Inexorable Consequences

[4consideration]

If you notice that you say, "Yes, dear" an awful lot, you will start to feel like that is the only response your spouse wants to hear.
If you start to feel like that is the only response your spouse wants to hear, you will use it as an automatic response.
If you use it as an automatice response, you will answer questions like, "Do I look really old?" or "Do I look like I have gained a lot of weight?" with "Yes, dear."

 

[BSM1]

If you answer questions like, "Do I look really old?" or "Do I look like I have gained a lot of weight?" with "Yes, Dear.", you will develop a more intimate relationship with your sofa.

 

[4consideration]

If you develop a more intimate relationship with your sofa, you will realize that your sofa really "gets" you.

 

[Revoltingest]

If you develop a more intimate relationship with your sofa, you will watch more TV.
If you watch more TV, you will discover the The Avengers, with with Mrs Peel.

 

[4consideration]

If you discover The Avengers, with Mrs. Peel, you will begin to think she is your girlfriend -- for real.

 

[BSM1]

If you begin to think she is your girlfriend -- for real, you will be devastated when she rebuffs your advances.

 

[Revoltingest]

If you're devastated when Mrs Peel rebuffs your advances, you will hit the bars seeking solace.
If you hit the bars seeking solace, you will pick up a nuclear physicist named Bubbles.

 

[4consideration]

If you pick up a nuclear physicist named Bubbles, you will discuss things large and small.

 

[BSM1]

If you pick up a nuclear physicist named Bubbles and you discuss things large and small, you will try to direct the conversation to the "Big Bang".

 

[4consideration]

If you try to direct the conversation to the "Big Bang," she will tell you she wishes she could have been around to experience it.

 

[BSM1]

If she tells you she wishes she could have been around to experience it, you will say "D***, me too".

 

[4consideration]

If you say "D***, me too, she will make suggestive comments about a metaphorical Big Bang.

 

[BSM1]

If she makes suggestive comments about a metaphorical Big Bang, you will acknowledge an expanding universe.

 

[Quagmire]

If she makes suggestive comments about a metaphorical Big Bang, you will acknowledge an expanding universe.

If you acknowledge an expanding universe, real estate will become more available and property values will plummet (according to my understanding of physics).

 

[BSM1]

If real estate becomes more available and property values plummet, you will still try to sell 4consideration Arizona beach front property for a tidy profit.

 

[4consideration]

If you still try to sell 4consideration Arizona beach front property for a tidy profit, she will inform you that in Florida she can already get to beach front property without having to buy it, and without having to use a motorized vehicle.

 

[BSM1]

If she informs you that in Florida she can already get to beach front property without having to buy it, and without having to use a motorized vehicle, you will hit her up for free oranges at Christmas.

 

[4consideration]

If you hit her up for free oranges at Christmas time, she will instead send you a nice box of beach sand and sea shells.

 

[BSM1]

If instead she sends you a nice box of beach sand and sea shells, you will send it back to her after your cat is through with it.

 

[Revoltingest]

If you send back the box of sand after the cat is through with it, you will cause her to contract toxplasmosis.