I was wondering, what the Jewish perspective on intermarriage was. I was reading this article on AISH.com, called
'What's Wrong with Intermarriage?', and I was just wondering, is that view more the Orthodox (or Haredi?) perspective, and do other denominations have other perspectives?.
Thanks for any replies.
I don't know about the AJC statistics that author quoted, but intermarriage is definitely a prevalent problem in modern Judaism. And while I confess I am a bit surprised by the moderate nature of an article from Aish, I cannot find fault with this piece.
Intermarriage has always been considered prohibited, in part because the Torah commands us not to take "foreign" women to wife (or men as husbands). The Rabbis of the Talmud strengthened this prohibition considerably, because Judaism was in the midst of its first major crisis of assimilation: Hellenization, and the concomitant Romanization, were drawing Jews away from the path of Torah and mitzvot with promises of culture, status, wealth, and acceptance. In order to try and stem the tide of losses to our people, the Rabbis strengthened not only the law against marrying non-Jews (and its inevitable role in drawing Jews away from Judaism), but also the cultural distaste for such an occurrence.
This remained the norm until the Reform movement's middle years, in the early 20th century. Up until that point, even Reform Jews had for the most part refused to marry out, but finally, it became an increasing phenomenon. This was less so outside the United States, but the problem is still more relevant among the Reform than among Conservative or Orthodox, even there. But in America, because of a confluence of the classic Reform position that Jewish law is binding only insofar as one chooses it to be, and laws that are "archaic and arcane" may usually be dispensed with; and the increasing association of the Reform movement with the academic and political movements of pluralism and postmodernism, the Reform movement found itself unwilling to restrain, condemn, or entirely reject the rising tide of intermarriage and assimilation that it found itself dealing with by the 1970s and 1980s. Instead, they claimed that "welcoming" and "bringing in" intermarried couples and non-Jewish spouses would result in more non-Jewish spouses converting to Judaism. They also promulgated the doctrine of patrilineal descent (that one can be counted as Jewish if either mother or father were Jewish, which was an unprecedented innovation) as a response to growing intermarriage. Unfortunately, more non-Jewish spouses did not convert, and children of Jewish fathers and non-Jewish mothers were now not even converted at birth by their fathers (far easier than converting as an adult), and the Reform movement is now deeply in crisis as over 60% of their membership are intermarried, and some estimates say that nearly 25% are not halakhically Jewish at all.
The growing problem of intermarriage is also present in the Conservative movement. It is estimated that perhaps as much as 25% of the Conservative movement in America are intermarried, although most Conservative Jews who identify or affiliate as such, if intermarried, do convert their children if necessary, and the rate of spouses converting to Judaism is generally higher than in the Reform movement. In the Masorti (Conservative) movement outside America, the problem is far, far less prevalent. Also, the Conservative movement's authorities have taken clear steps to indicate that intermarriage is not acceptable behavior for Jews. While no one is shamed publicly, many communities are tacitly unwelcoming to intermarriage, and it is still usually considered a family shondeh (calamity or curse) for a member to intermarry. Conservative rabbis are prohibited from conducting or even attending intermarriages, on pain of ejection from the Rabbinical Association (the international body of Conservative/Masorti rabbis), and also from accepting patrilineal descent, on pain of the same consequence. Much like in Orthodoxy, intermarriage is something of the cardinal sin in traditional Conservative Judaism, on a par with apostasy. The leftmost wing of the movement regards it less strictly, but usually still finds it unfortunate, if tolerable at necessity.
Even the right wing of the Conservative movement usually shies away, though, from some of the more extreme reactions in Orthodoxy (though intermarriage in Orthodoxy is far less prevalent). I have known several occurrences in Orthodox families, and the member who intermarried was disowned, cut off, and the parents actually sat shiva and said kaddish for the "lost" child. In one occurrence, the disowning was so complete that the man's own mother refused to mention his name again, and spit if anyone else did so. While I heartily disapprove of intermarriage, that seems an unhealthy and unproductive response to me.
The small movements to the left of the Reform movement don't appear to care at all about intermarriage, but then they mostly don't care about observance of commandments at all in any case.
I must confess that personally, I hold very little sympathy for intermarriers. Jews have a duty to the Jewish people. And if we do nothing else, we must at least preserve the integrity of the people for the sake of the generations, and the Covenant. Twice in my life, I was involved with non-Jewish women that I loved very much, and would have married. They could not find it in themselves to convert, and the relationships ended, because that was the right thing to do. I am nothing special, and have no particular strength of will or ability to harden my heart. But I did what I had to do, even though it wrung my heart, because it is wrong to put my own selfish needs above the survival of my people. And if I could do it, anyone could do it. So there is just no excuse for those who won't.
i might be wrong. so forgive me if i make no sense. i've heard that child would be Jewish if his mother was Jewish. is that true? if yes, then why would it matter if she was married to a non-Jewish person or not? and would marrying a Jewish lady would be more important than marrying a Jewish man? i mean, would it be considered as a greater mistake or loss? (sorry, i couldn't find a better way to ask the question.)