intolerant side of our nature is something that will probably never go away entirely. I think a combination of our flawed but deeply ingrained sense of pattern recognition, our tendency towards tribalism and even aspects of our survival instincts (caution when faced with something unfamiliar to be specific) go a long way towards ensuring that some degree of intolerance is effectively hardwired into us.
For people who have learned to keep that intolerance at bay it will only really surface in times of stress. To relate this back to gender, a bad break up can make any heterosexual* person hate the opposite gender even if only momentarily. I'd say intolerance is as much a part of humanity as anger or fear, we can learn to manage and control it, but we'll never be rid of it.

*I don't know if homosexuals might differ here since by my line of reasoning it would be more difficult (but not impossible) to hate your own group.

 

[Sunstone]

I would say that tolerance can absolutely be learned. People in the West have learned to be much more tolerant of black people than they were only a few decades ago for example.
However, I think that the intolerant side of our nature is something that will probably never go away entirely. I think a combination of our flawed but deeply ingrained sense of pattern recognition, our tendency towards tribalism and even aspects of our survival instincts (caution when faced with something unfamiliar to be specific) go a long way towards ensuring that some degree of intolerance is effectively hardwired into us.
For people who have learned to keep that intolerance at bay it will only really surface in times of stress. To relate this back to gender, a bad break up can make any heterosexual* person hate the opposite gender even if only momentarily. I'd say intolerance is as much a part of humanity as anger or fear, we can learn to manage and control it, but we'll never be rid of it.

Yeah, that's my take on it, too. Intolerance can be ameliorated through learning to be more tolerant, but it's inherent in human nature, and trying to ameliorate it is always something of an uphill battle.

 

[Erebus]

Yeah, that's my take on it, too. Intolerance can be ameliorated through learning to be more tolerant, but it's inherent in human nature, and trying to ameliorate it is always something of an uphill battle.

Ahh the joys of being human eh?

By the way I've enjoyed the threads you've been posting of late, always nice to have something to ponder

 

[Sunstone]

Ahh the joys of being human eh?

Yeah! I'm planning my next thread to be on humanity's hopes for world peace. :help:

By the way I've enjoyed the threads you've been posting of late, always nice to have something to ponder

Thanks, Shyanekh! That means a lot to me.

 

[Sunstone]

I believe the key to a successful, happy, and healthy relationship is the complete inability to communicate. As long as both partners continually misunderstand what the other is saying, hearing what they want to hear and not hearing what they don't, they will live happily ever after lying to themselves without ever realizing it. Lying to your partner is awful, but equilibrium is only possible with a mutual self-delusion towards the conception of the other's nature, ideas, statements, opinions, etc. There's no need to remake a partner that never existed to begin with. [I don't believe any of what I just said, just to be clear. All sarcasm]

I am far too anal to accept there is no truth in what you wrote, despite your very best efforts to steer me towards sanity.

Something that's bugged me for years is the notion that men and women are perfectly compatible sexually. I think even a few experienced couples might tell themselves that, from what I've seen of it.

 

[LegionOnomaMoi]

This has to be one of the most genius posts of all time!!

I have some small talent at remembering the genius of others and parroting it. Sometimes, when I do this well, it makes some of my posts seem better than others.

 

[Wherenextcolumbus]

I am far too anal to accept there is no truth in what you wrote, despite your very best efforts to steer me towards sanity.

Something that's bugged me for years is the notion that men and women are perfectly compatible sexually. I think even a few experienced couples might tell themselves that, from what I've seen of it.

I don't think we are completely compatible sexually either. I think it's something we have to work towards.
We can also see how dreadful mating is in other species, squids? Have you seen how squids do it? Painful for the female.

 

[Kilgore Trout]

At any rate, what do you make of all that? Have you ever known anyone, male or female, like him?

Everybody, to one degree or another?

I'd say the only real difference is that, generally, men want women to be more like men for their own needs, whereas women convince themselves that men should be more like women for the betterment of men. In general, I find men more simple and straightforward about their narcissism and sense of superiority than women.

 

[Sunstone]

Everybody, to one degree or another?

Most likely, I think. It's my impression our esteemed species of poo-flingers generally handles diversity rather poorly.

My friend seems to take it to an extreme, though.

I'd say the only real difference is that, generally, men want women to be more like men for their own needs, whereas women convince themselves that men should be more like women for the betterment of men.

I think that's a legitimate distinction. It certainly jives with my limited experience.

My own intolerance of diversity is most likely to manifest, I've observed, when a woman seeks my betterment. It might be a good quarter of what keeps me celibate. My feelings can change -- and sometimes very abruptly -- from serious attraction to spontaneous revulsion.

Come to think of it, about the only thing my very closest female friends have in common these days is that each of the two or three is perfectly indifferent to reforming me. Otherwise, they are so different, they dislike each other.

In general, I find men more simple and straightforward about their narcissism and sense of superiority than women.

I do, too. And I've even heard more than a few women make much the same observation. For instance, I seem to recall a friend, Danielle, getting at something that's along the same lines in these words: "With you men, I know just where I stand. But with women, I never really know where I stand."

Most days I myself don't feel as pressed to know where I stand with people as Danielle. Perhaps, that's another general difference between men and women. I wouldn't really know, but it's my impression nonetheless that men are somewhat less concerned with what their friends really think about them than women.

I'm curious what do you might make of that, Kilgore.

 

[Sunstone]

I don't think we are completely compatible sexually either. I think it's something we have to work towards.

Well, the good news might be that men and women become more sexually compatible with age, for whatever reasons. That's been my own experience, but -- much more significantly -- it's what Theresa Crenshaw says is true. And Theresa is never, ever wrong because she's my Goddess when it comes to the neurochemistry of love, sex, and romance.

Actually, she does have some experience -- 30 years -- as a medical doctor specializing in sex therapy. She claims that men and women generally first find themselves deeply compatible during their 40s.

We can also see how dreadful mating is in other species, squids? Have you seen how squids do it? Painful for the female.

I vaguely recall hearing about squids once, but I can't remember the details. I don't suppose it has anything to do with the male squid throwing clam shells at the female while she dances seductively before his saucer-plate size eyes, does it? I've always understood that to be the mating pattern actually intended by nature.

 

[Wherenextcolumbus]

Well, the good news might be that men and women become more sexually compatible with age, for whatever reasons. That's been my own experience, but -- much more significantly -- it's what Theresa Crenshaw says is true. And Theresa is never, ever wrong because she's my Goddess when it comes to the neurochemistry of love, sex, and romance.

Actually, she does have some experience -- 30 years -- as a medical doctor specializing in sex therapy. She claims that men and women generally first find themselves deeply compatible during their 40s.

I don't know this Theresa person but will look her up.

I vaguely recall hearing about squids once, but I can't remember the details. I don't suppose it has anything to do with the male squid throwing clam shells at the female while she dances seductively before his saucer-plate size eyes, does it? I've always understood that to be the mating pattern actually intended by nature.

The male squids sperm is like a needle which he stabs under the female's skin, lovely.

 

[Sunstone]

I don't know this Theresa person but will look her up.

She's got a website, if I remember.

Yikes about the squids!

 

[dust1n]

People don't like to be challenged about their notions. Losing one's understanding for a huge portion of human existence is rather bothersome.

 

[Poeticus]

The male squids sperm is like a needle which he stabs under the female's skin, lovely.

Yikes about the squids!

Felines too. Male felines have needle-like pricks that scrap the inner walls upon pulling out.