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I spoke with jesus and his angels and saw heaven
- Thread starter mizarrey
- Start date
It was early November 2016 a Monday in Pasadena ca. at the California technical Institute campus. I am an electrician with a company called helix electric that was doing work at the campus and my duties on that day was to be the attendant of a confined space. this space was the tunnels used to house all the electrical feeders and other conduits used to power up the entire campus portions of the tunnel were built sometime in 1890s other parts built as the other building were built in later years. while my coworkers were in the access tunnels that ran for miles in every direction under the campus replacing conduits I was above ground sitting at an opening monitoring their safety. on this day I already was feeling slow due to the night before staying up most the night with my boyfriend. I sat there for hours not prepared to do so, meaning I had nothing to read or no paper to draw on so I just sat there. lunch time came at 11 during lunch I start to feel my face starting to contract like my muscles tightening in my face, mouth and neck area. the feeling was short and at least ten mIn between spasm. I start to Immediately feel embarrassed trying hard to restrain my face from doing this while I was with coworkers. and in a very public place every crazy thought going thru my head as to why this was happening.
wondering, did my nervous system just give out? am I going to stay like this forever? am I going crazy? why Is this happening to me? In other word’s panic was setting in!
while sitting at the bench I keep my hand over my face and head down not saying a word to anyone which wasn’t out of the ordinary for me. then thankfully Its back to work. all this time my body Is in full panic mode and so I sit back in the chair and my leg starts to shake uncontrollably and the muscle tension starts in my legs and feet I jump up from the seat and try and shake It off. the whole time praying to god, “lord please send down your Angels to help me “, please god help me.” barely being able to relax my body for a few seconds. I start praying the lord’s prayer” our father who art in heaven…… In-between my prayer words I would yell out stop!! stop!! now I am pacing and obviously anxiously jumping around in circles like If I had ants in my pants sitting, then standing moving around trying to keep my body from contorting that way saying my prayers louder and louder even to the point of screaming out stop! feeling that I couldn’t control It much more and becoming in a more serious, noticeable panic state my boss says over the radio clean up time. I get up and quickly put all the equipment away avoiding any conversation or closeness with anyone afraid someone would see what was happening and think I was crazy or on drugs or something still not understanding what was happening to me at this time, I thought I was just losing my control over my muscles I was praying that I wasn’t going to be left that way for ever. not ever even thinking I was being attacked. so in a hurry to get out of there, I quickly get to my car and drive off, the muscles in my leg were so tight and Intense all of my toes were twisted up in a muscle spasm the facial muscles and neck were being pulled and strained a good example of what It felt like would be how a mother cat picks up her kittens by the neck that’s how someone had me. I start to scream out loud no! stop! please stop! god please help me. the strain getting more and more stronger and painful I manage to get on freeway pushing the gas with only the tip of my big toe arms extended straight in a tense locked position holding on tight to the staring wheel every muscle in my body was pushed to the limit, as tight as they could be I continued praying, screaming nonstop. It was the scariest moment of my entire life! I had no control, I couldn’t calm my muscles down any more not even for a few seconds, I was having the feeling like I would soon not even be able to control my big toe from just pushed down on the gas pedal and head straight at other cars causing what would have been a very bad accident I felt like I was going to crash thinking about my safety and the safety of others I decide to pull off the freeway before I lost the only tiny bit of control I had in my big toe. I jump out of my car and start to walk down the main street not even turning my car off or shutting the door just walking against traffic trying to mentally shake off the tenseness, still screaming stop stop! god help me! using one arm to hit the back of my neck as to try to get whatever had a grip on me to let go. walking for three mind or so I regain some mobility in my muscles. but now my eyes are ready to shut blinking at so fast feeling like I could have just passed out that second I manage to get back in my car and get home all of the way home looking ahead as If looking threw a film strip frame by frame only seeing quick glimpse of what was happening as my eyes fluttered and strained to stay open. thinking back, it was like If I got home in ten mind when It takes at least 45- 60 mind to reach my house. I am not really aware of what was happening around me at that time I can’t recall too much. my mind was still in a panic state still praying trying not to sleep. but thankfully somehow I make It home. quickly I get out of my car, go straight to my room and hit the floor grab my blanket and wrap up in It. I take off my pants and shirt while under my blanket and close my eyes and in that second I was asleep. my body stops spasm and quickly realize I
wondering, did my nervous system just give out? am I going to stay like this forever? am I going crazy? why Is this happening to me? In other word’s panic was setting in!
