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I really need a life

Phasmid

Phasmid

Mr Invisible
I really struggle to get up each day knowing nothing of any real significance is likely to happen.

Every day is the same sat in front of the computer or painting stupid minitures for playing a game with other people equally as dull as me.

When I do go out, it's usually with the same small group of people, who I love dearly, but who ultimately I end up having the same conversations with and same activities.

I decided to do something about this and so I went to study at university.

But... the same thing happened when I got there. Just sat in front of my computer doing very little and having few people to talk to. I have about three friends at university and I only seem to talk to them when there's work to be done... and we're not on the same course next year.

All in all... I'm so unbelievably bored/boring and I'm not a very out-going person. I find I feel drained after a while of being in a social situation.

But I really need a life... I seriously can't take this anymore. I'm 21, I'm at university, I'm quite smart (sometimes) and apparently I don't look too bad either... so why the hell am I so misserable and why's my life so dull?

And how can I make it more interesting if my very nature is that of a loner?

Was thinking about joining the military. It'd be exciting and challenging... but, my personality being as it is, I fear I'd likely just seclude myself and in a setting like that, that's not going to end well.

I just don't know what to do... on the one hand I want social contact, but on the other hand I don't want too much of it.

A close relationship with a single, special person would be awesome. But I don't see how I could possibly meet someone given the way I am. I could be more sociable and make more friends at university (and have done) but there's just this kind of tired sigh in my head whenever I try... I just think, "I don't really feel like I want to talk to these people... there's nothing wrong with them and they're nice enough to be around, I just don't... feel like it". It's like talking to people in person drains me and I know that must make me sound extremely arrogant and generally unpleasant, but I don't mean it in a spiteful way. I just find it draining to make small talk. I like important talks, not, "So... crazy weather huh?" "Yeah" *struggles the will to carry on*

I conclude my whiney rant... advice? Comments? Similar stories?
 
Quagmire

Quagmire

Imaginary talking monkey
Staff member
Premium Member
"I like important talks"

I think this is a clue ^, Phasmid.

Maybe the first thing to do is; sit down and try to determine for yourself what important talk would consist of.
 
Alceste

Alceste

Vagabond
You should travel. A big huge long trip, alone, in another part of the world. Three months at the bare minimum - six months to a year (or more) if you can swing it. Small talk is not annoying or dull when it is coming at you in a language you barely understand. Bring a journal. It sends out the message that you're "deep" and gives you something to do that is not boring when you're by yourself.

You don't need a "close relationship with a single, special person". It might be fun at first, but it won't make you any less miserable and bored. That hole can only be filled by you.
 
Alceste

Alceste

Vagabond
Sunstone said:
My hunch is you need some kind of work you consider meaningful.
Click to expand...

21 is too young to know what's meaningful. I still say travel. :D Then again I am a die-hard globe-trotter myself, so I would say that. I'm also easily bored though, so I recognize some of myself in his post. I can't think of any (paying) work that would be meaningful enough to keep me interested. It's all going to hell very shortly anyway, so there's not much point trying to find a "niche".
 
Sunstone

Sunstone

De Diablo Del Fora
Premium Member
Alceste said:
21 is too young to know what's meaningful. I still say travel. :D Then again I am a die-hard globe-trotter myself, so I would say that. I'm also easily bored though, so I recognize some of myself in his post. I can't think of any (paying) work that would be meaningful enough to keep me interested. It's all going to hell very shortly anyway, so there's not much point trying to find a "niche".
Click to expand...

Twenty-one would have been too soon for me to know what I found meaningful, so I agree with you on this one. If you're twenty-one and haven't found anything you consider meaningful, then perhaps travel -- or some kind of exposure to new things -- is the best option.

I think relatively few of us find great meaning in our paid work. Usually, the work that has the most meaning to us is "volunteer". And sometimes the work is not even a formal job.
 
bobhikes

bobhikes

Nondetermined
Premium Member
Life for us mere mortals is always filled with highs and lows. The world outside is always new and exciting yet we refuse to see it. It is not the world that is boring it is us. We get stuck in our ruts our patterns and refuse to do anything new.

It is hard but you must understand you are the boring one not life. There is always something new to experience. I would say force yourself to do something out of the norm. This will give you a new perpective. It may not be pleasant at first life is full of hard challenges but sometimes in the darkest we see the light.

I myself use this concept whenever I feel as if I am losing myself. I look inside myself and see what I can change and then change something. Life changes everyday why shouldn't I.

