I, in one word, am Schizoid.

[Loner]

I'm a 18 years old, brown eyes, brown hair, 5'10", slender build man and schizoid in every respect except sexual desire.

I'm incredibly... afraid, I suppose, of my future. There's nothing that makes me happy and it's likely thirty years from now I'm going to be working a terrible job, living alone, and as aloof and tired of life as I am now.
I wish I had the sense to shoot myself.

To me, the world is just a place where mankind runs around in circles before we die. In my case, I just skip over the running around in circles and I find how terribly boring and mellow dramatic the world is.
I want to pick up smoking pot but, being an asthmatic, I breathe bad enough as it is.

The reason I created this account is to ask this question:

Is it better to live my life pretending that I like to be around people and that I have some sort of interests so that I can find a wife or is it better for me to be myself and find a cold dark hole to bury myself in and, even though I wont be happy, I'll be perpetually content.


Perhaps when I get older I'll be the same as I was during school. Back then I didn't care about relationships at all. I still don't care about friendship, it's meaningless. but now woman matter. Maybe even a girlfriend wouldn't make me happy, it could be just a nice thing for the first few years and then it too would die out.

I really don't know, what advice would you give? I would particularly like to see someone that has been diagnosed with Schizoid Personality Disorder.

I hear some people like me magically meet the perfect woman and are happy, but I also hear about people that live entirely isolated for a great majority of their lives.

I don't know if it's better to give up my love of silence and solitude to be with a woman I know would deserve better than what I am or just be on my own like I'm use to and leave everyone else out of it. Again, I wish I had the sense to shoot myself...

Don't get me wrong, I'm not depressed, I've been depressed, this is just constant lameness. It's like the train of life has passed me by and I'm left kicking a can down the tracks.

 

[gnomon]

Hello.

It's better to learn to care for yourself and try to extend that care to others.

Have you been diagnosed with a psychological disorder?

 

[Loner]

Have I been diagnosed as being schizoid?
Not that I know of.
I have never gotten a certificate that stated: You are, in fact, Schizoid! Yay!!!
But it's not too hard to figure out...

Schizoid being a psychological disorder at all is also debatable.

As for any other disorder or possible disorder, no.
Edit: I am more dependent than I use to be when I was younger but not to any extreme degree.

Are you insinuating that I don't like myself? Meh, fair enough. I dislike my likes and tendencies. If I decided to actually accept my tendencies then I wouldn't be extending that care to others because my tendency would be *not* to. Seems kinda like a paradox (Or pair-uh-ducks as my dad use to say.)

 

[gnomon]

I've never been formally diagnosed with anything as far as I know. Though, even if I were, I doubt those psychologists would have told me anyway.

Are you insinuating that I don't like myself? Meh, fair enough. I dislike my likes and tendencies. If I decided to actually accept my tendencies then I wouldn't be extending that care to others because my tendency would be *not* to. Seems kinda like a paradox (Or pair-uh-ducks as my dad use to say.)

Nope.

People often go looking for something or trying to build themselves up as something they are not and lose focus on things such as....eating right, maintaining health, working, etc. Speaking who was diagnosed with a psychological disorder when you allow depression or searching for higher things (dwelling too much) to the exclusion of basic life functions...well then you really do inherit a problem.

In my opinion, it sounds like you are not experiencing anything abnormal. That and I usually take exception when people describe themselves as schizoid or such without actually knowing what they are talking about.

Welcome to the Forums!

 

[Pariah]

Dude!
According to a forum test I just took, I am completely Schizoid, too!

w00t!

 

[Quagmire]

I'm a 18 years old, brown eyes, brown hair, 5'10", slender build man and schizoid in every respect except sexual desire.

I'm incredibly... afraid, I suppose, of my future. There's nothing that makes me happy and it's likely thirty years from now I'm going to be working a terrible job, living alone, and as aloof and tired of life as I am now.

Hi Loner, welcome to RF, but, not to be argumenitive, I'm giving you better odds than you seem to be. From what I'm hearing; You're awake enough to be aware of the quiet desperation that plagues our age, wise enough to have already aquired a distaste for it, and young enough to go out looking for alternatives.

I'd say that's an excellent start.

And just a note; the search for those is itself a pretty exciting alternative.

I wish I had the sense to shoot myself.

I'm glad you don't.

To me, the world is just a place where mankind runs around in circles before we die.

For many people, it seems to be just that.

In my case, I just skip over the running around in circles and I find how terribly boring and mellow dramatic the world is.

Who's world?

I want to pick up smoking pot but, being an asthmatic, I breathe bad enough as it is.

Looks like you'll have to expand your mind on your own then.

The reason I created this account is to ask this question:

Is it better to live my life pretending that I like to be around people and that I have some sort of interests so that I can find a wife...

If by "better" you mean easier, yes.
If by "better" you mean better, no.

or is it better for me to be myself and find a cold dark hole to bury myself in and, even though I wont be happy, I'll be perpetually content.

Or maybe a warm, well-lit hole with a few people who feel the same way about things as you do (it only takes a few).

