It agitates people because it is so arrogant and insulting when you assume that you are everyone else's "belief police" when you clearly are not.
I police my own beliefs using the method I've described. I debate the beliefs of others when I disagree. If they become agitated, that's on them. There's no good reason for that, and one owes to himself and others to police that in himself if he has the necessary insight and ability. It's a form of self-discipline. It's what self-actualization is about. It begins with insight, and is followed by corrective techniques where applicable. One makes oneself a canvas or block of marble and actively and with purpose and a goal creates the person he want to be to the extent he can.
We do that in part with extinction of bad habits, which means recognizing the problem these habits create and refusing to indulge them once we notice ourselves slipping back into them. Indulging them reinforces them. Actively not doing that leads to their extinction. You can do that here if you want. Just stop indulging counterproductive behaviors like posting emotionally and misrepresenting and deliberately offending others. You don't have to be that way if you agree, [1] it would be better for you and others if you weren't, [2] can recognize that behavior when it wants to manifest before it does, [3] and choose not to indulge it. You will change, and you will have been both the artists and the canvas. That's self-actualization, amigo - a gift from me to you. Or you can choose to be offended and rage, and keep reinforcing habits that are a disservice to you.
If I haven't convinced you yet, suppose we were discussing your son and daughter, and you had the ability to make them either way - emotionally incontinent or cool. Which would you think would serve them best? This is another example of insight. Begin with sight - look at others like you - and then project back and see yourself as they do, or at least a lot more closely.
Or don't. It's your life.
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I'm going to devote a few paragraphs to illustrating this important point. Bear with me, please. The bridge references here probably won't be of value or interest to you, but it isn't necessary to follow that to benefit from the illustration.
I'm teaching bridge to a longtime acquaintance who I've always been fond of, but he's had two emotional reactions to my methods that have cost him in the last three weeks. I still play online with him three times a week, keep notes on what transpired, copy images of our bridge hands, and prepare a summary email of our day's play. Sonny likes those so much that we're still doing it during his ten weeks at an Italian villa before his late dinners with his wife and traveling companions.
But twice now, I've departed from just "here's how you bid this hand" and "here's how you play that suit" or "here's how you can tell partner what you hold by how you follow suit and discard" and broached his topic of his exceedingly slow progress after six months. I want to discuss studying habits with him, but twice I've ventured there and twice had the door slammed with angry reactions. "End of discussion," read one, and "I have not read nor will I read your last email" read the second.
I had previously mentioned that replies in the form of "this is what I was thinking when I did that" after I've explained why it's incorrect aren't helpful unless what he is saying is that he still doesn't see why it's wrong, and also, that his comments should indicates that he now understands if he does. He didn't like that. It led to an emotional reaction that chilled the teaching process as you'll see below.
I'll illustrate:
Me: "You played well today. Your judgment on whether to bid or pass seems very good. Regarding that missed New Minor Forcing, my plan now is to not use any conventions that you haven't shown that you recognize until you use it yourself one day, then I will re-add it. The first time you make a NMF bid properly, I'll start making the bid again myself. It makes no sense to me to keep doing this before you learn them. Now, it's your job to study and learn those conventions you'd like to play."
Him: "That's just masturbation - good for you, useless to me."
What a terrible response to your teacher. I explained why it does nothing for me, but that's the email he chose not to read (see below). Instead he sent me this last week:
"
In our case, the rules are going to be as follows:
- If I have not immediately acknowledged a mistake, you are welcome to remind me in short, concise terms and we go on from there with no more mention of the mistake. Unlike too many players, I never correct a partner's play. Occasionally, rarely, I will say something like "Did you consider X?"
- You will not threaten to limit your play to omit any conventions or agreements of play until I "learn how to play" that convention or agreement. Assume I know how to play that item.
- You will make no denigrating comments.
I do not wish to see or hear any verbiage on this subject. Should you attempt such, it will not be read and I will assume you do not wish to continue our Bridge relationship and I will not bother you further. I have not read nor will I read your last email. If you wish to continue, accept the invitation to play at our usual time this morning."
This is a maladaptive, counterproductive response. You see what he called a denigrating comment. I am allowed to give bridge tips, but discussing his failure to assimilate them and ways to overcome that are off limits.
We've continued since by his rules because I like him, we socialize together with our wives, and I have other plans for these emails.
This has come since (sorry about the jargon):
Me: "1NT [
No Trump] was an underbid. With 19 HCPs [
high card points], your call is 2NT if you think NT is a good call with 4-4-4-1 shape [
bridge hands are 13 cards, sometimes in the shape of three 4-card suits and a singleton]. You don't want me passing 1NT, which is what I'd have done with 5-3-3-2 shape. You also have a 2H (reverse, unbalanced 16+) available to you, and you're strong enough for a jump shift to 3C. Over your 2NT, my call would 3C (New Minor Forcing), which asks about your major suits and uncovers a 4-4 heart fit. Also, my 2H also bid tells you I have 5+ spades as well as 4+ hearts. The point is, it doesn't make sense that you rebid 1NT (shows a balanced 12-14 HCPs) and then 4H (promises at least 16 points, which you had), since I could have as few as few as 8 points."
He: "I was worried you could have only 6 VP in lieu of the 10 you had. You would have passed with 6 and we would have done well to make 1NT. But with 2H, I could reevaluate my hand to full potential."
This is just the kind of "this is what I was thinking when I did that" answer I told him previously was useless. You tell me whether he understood what I meant. I can't tell, but because of his emotional outbursts, I won't investigate. What I'd like to know is whether he would do it again or he knows better now. Isn't that part of my job as mentor?
Instead, he gets whatever little he can gleam with his inefficient learning methods. If he could see this like I do and how it hurts him, he'd change that. But he not only not into self-actualization, he doesn't let others help shape him, either, which is also an extremely common malady on theses threads. Maybe you've seen it, too.
I believe that my advice here regarding self-actualization is excellent and can help to change any life for the better, but only if it is seriously considered and tested. Do you disagree?