while sitting at the bench I keep my hand over my face and head down not saying a word to anyone which wasn’t out of the ordinary for me. then thankfully Its back to work. all this time my body Is in full panic mode and so I sit back in the chair and my leg starts to shake uncontrollably and the muscle tension starts in my legs and feet I jump up from the seat and try and shake It off. the whole time praying to god, “lord please send down your Angels to help me “, please god help me.” barely being able to relax my body for a few seconds. I start praying the lord’s prayer” our father who art in heaven…… In-between my prayer words I would yell out stop!! stop!! now I am pacing and obviously anxiously jumping around in circles like If I had ants in my pants sitting, then standing moving around trying to keep my body from contorting that way saying my prayers louder and louder even to the point of screaming out stop! feeling that I couldn’t control It much more and becoming in a more serious, noticeable panic state my boss says over the radio clean up time. I get up and quickly put all the equipment away avoiding any conversation or closeness with anyone afraid someone would see what was happening and think I was crazy or on drugs or something still not understanding what was happening to me at this time, I thought I was just losing my control over my muscles I was praying that I wasn’t going to be left that way for ever. not ever even thinking I was being attacked. so in a hurry to get out of there, I quickly get to my car and drive off, the muscles in my leg were so tight and Intense all of my toes were twisted up in a muscle spasm the facial muscles and neck were being pulled and strained a good example of what It felt like would be how a mother cat picks up her kittens by the neck that’s how someone had me. I start to scream out loud no! stop! please stop! god please help me. the strain getting more and more stronger and painful I manage to get on freeway pushing the gas with only the tip of my big toe arms extended straight in a tense locked position holding on tight to the staring wheel every muscle in my body was pushed to the limit, as tight as they could be I continued praying, screaming nonstop. It was the scariest moment of my entire life! I had no control, I couldn’t calm my muscles down any more not even for a few seconds, I was having the feeling like I would soon not even be able to control my big toe from just pushed down on the gas pedal and head straight at other cars causing what would have been a very bad accident I felt like I was going to crash thinking about my safety and the safety of others I decide to pull off the freeway before I lost the only tiny bit of control I had in my big toe. I jump out of my car and start to walk down the main street not even turning my car off or shutting the door just walking against traffic trying to mentally shake off the tenseness, still screaming stop stop! god help me! using one arm to hit the back of my neck as to try to get whatever had a grip on me to let go. walking for three mind or so I regain some mobility in my muscles. but now my eyes are ready to shut blinking at so fast feeling like I could have just passed out that second I manage to get back in my car and get home all of the way home looking ahead as If looking threw a film strip frame by frame only seeing quick glimpse of what was happening as my eyes fluttered and strained to stay open. thinking back, it was like If I got home in ten mind when It takes at least 45- 60 mind to reach my house. I am not really aware of what was happening around me at that time I can’t recall too much. my mind was still in a panic state still praying trying not to sleep. but thankfully somehow I make It home. quickly I get out of my car, go straight to my room and hit the floor grab my blanket and wrap up in It. I take off my pants and shirt while under my blanket and close my eyes and in that second I was asleep. my body stops spasm and quickly realize I
am experiencing an out of body experience.
