Ideal age to get married

[Renji]

I've been asking this question to my mom lately, I don't know, but it just get into our discussions whenever we talk and every time I ask this to her, I can feel some "nervousness" on the tone of her voice. She usually answer "It's up to you, but definitely not this time. You're still young, BJ." Then laughter will usually follow. I know that being married and having a family requires a lot of responsibility: a stable job, having your own house, making wise decisions, so and so... Just wanna ask, when is the "right time" for marriage? Let's just say that I'm making some plans for my future, that's why I asked.

 

[Pegg]

the thing you should consider is that when you get married you will not have the same freedoms you have as a single person. You'll need to be a provider and especially if children come along. But besides that you have to consider that we change a lot when we are young. What you like today you may not like in a few years time because as you mature, your personality matures with you and your goals in life may not be the same in 5 years as they are now.
I think that by the age of 30 we are pretty well grounded and know ourselves well enough by that stage to make informed decisions. Thats just my opinion, but its interesting to note that in the Hebrew scriptures, a person was not considered fully mature until the age of 30. Jesus did not begin his ministry until he was 30 years of age...John the baptist was not used by God until he had reached 30 years of age, King David was 30 years of age when God chose him to be next king of Isreal... and the levites serving at Gods temple had to reach 30 years of age before they were appointed. Trust that God knows the right age for us to start making big decisions.

 

[Madhuri]

I think it depends on your context. What age is good for you might be very different to what age is good for me based on gender, culture, life goals (study, career, travel etc).

In most cultures, you are considered very young at 19 years. VERY young. It is important to be in a secure situation and be emotionally ready (mature).

 

[Father Heathen]

I've been asking this question to my mom lately, I don't know, but it just get into our discussions whenever we talk and every time I ask this to her, I can feel some "nervousness" on the tone of her voice. She usually answer "It's up to you, but definitely not this time. You're still young, BJ." Then laughter will usually follow. I know that being married and having a family requires a lot of responsibility: a stable job, having your own house, making wise decisions, so and so... Just wanna ask, when is the "right time" for marriage? Let's just say that I'm making some plans for my future, that's why I asked.

Never.

 

[Renji]

the thing you should consider is that when you get married you will not have the same freedoms you have as a single person. You'll need to be a provider and especially if children come along. But besides that you have to consider that we change a lot when we are young. What you like today you may not like in a few years time because as you mature, your personality matures with you and your goals in life may not be the same in 5 years as they are now.

I get your point.

I think that by the age of 30 we are pretty well grounded and know ourselves well enough by that stage to make informed decisions. Thats just my opinion, but its interesting to note that in the Hebrew scriptures, a person was not considered fully mature until the age of 30. Jesus did not begin his ministry until he was 30 years of age...John the baptist was not used by God until he had reached 30 years of age, King David was 30 years of age when God chose him to be next king of Isreal... and the levites serving at Gods temple had to reach 30 years of age before they were appointed. Trust that God knows the right age for us to start making big decisions.

I love the way you analyze the scripture and incorporate it with my question, nice.

 

[Renji]

In most cultures, you are considered very young at 19 years. VERY young. It is important to be in a secure situation and be emotionally ready (mature).

I'm not going to get married yet. I wanted to get married before the age of 30. Hopefully, I'm already prepared by that time emotionally, financially, mentally, etc.

 

[Renji]

Never.

Never say never...

 

[illykitty]

I don't think there is such a thing as right age. Everyone has different levels of maturity. Most of my friends haven't had a serious relationship yet while I'm already married for a year now. It's a bit of a change of lifestyle but it depends how you feel about it. Personally I embrace it! He's my soul mate, my best friend, my lover and my gaming buddy! ^^ There's no one else that is more fitting to be with for the rest of my life.

It depends on how commited you are, how you consider living in a couple, if you're ready to go through tough challenges... It's a lot to take but I also find it very satisfying to know that we can go through all of this at our age when some people that are much older often can't deal with it. Especially that we started as a (very) long distance relationship (me: Canada, him: UK).

