if your girlfriend/wife contacts her ex-boyfriends, and inverse

[BenTheBeliever]

sorry for many curious question (may endless) , that's me [emoji14]

IF he was your neighbor , the situatio is will be different ? i mean, would upset if you discover that she contact him (smile,hug,drink) ?

My wife ex husband was abuse to her. That is one reason that would never happen. I would not allow him near her

 

[Godobeyer]

My wife ex husband was abuse to her. That is one reason that would never happen. I would not allow him near her

sorry, you missunderstand my method of conversation

i just posted a (imaginaire) questions , i am not looking for "privet" personal details ,if that don't bother you , it's ok , to post details



If he regerted for abusing her , and he want to become a friend to her and contact her always as her EX, would you agree ?

 

[Kirran]

Not everybody . but given the chance is reason of regert of victime .

for some people they creat the chance , so given them chance is just generous come from you "Bonus" .


Lets suppose that someone married (or accept) a woman/man worked in dirty place , like strip club .

I will not regert that he/she will cheat on him/her .

so given the chance is also problem maker . (i am talking about serious chance)

I hope my point is cleared NOW .

This was a little hard to decipher. I think you are saying that it is more likely that someone who wants to cheat will do so if they have the opportunity to do so. Yes, true. But it's the fact they seriously want to cheat that's the problem - whether they go through with it is irrelevant, basically.

If there is no trust , there is no cheat .
I mean the cheators used the "trust" and "chance" to cheat .

how much cost" trust " word, for cheators ?

If my wife insist that she stay on contact with her EX , i will at least doubt that there something wrong , agree ?

Godobeyer, this really saddens me. Really.

I'm saying the following not as someone trying to explain a point in a debate, but as someone genuinely concerned for you.

You seem to feel that you can never trust someone, because they might abuse your trust. Yes, of course, it is always possible someone will abuse the trust you place in them. But you can never have a loving and real connection with someone you're married to unless you trust each other. Real constructive love can only work if there is trust. And if two people love each other, they won't want to abuse each other's trust. A wife isn't, or shouldn't be, someone who you have around to look after the house, satisfy you sexually, produce children and cook meals, who you have to order about and regulate the life of to ensure she doesn't step out of the bounds you have set. A wife should be someone you share your life with and open your heart to because you love one another.

 

[Godobeyer]

This was a little hard to decipher. I think you are saying that it is more likely that someone who wants to cheat will do so if they have the opportunity to do so. Yes, true. But it's the fact they seriously want to cheat that's the problem - whether they go through with it is irrelevant, basically.

YES , in so many cases giving opportunity is fault and overtrust is wrong .

So i gave the exemple of strip club to understand my point more .

same thing, if your partner tries to be a friend to bad person ,so you affraid that bad person will influence in your partner , so he/she screw your life .

anyway :
so If the EX is good person to her/him , why she/he did not continous with her/him , in first place ?

Godobeyer, this really saddens me. Really.

I'm saying the following not as someone trying to explain a point in a debate, but as someone genuinely concerned for you.

You seem to feel that you can never trust someone, because they might abuse your trust. Yes, of course, it is always possible someone will abuse the trust you place in them. But you can never have a loving and real connection with someone you're married to unless you trust each other. Real constructive love can only work if there is trust. And if two people love each other, they won't want to abuse each other's trust. A wife isn't, or shouldn't be, someone who you have around to look after the house, satisfy you sexually, produce children and cook meals, who you have to order about and regulate the life of to ensure she doesn't step out of the bounds you have set. A wife should be someone you share your life with and open your heart to because you love one another.

the fact of life is not black and nor white .

but for my opinion is goes to black more and more everyday , by dirtest sex messages in media (movies, series, internet ,clips , magazine , apps ...etc ) .

I posted a thread before about how the movies and serie calling for cheating , that's reality .

 

[Kirran]

YES , in so many cases giving opportunity is fault and overtrust is wrong .