I suddenly see myself in my mind or in another realm not sure where I was and still at this time not even knowing what was happening to me. but I see myself sleeping and I start to look around It’s a space with no edges, no ending, gray in color and smoke like dust floating everything Including my self Is a bland grey color, then I see an Angel come down quickly dressed in battle gear and I see Jesus gently float down to me they both have their backs to me but they were protecting me shielding me. Its only then that I realize that they were there to fight the evilness that had me the evilness that attacked me from the hole I was watching. god said to me “you must feel the ripples flow thru your body or else It won’t be any use so concentrate on feeling the ripples flowing from your center core to the ends of your body. I understood and started to concentrate on that. then Jesus had a staff and he starts to say,” you shall not pass.” as he slams the staff on the ground or spot closes to my feet I see the ripple like If you were to drop a pebble in to water the repel you would see Is what I saw and I felt It go thru my body to the very nerve endings. his back still facing me, his voice loud and strong. thunderous sounding. then the Angels descended down and they were both slamming their staff on the ground nonstop creating these ripples trying to push whatever had a hold of my spirit out of me. while they were doing this I am in awe thinking to myself I must take a good look at all this because I wanted to remember every detail, until then I didn’t know what was happening to me, but thinking this Is What It’s like when there Is spiritual warfare I was in a battle against evil. god never left my side but the Angels kept coming and going different ones sometime there were two Angels sometimes only one they were wearing short robes with golden sandals a gold belt with some kind of armor on chest they had a bow of some kind in hand they were light completed dark hair dark eyes, very handsome, muscular build. their white robes gave off a golden shimmer and their wings were beautiful very large and strong as they were swooshing back and forth up and down I reached out to touch one wing and It was just like wings of a bird soft smooth white with a golden tint. very strong I could feel the wind they would create on my face and hair. watching god and his staff I was still in amazement but still concentrating on feeling each ripple flow thru. I remember starting to think about what my body was feeling I could see myself laying their motionless and I thought I felt my body start to cramp up and I started to panic thinking that It was getting a good grip on me again and god stopped and turned to me and said to me “It’s up to u If you don’t have faith then none of this Is going to work you have to not have doubt, and I said to god. I don’t doubt you and I am sorry for losing faith you are the most powerful god and threw you all Is possible and I lowered my head in shame and asked for his forgiveness. he turned from me and started creating the ripples again .and I started concentrated harder on keeping my faith and feeling each ripple flow. his chants were louder now more Intense. god would have me turn over my physical body so that he could get to the other side It was like If my body was a big pimple and to squeeze all the ooze out of a pimple you start from the outer sides and push everything up and out. well that was what god was doing to me in a sense pushing everything out of my spirit from the center out to the ends. and I could feel the heaviness start to slowly disappears. then It got more Intense every time the staff would hit or god say you shall not pass I would see a bright light so bright I would say It was beyond bright It was beyond light It wasn’t blinding but beyond the brightest light and loud like supersonic loud boom explosions but with no blow back the feeling of each ripple flowing thru my body was like feeling every cell It’s like If I ran my hand threw each cell feeling each Individual one releasing all things attached to my spirit /body that wasn’t supposed to be their he wasn’t just targeting the evil he pushed out everything . looking around into the grey dust rippled smoke at my feet. god turns to me and I take a good look at him I see he was wearing a long rob white in color with the golden tint and sandals made of gold, a golden rope around his waist, no armor, just a staff in hand his hair was dark and wave his eyes dark and penetrating, very handsome man not as muscular as the Angels but still very strong he had no wings he was around six feet tall light brown skin he was perfect. he says to me this Is enough we are going to end this now. god starts to spin in circles that circled me making a tornado type vortex. telling me to feel everything every wind gust sending everything attached to me flying off the Angels dropping down to join in on the spinning that was so fast and so strong and only got faster and stronger I strained hard to keep the momentum going I could hear my self-yellIng bent over eyes closed concentration feeling the power of the wind. It was like being s tornado not Inside one being one. everything that was wrong lost Its grip