Perhaps when I get older I'll be the same as I was during school. Back then I didn't care about relationships at all. I still don't care about friendship, it's meaningless. but now woman matter. Maybe even a girlfriend wouldn't make me happy, it could be just a nice thing for the first few years and then it too would die out.

Kid (and no offense intended by that), I am you 30 years down the road and I can tell you; one of the worst mistakes you can make is to think you know what something is before you've given yourself a chance to find out first hand.

I really don't know, what advice would you give?I would particularly like to see someone that has been diagnosed with Schizoid Personality Disorder.

Advise; Live your life from begining to end and every moment in between. Consciousness (or at least most versions thereof) is itself a disorder that we're all in the process of trying to overcome.

I hear some people like me magically meet the perfect woman and are happy, but I also hear about people that live entirely isolated for a great majority of their lives.

And there are many more who go out looking for the perfect person in this world of inperfect people, and wind up married to thier own disapointment. Which is where real isolation comes from.

I don't know if it's better to give up my love of silence and solitude to be with a woman I know would deserve better than what I am.

And what are you exactly? Have you given yourself (or anyone else) a fair chance to find out?

There are women who love silence and solitude as much as you do, and as with most other things, silence and solitude are much more fun when you have someone to share them with.

In any case, the polite thing would be to let her make her own decisions about all this when she shows up.

Again, I wish I had the sense to shoot myself...

It would be rude to shoot a stranger until you've given him a fair trial

Don't get me wrong, I'm not depressed, I've been depressed, this is just constant lameness. It's like the train of life has passed me by and I'm left kicking a can down the tracks.

Are you in hurry?

 

[Loner]

I definitely think it's abnormal and it's not something that has just come up. I use to sit alone at tables in kindergarten, they were going to hold me back because of it. What *has* recently come up is my dependence and insecurities about being alone, which just plain isn't cool.

I miss those good ol' days when I could sit alone for days, all on my own, happy. Now I get so caught up in loneliness that I can't even be myself. I'm hoping it's just a hormone thing but I thought that was suppose to end years ago (???).

 

[gnomon]

I definitely think it's abnormal and it's not something that has just come up. I use to sit alone at tables in kindergarten, they were going to hold me back because of it. What *has* recently come up is my dependence and insecurities about being alone, which just plain isn't cool.

I miss those good ol' days when I could sit alone for days, all on my own, happy. Now I get so caught up in loneliness that I can't even be myself. I'm hoping it's just a hormone thing but I thought that was suppose to end years ago (???).

This I can understan. I would definitely recommend finding some help. Not necessarily going to a psychiatrist, there are other things that can be done, but definitely finding some help among a group of people who share the exact same experience.

Heed Quagmire's post. He is speaking more sensibly than myself.

 

[Pariah]

Maybe its good to come up with your own answers before asking others to fill in your own blanks.
I don't know how long you have been searching, and I certainly will not rule out the idea of others helping you find yourself, but you can be your best friend when it comes to your emotions if you try and meditate on it.

Ask the question and answer the same question multiple times and with different answers. You can keep branching off and branching off until you've found something.

Keeping a journal is a great way to keep track of all your philosophical ramblings.

 

[Loner]

ha. I've kept a journal before, I had to for a class.
The thing that did for me is to show me I'm not totally insane like I thought I was.

Thanks for the reply, Quagmire. I always get that kind of reply (Don't worry about it, life will work out, just do the best you can.) or people tell me to worry about it (More rare.) I tend to lean towards your view.

I would have given anything years ago to hear: "or maybe a warm, well-lit hole with a few people who feel the same way about things as you do (it only takes a few)." when I was growing up. It seems like everyone thought that being me just wasn't enough. People in society tell me 1.) You have to have friends. 2.) You have to be successful. Have lots of money, live in a big house, have lots of stuff, etc. and sometimes I feel like I get to the point where I actually believe them.

 

[Quagmire]

Nope.

People often go looking for something or trying to build themselves up as something they are not and lose focus on things such as....eating right, maintaining health, working, etc. Speaking who was diagnosed with a psychological disorder when you allow depression or searching for higher things (dwelling too much) to the exclusion of basic life functions...well then you really do inherit a problem.

This is so true, and so easy to forget.

ha. I've kept a journal before, I had to for a class.
The thing that did for me is to show me I'm not totally insane like I thought I was.

Thanks for the reply, Quagmire. I always get that kind of reply (Don't worry about it, life will work out, just do the best you can.) or people tell me to worry about it (More rare.) I tend to lean towards your view.

I would have given anything years ago to hear: "or maybe a warm, well-lit hole with a few people who feel the same way about things as you do (it only takes a few)." when I was growing up. It seems like everyone thought that being me just wasn't enough. People in society tell me 1.) You have to have friends. 2.) You have to be successful. Have lots of money, live in a big house, have lots of stuff, etc. and sometimes I feel like I get to the point where I actually believe them.

Many of those people are just passing on what they've been told, whether it's worked for them or not. It's just one of those things people think they're "supposed to" do.

Since you're in a place called "Religious Forums" I'll throw this at you; "There is a way that seems right to a man,..."

Welcome again, Loner. Hope you find some answers here.

 

[Loner]

Looks like you'll have to expand your mind on your own then.

