Interview with a Feminist

[MysticSang'ha]

What do you think about the practice of men paying for entertainment expenses for women when dating?

I prefer to go dutch. I never cared for a man paying for my dinner and him insisting this is how it's supposed to be....when I wouldn't argue and let him pay, there was an expectation that I owed him something in return physically.

So I quickly learned that paying for my portion of the date sets the precedent that we are both independent financially and socially. It takes away the archaic sexual economy of expected male financial provider in return for expected female sexual favors.

 

[-Peacemaker-]

Do you feel that male feminists are sometimes discounted in the feminist movement on account of their gender? Would the feminist movement be more effective if fellow feminists, both male and female, partnered to advance the cause?

 

[MysticSang'ha]

Do you feel that male feminists are sometimes discounted in the feminist movement on account of their gender?

Sometimes. The ultra RadFems, for instance, has no respect for any human with a penis, and so completely deny male feminists exist. The vast majority of feminists welcome males and people who identify as males into the circle.

Our local activist group, in fact, has two active male administrators who other admins (two white cis women - one of them is myself - two black women, two lesbian women, and one trans woman) work with.

Would the feminist movement be more effective if fellow feminists, both male and female, partnered to advance the cause?

Definitely, but with a caveat. Let me explain from experience.

Not too long ago, our meetings were growing in numbers rapidly. We were making headlines in the underground newspapers and were spreading Zines and flyers all around the city. But there got to be this trend that made some of us pause...we noticed that the meetings began being populated by a majority of white cis men who were dominating the meetings and conversations with what they thought the group should be doing and what we should be focusing on. We were quickly turning into an Onion story. Just not as hilarious.

So, in asking around, we discovered that there were a few men that were much more aggressive in their speaking up. Many of the women that were attendance were beginning to feel pushed aside, and spoke frankly that these few men - while wholeheartedly well-intentioned - were completely unaware of their privilege and were using their advantages to co-opt the meetings to make it about their views and ideas.

It became....weird. Men's voices, according to these male feminists, are heard everywhere in society. And women need to be heard more. But that's what they kept saying and then began starting to speak for all of us.

So, we had to make an executive decision to remove them from meetings, though they could remain with the group online. Funniest thing happened....one of them argued with me about how the feminist group won't be up to it's potential if we didn't promote the men's ideas.

Yes, let that sink in for a second.

That's when I said to him that I didn't give a **** what he thought anymore.

So, indeed, we need to work together. But though women's rights are human rights, men should not be speaking for women here. Be an ally. That's where male feminists are vital to the movement and where they do their best work.

 

[-Peacemaker-]

How can myself as a male feminist be an ally to the feminist cause? Also I notice several of your administrators are members of the LGBT population. Do you feel the feminist movement attracts a disproportionate number of LGBTs compared to the rest of the population?

 

[Smart_Guy]

What do you think of the special cases that women have and men don't have, like the monthly period and pregnancy, affecting your views of feminism?

What do you think of the special exclusive treatment women need/have/should have compared to men not having it, like having a paid leave from work, or the husband (or equivalent) taking care of the women (in pregnancy and connected events here)?

 

[MysticSang'ha]

How can myself as a male feminist be an ally to the feminist cause?

The same way I as a cis woman can be an ally to the trans rights cause. Stand by them.

The same way I as a white woman can be an ally to people of color. Stand by them.

Allies are not who are to be heard, though it's so helpful to call out people who look like you and who speak disparagingly or condascendingly about the marginalized population. I do not speak for trans people, but I can tell other cis people to educate and check themselves if they speak about trans people in a disparaging manner.

Likewise, I think male feminists do best when they speak to men and women who are sexist by educating them and telling them to check themselves.

Also I notice several of your administrators are members of the LGBT population. Do you feel the feminist movement attracts a disproportionate number of LGBTs compared to the rest of the population?

I hope so. If feminism gives queers more room to speak and to be heard, then I find that to be a good thing.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

What do you think of the special cases that women have and men don't have, like the monthly period and pregnancy, affecting your views of feminism?

Simply put, I advocate for self-agency. Women have estrogen and progesterone peaks and valleys and also shed uterine lining if an ovulation does not result in a pregnancy in every 28 days on average. Women also have IMO the say so over if and when they wish to follow through with a pregnancy. If women wish not to follow through with a biological condition that is also a realistic risk for health complications, then they must be given the self-agency to determine their own bodily autonomy, and especially so for the uterus....since that organ has historically been considered not fully owned by the person who has as uterus present in the body.

What do you think of the special exclusive treatment women need/have/should have compared to men not having it, like having a paid leave from work, or the husband (or equivalent) taking care of the women (in pregnancy and connected events here)?

