Rowan McGollaough
New Member
I wasn't sure where to go with this, so I came here. Just for context, I've never been a particularly religious person, never really believed in any particular higher power or greater evil or anything of that sort. I am, however, a very curious person. I've read the Bible, a bit of the Quran, quite a few spiritual books, despite not being Christian or Muslim or Wiccan or anything like that.
Despite that, I come from a long line of "magick" practicing Irish women, despite being part of the Catholic church. These aren't just old family stories either, my mother has the crystal ball my grandmother's grandmother supposedly used to predict clientele futures with, though there's plenty of stories too. So I grew up hearing these sort of fantastical stories I was always fascinated with yet skeptical of. My mother is not Catholic at all though, so I was not brought up under any sort of Christian belief system.
All of this being said, a couple of years ago, I was having a very hard time with my PTSD that came from a shooting I was in when I was younger, but that's a whole nother thing. Anyways, I had this religious or, I don't even know, incredible dream. I dreamt I had been shot and lying in the hospital bed, the room suddenly goes dark an the ceiling is the night sky, perimetered by these bright, diaphanous orange and pink tapestries, and in the center of this opening is a little jellyfish floating around in circles, forever shifting and changing color, glowing like those little sea organisms sometimes do. It began to speak to me, in this deep, calming, yet unidentifiable voice. It said that everything was going to be alright. And I asked if it was God, and it said "yes, in a way." Then I asked, why present as a jellyfish? And I don't remember the exact words, but it went something like, "because I am time, no beginning and no end, everything and nothing" or something or other. I remember a bit more conversation, but not exactly what was said, but I woke up with a start and immediately texted my then boyfriend everything I could remember. He was *convinced* it was some sort of religious experience because apparently (and I had no idea of this) there is some kind of immortal jellyfish in the ocean that I had no idea even existed. My mom was also quite shaken by my retelling of this because dreams were apparently a way they "practiced" magick. Now I don't know much about my family's practices as a lot of it was lost through conversion to the church, and I also was never told much despite my constant questioning, so her reaction seemed startling. Despite all of this, time passed, and it became somewhat forgotten.
Now, fast forward to last night. I've been getting into demonology, Goetia (the greater and lesser keys of Solomon), etc etc. I find it fascinating. I recently bought a book on it.
So last night, out of nowhere, I had one of the most disturbing, strange dreams I've ever had in my entire life, and I've had A LOT of nightmares. I'd even go so far to say I have ten times more nightmares than I do regular dreams, but this one... stuck out.
I had several false awakenings in this dream, which has never happened to me before. It starts off with this girl, who keeps trying to kill me, long story short, I narrowly escape, fall asleep and wake up in the same place, except this time her brother is the one trying to kill me. Again, I narrowly escape after being battered and assaulted and wake up in the exact same place. This time it's his mother. Each time the dream progresses, it becomes more violent, chaotic, and terrifying. The rooms get torn apart by bare hands, screaming, blood, visceral rage, and anarchy, it's... I can barely describe it. By the time I try and escape the mother, I'm willing to do anything to escape what I guess is coming next: the father.
There had been a lot of religious symbolism, specifically of the Abrahamic, or I guess Christian kind, but it all seemed arbitrary until I escaped into this underground subway terminal. I begged for help, but all the passerby were either visibly too frightened to help me, or just completely ignored me. Eventually, I was dragged back to where I met the father.
He told me he was "what you call the devil," and that this was my hell, and I was destined to go there. I explained that that couldn't be true. I was a good person, I did my best to help everyone I could, and that I hadn't even died to my knowledge. I don't remember much after that, except that he told me I'd "marry" my way into hell. Which? What? And just before I woke up, I had begun to violently vomit black goo.
I'm sorry this is so long, but, I feel I did my best at making it as short as possible. I don't believe in "God" or "The Devil" but I do believe in something of a higher power, and inexplicable events. Dreams play a major role in my family's and my beliefs, and I'm sure lots of people have had religious dreams, but these have stuck out to me. I'm too afraid to go to my family about this, I'm not really sure why. Is there anyone more experienced that could tell me what these could mean? Even in some philosophical sense?
