Is it "dishonest" to talk nicely to missionaries?

[ChristineM]

is it "dishonest" to talk nicely to a missionary

First off we were "bothered" by missionaries about once a month, mostly at mealtimes. My usual response to them was a polite "no thanks" and closed the door

After being confronted by a pair of dishonest missionary's i cured any and all interaction with them from that point

The story.
A knock at the door, a well dressed man and woman holding a small pile of magazines. Yes we were eating lunch. "We would like to give you this magazine about your heart" fly cover identified it as an NHS magazine with NHS logo in NHS colours, with 3 heart related leaders on the front, continued on page x..

I took the mag and off they went, we finish lunch. I opened the mag. Inside front (and rear) covers were blank, the fly cover was loose and inside was a Watchtower.

I ordered two signs "Unsolicited callers will be reported to the police". Had one stuck on the gate and one in the porch window.

Next time there was a missionary knock I'd open the door, point to the sign and take out my phone, "Hang on, I'm just calling the police"

Was never troubled with them since.

Been here in France for over 8 years and never seen a missionary.

 

[wellwisher]

Dishonesty isn't always bad, eg, lying to someone
trying to scam you. And in social situations like RF,
it's useful to feign civility with posters I find immoral,
ignant, & downright repulsive. It keeps the peace.

If you are just assuming, based on a stereo type, you are being dishonest with yourself and others.

Part of the right of passage, into adulthood, for some younger religious people is to go door to door and try to teach. It is similar to any cold call sales job, that will greet you with hostility and slam the door, more times than the door will open to a smiling face. This right of passage exercise is designed to toughen the hide; test faith, and not be a snowflake. The youth are required to do the cold call shuffle, until the transition time into the next phase. For a small self contained groups, many such churches are secular successful; sales training.

Testing your faith, is a better test when the test is not easy. I was very knowledgable of the Bible, and would often give them some time, while teaching them. Some will get defensive, also, when reverse cold called. It was good practice for the kids. I am glad my religion did not require the cold call test, but allowed you to be a good person without having to sell.

 

[☆Dreamwind☆]

I'm actually somewhat interested to see that, at least according to some of the comments, JWs in the US have a reputation for being a bit aggressive in their style. Here in the UK they have always been very polite and not really insistent. But indeed quite a few of the JWs on this forum are very strident, in a way that initially surprised me.

When I lived, briefly, in Houston in 1999-2000, I found even some of the Catholics were quite strident and unpleasant. I remember picking up a horrible leaflet in a church pew, about abortion I think, which had been printed by something called the Catholic League, run by some guy called Donoghue (who I fervently hope is now dead), and vowing never to darken the doors of that church again.

This makes me wonder if maybe all religion is more assertive and strident in the USA than in Europe. Just a matter of national style perhaps.

Yes unfortunately. I've been approached by random proselytizers who are too stupid to understand the word no, won't respond to politeness or rudeness, and will be all up in your face, harassing and even following you until you threaten them with security. I saw one lady reach for a stun gun, and only then did the belligerent fool back off.

Street preachers scream and spew hateful rhetoric in some parts of the US. Though fortunately I almost never see them on the west coast. And of course there were the awful Westborough baptist church who were cowardly enough to make the funeral of their own founding a-hole private, for fear of people revenge protesting after all the grief they've caused.

Free speech is fine and dandy, but when it crosses the lines to hate speech and harassment, then rules need to be set. Frankly I can't stand proselytizers and i wish it wouldn't be allowed. But I'm not gonna go out of my way to be nasty, if they're polite.

 

[Audie]

In China people who want to talk to
missionaries usually just want to
practice their spoken English.

In USA I would just respond in Cantonese,
and they'd give up.

 

[Revoltingest]

If you are just assuming, based on a stereo type, you are being dishonest with yourself and others.

Well, good thing that I make no such assumptions.
Do you?

Part of the right of passage, into adulthood, for some younger religious people is to go door to door and try to teach.

"Teach"....a word that pretends
education rather than proselytizing.

It is similar to any cold call sales job, that will greet you with hostility and slam the door, more times than the door will open to a smiling face. This right of passage exercise is designed to toughen the hide; test faith, and not be a snowflake. The youth are required to do the cold call shuffle, until the transition time into the next phase. For a small self contained groups, many such churches are secular successful; sales training.

Testing your faith, is a better test when the test is not easy. I was very knowledgable of the Bible, and would often give them some time, while teaching them. Some will get defensive, also, when reverse cold called. It was good practice for the kids. I am glad my religion did not require the cold call test, but allowed you to be a good person without having to sell.

Atheism also requires no cold calls.

 

[Twilight Hue]

Hi,

I think that most of us can agree on the fact that it's unethical to play nice with somebody with the intent to make them join an (often controversial) religion (a. k. a love bombing), but is it "dishonest" to talk nicely to a missionary although you don't have any intention to change your religion?