So i gave the exemple of strip club to understand my point more .

same thing, if your partner tries to be a friend to bad person ,so you affraid that bad person will influence in your partner , so he/she screw your life .

anyway :
so If the EX is good person to her/him , why she/he did not continous with her/him , in first place ?




the fact of life is not black and nor white .

but for my opinion is goes to black more and more everyday , by dirtest sex messages in media (movies, series, internet ,clips , magazine , apps ...etc ) .

I posted a thread before about how the movies and serie calling for cheating , that's reality .

Women are just as in control of their actions as anybody. Within Islam, I understand there is a belief in free will.

Humans are not mindless animals - if they cheat on someone, then that is their fault. There is no situation under which somebody can blame the circumstances when it comes to cheating.

 

[BenTheBeliever]

sorry, you missunderstand my method of conversation

i just posted a (imaginaire) questions , i am not looking for "privet" personal details ,if that don't bother you , it's ok , to post details



If he regerted for abusing her , and he want to become a friend to her and contact her always as her EX, would you agree ?

I would respect my wife enough to let her decide even though personally I would not and ether would her family

 

[Godobeyer]

Women are just as in control of their actions as anybody. Within Islam, I understand there is a belief in free will.

Indeed Islam is belief in free will .

If it's about duties to community and partenership, that's others issue .

let's me post you a personal exemple to understand me :
I mean if your wife want to go out with her EX or someone else , at least you ask her why, and for what , or you will ?

IF she decide to work in dirty place as"strip night club" at least you will advice her to don't not .

or there is not advice or sharing opinions between couples because " of free will" ?

Humans are not mindless animals - if they cheat on someone, then that is their fault. There is no situation under which somebody can blame the circumstances when it comes to cheating.

the media and hard of living influence is converting some people to animals .
i mean ; animal in majority of could make sex with every opposite gender , so no limite .

 

[SomeRandom]

Indeed Islam is belief in free will .

If it's about duties to community and partenership, that's others issue .

let's me post you a personal exemple to understand me :
I mean if your wife want to go out with her EX or someone else , at least you ask her why, and for what , or you will ?

IF she decide to work in dirty place as"strip night club" at least you will advice her to don't not .

or there is not advice or sharing opinions between couples because " of free will" ?




the media and hard of living influence is converting some people to animals .
i mean ; animal in majority of could make sex with every opposite gender , so no limite .

Advising or politely asking a spouse not to do something with reasons given is reasonable. But generally people stop at that point and not demand it.

Also people ARE animals. But in societies we tend to expect a certain amount of civilised behaviour, which includes self restraint and discipline. That is called adult behaviour. If someone cheats then that's on them.

Also the media doesn't control adult humans. Blaming the media for any sort of behaviour is such a cop out, usually dismissed as someone trying to dodge responsibility.

 

[Godobeyer]

Advising or politely asking a spouse not to do something with reasons given is reasonable. But generally people stop at that point and not demand it.

Also people ARE animals. But in societies we tend to expect a certain amount of civilised behaviour, which includes self restraint and discipline. That is called adult behaviour. If someone cheats then that's on them.

and if the partner reject that "politely asking " is reasonable ?

if marriage is so easy , so , I can play this game .

Also the media doesn't control adult humans. Blaming the media for any sort of behaviour is such a cop out, usually dismissed as someone trying to dodge responsibility.

i disagreed , this out of reality .

Media could influence in minds and may control sometimes .

some are addictive from Internet , and some others from movies and others adult movies,and some others games ....etc

 

[SomeRandom]

and if the partner reject that "politely asking " is reasonable ?

if marriage is so easy , so , I can play this game .



i disagreed , this out of reality .

Media could influence in minds and may control sometimes .

some are addictive from Internet , and some others from movies and others adult movies,and some others games ....etc

Well yeah. We like to call that "discussion." One side presents the argument the other theirs and if one party feels bad then further discussion is required.

I don't buy it. The "media" has always had affairs presented in practically all mediums. People can blame the media all they want. Imo they're really saying that they are not a functioning adult without independent thought. (There are exceptions of course.)