And when it comes to children well it doesn't mean that you're ready for them if you get married. You can always wait till later. For me, well, I don't plan on having them at all.

 

[Renji]

And when it comes to children well it doesn't mean that you're ready for them if you get married. You can always wait till later. For me, well, I don't plan on having them at all.

As of now, I want a basketball team.

 

[illykitty]

As of now, I want a basketball team.

Erm, ouch and well... I wouldn't want to end up like a Stargate down there! Well hopefully you have the patience to have so many children. I guess some people just LOVE them. Good for you! *pats shoulder*

 

[Renji]

Erm, ouch and well... I wouldn't want to end up like a Stargate down there! Well hopefully you have the patience to have so many children. I guess some people just LOVE them. Good for you! *pats shoulder*

hehe, I want to have many children because I don't have any siblings, it's kinda sad if you're just alone and don't have much relatives to talk to because they're all busy.

 

[Reverend Rick]

There is no one size fits all answer here.

You are not in charge of yourself as a child, so when you become an adult, for the first time in your life you run the show. You can afford to be selfish and make decisions all on your own.

Enjoy this time because it is all about you.

When you get married, you lose this power. You now have to put your dreams and desires on the side line and make joint decisions from now on.

Let me clue you in here, "joint decisions" means keeping the little woman happy. If momma is not happy, there is no peace in your life.

This does not mean you are doomed and your dreams never come true, but it does now depend on who you decide to be with and what they think about your dreams as well.

Another thing to consider, when you become middle aged, do you want a middle aged wife or would your sex life be better with a younger model?

There are three paths that you can go down.

1. Marry young, have a family, get divorced, live poor the rest of your life.
2. Mary young to the right person, raise your family and still be young enough to enjoy your life after they are raised.
3. Enjoy your life now alone and raise a family later on in life perhaps with a younger wife.

Obviously, number one is a bad choice.

Number two is uncontrollable. You could marry the right person, but one of you could change into someone different. It would be neither of your fault. Some times people change. You might be able to know you will not change, but you can never know if your partner might change or not because they might not know.

Number three is safer because the longer you live your life, the better you know yourself. You are better prepared to provide for others and have more wisdom. The thing is, you are older and more tired too.

There are risks with everything you decide and no way to ever know if you made the right decision or not because you do not have complete control any more.

You could mess up, or your wife could mess up, and the both of you should go into this realising there is no perfect life and there will always be hardship and challenges.

There is also love, affection, gratification, and contentment as well.

No matter what you decide, it will not be easy. There are things you will miss out on as well as things you would have never known with out taking the leap of faith.

Take your time and choose well.

 

[Renji]

There are three paths that you can go down.

1. Marry young, have a family, get divorced, live poor the rest of your life.
2. Mary young to the right person, raise your family and still be young enough to enjoy your life after they are raised.
3. Enjoy your life now alone and raise a family later on in life perhaps with a younger wife.

As of now, I admit, I don't have an answer. Number one is not good, the second one is unclear, because if I get married young, I'm not sure if i can raise my family well since I'm not sure if I can get stable at a young age (financially and some other factors. Number 3, I can't say. I really want a wife that is of the same age or is a bit older than me. Also, as you said, I'm older and can be tired of some stuff...

Anyway, good to see that you are doing well, Rev. Rick.

 

[not nom]

marrying doesn't mean you have to make children right away... so financially, wouldn't two people living in one home save money? think of it this way, the sooner you team up, the more cash you make. (I have to think of this post as I type this )

but sure, don't rush it.. a relationship requires "work", and you can do that work without actually marrying (I guess here is where religious views might come into play though ^^)... then you can still marry and do the whole family thing.

not that I'm a person who should give advice on such matters, LMAO, but I watched movies where the above worked out okay. hahaha.