Please don't reply with things about going to hell for interest in demonology. I'm not afraid of demons as I don't believe in them, at least not in the traditional sense, if at all.
Despite that, I come from a long line of "magick" practicing Irish women, despite being part of the Catholic church. These aren't just old family stories either, my mother has the crystal ball my grandmother's grandmother supposedly used to predict clientele futures with, though there's plenty of stories too. So I grew up hearing these sort of fantastical stories I was always fascinated with yet skeptical of. My mother is not Catholic at all though, so I was not brought up under any sort of Christian belief system.
All of this being said, a couple of years ago, I was having a very hard time with my PTSD that came from a shooting I was in when I was younger, but that's a whole nother thing. Anyways, I had this religious or, I don't even know, incredible dream. I dreamt I had been shot and lying in the hospital bed, the room suddenly goes dark an the ceiling is the night sky, perimetered by these bright, diaphanous orange and pink tapestries, and in the center of this opening is a little jellyfish floating around in circles, forever shifting and changing color, glowing like those little sea organisms sometimes do. It began to speak to me, in this deep, calming, yet unidentifiable voice. It said that everything was going to be alright. And I asked if it was God, and it said "yes, in a way." Then I asked, why present as a jellyfish? And I don't remember the exact words, but it went something like, "because I am time, no beginning and no end, everything and nothing" or something or other. I remember a bit more conversation, but not exactly what was said, but I woke up with a start and immediately texted my then boyfriend everything I could remember. He was *convinced* it was some sort of religious experience because apparently (and I had no idea of this) there is some kind of immortal jellyfish in the ocean that I had no idea even existed. My mom was also quite shaken by my retelling of this because dreams were apparently a way they "practiced" magick. Now I don't know much about my family's practices as a lot of it was lost through conversion to the church, and I also was never told much despite my constant questioning, so her reaction seemed startling. Despite all of this, time passed, and it became somewhat forgotten.
Now, fast forward to last night. I've been getting into demonology, Goetia (the greater and lesser keys of Solomon), etc etc. I find it fascinating. I recently bought a book on it.
So last night, out of nowhere, I had one of the most disturbing, strange dreams I've ever had in my entire life, and I've had A LOT of nightmares. I'd even go so far to say I have ten times more nightmares than I do regular dreams, but this one... stuck out.
I had several false awakenings in this dream, which has never happened to me before. It starts off with this girl, who keeps trying to kill me, long story short, I narrowly escape, fall asleep and wake up in the same place, except this time her brother is the one trying to kill me. Again, I narrowly escape after being battered and assaulted and wake up in the exact same place. This time it's his mother. Each time the dream progresses, it becomes more violent, chaotic, and terrifying. The rooms get torn apart by bare hands, screaming, blood, visceral rage, and anarchy, it's... I can barely describe it. By the time I try and escape the mother, I'm willing to do anything to escape what I guess is coming next: the father.
There had been a lot of religious symbolism, specifically of the Abrahamic, or I guess Christian kind, but it all seemed arbitrary until I escaped into this underground subway terminal. I begged for help, but all the passerby were either visibly too frightened to help me, or just completely ignored me. Eventually, I was dragged back to where I met the father.
He told me he was "what you call the devil," and that this was my hell, and I was destined to go there. I explained that that couldn't be true. I was a good person, I did my best to help everyone I could, and that I hadn't even died to my knowledge. I don't remember much after that, except that he told me I'd "marry" my way into hell. Which? What? And just before I woke up, I had begun to violently vomit black goo.
I'm sorry this is so long, but, I feel I did my best at making it as short as possible. I don't believe in "God" or "The Devil" but I do believe in something of a higher power, and inexplicable events. Dreams play a major role in my family's and my beliefs, and I'm sure lots of people have had religious dreams, but these have stuck out to me. I'm too afraid to go to my family about this, I'm not really sure why. Is there anyone more experienced that could tell me what these could mean? Even in some philosophical sense?
Please don't reply with things about going to hell for interest in demonology. I'm not afraid of demons as I don't believe in them, at least not in the traditional sense, if at all.
Don't trust dreams, even realistic ones too much or you might go wrong.
