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How to Pick Up Men and Women

Sunstone

De Diablo Del Fora
Premium Member
About 40 years ago, a number of scientists in various fields -- such as psychology, anthropology, and biology -- more or less simultaneously discovered that in humans successful courtships are most often initiated by the female.

By "successful courtships", I mean courtships that lead to sex. In contrast, the scientists found that male-initiated courtships are most of the time doomed to failure.

Since then, the early findings have been collaborated by dozens and dozens of additional studies. The science that suggests women more often initiate successful courtships than men do is by now pretty solid.

Now that science happens to contradict some age old prejudices in Western culture. Traditionally, the popular notion has been that men initiate most successful courtships and that women pretty much do little more than pick and choose which men to accept. In fact, if you ask most people even today which sex is most likely to initiate a successful courtship, you'd probably hear it was men. So why does so much science suggest otherwise?

Well, one reason might be that the scientists are looking at courtship a bit differently than the average person. The average person (in my opinion) probably thinks of courtship behavior as beginning when the first words are spoken. If so, they are likely to think that men typically initiate courtship because men are often -- perhaps even usually -- the first to actually speak in a courtship.

Yet, the studies I'm referring to are all studies of nonverbal courtship behavior. They don't measure the start of a courtship from the first person to say something, but rather from the first person to do something. And what they consistently find is that women -- and not men -- are usually the first people to do something that initiates a successful courtship.

Basically, women signal the men they're interested in via such means as making repeated eye contact, making repeated eye contact while preening their hair, turning their body to face a certain man, and so forth. All these signals are ways women encourage men to court them.

So, if you're a woman wanting to pick up men, signal the men you're interested in to approach you. And if you're a man looking to pick up women, the odds are in your favor when you respond to a woman's signals, rather than approach a woman cold.

All of this began to be revealed by the sciences about 40 years ago. Forty years from now, it might be common knowledge. But today, most people probably believe the old-fashioned notion that men are the sex that initiates most successful courtships.

Comments? Observations? Mouth frothing rants?


Further Reading:

Human Nonverbal Courtship Behavior: A Brief Historical Review
 

Enoch07

It's all a sick freaking joke.
Premium Member
I find ignoring women works the best.

Nothing a woman hates more than to not even be considered as a possiblity. They will do all kinds of crazy stuff to try and get your attention. Of course this comes down to recognizing the subtle signals above. If no signals is present ignoring has zero effect.

Warning though, if you employ this strategy your likely to be assaulted, in a good way. :oops:
 

YmirGF

Bodhisattva in Recovery
I just wiggle my tail and seductively fondle my horns. That usually gets people weak at the knees. The yellow onesie and red cape helps a lot. Who doesn't like uniforms, eh?
 

Rival

Diex Aie
Staff member
Premium Member
I just wiggle my tail and seductively fondle my horns. That usually gets people weak at the knees. The yellow onesie and red cape helps a lot. Who doesn't like uniforms, eh?
Oh, that tail...
 

sayak83

Veteran Member
Staff member
Premium Member
About 40 years ago, a number of scientists in various fields -- such as psychology, anthropology, and biology -- more or less simultaneously discovered that in humans successful courtships are most often initiated by the female.

By "successful courtships", I mean courtships that lead to sex. In contrast, the scientists found that male-initiated courtships are most of the time doomed to failure.

Since then, the early findings have been collaborated by dozens and dozens of additional studies. The science that suggests women more often initiate successful courtships than men do is by now pretty solid.

Now that science happens to contradict some age old prejudices in Western culture. Traditionally, the popular notion has been that men initiate most successful courtships and that women pretty much do little more than pick and choose which men to accept. In fact, if you ask most people even today which sex is most likely to initiate a successful courtship, you'd probably hear it was men. So why does so much science suggest otherwise?

Well, one reason might be that the scientists are looking at courtship a bit differently than the average person. The average person (in my opinion) probably thinks of courtship behavior as beginning when the first words are spoken. If so, they are likely to think that men typically initiate courtship because men are often -- perhaps even usually -- the first to actually speak in a courtship.

Yet, the studies I'm referring to are all studies of nonverbal courtship behavior. They don't measure the start of a courtship from the first person to say something, but rather from the first person to do something. And what they consistently find is that women -- and not men -- are usually the first people to do something that initiates a successful courtship.

Basically, women signal the men they're interested in via such means as making repeated eye contact, making repeated eye contact while preening their hair, turning their body to face a certain man, and so forth. All these signals are ways women encourage men to court them.

So, if you're a woman wanting to pick up men, signal the men you're interested in to approach you. And if you're a man looking to pick up women, the odds are in your favor when you respond to a woman's signals, rather than approach a woman cold.