from me I Instantly felt free from bondage. this tornado went on for about five mind so I felt. when It was over there were two Angels around me placing what looked like square pieces of wet paper or something similar they were very quickly making a barrier wall around me I remember asking what Is that they were doing and the Angels said,” nothing can penetrate thru this nothing can reach you” as they were doing that god turned to me and placed me in some kind of wooden cradle and said.” It’s time for you to sleep as he touched my forehead with his finger at least twenty times each time saying sleep, sleep, and each time he touched me I felt like I was falling into a deeper and deeper sleep but at the same time still seeing my body lay tier and also seeing my body fall into deeper sleep in this cradle loosing sense and sight of my body just becoming grey dust in the cradle. I now see god’s Angels take me up. In the cradle I ask where are you taking me?.” he says to heaven to rest he says he will not leave my side and that I am safe. so I can not only see myself being whisked up into the sky seeing myself get farther and farther away visually I gets smaller and smaller, but from the cradle I can see all around me and what I saw was
I suddenly see myself in my mind or in another realm not sure where I was and still at this time not even knowing what was happening to me. but I see myself sleeping and I start to look around It’s a space with no edges, no ending, gray in color and smoke like dust floating everything Including my self Is a bland grey color, then I see an Angel come down quickly dressed in battle gear and I see Jesus gently float down to me they both have their backs to me but they were protecting me shielding me. Its only then that I realize that they were there to fight the evilness that had me the evilness that attacked me from the hole I was watching. god said to me “you must feel the ripples flow thru your body or else It won’t be any use so concentrate on feeling the ripples flowing from your center core to the ends of your body. I understood and started to concentrate on that. then Jesus had a staff and he starts to say,” you shall not pass.” as he slams the staff on the ground or spot closes to my feet I see the ripple like If you were to drop a pebble in to water the repel you would see Is what I saw and I felt It go thru my body to the very nerve endings. his back still facing me, his voice loud and strong. thunderous sounding. then the Angels descended down and they were both slamming their staff on the ground nonstop creating these ripples trying to push whatever had a hold of my spirit out of me. while they were doing this I am in awe thinking to myself I must take a good look at all this because I wanted to remember every detail, until then I didn’t know what was happening to me, but thinking this Is What It’s like when there Is spiritual warfare I was in a battle against evil. god never left my side but the Angels kept coming and going different ones sometime there were two Angels sometimes only one they were wearing short robes with golden sandals a gold belt with some kind of armor on chest they had a bow of some kind in hand they were light completed dark hair dark eyes, very handsome, muscular build. their white robes gave off a golden shimmer and their wings were beautiful very large and strong as they were swooshing back and forth up and down I reached out to touch one wing and It was just like wings of a bird soft smooth white with a golden tint. very strong I could feel the wind they would create on my face and hair. watching god and his staff I was still in amazement but still concentrating on feeling each ripple flow thru. I remember starting to think about what my body was feeling I could see myself laying their motionless and I thought I felt my body start to cramp up and I started to panic thinking that It was getting a good grip on me again and god stopped and turned to me and said to me “It’s up to u If you don’t have faith then none of this Is going to work you have to not have doubt, and I said to god. I don’t doubt you and I am sorry for losing faith you are the most powerful god and threw you all Is possible and I lowered my head in shame and asked for his forgiveness. he turned from me and started creating the ripples again .and I started concentrated harder on keeping my faith and feeling each ripple flow. his chants were louder now more Intense. god would have me turn over my physical body so that he could get to the other side It was like If my body was a big pimple and to squeeze all the ooze out of a pimple you start from the outer sides and push everything up and out. well that was what god was doing to me in a sense pushing everything out of my spirit from the center out to the ends. and I could feel the heaviness start to slowly disappears. then It got more Intense every time the staff would hit or god say you shall not pass I would see a bright light so bright I would say It was beyond bright It was beyond light It wasn’t blinding but beyond the brightest light and loud like supersonic loud boom explosions but with no blow back the feeling of each ripple flowing thru my body was like feeling every cell It’s