I have a problem

[We Never Know]

I like who I am. I have moved beyond who I was.

With that said...my grandson is not being treated fairly by his step father and I'm fixing to intervene.

Now my oldest daughter is the the light of my life and I'm afraid it will hit her wrong being she thinks her husband is the man, and what he says is it,,,, thats what her church teaches her. But they are fixing to find out "ole poppy" is fixing to have his say.

My question is would you risk making your daughter mad by speaking up for your grandson?

I think the risk is worth it but I'm seeking opinions.

 

[JustGeorge]

I like who I am. I have moved beyond who I was.

With that said...my grandson is not being treated fairly by his step father and I'm fixing to intervene.

Now my oldest daughter is the the light of my life and I'm afraid it will hit her wrong being she thinks her husband is the man, and what he says is it,,,, thats what her church teaches her. But they are fixing to find out "ole poppy" is fixing to have his say.

My question is would you risk making your daughter mad by speaking up for your grandson?

I think the risk is worth it but I'm seeking opinions.

It depends.

What do you hope to accomplish by the conversation? If its to blow steam or make your opinion heard, probably not. It'll just stir the pot, and little will be done other than emotions exchanged.

If you think you can create change, yes, totally worth it. Even if she is initially angry with you, if the conversation will spur action, do it.

But, either way, a conversation with the grandson would be worthwhile. To let him know you're in his corner, to ask what you can do to help, and to make sure he knows he'll always have a Grandpa to go to... that may be something he needs to hear right now.

 

[We Never Know]

It depends.

What do you hope to accomplish by the conversation? If its to blow steam or make your opinion heard, probably not. It'll just stir the pot, and little will be done other than emotions exchanged.

If you think you can create change, yes, totally worth it. Even if she is initially angry with you, if the conversation will spur action, do it.

But, either way, a conversation with the grandson would be worthwhile. To let him know you're in his corner, to ask what you can do to help, and to make sure he knows he'll always have a Grandpa to go to... that may be something he needs to hear right now.

Had my grandson all weekend which is what started all this.

He's 8. To be more clear... He gets home from school at 3:15,, he is sent to his room, he plays alone until 5:00 and comes out to eat supper then back to his room to play alone until 7:00 then its bed time

Even in summer when it doesn't get dark until after 9:00, bedtime is 7:00 after being in his room alone.

I bought him a new bike for christmas and he hasn't got to ride it but once at home because he gets stuck in his room. Thats the step dads rules.

Its ridiculous!

.

 

[SomeRandom]

Had my grandson all weekend which is what started all this.

He's 8. To be more clear... He gets home from school at 3:15,, he is sent to his room, he plays alone until 5:00 and comes out to eat supper then back to his room to play alone until 7:00 then its bed time

Even in summer when it doesn't get dark until after 9:00, bedtime is 7:00 after being in his room alone.

I bought him a new bike for christmas and he hasn't got to ride it but once at home because he gets stuck in his room. Thats the step dads rules.

Its ridiculous!

.

Okay that can’t be healthy. I understand social distancing, but even the kids with cautious parents just wore masks to go out on their scooters or whatever during the lockdowns.


I can’t give advice since I’m not even a parent let alone a grandparent.
Maybe subtly hint at the health benefits of a kid playing outside, at the least. But yeah if that was my nephew or niece I’d be intervening

 

[We Never Know]

Okay that can’t be healthy. I understand social distancing, but even the kids with cautious parents just wore masks to go out on their scooters or whatever during the lockdowns

It has nothing to do with covid. Its all his step dads rules. In my opinion its a out of sight out of mind thing.

 

[We Never Know]

Okay that can’t be healthy. I understand social distancing, but even the kids with cautious parents just wore masks to go out on their scooters or whatever during the lockdowns.


I can’t give advice since I’m not even a parent let alone a grandparent.
Maybe subtly hint at the health benefits of a kid playing outside, at the least. But yeah if that was my nephew or niece I’d be intervening

Let me be a little more clear. My daughter lives 55 miles from me. In the last 5 years since she's been with this guy she has only came to my house three times. Her hubby says I need to cone visit them if I want to see her.

When I get my grandson I have to drive to go get him and take him back after the weekend because he thinks that's my place to do so.