 

[dawny0826]

in your case , there is childern together , that other issue and good reason .

If there is no good reason (as childern), i mean there is no kids , should Wife or Husband stay on tight contact with his/her EX ?

That's not up to me, is it? That's a decision that only the former couple & current couple can make.

 

[Godobeyer]

That's not up to me, is it? That's a decision that only the former couple & current couple can make.

indeed ,it's up to you , because the marriage is partnership , so it's about previsous agreement and contract .

- everyone had red lines (own conditions) , so the other had the right to demand the divorce .

 

[Godobeyer]

Well yeah. We like to call that "discussion." One side presents the argument the other theirs and if one party feels bad then further discussion is required.

I don't buy it. The "media" has always had affairs presented in practically all mediums. People can blame the media all they want. Imo they're really saying that they are not a functioning adult without independent thought. (There are exceptions of course.)

indeed the Media (as i told ) had big role and influence in our way of life .

btw ,that's your opinion ,and i sold it for free .

 

[Kirran]

Indeed Islam is belief in free will .

If it's about duties to community and partenership, that's others issue .

let's me post you a personal exemple to understand me :
I mean if your wife want to go out with her EX or someone else , at least you ask her why, and for what , or you will ?

IF she decide to work in dirty place as"strip night club" at least you will advice her to don't not .

or there is not advice or sharing opinions between couples because " of free will" ?




the media and hard of living influence is converting some people to animals .
i mean ; animal in majority of could make sex with every opposite gender , so no limite .

I brought up free will to make the point that whether or not one cheats is their own responsibility.

If she wanted to out with an ex she was friends with, I wouldn't really have anything to say on the matter. If she said she was going out with an ex she hadn't been in touch with in a long time, I'd ask why, but out of curiosity not suspicion.

Many animals are thoroughly monogamous. But whatever you try to bring up, humans are capable of controlling their actions, including sexual ones. Right now, I am not masturbating. Even though i technically could be. Hence, I can control myself.

 

[Godobeyer]

I brought up free will to make the point that whether or not one cheats is their own responsibility.

If she wanted to out with an ex she was friends with, I wouldn't really have anything to say on the matter. If she said she was going out with an ex she hadn't been in touch with in a long time, I'd ask why, but out of curiosity not suspicion.

every one his way of life .
the partner responsibility is effect to my decision .

If my wife just talk to me about her EX or strange man , i will ask her why ? how about she goes out with him !!!

don't take as a personal offensive ,is not full freedom is what required for sluts and stripers partners ?

Many animals are thoroughly monogamous. But whatever you try to bring up, humans are capable of controlling their actions, including sexual ones. Right now, I am not masturbating. Even though i technically could be. Hence, I can control myself.

maybe you don't influenced enough by dirty media ?
btw I setup my router to https://www.opendns.com/
and K9

I am looking for stronger filter service .

 

[SomeRandom]

indeed the Media (as i told ) had big role and influence in our way of life .

btw ,that's your opinion ,and i sold it for free .

Ehh not really. People like to say that. At the end of the day no author, no screenwriter, no playwright, no director not even a critic holds a gun to anyone's head. The media merely reports on life. Leave big brother conspiracies to George Orwell. Unless you have a knack for storytelling.

 

[Kirran]

every one his way of life .
the partner responsibility is effect to my decision .

If my wife just talk to me about her EX or strange man , i will ask her why ? how about she goes out with him !!!

don't take as a personal offensive ,is not full freedom is what required for sluts and stripers partners ?




maybe you don't influenced enough by dirty media ?
btw I setup my router to https://www.opendns.com/
and K9

I am looking for stronger filter service .

Well that seems pretty paranoid, misogynist and authoritarian.

Full freedom doesn't mean you'll automaticallygo and sleep with hundreds of people. Maybe you would, but it doesn't mean everyone would.

As for dirty media - no matter what media I have been exposed to, I can choose not to cheat, not to masturbate, not to sexually harass women...