like If I ran my hand threw each cell feeling each Individual one releasing all things attached to my spirit /body that wasn’t supposed to be their he wasn’t just targeting the evil he pushed out everything . looking around into the grey dust rippled smoke at my feet. god turns to me and I take a good look at him I see he was wearing a long rob white in color with the golden tint and sandals made of gold, a golden rope around his waist, no armor, just a staff in hand his hair was dark and wave his eyes dark and penetrating, very handsome man not as muscular as the Angels but still very strong he had no wings he was around six feet tall light brown skin he was perfect. he says to me this Is enough we are going to end this now. god starts to spin in circles that circled me making a tornado type vortex. telling me to feel everything every wind gust sending everything attached to me flying off the Angels dropping down to join in on the spinning that was so fast and so strong and only got faster and stronger I strained hard to keep the momentum going I could hear my self-yellIng bent over eyes closed concentration feeling the power of the wind. It was like being s tornado not Inside one being one. everything that was wrong lost Its grip from me I Instantly felt free from bondage. this tornado went on for about five mind so I felt. when It was over there were two Angels around me placing what looked like square pieces of wet paper or something similar they were very quickly making a barrier wall around me I remember asking what Is that they were doing and the Angels said,” nothing can penetrate thru this nothing can reach you” as they were doing that god turned to me and placed me in some kind of wooden cradle and said.” It’s time for you to sleep as he touched my forehead with his finger at least twenty times each time saying sleep, sleep, and each time he touched me I felt like I was falling into a deeper and deeper sleep but at the same time still seeing my body lay tier and also seeing my body fall into deeper sleep in this cradle loosing sense and sight of my body just becoming grey dust in the cradle. I now see god’s Angels take me up. In the cradle I ask where are you taking me?.” he says to heaven to rest he says he will not leave my side and that I am safe. so I can not only see myself being whisked up into the sky seeing myself get farther and farther away visually I gets smaller and smaller, but from the cradle I can see all around me and what I saw was
part three
amazing, so beautiful
so peaceful. thinking about It brings me to tears, the colors were beautiful red, white blue It was the cosmos the beautiful star lite sky with all Its amazement but I am not only seeing this I am up close I reach out to the particles that are floating around and I feel them. seeing the stars so bright looking so close but they were still so far I don’t have words to correctly explain what that was like and the silence It was so silent that It was the absence of sound when we stopped I thought this Is heaven and I was at peace. I could no longer see from the cradle view. I could only see from the ground where I was It looked like I became bright like a star while god’s Angels stood aside me then Instantly I was back in my body no longer able to see heaven no longer able to see from the realm that we just fought in but I was awake asking what time It was. and to my surprise ten hours had gone by I played there for ten hours never awakening. until now. remembering fully what happen I start to access in my mind what I was feeling. and what I felt in my flesh was fear!
I was afraid to move because I didn’t want to tense up my muscles thinking If I did they could go back to being tensed and spasm again. I was afraid of my mind wondering, with fear remembering that god said I must believe and have faith so I tell my daughter to put on Joel Olsten and to just let It play over and over again so that I could hear the preaching of his sermon, I was afraid. then I felt something come up from my stomach and projected out of my mouth It tasted like pure bile I threw up repeatedly and still I moved to the bathroom very slowly because I didn’t want to tense up kind of glad the vomit was shooting out of my mouth and I didn’t have to use any muscles, falling in and out of sleep for the next 15 hours not having any emotional feeling except fear noticing every twitch I had my calf muscle was so tight and sore.
thinking wow was that true? did that really happened or was It a dream? hours had gone by and I threw up everything in my whole body It felt like but It was different kind of vomit It was like If It was all the poison or rotten sludge Idk It was pretty gross. I barely made any movement other than what was required to get to bathroom too scared to move. but at the same time I felt freed from what ever had me, feeling free but far from normal. feeling like I was not connected to the ground.
another 16 hours go by I am still on the floor. all this time I am mentally going thru what I experienced. sorting thru emotions and prioritizing which problems to address first. figuring out the possible solutions and outcomes and tracing each one back to Its origin. It’s the way I solve everything.