All of this began to be revealed by the sciences about 40 years ago. Forty years from now, it might be common knowledge. But today, most people probably believe the old-fashioned notion that men are the sex that initiates most successful courtships.

Comments? Observations? Mouth frothing rants?


Further Reading:

Human Nonverbal Courtship Behavior: A Brief Historical Review
Don't people fix dates online nowadays? Randomly looking around in bars and dance clubs seems inefficient. There are singles mixers and activity groups too.
 

ExVasterist

Ex-Member of RF (I'm a Ghost)
From my experience, a lot of women from 15 to 25 expect the men to court them and prove their worthiness of them. But in the beginning of their relationship searches, they tend to go for the most attractive looking guy they can find, like a guy that looks like a model.

It is honestly a primal thing - the ones with the good facial looks & lots of muscle it was attracts them. But later on, after 25, thats when they start focusing on things about guys that actually matter like job, not average or below intelligence, fun, interesting, sociable, supportive, kind, and are more careful about who they pick and around then is when they take up the role of pursuer instead of waiting for men to do it.

Of course some don't ever break out of the primal thing even despite all the failed relationships with guys that are almost identical.

Its not rocket science, no one really needs to go by some group of scientists to figure out what women want. Mostly just gotta be confident but not arrogant, smart but not a smart ***, reliable, supportive, loyal, and from time to time, let her win the argument even if she is wrong. And it doesn't really matter how much the gift costed you, its the fact that you cared enough to get her something, even if she never asked for it - it is literally the thought that counts. And if you can go for longer than 30 mins, you are her treasure trove.

Now I'm not that experienced with women, I've only been in 14 or 15 relationships before I finally found the one I've been seeking all my life. And to some guys out there, that number is nothing.
It is entirely my opinion based on my experience with women.
I'm not perfect in any sense of the word, I'm not some "player" who can bed any woman whenever I please, and I honestly have barely scratched the surface of how complex women really are.

You may be right for a lot of women out there, but there is always a couple there that could easily see you as their Mr. Right. The tricky part is finding them.
So no, I don't really follow scientific studies on how to court women, cause sure they could be right some women, but can be way off on others. There is honestly no trick that will work every woman on the planet, just be honest about yourself, be interesting enough for her, and know how to have fun in any situation. And if they say "Lets just be friends" it is officially game over and time to move on.
 

bobhikes

Nondetermined
Premium Member
Now that science happens to contradict some age old prejudices in Western culture. Traditionally, the popular notion has been that men initiate most successful courtships and that women pretty much do little more than pick and choose which men to accept. In fact, if you ask most people even today which sex is most likely to initiate a successful courtship, you'd probably hear it was men. So why does so much science suggest otherwise?

Further Reading:

Human Nonverbal Courtship Behavior: A Brief Historical Review

Glad to know scientists are doing such an important study.
 

Terrywoodenpic

Oldest Heretic
Someone is doing something right.
When you look around far more people are in relationships than not.
Success breeds success in the matching game.
It is all feast or starvation.
 

Revoltingest

Pragmatic Libertarian
Premium Member
I just wiggle my tail and seductively fondle my horns. That usually gets people weak at the knees. The yellow onesie and red cape helps a lot. Who doesn't like uniforms, eh?
Also, one's probability of success increases with the number of trials.
It's known as the "Boomhauer Method", ie, try often, don't let rejection
stop you, & you eventually succeed.
Besides, letting the woman entice you wouldn't work.
 

Debater Slayer

Vipassana
Staff member
Premium Member
I find ignoring women works the best.

Nothing a woman hates more than to not even be considered as a possiblity. They will do all kinds of crazy stuff to try and get your attention. Of course this comes down to recognizing the subtle signals above. If no signals is present ignoring has zero effect.

Warning though, if you employ this strategy your likely to be assaulted, in a good way. :oops:

Its not rocket science, no one really needs to go by some group of scientists to figure out what women want. Mostly just gotta be confident but not arrogant, smart but not a smart ***, reliable, supportive, loyal, and from time to time, let her win the argument even if she is wrong. [...]

This thread is titled "How to Pick Up Men and Women," not "How to Remain Single Forever."
 

columbus

yawn <ignore> yawn
By "successful courtships", I mean courtships that lead to sex. In contrast, the scientists found that male-initiated courtships are most of the time doomed to failure.
I would have thought this obvious.
In general, men will "initiate" multiple times, hoping to get lucky. 9 of 10 times might not happen but the 10th keeps them going. ;)
Women tend not to use such a scatter shot approach. They tend to be serious before they initiate anything.
All of this is generally, plenty of people that are outside that vague norm. But it seems pretty obvious to me.
Tom
 

Akivah

Well-Known Member
About 40 years ago, a number of scientists in various fields -- such as psychology, anthropology, and biology -- more or less simultaneously discovered that in humans successful courtships are most often initiated by the female.