My grandson hates going back home when I have him for the weekend. It almost seems like a visitation. It sux!

 

[SomeRandom]

It has nothing to do with covid. Its all his step dads rules. In my opinion its a out of sight out of mind thing.

Still you’d think he’d kick him outside and then yell for him to come to dinner.
That’s what my parents did. But they were/are very loving.
But yeah I have to agree with how ridiculous that does sound.

Let me be a little more clear. My daughter lives 55 miles from me. In the last 5 years since she's been with this guy she has only came to my house three times. Her hubby says I need to cone visit them if I want to see her.

When I get my grandson I have to drive to go get him and take him back after the weekend because he thinks that's my place to do so.

My grandson hates going back home when I have him for the weekend. It almost seems like a visitation. It sux!

Okay that does ring some alarm bells for me.
Like wow

 

[RestlessSoul]

My two penn’orth, for what that’s worth;

1) Seems you definitely do need say something.
2) What exactly you say, and how you say it, will probably affect the outcome in some way. So try to stay cool, at least

 

[Hermit Philosopher]

Dear "We Never Know”

I feel for you; it sounds like a dreadful position to be in.

It’s a thin line, but I think I’d ask my daughter if she is happy and how she thinks that her son is getting on.

I think I’d ask her what she thinks her boy does and feels when he’s alone…

I’d remind her that she is not alone and that she can always speak to me about her thoughts and concerns.

I’d tell her that I miss them both and that I’d very much like to see more of them but that I’m getting old and find the driving hard. I’d ask her if there was anything we could do about this.

And then I guess I’d pray and wait.


Humbly
Hermit

 

[Nakosis]

I like who I am. I have moved beyond who I was.

With that said...my grandson is not being treated fairly by his step father and I'm fixing to intervene.

Now my oldest daughter is the the light of my life and I'm afraid it will hit her wrong being she thinks her husband is the man, and what he says is it,,,, thats what her church teaches her. But they are fixing to find out "ole poppy" is fixing to have his say.

My question is would you risk making your daughter mad by speaking up for your grandson?

I think the risk is worth it but I'm seeking opinions.

So, it's probably not going to go well, but you have to do what you got to do.
What I would do, I'm not saying you should, but me, I would talk to my grandson. Make sure he understand the problem is not him.
Let him know that he can confide in me and help him work out any issue he might have with his step father.

When ever I've step in, I always get blamed for causing the problem.

 

[Nimos]

Let me be a little more clear. My daughter lives 55 miles from me. In the last 5 years since she's been with this guy she has only came to my house three times. Her hubby says I need to cone visit them if I want to see her.

When I get my grandson I have to drive to go get him and take him back after the weekend because he thinks that's my place to do so.

My grandson hates going back home when I have him for the weekend. It almost seems like a visitation. It sux!

it sound a bit like a cult kind of thing? what religion is this?

You have to be very careful I think, it seems like the stepdad is the one calling all the shots or its the hubby (whatever that is), if you rub him the wrong way, he might refuse to let you see him at all and if he "control" your daughter as well, he might tell her to not allow it. Alternatively he could also let it go out on your grandson so it gets even worse for him.

But it doesn't sound like it healthy for the kid, so would probably be good to have a chat with them, just be sure that you do it the right way.

 

[VoidCat]

Had my grandson all weekend which is what started all this.

He's 8. To be more clear... He gets home from school at 3:15,, he is sent to his room, he plays alone until 5:00 and comes out to eat supper then back to his room to play alone until 7:00 then its bed time

Even in summer when it doesn't get dark until after 9:00, bedtime is 7:00 after being in his room alone.

I bought him a new bike for christmas and he hasn't got to ride it but once at home because he gets stuck in his room. Thats the step dads rules.

Its ridiculous!

.

Okay that can’t be healthy. I understand social distancing, but even the kids with cautious parents just wore masks to go out on their scooters or whatever during the lockdowns.


I can’t give advice since I’m not even a parent let alone a grandparent.
Maybe subtly hint at the health benefits of a kid playing outside, at the least. But yeah if that was my nephew or niece I’d be intervening

The fact this seems normal to me and apparently it's not shows what kind of childhood I had... But you should intervene with your daughter and her husband's parenting if you feel something isn't healthy.