Some JWs showed up at my door and I opened the door because I expected the delivery of a package. I suppose they must have changed their rules on how to talk to residents because they were very friendly. I remember scenes from the past with them rattling off Bible verses like a machine gun to get as many Bible verses out as possible in the short moment before the door is closed again. These two approached me although I had a "pagan" statue in my window as well as my Christmas window lights (because in my region one can keep them up until February 2nd). They gave me a brochure and one of them insisted that I should visit their website because it was so crucially important. When I went back to my flat, I heard them talking on the phone through the window that they had given a brochure to Mrs. So-and-So, and I had the impression that they thought they had done a "great job" (Do they have to report by mobile phone now?) Interestingly, they didn't canvass the other tenants in the house where I live, but went away.

I am familiar with the phenomenon of certain religious groups pressuring members to distribute as many books as possible, and from that point of view I feel sorry for them. But I attended a JW service out of curiosity where I felt 100% uncomfortable and therefore I know that I do not want to convert. However, like some others here, I am interested in religion and from that point of view I find it interesting to talk to them.

So, in your eyes, is it "dishonest" to talk nicely to a missionary who is very likely to assume that you want to convert?

I tend to think that missionaries in general are being 'nice' because they need to be nice, not that they actually want to be nice. Essentially they act out a role of being nice because they have an objective to fulfill.

I would bet if you were alternatively visit them on your own terms and not theirs, they would be quite different in response than when they are the ones on duty, doing their job at being nice so to speak.

 

[Audie]

I tend to think that missionaries in general are being 'nice' because they need to be nice, not that they actually want to be nice. Essentially they act out a role of being nice because they have an objective to fulfill.

I would bet if you were alternatively visit them on your own terms and not theirs, they would be quite different in response than when they are the ones on duty, doing their job at being nice so to speak.

My boyfriend in USA commented that
missionaries and queers approach with the
exact same phony smile.

 

[Twilight Hue]

My boyfriend in USA commented that
missionaries and queers approach with the
exact same phony smile.

That's why when 'nice' strangers approach me with a smile , I don't always feel the genuineness that people associate with smiles.

It also enables me to more easily give a little leeway whenever I nicely greet people with a smile, and they don't smile back in return , although in principle it would be still nicer to see a world where one would greet you back in kind.

But like respect, I tend to think such things need to be earned first in order to live in a genuinely nice environment.

 

[Audie]

That's why when 'nice' strangers approach me with a smile , I don't always feel the genuineness that people associate with smiles.

It also enables me to more easily give a little leeway whenever I nicely greet people with a smile, and they don't smile back in return , although in principle it would be still nicer to see a world where one would greet you back in kind.

But like respect, I tend to think such things need to be earned first in order to live in a genuinely nice environment.

Of course we women are especially
attuned to that phoniness.

 

[It Aint Necessarily So]

they were very friendly.

So, in your eyes, is it "dishonest" to talk nicely to a missionary who is very likely to assume that you want to convert?

Not at all, but the missionary is probably being dishonest when they act friendly. These are not your friends and they are not interested in your well-being - just that you join them. They're salespersons, and so, they are solicitous.

The JWs typically begin by explaining how the world is going to hell in a basket and implying or stating explicitly that they have the solution, both untrue. If you want to get rid of them in a hurry without slamming the door, just tell them that life is good: I was accosted by a couple of Born-again Christians while fishing

 

[Brickjectivity]

So, in your eyes, is it "dishonest" to talk nicely to a missionary who is very likely to assume that you want to convert?

I was going to say something similar to what 'Kilted Heathen' said: that people sent door to door are being isolated or have already been isolated. I'd avoid brow-beating, since that only wears down a person's confidence in their own ability to think. Rather, try to offer a means of escape just in case they are looking for a way to escape. It doesn't have to be a huge commitment on your part, but it could be something like offering a non-judgmental association. Its not easy, but it is really nice.

 

[blü 2]

Hi,

I think that most of us can agree on the fact that it's unethical to play nice with somebody with the intent to make them join an (often controversial) religion (a. k. a love bombing), but is it "dishonest" to talk nicely to a missionary although you don't have any intention to change your religion?

Some JWs showed up at my door and I opened the door because I expected the delivery of a package. I suppose they must have changed their rules on how to talk to residents because they were very friendly. I remember scenes from the past with them rattling off Bible verses like a machine gun to get as many Bible verses out as possible in the short moment before the door is closed again. These two approached me although I had a "pagan" statue in my window as well as my Christmas window lights (because in my region one can keep them up until February 2nd). They gave me a brochure and one of them insisted that I should visit their website because it was so crucially important. When I went back to my flat, I heard them talking on the phone through the window that they had given a brochure to Mrs. So-and-So, and I had the impression that they thought they had done a "great job" (Do they have to report by mobile phone now?) Interestingly, they didn't canvass the other tenants in the house where I live, but went away.

I am familiar with the phenomenon of certain religious groups pressuring members to distribute as many books as possible, and from that point of view I feel sorry for them. But I attended a JW service out of curiosity where I felt 100% uncomfortable and therefore I know that I do not want to convert. However, like some others here, I am interested in religion and from that point of view I find it interesting to talk to them.

So, in your eyes, is it "dishonest" to talk nicely to a missionary who is very likely to assume that you want to convert?

It's been a year or two since anyone rang the bell and wanted to sell me God. I always reply sweetly, "I won't take up your time." And if they press on, I say it again and leave it there.