I get up shower quickly feeling a little more confident that If I move my muscles It won’t happen again. all I can say Is wow still trying to figure out what I was feeling It was like If I had no depth, no direction, not grounded, no belonging, like If I had no spirit or soul although I was not feeling hopeless or like giving up It was just like I was missing a part of me. and that was It I was still missing my spirit. I saw gods Angels take It up to heaven but I never saw It come back down.
was It Still in heaven? was I not worthy of It anymore? will I ever get It back? do I deserve It back?
I wasn’t sure what was going to happen next I just knew I didn’t like the way I felt. afraid to return to work. afraid I would lose my job. just complete confused…
by this time Its Thursday and I get up but I don’t get dressed or put markup on I didn’t even comb my hair cut It was like I just didn’t want to or need to but at the same time realizing that that was not like me. a better expiation would be to say I just didn’t think about It either way, nothing had my Interest or was Important really. and after throwing up for three days I still was not hungry or even thirsty. the most Important Issue in my mind was how do I get my spirit back. I go to my best friend’s house his name Is nick and tell him what happen and I talk about how I was feeling and what I thought was happening with good feedback from him I came to the conclusion that god took my spirit up to heaven in the cradle that I saw and he never brought It back down so I was just flesh and bone but I didn’t have any spirit that’s why I feel the way I do. I figured out If I wanted my spirit back I had to be worthy of It. think of this a person wouldn’t take a bath then put on dirty clothes right because that would defeat the purpose of the bath so I could not just get my spirit back and put It in my flesh that was weak and dirty. I needed to straighten my flesh against the things of this world that were wrong. like the poisons we put in It alcohol drugs etc. things like indulging in pleasures without being married gambling all these things I did. I was going to stop doing because my spirit Is much more Important to me than any of those things It Isn’t going to be easy but I am going to do It.
I believe that I will regain my spirit when my flesh Is no longer as weak as It Is now. It will never be perfect but god knows that already. and when my clean spirit hits my body I will be unstoppable I will have total peace. I not only believe what happen to me to be true because I lived It. but some other things happen to me that convinced me that It wasn’t just in my dreams. like… when I was younger I used to get cold sores on my lips and mouth doctors said I had a certain kind of herpes virus that causes cold sores well I haven’t gotten any cold sores for years like five or more years and that kind of virus never goes away but It can stay dormant for years so for five or more years this virus Is dormant and all of a sudden when I woke up I have cold sores on my lips wondering why all of a sudden and doing some research I read that an outbreak after a long period of not having them Is cause by trauma or sever stress on the body also I have ovarian cyst that used to get Inflamed a lot causing little hard knots were my overlies are and I haven’t had that happen for at least twenty years the cyst have never went away they just never got Inflamed until now all of a sudden . I feel like when god was squeezing everything out of me that didn’t belong those things were brought to the surface. I don’t know kind of strange but that for me kind of confirms that something serious happen to my body. It wasn’t just a dream. but you can come to your own conclusion.
so what now …….
my fear,
fear weekends the flesh and I am very fearful right now. just thinking about Monday coming up so quickly thinking I can do this but at the same time scared. If only my coworkers knew, but would they believe me? or would I become someone who everyone pointed at and whispered about as I walked by. never to be taken serious again. known as a crazy weird. overall just hoping that I still have my job because I love my job and need It. but feeling so anxious about entering those grounds almost to the point of It overriding my love for my job…. I don’t have a clue. I figure Monday before walking up to work I will give this to my boss let him read It and see what happens I don’t expect any special treatment just want to be treated as an equal. when Monday comes and If I should be crippled by my fear and just walk away they will know why. I hope that they will understand. who knows maybe someone will understand and be by my side to face my fears. anything Is possible. but really I don’t know how that will turn out I can just hope for the best. guess this portion If to be continued for now.