I think all should have maternity leave and paternity leave provided by employers. Newborns require 24 hour a day care. New moms require recovery from giving birth. New dads need connection and rest, too.

 

[Smart_Guy]

What do you think of women getting vacations for things that naturally don't happen to men (like the examples from my previous post)? Do you think it is sexist to not give men other allowances in return to realize equality of genders?

Is equality of genders part of your views of feminism? If it is, is it a 100% equality, having the above?

 

[MysticSang'ha]

What do you think of women getting vacations for things that naturally don't happen to men (like the examples from my previous post)? Do you think it is sexist to not give men other allowances in return to realize equality of genders?

I thought I covered that with both maternity and paternity leave.

For me, self-agency and societal protection of the people's self-agency is ideal. Yes, as a cis woman who has a uterus that is experiencing changing into infidelity, my current biology requires attention that is different than others who don't. But that also includes cis women who are different than myself as a cis woman. I'm experiencing menopause. I require different medical attention than a woman who is experiencing monthly cycles of menstruation.

So it isn't all women as a whole contrasted with all men as a whole. Women's health covers a wide spectrum of needs.

And this includes the health care requirements of trans women, as well.

Men's health has a wide spectrum of needs that must be taken as a case-by-case basis. Therefore, I think health care and medical leave requirements are predicated upon individuals and their self-agency. And that all people of all genders and ages must be respected as such.

Is equality of genders part of your views of feminism? If it is, is it a 100% equality, having the above?

LOL sorry if my giggling is taken as an offense. I don't mean to make it seem like I'm making fun of you. It's just that this implication is one of the biggest misunderstandings of feminism and tends to run from people who really like hearing themselves talk about how because men and women are different, that men and women aren't equal. Which usually follows a sports argument or an argument about math, or business, or anywhere that men have seen themselves as "gatekeepers" and solely biologically "male" by nature.

I am not a biological determinist. I don't discount the influence biology has on our resources, but it doesn't preclude of deny the influence environment has on our circumstances and opportunities.

100% equality to me means equal opportunities, liberties, and protections. It doesn't mean that for every woman who gives birth to a baby, society must implant a uterus inside a man and force him to give birth to a baby too. I offer this wildly exaggerated example to make a point...my equality is 100% in regards to society protecting our self-agency and self-determination of our bodily autonomy.

A more realistic example is this...society doesn't bat an eyelash when a man decides in his own best interest to have a vasectomy, and goes through the motions to have it done. But women have to jump through hoops socially to convince society that being on birth control (on one end) and terminating a pregnancy (on another end) in her own best interest is just as morally correct as the vasectomy example.

It is her body. Her destiny. Her choice. What is his, is his decision. And what is hers, is her decision.

That's the 100% equality I stand for.

And because people feel a little threatened with 100% gender equality with opportunity, liberties, and protections...this is why I see feminism as a necessity.

 

[Smart_Guy]

I thought I covered that with both maternity and paternity leave.

For me, self-agency and societal protection of the people's self-agency is ideal. Yes, as a cis woman who has a uterus that is experiencing changing into infidelity, my current biology requires attention that is different than others who don't. But that also includes cis women who are different than myself as a cis woman. I'm experiencing menopause. I require different medical attention than a woman who is experiencing monthly cycles of menstruation.

So it isn't all women as a whole contrasted with all men as a whole. Women's health covers a wide spectrum of needs.

And this includes the health care requirements of trans women, as well.

Men's health has a wide spectrum of needs that must be taken as a case-by-case basis. Therefore, I think health care and medical leave requirements are predicated upon individuals and their self-agency. And that all people of all genders and ages must be respected as such.



LOL sorry if my giggling is taken as an offense. I don't mean to make it seem like I'm making fun of you. It's just that this implication is one of the biggest misunderstandings of feminism and tends to run from people who really like hearing themselves talk about how because men and women are different, that men and women aren't equal. Which usually follows a sports argument or an argument about math, or business, or anywhere that men have seen themselves as "gatekeepers" and solely biologically "male" by nature.

I am not a biological determinist. I don't discount the influence biology has on our resources, but it doesn't preclude of deny the influence environment has on our circumstances and opportunities.

100% equality to me means equal opportunities, liberties, and protections. It doesn't mean that for every woman who gives birth to a baby, society must implant a uterus inside a man and force him to give birth to a baby too. I offer this wildly exaggerated example to make a point...my equality is 100% in regards to society protecting our self-agency and self-determination of our bodily autonomy.