 

[Revoltingest]

My two penn’orth, for what that’s worth;

1) Seems you definitely do need say something.
2) What exactly you say, and how you say it, will probably affect the outcome in some way. So try to stay cool, at least

When trying to persuade, it's paramount to craft what
one plans to say based upon achieving the desired
outcome, ie, the machieavellian method.
- Offer insights that will be seen as enlightening, & accepted as useful.
- Don't alienate with insults or criticism.
- Demeanor & emotional state matter...choose what
will be most persuasive. Equanimity is a good default.

 

[Aupmanyav]

My question is would you risk making your daughter mad by speaking up for your grandson?

I will speak clearly and not mince words.

 

[Aupmanyav]

He's 8. To be more clear... He gets home from school at 3:15,, he is sent to his room, he plays alone until 5:00 and comes out to eat supper then back to his room to play alone until 7:00 then its bed time
Even in summer when it doesn't get dark until after 9:00, bedtime is 7:00 after being in his room alone.

Very unhealthy regimen. Perhaps it should be reported.

 

[F1fan]

I like who I am. I have moved beyond who I was.

With that said...my grandson is not being treated fairly by his step father and I'm fixing to intervene.

Now my oldest daughter is the the light of my life and I'm afraid it will hit her wrong being she thinks her husband is the man, and what he says is it,,,, thats what her church teaches her. But they are fixing to find out "ole poppy" is fixing to have his say.

My question is would you risk making your daughter mad by speaking up for your grandson?

I think the risk is worth it but I'm seeking opinions.

There's a lack of crucial details here, but you are the "older and wiser" so your advice is appropriate to my mind.

Edit: OK with the additional details it could be your daughter might be busy with her own priorities. I do remember spending a lot of time at my grandparents during summers when I was young. It was more fun than mom's house.

 

[JustGeorge]

Had my grandson all weekend which is what started all this.

He's 8. To be more clear... He gets home from school at 3:15,, he is sent to his room, he plays alone until 5:00 and comes out to eat supper then back to his room to play alone until 7:00 then its bed time

Even in summer when it doesn't get dark until after 9:00, bedtime is 7:00 after being in his room alone.

I bought him a new bike for christmas and he hasn't got to ride it but once at home because he gets stuck in his room. Thats the step dads rules.

Its ridiculous!

.

Let me be a little more clear. My daughter lives 55 miles from me. In the last 5 years since she's been with this guy she has only came to my house three times. Her hubby says I need to cone visit them if I want to see her.

When I get my grandson I have to drive to go get him and take him back after the weekend because he thinks that's my place to do so.

My grandson hates going back home when I have him for the weekend. It almost seems like a visitation. It sux!

Honestly, this doesn't sound 'unfair', it sounds neglectful, to me. And the fact you have seen your daughter so little lately... Well, I suspect she is being mistreated, too. I lived in an abusive situation, and one of the first things my abuser did was cut me off from friends and family... this is a huge red flag in my mind.

As to what you can do about it, I don't really know. A conversation with her is in order; I might try to emphasize concern mostly; any kind of hostility can be seen as a threat, and will probably push her farther into a hole...

55 miles is a long way, but if you have the time, energy, and resources, showing up frequently(and even unannounced) might be a relief to your grandson, and might give the parents some things to think about. If they won't let you stay with them, is there a nearby hotel?

 

[Sand Dancer]

Had my grandson all weekend which is what started all this.

He's 8. To be more clear... He gets home from school at 3:15,, he is sent to his room, he plays alone until 5:00 and comes out to eat supper then back to his room to play alone until 7:00 then its bed time

Even in summer when it doesn't get dark until after 9:00, bedtime is 7:00 after being in his room alone.

I bought him a new bike for christmas and he hasn't got to ride it but once at home because he gets stuck in his room. Thats the step dads rules.

Its ridiculous!

.

He has to stay in his room alone when he's home??? Why does the step dad dictate this?

 

[We Never Know]

He has to stay in his room alone when he's home??? Why does the step dad dictate this?

Because he is the head of the house and the head of the family. Their church teaches the man is the head/boss.

 

[JustGeorge]

Because he is the head of the house and the head of the family. Their church teaches the man is the head/boss.

I hate how churches that teach that conveniently forget the teachings of being good, caring, and a positive influence on the family.