Green Gaia
Veteran Member
Do you and your significant other follow different religions? How does this affect your relationship with each and your families?
-
Welcome to Religious Forums, a friendly forum to discuss all religions in a friendly surrounding.
Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:- Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
- Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
- Access to private conversations with other members.
We hope to see you as a part of our community soon!
InterFaith Relationships
- Thread starter Green Gaia
- Start date
Simon the Cat
Member
My husband and I are of different faiths although I am more religious in terms of going to temple and etc.... than he is. It really doesn't factor into our relationship at all. We mostly believe the same things - we also agreed that we would raise the kid as jews before we even had them and I think that has kept religion for being a contentious factor in our marriage. My husband spent years in parochial school and as a result has some very negative feeling about Catholicism and organized religion in general. However he does believe in community and spiritualism as being positive influences and that is enough for me.
How does it effect our families? Well, my family loves my husband and since they are not too religious and the kids are being raised "their" religion, they don't much care. My husbands family hasn't been really formally told what he thinks of the church and what we are doing with the kids - although it certainly couldn't be a huge surprise. They are curious but generally unable to ask questions and be comfortable with the answers. I think that they are probably disappointed. I don't feel particularly close or comfortable around most of his family and part of this could be related to religion but there are more differences than just that - and some of his siblings have responded very positively to the religious differences to the point of really trying to learn about judaism and jewish culture. I still feel like I stick out but hey - I don't think its just because of the religious differences.....
How does it effect our families? Well, my family loves my husband and since they are not too religious and the kids are being raised "their" religion, they don't much care. My husbands family hasn't been really formally told what he thinks of the church and what we are doing with the kids - although it certainly couldn't be a huge surprise. They are curious but generally unable to ask questions and be comfortable with the answers. I think that they are probably disappointed. I don't feel particularly close or comfortable around most of his family and part of this could be related to religion but there are more differences than just that - and some of his siblings have responded very positively to the religious differences to the point of really trying to learn about judaism and jewish culture. I still feel like I stick out but hey - I don't think its just because of the religious differences.....
robtex
Veteran Member
If the children fall out of Judism will there be friction? If your husband said let the children pick their own religion (instead of raising them Jewish) would that have created problems. You are expected to raise your children as Jewish according to Jewish law and while it worked out ok due to your husband I have to ask you...if he did not agree to the Jewish upbring would you have still married him and if the kids move away from Judism while in their teens is it realistic to say that you won't try to intervene?Simon the Cat said:
Feathers in Hair
World's Tallest Hobbit
When I brought up the fact that I was interested in 'earth-based religion' to my ex-boyfriend, he looked up in astonishment and said "I'm sorry, but I can't follow you into Wicca." (To be schoolgirly about it, Hello, I didn't ask you to follow me into anything.) He then went on for a good hour or so with baseless attacks on that faith, and anytime I tried to point out where there was a rather gaping hole in his logic, he just kept right on ranting.
That might be part of the reason he's now my ex.
That might be part of the reason he's now my ex.
Simon the Cat
Member
In answer to Robotex, I have to admit, I don't know the answers to many of your questions and the answers I give you know are based on what I think today - in abstract rather than an answer based in reality of a sitution. But here goes anyway....
If the children fall out of Judism will there be friction? If your husband said let the children pick their own religion (instead of raising them Jewish) would that have created problems. You are expected to raise your children as Jewish according to Jewish law and while it worked out ok due to your husband I have to ask you...if he did not agree to the Jewish upbring would you have still married him and if the kids move away from Judism while in their teens is it realistic to say that you won't try to intervene?
I don't know how I would feel if my children decide another religion better suits them. I suppose if it wasn't hurting anyone and they could continue to accept my religious choices without trying to convert me or restricting their contact with me I would be o.k. with it. I would be happy that they had had enough of a religious education to make a decision. I know from experience, that learning about religions as an adult is hard work - only because you miss out of the cultural stuff and the comfort level is hard to replicate. On the other hand, I would be pretty suspicious of adults who hadn't questioned their religious choices at some point.
I was important to me and my husband to provide the kids with some sort of religious experience so your second question is a little hard for me to answer. While my husband isn't super into organized religion, he is who is today because of his parent's faith (although he has left it). I can't imagine him saying let the kids pick - especially since I came from a house that was a lot less religious.