A more realistic example is this...society doesn't bat an eyelash when a man decides in his own best interest to have a vasectomy, and goes through the motions to have it done. But women have to jump through hoops socially to convince society that being on birth control (on one end) and terminating a pregnancy (on another end) in her own best interest is just as morally correct as the vasectomy example.

It is her body. Her destiny. Her choice. What is his, is his decision. And what is hers, is her decision.

That's the 100% equality I stand for.

And because people feel a little threatened with 100% gender equality with opportunity, liberties, and protections...this is why I see feminism as a necessity.

Maybe I didn't get the point because my vocabulary sucks (um, what's self-agency, cis, menopause and masturbation?)

Never mind, I'll look it up

No offense was taken ma'am. I love it when you talk to me

I'll go through the post and the previous ones again. Sorry about that.

*or maybe I'm trolling so I can get you to talk to me *

 

[-Peacemaker-]

I remember you saying you like to dance. Do you still go out to dance clubs? What styles of social dancing do you enjoy?

 

[-Peacemaker-]

Which historical figures would you like to meet and why?

 

[Smart_Guy]

Do you think there are specific responsibilities for women that they can do better than men, and vise versa? Do you think there are general performances in the same manner, general performances like teaching and cooking for example?

Do you think men are cowards?

 

[MysticSang'ha]

I remember you saying you like to dance. Do you still go out to dance clubs? What styles of social dancing do you enjoy?

I love to dance. LOVE to dance. It is my sanctuary, my home, my meditation, my form of reverence.

I do still go out to the clubs, though things have changed a bit over the years. The fashion, of course, and the music, but even the habits of the crowd. Everyone is sharing on social media as they're on the floor, and I don't even have my phone on me.

I love swing and Latin, cha cha and rumba, as much as I love twerking to some booty popping music. But I will dance pretty much to anything, including the Carlton from Fresh Prince of Bel Air.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

Which historical figures would you like to meet and why?

At this moment, Phyllis Schlafly. She rallied a ton of people who once had no interest in political activism and turned them into one of the most powerful and influential fronts.

I mean, I despise her politics, but I have to tip my cap to her for her ability to be the key player in organizing the Christian Right into action.

That being feminism.

And it's not like it's a long shot to meet her. She lives less than 10 minutes away from my place of business.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

Do you think there are specific responsibilities for women that they can do better than men, and vise versa? Do you think there are general performances in the same manner, general performances like teaching and cooking for example?

No. And no.

Do you think men are cowards?

They can be, but not because they are men. Women can be just as cowardly.

 

[-Peacemaker-]

I love to dance. LOVE to dance. It is my sanctuary, my home, my meditation, my form of reverence.

I do still go out to the clubs, though things have changed a bit over the years. The fashion, of course, and the music, but even the habits of the crowd. Everyone is sharing on social media as they're on the floor, and I don't even have my phone on me.

I love swing and Latin, cha cha and rumba, as much as I love twerking to some booty popping music. But I will dance pretty much to anything, including the Carlton from Fresh Prince of Bel Air.

So you frequent salsa clubs I assume. Cha-cha and rumba....do you do ballroom dancing because those are typically found in ballroom studios more than salsa clubs? There might be one or two cha chas a night played at a salsa club but rumba is pretty much exclusively a ballroom dance, unless there's a form of rumba I'm not aware of though I'm pretty in tune to the latin dance world. Does your husband dance with you? Do you find that dance clubs are ideal places to meet potential girlfriends?

 

[-Peacemaker-]

What are your views on abortion?

 

[Shadow Wolf]

including the Carlton from Fresh Prince of Bel Air.

That is some real dedication there, lol!
That also made me remember he was rather quite the confident stripper.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

So you frequent salsa clubs I assume. Cha-cha and rumba....do you do ballroom dancing because those are typically found in ballroom studios more than salsa clubs? There might be one or two cha chas a night played at a salsa club but rumba is pretty much exclusively a ballroom dance, unless there's a form of rumba I'm not aware of though I'm pretty in tune to the latin dance world. Does your husband dance with you? Do you find that dance clubs are ideal places to meet potential girlfriends?

I don't frequent the clubs as much though I do enjoy going when I get the chance. I have a few friends that I go with.

Husband would rather play pool and chill with low key outings. That's his way of decompressing. So the times we dance together is the usual office parties, wedding receptions, etc.

And we tend to dominate the dance floor because we are good.

Back in NYC, it was much easier to find ways to pick up female partners in the clubs. Around here, not so much. The assumption is that I'm flirting with women for a mans attention. It's annoying.

I have to attend the more segregated lesbian clubs to find more casual female partners. I only have so much time in the day, so...*sigh*