Is Waiting Until Marriage Foolish?

[icehorse]

If you believe in God, and follow His laws,then you wait until marriage to have sex.Those who do not believe in God follow their own laws.

How do you know which laws to follow and which are outdated?

 

[Pegg]

How do you know which laws to follow and which are outdated?

Gods laws are never outdated.

 

[Pegg]

I'm not sure how this question is relevant to Sunstone's OP. Are you perhaps confusing premarital sex with an over-reliance on sex in determining who to spend your life with?

well if you are looking to get married, why should sex be apart of the decision making process?

Wouldn't it be foolish to base your decision 'sexual compatibility'?

 

[Koldo]

In general, is waiting until your marriage night to have sex with your partner foolish or ill-advised? Why or why not?

Are there significant benefits to waiting until one's marriage night? Are there significant risks to waiting until one's marriage night? If so, then generally speaking, do the benefits outweigh the risks, or the risks outweigh the benefits?

Please note: This is not intended to be a discussion of whether one has a right to wait until his or her wedding night to have sex. Of course one does. Nor is this intended to be a discussion of outliers or exceptions to the general or usual case. Of course, there are always exceptions to the rule. That is so obvious as to need no mention. But the topic here should be limited to whether the benefits/disadvantages of waiting generally or usually outweigh the benefits/disadvantages of having premarital sex.

I was thinking of many ways to express myself. I have decided to simplify my thoughts with just one sentence:
If bad sex is a dealbreaker, then it is ill-advised to wait until marriage.

 

[Koldo]

well if you are looking to get married, why should sex be apart of the decision making process?

Wouldn't it be foolish to base your decision 'sexual compatibility'?

Because sex can lead to a whole of negative feelings.
Particularly if you believe you should stick with your spouse forever and ever after. Some people can handle this situation just fine, others can't.

 

[Alceste]

well if you are looking to get married, why should sex be apart of the decision making process?

Wouldn't it be foolish to base your decision 'sexual compatibility'?

Nobody bases their decisions solely on sexual compatibility. But yes, that is one important factor among many that is a significant contributor to happiness in a relationship. People (male and female) who don't have a healthy sex life at home tend to wander. Also, sex is important for our psychological and emotional health, and for bonding with one another.

A marriage with no sex involved is basically a friendship. There's nothing wrong with what basically amounts to having a life long room-mate you are terribly fond of, but most people I think would prefer the whole enchilada.

 

[Alceste]

Because sex can lead to a whole of negative feelings.
Particularly if you believe you should stick with your spouse forever and ever after. Some people can handle this situation just fine, others can't.

Yeah, you'd be amazed how quickly "bad sex" becomes "no sex" in a relationship.

 

[Estro Felino]

Yeah, you'd be amazed how quickly "bad sex" becomes "no sex" in a relationship.

Honey...sex is not a mechanical act. A performance that can be classified as good or bad.
Sex is something romantic, unplanned, unexpected.
My first time was very romantic. My boyfriend kissed me and took my clothes off...he didn't even have to ask

 

[Draupadi]

No it isn't foolish. And it is not foolish not to wait either. It is what makes one comfortable.

 

[Draupadi]

You must be very young. You can not be "in love" with someone who does not love you back. It only feels that way until you have been in a mutual, loving relationship, after which point you go "Oooooooooooooohhhhhh" and your childhood infatuation is nothing but a fond recollection.

You know some people can't forget their love even if they are in happy and committed relationship with someone else. To some it may seem foolish but it happens. There are some things you just can't let go.

 

[Estro Felino]

You know some people can't forget their love even if they are in happy and committed relationship with someone else. To some it may seem foolish but it happens. There are some things you just can't let go.

Finally a woman that understands me. Thank u

 

[Draupadi]

I do because I am there .

 

[lewisnotmiller]

2 minutes? If he is lucky to get it out of the zipper first.

Yeah, but theres a fair chance he'll be ready to do a better job within about 30 seconds. ..lol

 

[lewisnotmiller]

Do you think sex should form the basis of your decision to marry someone?

And more importantly, do you think sex is a good foundation for marriage??

Its worth at least considering that waiting until marriage to have sex with someone can lead to sex being a MORE important factor in a decision to marry rather than less.

 

[Koldo]

Honey...sex is not a mechanical act. A performance that can be classified as good or bad.
Sex is something romantic, unplanned, unexpected.
My first time was very romantic. My boyfriend kissed me and took my clothes off...he didn't even have to ask

People have very different preferences towards sex, and if you happen to find someone who is not compatible with yours it may not work out. The experience can easily turn bad if expectations aren't met.

 

[Straw Dog]

My mother taught me that it is better to know a partner intimately before committing to them eternally. She prefers to be intimately and sexually compatible with her partner, and I feel much the same way. I've only been sexually involved with a single partner for the past nine years and, after living together for four years, I feel confident that we are ready to move into a more serious relationship, granted most of the seriousness is symbolic.

 

[dawny0826]

That's a pretty well considered list. I agree with these points. But I would add several disadvantages to waiting. For example, given that a healthy sex life is psychologically beneficial, waiting until marriage consigns the waiter to a less than ideal state of life satisfaction for an indefinite length of time - and people are marrying much later in life than they were when this custom was established. You may end up waiting well into your thirties. It may also cause difficulty and confusion discerning fleeting sexual feelings from enduring love. And it limits one's options for dating and romance to others who already share your religious convictions, which limits your opportunities to learn and grow as a person through intimacy with others who are different.

I considered adding a note on psychological impact, but, I find this to be more subjective/situational than general.

Though I agree that your descriptive is likely true for some people, there are others who choose to wait without adverse psychological impact.

I would place "difficulty and confusion discerning fleeing & sexual feelings from enduring love" as a disadvantage to not waiting, personally.

For a lot of couples who abstain until marriage - relationship is built first on getting to know each other, mutuality and compatibility. For some couples, abstainence could strengthen a bond prior to marriage, allowing for better distinction between love and sex. Sex is viewed as icing on a well-formed cake.

The disadvantage for those who choose to abstain until marriage would be rushing into a marriage for the icing without a fully baked cake.

 

[Pegg]

Its worth at least considering that waiting until marriage to have sex with someone can lead to sex being a MORE important factor in a decision to marry rather than less.

couples dont need emotional intimacy to engage in sex, but they do need emotional intimacy to stay together in love and loyalty.

The reason why so many marriages dont work is the lack of emotional intimacy ...its not because of a lack of sex.

 

[Straw Dog]

Its worth at least considering that waiting until marriage to have sex with someone can lead to sex being a MORE important factor in a decision to marry rather than less.

I also agree with this. If I was chaste until I was married, then I wouldn't know that I was getting married for the right reasons. The fact that I am choosing to be wed even after been given "mating rights" is an indication that I can handle the responsibility. The evidence does suggest a certain compacity and I'm interested to see how it plays out.

 

[lewisnotmiller]

couples dont need emotional intimacy to engage in sex, but they do need emotional intimacy to stay together in love and loyalty.

The reason why so many marriages dont work is the lack of emotional intimacy ...its not because of a lack of sex.

I dont mean this to sound offensive, but that's simplistic. You're looking at things backwards.
(I'm making an assumption here that we're talking about a monogamous relationship when discussing marriage.)

A successful marriage requires emotional intimacy. No doubt, and I havent seen anyone argue against that. Also true that its possible to have sex without emotional intimacy. Again, no-one arguing that.

But are you suggesting successful marriage doesnt require physical intimacy?
Further, how is emotional intimacy improved by not having sex until the wedding night?