you may be asking yourself why am I writing this? I am writing this so that I can share my experience with whomever wants to hear It, I want to tell people that
good vs evil Jesus and Angels heaven and hell
Is real and we must believe and be good people because this life here on earth Is nothing compared to what awaits us.
amazing, so beautiful
so peaceful. thinking about It brings me to tears, the colors were beautiful red, white blue It was the cosmos the beautiful star lite sky with all Its amazement but I am not only seeing this I am up close I reach out to the particles that are floating around and I feel them. seeing the stars so bright looking so close but they were still so far I don’t have words to correctly explain what that was like and the silence It was so silent that It was the absence of sound when we stopped I thought this Is heaven and I was at peace. I could no longer see from the cradle view. I could only see from the ground where I was It looked like I became bright like a star while god’s Angels stood aside me then Instantly I was back in my body no longer able to see heaven no longer able to see from the realm that we just fought in but I was awake asking what time It was. and to my surprise ten hours had gone by I played there for ten hours never awakening. until now. remembering fully what happen I start to access in my mind what I was feeling. and what I felt in my flesh was fear!
I was afraid to move because I didn’t want to tense up my muscles thinking If I did they could go back to being tensed and spasm again. I was afraid of my mind wondering, with fear remembering that god said I must believe and have faith so I tell my daughter to put on Joel Olsten and to just let It play over and over again so that I could hear the preaching of his sermon, I was afraid. then I felt something come up from my stomach and projected out of my mouth It tasted like pure bile I threw up repeatedly and still I moved to the bathroom very slowly because I didn’t want to tense up kind of glad the vomit was shooting out of my mouth and I didn’t have to use any muscles, falling in and out of sleep for the next 15 hours not having any emotional feeling except fear noticing every twitch I had my calf muscle was so tight and sore.
thinking wow was that true? did that really happened or was It a dream? hours had gone by and I threw up everything in my whole body It felt like but It was different kind of vomit It was like If It was all the poison or rotten sludge Idk It was pretty gross. I barely made any movement other than what was required to get to bathroom too scared to move. but at the same time I felt freed from what ever had me, feeling free but far from normal. feeling like I was not connected to the ground.
another 16 hours go by I am still on the floor. all this time I am mentally going thru what I experienced. sorting thru emotions and prioritizing which problems to address first. figuring out the possible solutions and outcomes and tracing each one back to Its origin. It’s the way I solve everything.
I get up shower quickly feeling a little more confident that If I move my muscles It won’t happen again. all I can say Is wow still trying to figure out what I was feeling It was like If I had no depth, no direction, not grounded, no belonging, like If I had no spirit or soul although I was not feeling hopeless or like giving up It was just like I was missing a part of me. and that was It I was still missing my spirit. I saw gods Angels take It up to heaven but I never saw It come back down.
was It Still in heaven? was I not worthy of It anymore? will I ever get It back? do I deserve It back?
I wasn’t sure what was going to happen next I just knew I didn’t like the way I felt. afraid to return to work. afraid I would lose my job. just complete confused…
by this time Its Thursday and I get up but I don’t get dressed or put markup on I didn’t even comb my hair cut It was like I just didn’t want to or need to but at the same time realizing that that was not like me. a better expiation would be to say I just didn’t think about It either way, nothing had my Interest or was Important really. and after throwing up for three days I still was not hungry or even thirsty. the most Important Issue in my mind was how do I get my spirit back. I go to my best friend’s house his name Is nick and tell him what happen and I talk about how I was feeling and what I thought was happening with good feedback from him I came to the conclusion that god took my spirit up to heaven in the cradle that I saw and he never brought It back down so I was just flesh and bone but I didn’t have any spirit that’s why I feel the way I do. I figured out If I wanted my spirit back I had to be worthy of It. think of this a person wouldn’t take a bath then put on dirty clothes right because that would defeat the purpose of the bath so I could not just get my spirit back and put It in my flesh that was weak and dirty. I needed to straighten my flesh against the things of this world that were wrong. like the poisons we put in It alcohol drugs etc. things like indulging in pleasures without being married gambling all these things I did. I was going to stop doing because my spirit Is much more Important to me than any of those things It Isn’t going to be easy but I am going to do It.