To answer your final question - yes I would have married my husband even if he hadn't agreed to the Judiasm stuff. It is hard enough to find someone you can get along with period without restricting it to religion/race in my mind. I am more religious now than I ever was (and in the end of it all, I am not particularly religious)- in part because of the freedom that has been afforded me in my marriage to explore. If my kids turn 13 and say I'm agnostic - fine. I've done my part in terms of providing them with a framework to accept, amend or reject as they see fit. In some ways, I think I'd be more comfortable with them saying that than telling me they want to become rabbis or something.
One question I have for you Robotex is the part about being expected to raise my children as Jewish according to Jewish law - I don't think anyone expects me to raise my kids as anything. My husbands feelings were "anything but the Catholic church" and my parents are happy I am raising them as Jews but since they didn't provide me with much of a religious education, they understand that there opinion didn't have a lot of pull in this area....
If the children fall out of Judism will there be friction? If your husband said let the children pick their own religion (instead of raising them Jewish) would that have created problems. You are expected to raise your children as Jewish according to Jewish law and while it worked out ok due to your husband I have to ask you...if he did not agree to the Jewish upbring would you have still married him and if the kids move away from Judism while in their teens is it realistic to say that you won't try to intervene?
I don't know how I would feel if my children decide another religion better suits them. I suppose if it wasn't hurting anyone and they could continue to accept my religious choices without trying to convert me or restricting their contact with me I would be o.k. with it. I would be happy that they had had enough of a religious education to make a decision. I know from experience, that learning about religions as an adult is hard work - only because you miss out of the cultural stuff and the comfort level is hard to replicate. On the other hand, I would be pretty suspicious of adults who hadn't questioned their religious choices at some point.
I was important to me and my husband to provide the kids with some sort of religious experience so your second question is a little hard for me to answer. While my husband isn't super into organized religion, he is who is today because of his parent's faith (although he has left it). I can't imagine him saying let the kids pick - especially since I came from a house that was a lot less religious.
To answer your final question - yes I would have married my husband even if he hadn't agreed to the Judiasm stuff. It is hard enough to find someone you can get along with period without restricting it to religion/race in my mind. I am more religious now than I ever was (and in the end of it all, I am not particularly religious)- in part because of the freedom that has been afforded me in my marriage to explore. If my kids turn 13 and say I'm agnostic - fine. I've done my part in terms of providing them with a framework to accept, amend or reject as they see fit. In some ways, I think I'd be more comfortable with them saying that than telling me they want to become rabbis or something.
One question I have for you Robotex is the part about being expected to raise my children as Jewish according to Jewish law - I don't think anyone expects me to raise my kids as anything. My husbands feelings were "anything but the Catholic church" and my parents are happy I am raising them as Jews but since they didn't provide me with much of a religious education, they understand that there opinion didn't have a lot of pull in this area....
Faith is not a subject we need to discuss in my family. The primary concern for my mother (88) is that we all are well and enjoy life. I only last week got to know that my next younger sister (56) left the Church of Sweden several years ago (no surprise, though), which I have been too lazy to go through with. I have no idea of what my youngest sister (52) thinks. That's her business.
On occasions, I have said things like "It's Monday, so I'm a Buddhist today", but have never managed to trick them into a discussion. They all know (I think and hope) I prefer Daoism, but not even my brother-in-law, who is a high school philosophy teacher, has bothered to ask me very much about it.
Going outside of my immediate family, things get trickier. My ex-wife (who still perhaps is a good Xian) gets very irritated when I say, for example, "Don't thank me for helping you fix that computer problem. Being a good Buddhist, I know that it is just selfish of me, because it makes me feel good." (I should perhaps add that her present hubby is delighted that I help her with things like that, because he knows squat about PC:s.)
I haven't pushed the issue with my first fiancée. When we met, she was a Sunday school teacher, and we met in the high school Christian club. I think, however, that she knows my present stance, and she doesn't bring up the subject in our sometimes rather intense electronic correspondence.
On occasions, I have said things like "It's Monday, so I'm a Buddhist today", but have never managed to trick them into a discussion. They all know (I think and hope) I prefer Daoism, but not even my brother-in-law, who is a high school philosophy teacher, has bothered to ask me very much about it.
Going outside of my immediate family, things get trickier. My ex-wife (who still perhaps is a good Xian) gets very irritated when I say, for example, "Don't thank me for helping you fix that computer problem. Being a good Buddhist, I know that it is just selfish of me, because it makes me feel good." (I should perhaps add that her present hubby is delighted that I help her with things like that, because he knows squat about PC:s.)
I haven't pushed the issue with my first fiancée. When we met, she was a Sunday school teacher, and we met in the high school Christian club. I think, however, that she knows my present stance, and she doesn't bring up the subject in our sometimes rather intense electronic correspondence.