One other thing I do is make minor changes more often. For example generally I go the same way to work everyday. One day I will take a new direction stop at a new coffee house or maybe not get coffee at all this puts me in tune with lifes small changes.

Have fun challenge yourself don't follow only patterns.
 
3.14

3.14

Well-Known Member
1 playing on the computer is not an indication of no life, it used to be when people didn't have the internet but nowadays you can have a perfectly normal life

2. take a day off, just go ride a bike though your town or city and meet new people on the way

3. you sound bit like me with the reason you choose your jobfield, just find an aspect of it you like and can focus on and you will be much happyer

4. go wild, visit another country, jump of a bridge (though remember to wear a bungiecord) go to a danceclub you never been to etc

5. you already have 1/4 of your life done, but you still have 3/4 to do what you want
 
LuisDantas

LuisDantas

Aura of atheification
Premium Member
Phasmid said:
I just don't know what to do... on the one hand I want social contact, but on the other hand I don't want too much of it.

A close relationship with a single, special person would be awesome. But I don't see how I could possibly meet someone given the way I am. I could be more sociable and make more friends at university (and have done) but there's just this kind of tired sigh in my head whenever I try... I just think, "I don't really feel like I want to talk to these people... there's nothing wrong with them and they're nice enough to be around, I just don't... feel like it". It's like talking to people in person drains me and I know that must make me sound extremely arrogant and generally unpleasant, but I don't mean it in a spiteful way. I just find it draining to make small talk. I like important talks, not, "So... crazy weather huh?" "Yeah" *struggles the will to carry on*

I conclude my whiney rant... advice? Comments? Similar stories?
Click to expand...

I used to think of myself as a borderline for feeling somewhat like you.

Learning about DBT helped somewhat; it provided me with a degree of method for reaching purposes that I feel very motivated about.

Dialectical behavioral therapy - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

I tend to agree with Alceste and others in that you simply need exposure to new environments and challenges until you find some that naturally motivate you. Apparently you have a very capable, inquisitive and even existential mind and feels a bit wasted for not activelly using it for worthwhile purposes.

If so, then the first step, as others have noted, is probably indeed to find out what you naturally care about, even if it is somewhat off-beat or even unknown at this time; let your interests drive your social life instead of the other way around.
 
Phasmid

Phasmid

Mr Invisible
I seriously don't have a clue what my interests are... and I don't know what good travelling would do. I don't see how seeing different buildings helps me. I wouldn't know what to do if I went abroad. I'd likely take pictures of things I see that are different... that hardly seems worthwhile.

Oh I don't know screw it.
 
DavyCrocket2003

DavyCrocket2003

Well-Known Member
Hey Phasmid! I totally know what you mean about important talk. I'm not much of a small talker myself. I really like having deep conversations with people about the meaning of life and stuff. I like to ask questions that pick at people's world veiw/philosophy. It really bugs some people!:) But I can't do that all the time. I have a question, are you interested at all in religion? The reason why I ask is a religion can be a great network of support and friends. It can also help you challenge yourself and really get your life moving (as opposed to dead in the water). I know that for me, my religion always provides intellectual and spiritual excitement as well as a tight-knit group of loving friends. If you have problems with religion, maybe you could still find some of the same benefits from a quest of self improvement. Something like The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People or something. Whatever you do, dream big. Who do you want to be? What do you want to do? What inspires you? What matters the most to you? Then work towards those things. Anyway, not sure if that is really what you're looking for but hopefully it helps a little.
 
Phasmid

Phasmid

Mr Invisible
DavyCrocket2003 said:
Hey Phasmid! I totally know what you mean about important talk. I'm not much of a small talker myself. I really like having deep conversations with people about the meaning of life and stuff. I like to ask questions that pick at people's world veiw/philosophy. It really bugs some people!:) But I can't do that all the time. I have a question, are you interested at all in religion? The reason why I ask is a religion can be a great network of support and friends. It can also help you challenge yourself and really get your life moving (as opposed to dead in the water). I know that for me, my religion always provides intellectual and spiritual excitement as well as a tight-knit group of loving friends. If you have problems with religion, maybe you could still find some of the same benefits from a quest of self improvement. Something like The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People or something. Whatever you do, dream big. Who do you want to be? What do you want to do? What inspires you? What matters the most to you? Then work towards those things. Anyway, not sure if that is really what you're looking for but hopefully it helps a little.
Click to expand...

My interest in religion is decreasing to be honest. I was a Christian back in the day, then I went to atheist and then simply have become less and less interested in it. I never found religion to be an aid, it did me more harm than good.

I'm always trying to improve myself, but my environment is always the same and so nothing really happens.
 
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