I believe that I will regain my spirit when my flesh Is no longer as weak as It Is now. It will never be perfect but god knows that already. and when my clean spirit hits my body I will be unstoppable I will have total peace. I not only believe what happen to me to be true because I lived It. but some other things happen to me that convinced me that It wasn’t just in my dreams. like… when I was younger I used to get cold sores on my lips and mouth doctors said I had a certain kind of herpes virus that causes cold sores well I haven’t gotten any cold sores for years like five or more years and that kind of virus never goes away but It can stay dormant for years so for five or more years this virus Is dormant and all of a sudden when I woke up I have cold sores on my lips wondering why all of a sudden and doing some research I read that an outbreak after a long period of not having them Is cause by trauma or sever stress on the body also I have ovarian cyst that used to get Inflamed a lot causing little hard knots were my overlies are and I haven’t had that happen for at least twenty years the cyst have never went away they just never got Inflamed until now all of a sudden . I feel like when god was squeezing everything out of me that didn’t belong those things were brought to the surface. I don’t know kind of strange but that for me kind of confirms that something serious happen to my body. It wasn’t just a dream. but you can come to your own conclusion.
so what now …….
my fear,
fear weekends the flesh and I am very fearful right now. just thinking about Monday coming up so quickly thinking I can do this but at the same time scared. If only my coworkers knew, but would they believe me? or would I become someone who everyone pointed at and whispered about as I walked by. never to be taken serious again. known as a crazy weird. overall just hoping that I still have my job because I love my job and need It. but feeling so anxious about entering those grounds almost to the point of It overriding my love for my job…. I don’t have a clue. I figure Monday before walking up to work I will give this to my boss let him read It and see what happens I don’t expect any special treatment just want to be treated as an equal. when Monday comes and If I should be crippled by my fear and just walk away they will know why. I hope that they will understand. who knows maybe someone will understand and be by my side to face my fears. anything Is possible. but really I don’t know how that will turn out I can just hope for the best. guess this portion If to be continued for now.
you may be asking yourself why am I writing this? I am writing this so that I can share my experience with whomever wants to hear It, I want to tell people that
good vs evil Jesus and Angels heaven and hell
Is real and we must believe and be good people because this life here on earth Is nothing compared to what awaits us.
i just posted my story in three different post it was too large
what makes u ask that dose it sound like i am a schizo
i feel for u all because if your first reaction is to doubt. you will never have the chance to experience something so spiritual but also scary. but its personal reasurrence that heaven is real
It sounds like there's a possibility that your experience could have come as a result of symptoms often associated with schizophrenia or another psychotic disorder. Other possibilities to consider would be trauma - has anything extremely traumatic happened to you in the recent past? - and side effects from medication, which is a very possible, very real, and not all that unlikely of an explanation. If you are on any medication I suggest describing these events to your doctor to see if that is the cause.
Personal experience. I'm an under-control(medicated) schizophrenic.
well not on medication of any kind not a drug user and no traumatic experience my life was very normal oh and this wasnt my first experience with spiritual stuff , of course never that intense but i've had some unexplained miracles happen thru out my life
well I hope you live life well but as for me no mental problems of any or in any distant family member
Have you yourself been checked out?
why is it so hard to believe that every word i said and every way i described it , happen?
yes just had a extensive evaluation by a therapist my job required me to before going back to work and i was found to be fine, i had a polygraph test as well and found to be telling the truth