Comments? Observations? Mouth frothing rants?

It seems like it's a 'chicken vs. egg' sort of argument. Did a relationship start when a man talks to a woman, when a women made a nonverbal gesture to a man, when a man noticed and made a move, or what? How is the beginning defined? I'm sure women have signaled to men plenty of times only to have their signals ignored or not noticed. The relationship will not proceed until the man actually makes a move and says something. Like any relationship attribute, it takes two to tango.
 

Koldo

Outstanding Member
About 40 years ago, a number of scientists in various fields -- such as psychology, anthropology, and biology -- more or less simultaneously discovered that in humans successful courtships are most often initiated by the female.

By "successful courtships", I mean courtships that lead to sex. In contrast, the scientists found that male-initiated courtships are most of the time doomed to failure.

Since then, the early findings have been collaborated by dozens and dozens of additional studies. The science that suggests women more often initiate successful courtships than men do is by now pretty solid.

Now that science happens to contradict some age old prejudices in Western culture. Traditionally, the popular notion has been that men initiate most successful courtships and that women pretty much do little more than pick and choose which men to accept. In fact, if you ask most people even today which sex is most likely to initiate a successful courtship, you'd probably hear it was men. So why does so much science suggest otherwise?

Well, one reason might be that the scientists are looking at courtship a bit differently than the average person. The average person (in my opinion) probably thinks of courtship behavior as beginning when the first words are spoken. If so, they are likely to think that men typically initiate courtship because men are often -- perhaps even usually -- the first to actually speak in a courtship.

Yet, the studies I'm referring to are all studies of nonverbal courtship behavior. They don't measure the start of a courtship from the first person to say something, but rather from the first person to do something. And what they consistently find is that women -- and not men -- are usually the first people to do something that initiates a successful courtship.

Basically, women signal the men they're interested in via such means as making repeated eye contact, making repeated eye contact while preening their hair, turning their body to face a certain man, and so forth. All these signals are ways women encourage men to court them.

So, if you're a woman wanting to pick up men, signal the men you're interested in to approach you. And if you're a man looking to pick up women, the odds are in your favor when you respond to a woman's signals, rather than approach a woman cold.

All of this began to be revealed by the sciences about 40 years ago. Forty years from now, it might be common knowledge. But today, most people probably believe the old-fashioned notion that men are the sex that initiates most successful courtships.

Comments? Observations? Mouth frothing rants?


Further Reading:

Human Nonverbal Courtship Behavior: A Brief Historical Review

Most people probably believe that men are the sex that initiates most successful courtships ?
This is the first time I have come across anyone mentioning this.
 

Koldo

Outstanding Member
It seems like it's a 'chicken vs. egg' sort of argument. Did a relationship start when a man talks to a woman, when a women made a nonverbal gesture to a man, when a man noticed and made a move, or what? How is the beginning defined? I'm sure women have signaled to men plenty of times only to have their signals ignored or not noticed. The relationship will not proceed until the man actually makes a move and says something. Like any relationship attribute, it takes two to tango.

Personally, I regard whoever initiates the courtship as the one that sends the first non-ambiguous message, be it verbal or not.
 

oldbadger

Skanky Old Mongrel!
About 40 years ago, a number of scientists in various fields -- such as psychology, anthropology, and biology -- more or less simultaneously discovered that in humans successful courtships are most often initiated by the female.

Too true!
I was rubbish at 'picking up' the girls.
But when I gave up and stopped trying I found myself getting a date, somehow!
And eventually I realised that most-times the girls do pick the boys.


True..........
 

oldbadger

Skanky Old Mongrel!
Also, one's probability of success increases with the number of trials.
It's known as the "Boomhauer Method", ie, try often, don't let rejection
stop you, & you eventually succeed.
Besides, letting the woman entice you wouldn't work.

All you had to do was park your traction engine down the road and lean against it.
The girls just luv a bit of speed!
:p
 

Akivah

Well-Known Member
Too true!
I was rubbish at 'picking up' the girls.
But when I gave up and stopped trying I found myself getting a date, somehow!
And eventually I realised that most-times the girls do pick the boys.
True..........
Woot! I'm the exception. When we met, my future wife kept trying to get rid of me. And me, Mr. hint-deaf over here, kept persisting. Now we're at 29 years and going strong.
 
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