Ya, just isn't fair. I want to join the army too, but they wont accept me. Asthma sucks. I always have to find something else to do since I'm incapable of so much physically. (I can't even run a damn mile. I was a great sprinter but I don't think anything ****** me off more than being *incapable* of running a mile. I tried time and time again, dragging myself down to the school office after a quarter mile to use my inhaler, touching the wall trying to stand straight. I *hate* being that pathetic.) There's nothing I hate more about myself than my asthma.

There are women who love silence and solitude as much as you do, and as with most other things, silence and solitude are much more fun when you have someone to share them with.

I hate that that sentence makes sense to me.

 

[lilithu]

I'm a 18 years old, brown eyes, brown hair, 5'10", slender build man and schizoid in every respect except sexual desire.

......

Meh, it just sounds like you're 18 to me. Everyone thinks that their angst is somehow more spectacular than everyone else's angst.

Also, what is up with the physical stats? Are you thinking of using RF as a dating service? Yeah, good luck with that.

 

[Papersock]

To me, the world is just a place where mankind runs around in circles before we die. In my case, I just skip over the running around in circles and I find how terribly boring and mellow dramatic the world is.
I want to pick up smoking pot but, being an asthmatic, I breathe bad enough as it is.

Except for the smoking pot, this part sounds like my worldview. Life on earth is an absurd existence, scarred and confused with ideas from all the previous generations.
You might as well find some amusement in it. A dark sense of humor helps.

Is it better to live my life pretending that I like to be around people and that I have some sort of interests so that I can find a wife or is it better for me to be myself and find a cold dark hole to bury myself in and, even though I wont be happy, I'll be perpetually content.

I'd say try finding people you might actually like being around and try to tolerate the people you don't like being around. It's difficult to avoid everyone all the time. Unless you can live in a cave.
At the same time, find things that you can enjoy while alone.

 

[Loner]

THERE IS A WAY THAT SEEMS RIGHT TO A MAN, BUT ITS END IS THE WAY OF DEATH

Thanks for the welcomes, but I don't know how much I'll use this forum. This thread is about all I wanted to learn.

I put my physical stuff on for the hell of it. It's not like anyone will ever know if it's true or not anyway.

 

[lilithu]

Thanks for the welcomes, but I don't know how much I'll use this forum. This thread is about all I wanted to learn.

I put my physical stuff on for the hell of it. It's not like anyone will ever know if it's true or not anyway.

Aw dude, stick around. You might find you like it.

 

[Quagmire]

Ya, just isn't fair. I want to join the army too, but they wont accept me. Asthma sucks. I always have to find something else to do since I'm incapable of so much physically. (I can't even run a damn mile. I was a great sprinter but I don't think anything ****** me off more than being *incapable* of running a mile. I tried time and time again, dragging myself down to the school office after a quarter mile to use my inhaler, touching the wall trying to stand straight. I *hate* being that pathetic.) There's nothing I hate more about myself than my asthma.

I had asthma when I was a kid too. I don't know, to this day, if there's any connection, but it went away right about the time I started lifting wieghts.

After a few years of that there wasn't much I couldn't out perform anyone on, including running.

I hate that that sentence makes sense to me.

Lol! Yes, scary isn't it?

 

[Quagmire]

Thanks for the welcomes, but I don't know how much I'll use this forum. This thread is about all I wanted to learn.

I put my physical stuff on for the hell of it. It's not like anyone will ever know if it's true or not anyway.

Don't worry about that, Loner, some people just have a different way of saying hello than others.

I hope you decide to stay. You're story sounds quite a bit like many other people's story in here *raises hand*. And for the most part I'd say, we seemed to have turned out alright.

 

[Loner]

I have another screen name (I hope that's allowed. :foot that doesn't have my same world view but is easier to learn from others as him. I guess it's like a self defense and because it's more amusing. This would be me without the shells. So you may or may not see me around.

It's easy to find introverted people on the internet, there's no doubt there. Schizoids are damn near rampant (Or extreme introversion, if you prefer) . I'm just nervous about how my story is going to play out.
Perhaps it would be best if I stepped away from the problem and do other things I want to do like learn latin and write stories. The problem with that is when I begin doing something that is that time consuming I always stop and say to myself, "This is pointless." and fall back to self-analyzing, which is, of course, also pointless. Then I start analyzing the world, which is all just messed up. When I get annoyed enough with the world I dive back down into writing and learning Latin. It's a vicious cycle.

Edit: Check out Lifesucks.info, then go to "people are stupid". Great article. The rest scares me because I could see myself being like him in 20 years.

 

[Cynic]

Have I been diagnosed as being schizoid?
Not that I know of.
I have never gotten a certificate that stated: You are, in fact, Schizoid! Yay!!!
But it's not too hard to figure out...

From the DSM-IV-TR, it seems that it is a disorder that involves a sort of emotional disconnection to everything. Someone who has Schizoid PD receives little satisfaction from both relationships and sexual experiences.

IMO, something like this would be hard to diagnose. It might be that you have dysthmia, or something else.

You might want to see a professional about this. Perhaps there is treatment for this.