 

[Sunstone]

People should not marry before the age of reason. For an American, the age of reason is unlikely to occur much before his or her 40th birthday.

 

[Renji]

marrying doesn't mean you have to make children right away...

Of course. But, in our culture, it usually follows.

so financially, wouldn't two people living in one home save money? think of it this way, the sooner you team up, the more cash you make. (I have to think of this post as I type this )

In our culture, it is the husband who should support the family. The wife however, should serve as a "backup", but mostly, the financial aspect lies on the husband. Although your wife also saves money, as the male it is you who should have greater savings. Though, what you say is also true.

 

[illykitty]

hehe, I want to have many children because I don't have any siblings, it's kinda sad if you're just alone and don't have much relatives to talk to because they're all busy.

Well I understand... Sort of. I didn't have any siblings either but I have MANY aunts, uncles and cousins (so much I lost count ^^').

But my decision of not having children is because I'm comfortable just with my husband, cats and I dream of travelling a lot. There's so much to do that I wouldn't want to neglect children. Also, I have some mental illnesses and it wouldn't make me an ideal parent I think.

I understand why you want them though. I suppose it can be fun to play with them and shape up a little being into someone great.

 

[dawny0826]

I've been asking this question to my mom lately, I don't know, but it just get into our discussions whenever we talk and every time I ask this to her, I can feel some "nervousness" on the tone of her voice. She usually answer "It's up to you, but definitely not this time. You're still young, BJ." Then laughter will usually follow. I know that being married and having a family requires a lot of responsibility: a stable job, having your own house, making wise decisions, so and so... Just wanna ask, when is the "right time" for marriage? Let's just say that I'm making some plans for my future, that's why I asked.

Only you can determine when the right time is. Having a stable job, home and being secure with yourself is paramount, though, Lawrence. You do want to be able to offer stability to your family. But knowing what you want and understanding what you have to offfer is of the most importance.

When you find the right person, you'll know when the "right time" comes along. When the right person enters your life, together you can support each other to build the aforementioned, if you choose to.

I married very young and regret doing so. I'm in the process of separating and will divorce. I didn't really love my spouse, but wanted a home and children and felt pressured to enter the institution of marriage, because, I was raised under the auspices of this umbrella, that I couldn't have children and success if I didn't marry.

The decisions I made in haste when I was younger, will always have an impact on my daughters. If I could go back, I would have remained single in my twenties and had children on my own, if the right man never came along. But, he did, eventually come along.

 

[Terrywoodenpic]

I was 26 and my wife 20 when we married.
The norm at that time was more like (Girls 18 men 24)
at the same time in Spain women rarely married before they were 30 and men older still.
Mostly these things can be set by economic reasons and tradition.

 

[blackout]

I highly recommend running REAL numbers on the cost per child,
according to the lifestyle/things you feel are important to provide them with
up to... and beyond?... adulthood.

It all seems very easy to just pop out a whole bunch of babies
(especially if you are not the woman. ),
and according to your health coverage
it may not even cost you that much out of pocket.

However, once they are here
the costs of providing ... and providing WELL for them...
just increase year after year,
and multiply child after child.

You owe it to your children,
to be able to provide for their needs,
both physically and mentally.
Popping out a basket ball team's worth,
and not being able to give them what they need to prosper
in the society they are being raised to live in,
or even worse
having to go on public assistance
because you can't even afford the basics,
food, shelter etc, on your own,
IMO
is irresponsible, in general.

It is also very hard on everyone, in one way or another.

So if you want alot of kids,
you'd better have a REALLY KICK *** SALARY!

Your comment was probably (hopefully) meant to be lighthearted,
but I had to say it.

I also was Catholic, and I know numerous families
who had upwards of 5 children.
I've also seen some pretty bad fallout from that.
The families where at least one parent didn't have an above average
professional career
suffered from constant economic stress (and lack).

This also is not good for your marital relationship.:no: