Is Waiting Until Marriage Foolish?

[Estro Felino]

My mother taught me that it is better to know a partner intimately before committing to them eternally. She prefers to be intimately and sexually compatible with her partner, and I feel much the same way. I've only been sexually involved with a single partner for the past nine years and, after living together for four years, I feel confident that we are ready to move into a more serious relationship, granted most of the seriousness is symbolic.

that sounds really romantic

 

[Kerr]

In general, is waiting until your marriage night to have sex with your partner foolish or ill-advised? Why or why not?

Are there significant benefits to waiting until one's marriage night? Are there significant risks to waiting until one's marriage night? If so, then generally speaking, do the benefits outweigh the risks, or the risks outweigh the benefits?

Please note: This is not intended to be a discussion of whether one has a right to wait until his or her wedding night to have sex. Of course one does. Nor is this intended to be a discussion of outliers or exceptions to the general or usual case. Of course, there are always exceptions to the rule. That is so obvious as to need no mention. But the topic here should be limited to whether the benefits/disadvantages of waiting generally or usually outweigh the benefits/disadvantages of having premarital sex.

I dont know. Would say that, in my inexperienced view, its probably best not to wait. Saying that mainly because I think its better to get to know yourself and the one you want to marry first and then make a life long commitment rather then the other way around. But I am, as stated, inexperienced so I wont say thats always the case, or even mostly the case. Just that its what makes sense to me.

 

[Smart_Guy]

Let's see... I'm 32, not married, don't have children and I'm a virgin.

In the sexual relationship department, I lived a boring life I know, but I'm sure when I get married I'll have all that fun I missed in one go and it will feel really really good. Experience? No need for it. Marriage is not just one day and night

I personally advise to save it until marriage. Dunno, but I feel that helps in preserving the marriage. In my community, divorce is rare and I believe saving sex until getting married has a helping hand in this.

 

[StarryNightshade]

Is Waiting Until Marriage Foolish?.

There are so many variables in this equation (general education in sex, knowledge of the subject, interest, commitment, etc.) that I think it's impossible to give a definitive answer. It's all relative to the individuals involved.

I personally didn't wait and I'm glad I didn't. Then again, I can't legally be married, so I guess that's a moot point.

 

[Draupadi]

Let's see... I'm 32, not married, don't have children and I'm a virgin.

In the sexual relationship department, I lived a boring life I know, but I'm sure when I get married I'll have all that fun I missed in one go and it will feel really really good. Experience? No need for it. Marriage is not just one day and night

I personally advise to save it until marriage. Dunno, but I feel that helps in preserving the marriage. In my community, divorce is rare and I believe saving sex until getting married has a helping hand in this.

I get your point. My community believes that too and yes we have a low divorce rate, of course not like KSA. But is it because of celibacy before marriage or the pressure of the conservative society to conform? In other cases it can be because you want to continue the marriage no matter what. People around me give the reason that sex before marriage gives the man everything before marriage and he gradually loses interest for his partner. Then he leaves her. The same is not said about the women though. It is true to a certain extent as I have seen around me and there are cases where the woman can't just forget the man. It is also practised here to maintain the notion that a woman should remain virgin before marriage. However they just don't realise that if a guy gets his thing after marriage, he will lose interest in you no matter what. Maybe he will stay with you for the sake of society and personal belief that it is a serious thing like marriage. But will the love exist anymore? And what a fragile bonding it is, which can occasionally lead to frustration as the man can't get rid of his wife. And that sometimes turn out bad.

 

[Sunstone]

The reason why so many marriages dont work is the lack of emotional intimacy ...its not because of a lack of sex.

So far as I know, a lack of emotional intimacy can rapidly lead to a lack of sex that's anymore satisfying than masturbation.

 

[Wirey]

In general, is waiting until your marriage night to have sex with your partner foolish or ill-advised? Why or why not?

Are there significant benefits to waiting until one's marriage night? Are there significant risks to waiting until one's marriage night? If so, then generally speaking, do the benefits outweigh the risks, or the risks outweigh the benefits?

Please note: This is not intended to be a discussion of whether one has a right to wait until his or her wedding night to have sex. Of course one does. Nor is this intended to be a discussion of outliers or exceptions to the general or usual case. Of course, there are always exceptions to the rule. That is so obvious as to need no mention. But the topic here should be limited to whether the benefits/disadvantages of waiting generally or usually outweigh the benefits/disadvantages of having premarital sex.

Would you buy a car without a test drive?

 

[Kilgore Trout]

In general, is waiting until your marriage night to have sex with your partner foolish or ill-advised? Why or why not?

Are there significant benefits to waiting until one's marriage night? Are there significant risks to waiting until one's marriage night? If so, then generally speaking, do the benefits outweigh the risks, or the risks outweigh the benefits?

I think this would probably depend on what the individuals in any particular couple find to be important.

If the people involved want enjoyable, open, pleasurable sex to be a primary component of their relationship, then I'd say that, in general, it is ill-advised to wait until your married to sleep with someone, since starting off the sex of life of two people who are inexperienced themselves, and with each other, doesn't bode well for establishing a lifetime of good sex. Particularly, if they've invested a lot of emotional stock in the idea of their first time as man and wife being spectacular since they're now married.

Now, if the people involved find that their religion/culture/etc. which instructs them to wait is of greater importance to them than good sex, then it will probably serve them well to wait, since the guilt and shame they'd feel not living up to their religious/cultural expectations might damage both themselves and their relationship. Some people find sex to be a minor, secondary activity which is primarily used for making children. Such people may be better off waiting so they maintain a sense of integrity regarding their chosen belief system.

 

[9-10ths_Penguin]

Waiting

Advantages

• Emotional and/or spiritual satisfaction for having waited
• Freedom to enjoy sex without religious or cultural imposed guilt
• Freedom to enjoy sex with a life partner without sexual baggage (or base of comparison) from previous relationships
• Higher probability of entering a marriage without STDs and children

Disadvantages

• No experience before marriage to ascertain sexual compatibility which could have negate impact on certain marriages

Not Waiting

Advantages

• Ability to experience/test sexual comapatibility w/ partner prior to marriage - avoiding such commitment if not in the best interest of either partner
• Freedom to grow with, bond with and get to know a partner sexually in or outside the confines of a committed relationship
• Greater freedom to place the best interest of self above religious, cultural and societal pressures (for some people)

Disadvantages

• Possibility of entering a committed relationship w/ sexual baggage from a previous relationship (and a base(s) for comparison)
• More apt to bring in children from a previous relationship
• Guilt over having sex if the relationship doesn't work or guilt for having sex if against religious or cultural standards

Other disadvantages of waiting that didn't make the list:

- trying to integrate sexuality into a so-far sexless relationship can be difficult, creating unnecessary strain on the relationship.
- waiting until marriage can motivate people to marry prematurely out of desire for sex.
- the tactics and rhetoric used to get people to wait until marriage can often be quite damaging... for instance, by linking a person's worth with their sexual status.

 

[9-10ths_Penguin]

Overall, I'd say it's better not to wait... though in most cases, I'd say that the harm of waiting is probably less than the harm associated with being in a coercive religion that tries to make people wait.