Even if a woman comes up to me naked begging me to have sex, it's still my decision whether I do so. Same goes the other way round - if one's wife sleeps with a man, she is responsible for that.

 

[Godobeyer]

Ehh not really. People like to say that. At the end of the day no author, no screenwriter, no playwright, no director not even a critic holds a gun to anyone's head. The media merely reports on life. Leave big brother conspiracies to George Orwell. Unless you have a knack for storytelling.

I curious if you are living in 2015 , or 1800

look around you (Television, Telephone, Jouranl,Magazin ....), we are just followers (as twitter sys) to media .

 

[SomeRandom]

I curious if you are living in 2015 , or 1800

look around you (Television, Telephone, Jouranl,Magazin ....), we are just followers (as twitter sys) to media .

2015 mate. And you think media has only existed since when? Hmm? Since the advent of television? Please. Journalists have been around for centuries, magazines are how the now considered great literature makers sold their stories (Charles Dickens and Oscar Wilde just to name a couple.) Before that controversial ideas were brought through paintings, poetry, songs, plays, sculptures and even philosophy. Humans have expressed ideas to one and other since the time of Cave Paintings. You honestly think affairs and "bad habits" are only reflected in this age? Come on, mate. The entire point of art to begin with (or so those hoity toity artsy people say) is to reflect the human condition and we're not exactly Angels, ya feel me?
Off the top of my head; Dante was in exile when he wrote his divine comedy, Baudelaire was banned as was Voltaire if I'm not mistaken. Christ the libertine DeSade wrote his most famous work in prison. Though I suppose to be fair he probably deserved to be there. But nonetheless his philosophy intertwined with pretty hardcore BDSM pornography (as is my understanding) must have caused quite the stir in the 1700s even among the Frenchmen. Though my knowledge of the Libertine movement is quite limited.
Why were these now considered greats (I often question DeSade's relevance but that could be because I hate him) banned? Because your proposal of people being "influenced" like a bunch of mindless sheep has existed long before you or I or anyone on this site was even born.
I think people are conditioned into thinking their lives are influenced by the media. Or at the very least that the so called influence is overblown. I mean advertising sure I can see the influence. But mainstream media? Ehhh I think people just want a boogeyman. And it just so happens that this boogeyman has existed for thousands of years in one form or another. People are going to do what they're going to do. You want to get rid of the "evil influence" of the media? Then you really will be big brother because the only way I see that happening is if we have thought police and constant supervision and get rid of bad ideas like Shakespeare (who wrote about **** shaming and cheating spouses more than once and that was the bleeding 1500s!) and have Newspeak. Then and only then will we be safe. Provided big brother is well not big brother, but you get the idea.

 

[Godobeyer]

2015 mate. And you think media has only existed since when? Hmm? Since the advent of television? Please. Journalists have been around for centuries, magazines are how the now considered great literature makers sold their stories (Charles Dickens and Oscar Wilde just to name a couple.) Before that controversial ideas were brought through paintings, poetry, songs, plays, sculptures and even philosophy. Humans have expressed ideas to one and other since the time of Cave Paintings. You honestly think affairs and "bad habit" are only reflected in this age? Come on, mate. The entire point of art to begin with (or so those hoity toity artsy people say) is to reflect the human condition and we're not exactly Angels, ya feel me?
Off the top of my head; Dante was in exile when he wrote his divine comedy, Baudelaire was banned as was Voltaire if I'm not mistaken. Christ the libertine DeSade wrote his most famous work in prison. Thigh I suppose to be fair he probably deserved to be there. But nonetheless his philosophy intertwined with pretty hardcore BDSM pornography (as is my understanding) must have caused quite the stir in the 1700s even among the Frenchmen. Though my knowledge of the Libertine movement is quite limited.
I think people are conditioned into thinking their lives are influenced by the media. Or at the very least that the so called influence is overblown. I mean advertising sure I can see the influence. But mainstream media? Ehhh I think people just want a boogeyman.

OMG
I don't ask when media exist , i meant the influence of media between before and now .