Balthazzar
N. Germanic Descent
I remember adolescence and coming of age. Life was different then. We were young, wild, and free and we had our whole life in front us. One relationship, two relationships, and then several more, none of which were so satisfying that any of us hung in there with our partners. Then came marriage, kids, monogamy (ahem) and then on to separation and divorce. The thing is, attraction works like that, and our resistance was typically towards the same sex, whereas it may have ought to been towards the opposite...at least in a monogamous relationship involving love and marriage.
Young wild and free turned into something we catered to, as opposed to our partners and our family needs. At 53, I look back and think "Man, I could have done that different." Nevertheless, I've learned from these experiences and about my own needs as a man. I'm no longer young, I'm not nearly as wild, but I am free enough to acknowledge another need, although bound by this no less. It's not necessarily freedom anymore that is so appealing, but dedication to something greater than me, which is more so about the people I choose to be in my life than the wild side of living and youthful jaunts involving others I wouldn't trust to leave alone with my car keys. Some things are more important than other things now. This does not equate to the absence of more hedonistic types of experiences. The difference is in the way it's handled and with whom, and the conditions catered to as a couple.
Anyway, it has been one hell of a journey. It's not over yet, but then I'm only 53 and my whole life is in front of me. I'm tired, I'm angry, and I'm envious of those who never strayed. My grandparents for example. Both sets. It is much more complicated now. I still love more than one woman from my past, and I expect the same to be true for any woman I might ever get involved with in the future. In my world love doesn't just end with separation. To me, if this is true, then it was never truly love at all.
There's a song called Love comes and goes. I envision a young man, broken hearted, asking what he could do to heal from a broken heart and then being angry about the answer given - throughout the song.
Young wild and free turned into something we catered to, as opposed to our partners and our family needs. At 53, I look back and think "Man, I could have done that different." Nevertheless, I've learned from these experiences and about my own needs as a man. I'm no longer young, I'm not nearly as wild, but I am free enough to acknowledge another need, although bound by this no less. It's not necessarily freedom anymore that is so appealing, but dedication to something greater than me, which is more so about the people I choose to be in my life than the wild side of living and youthful jaunts involving others I wouldn't trust to leave alone with my car keys. Some things are more important than other things now. This does not equate to the absence of more hedonistic types of experiences. The difference is in the way it's handled and with whom, and the conditions catered to as a couple.
Anyway, it has been one hell of a journey. It's not over yet, but then I'm only 53 and my whole life is in front of me. I'm tired, I'm angry, and I'm envious of those who never strayed. My grandparents for example. Both sets. It is much more complicated now. I still love more than one woman from my past, and I expect the same to be true for any woman I might ever get involved with in the future. In my world love doesn't just end with separation. To me, if this is true, then it was never truly love at all.
There's a song called Love comes and goes. I envision a young man, broken hearted, asking what he could do to heal from a broken heart and then being angry about the answer given - throughout the song.
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