How to respond?

[SalixIncendium]

This is not a negative OP just wanted to say that first.

Yesterday i was back at the graveyard job after a few weeks of sick leave.

So my boss call me in to the Office, and during the talk he told me.

"You have to be more selvfish"

Those words go against everything i stand for
To be honest i did answer Ok, but I have no clue what to do about it
It does not feel comfortable to "try to be egoistic or selvfish"

What to do

Do you agree with him?

 

[stvdv]

I did not get sick I used up all my energy.

That is what "sick" means, burdening your body too much. "Burn out" (you mentioned this, see quote below) definitely falls under "being sick" in my dictionary. But I checked to be sure

Burnout is Now Officially Classified as a Mental Illness

I used up all my energy and become burned out

 

[Unveiled Artist]

This is not a negative OP just wanted to say that first.

Yesterday i was back at the graveyard job after a few weeks of sick leave.

So my boss call me in to the Office, and during the talk he told me.

"You have to be more selvfish"

Those words go against everything i stand for
To be honest i did answer Ok, but I have no clue what to do about it
It does not feel comfortable to "try to be egoistic or selvfish"

What to do

Do you think he meant (if this is true) be a bit standing up for yourself or maybe don't let people run all over you?

That and/or maybe you're thinking if others without tending to your own needs just as much?

If yes, I'd say he used the wrong word for it.

 

[Meow Mix]

This is not a negative OP just wanted to say that first.

Yesterday i was back at the graveyard job after a few weeks of sick leave.

So my boss call me in to the Office, and during the talk he told me.

"You have to be more selvfish"

Those words go against everything i stand for
To be honest i did answer Ok, but I have no clue what to do about it
It does not feel comfortable to "try to be egoistic or selvfish"

What to do

From the responses I read, it sounds like you’re overextending yourself to help other people. Try to keep in mind that a well rested and energetic Conscious Thoughts can be more helpful than a tired and spread thin Conscious Thoughts

 

[9-10ths_Penguin]

This is not a negative OP just wanted to say that first.

Yesterday i was back at the graveyard job after a few weeks of sick leave.

So my boss call me in to the Office, and during the talk he told me.

"You have to be more selvfish"

Those words go against everything i stand for
To be honest i did answer Ok, but I have no clue what to do about it
It does not feel comfortable to "try to be egoistic or selvfish"

What to do

Without knowing the full context, some ideas to consider:

The Abilene Paradox: Abilene paradox - Wikipedia

Short version: when everyone in a group is trying to be as unselfish as possible, this can create outcomes that aren't good for anyone.

There's also the old saying "you can't pour from an empty cup": if you don't take care of your own needs, this will impair your ability to help others.

 

[Spirit of Light]

Do you think he meant (if this is true) be a bit standing up for yourself or maybe don't let people run all over you?

That and/or maybe you're thinking if others without tending to your own needs just as much?

If yes, I'd say he used the wrong word for it.

Yes, that is what he meant

 

[Spirit of Light]

From the responses I read, it sounds like you’re overextending yourself to help other people. Try to keep in mind that a well rested and energetic Conscious Thoughts can be more helpful than a tired and spread thin Conscious Thoughts

You are correct I do have a "problem" in that I do not see my self as important, but use all my energy on others, Both willingly and unwillingly from my part

 

[Spirit of Light]

Do you agree with him?

I do not agree I should become selfish no

 

[SalixIncendium]

I do not agree I should become selfish no

Then your response was acceptable. Nothing else to say or do.

Most will judge you using their own experiences as a baseline, and some will be inclined to share that judgment with you. It’s your choice to accept that judgment into your reality or dismiss it.

Feel free to accept or dismiss my comments in this post.

 

[Spirit of Light]

Then your response was acceptable. Nothing else to say or do.

Most will judge you using their own experiences as a baseline, and some will be inclined to share that judgment with you. It’s your choice to accept that judgment into your reality or dismiss it.

Feel free to accept or dismiss my comments in this post.

It is very rare for me to dismiss your comments

 

[Vinayaka]

This is not a negative OP just wanted to say that first.

Yesterday i was back at the graveyard job after a few weeks of sick leave.

So my boss call me in to the Office, and during the talk he told me.

"You have to be more selvfish"

Those words go against everything i stand for
To be honest i did answer Ok, but I have no clue what to do about it
It does not feel comfortable to "try to be egoistic or selvfish"

What to do

One person's opinion. He's not your Guru. I know people who change their mind 8 times a day, based on what the next person suggests.

That statement could be interpreted as 'Don't be a doormat." ('Doormat' is an idiom for a person who allows himself to be pushed around by others.)

There's a balance there somewhere, and I'm sure it varies by individuals. Best wishes.

 

[Aupmanyav]

What to do

I would just be my normal self. At times considerate, other times acerbic.

 

[Unveiled Artist]

Yes, that is what he meant

Probably wrong choice in words. I'd say assertive. You can be opinionated about your own values etc without stepping on people's toes (unless they're not wearing shoes).

 

[Jeremiah Ames]

The sick leave was because of for a long time I put everyone else first, and helping everyone I can (including at work) and the reason I get a sick leave was due to I used up all my energy and become burned out

Possibly the boss is quite wise.

He may think you could use a well deserved break, and then return better to help your teammates.

 

[Windwalker]

The sick leave was because of for a long time I put everyone else first, and helping everyone I can (including at work) and the reason I get a sick leave was due to I used up all my energy and become burned out

That's what he meant. Being more "selfish", is not saying be a narcissist. It's a way of saying you need to take care of your needs first. And that is not selfish. It's actually the opposite of that. You can't help anyone else, if you neglect your own health!

If you need a spiritual principle for that, Jesus said to love God first, and then from that you love others as yourself. (Matthew 22:36-39) Loving God means taking care of yourself, filling your needs emotionally, physically and spiritually. Fill your cup first, and then you have sufficient means to help others. If you don't, if you are anemic, you'll be of no help to others.

Think of it like this. In an airplane, they always tell you put your mask on first before trying to help someone else. The reason for this is because if you don't, if you aren't "selfish" in this regard, you will pass out and you will not be able to help the person next to you. So both suffer and are harmed if you don't take care of yourself first.

Technically, that's not "selfish", and neither is what he meant. Take care of yourself first, is actually selfless, in the long run. Being healthy, taking care of yourself, mentally, physically, spiritually, etc., is an actually act of love, not selfishness.

If you don't love yourself, you aren't able to then love another. You need to be healthy and whole first. You can't neglect your own health. That comes first as an act of love to others.

 

[sun rise]

The sick leave was because of for a long time I put everyone else first, and helping everyone I can (including at work) and the reason I get a sick leave was due to I used up all my energy and become burned out

He just used words which did not speak to you. The intent was something else. He could have worded it something like:

A water pitcher holds only so much water. Unless it's refilled as needed, it can't supply water to those who need it. Be practical.

 

[Windwalker]

It is difficult for me to think of myself first... i do not see my self as important, but others may do see me as important

The greatest heights of love is seeing another as an extension of our own being. If you don't see yourself as important, then by extension you won't see others as important either. Love to others comes from a place of abundance, not deficiency.

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

Another thought. Bosses can be weird. Maybe he's worried that you'll overwork yourself, and that his company will be held liable. Some things bosses say, are in the interest of the company, sometimes, and not always an individual person.

 

[Nakosis]

It is difficult for me to think of myself first... i do not see my self as important, but others may do see me as important

That's interesting. I tend to feel the same but,

I've come to understand that since others see you as important, they come to depend on you. If you don't take care of yourself, you could end up letting others down.

I kind of wish others wouldn't see me as important. An importance I certainly don't feel especially since their dependence puts a certain amount of obligations on me to be available to take care of the needs of others. So I am trying to take better care of my mental & physical health.

Being selfish about your own needs turns out to be not being all that selfish. In fact putting the needs of others above your own may end up letting a lot of people down.