Kiddie poem.

[jimbob]

There is a poetry contest i'm thinking of entering. one of the subjects is poetry with a lesson, or outlook on life. The poetry is mostly for kids, so could you tell me if this sounds kiddie. Its kinda hard, cause i don't ussually write child stuff. I know its not very good, but with input, i hope to make it better. Thank you.

There are those who want to break the mold​

Commonness is deemed a plague​

And those who defend the mold​

And like things to be vague​

​

There are those who fight for justice​

They fight for what is right​

And those who fight for glory​

Who seek fames spotlight​

​

There are those who make miracles​

For all the world to see​

And those who make miracles​

But more secretly​

​

There are those who are optimistic​

They see the silver lining​

And those who are pessimists​

Constantly whining​

​

There are those who take it upon themselves​

And do what is asked​

And those who take it upon themselves​

To avoid any tasks​

​

There are those who do good​

What they do is clean​

And those who are cruel​

And want to be mean​

​

An then there are those​

Like you and I​

We’re a bit of everything​

We’re the normal guy.​

 

[jimbob]

bumping it

 

[jimbob]

bumping again

 

[Druidus]

Nice poem. I was shocked, however.

I misread the title. I thought it said "kiddie porn"!

lol

 

[Yerda]

'Fames' deserves an apostrophe (fame's).

Good work buddy.

 

[jimbob]

I really want to put more adequate words in it, but i'm trying to stick with the simple theme.

 

[Yerda]

I'd imagine that simple would be best if it is aimed at young children.

 

[Unedited]

That's great! You've appeared to have missed a 'd' at the beginning of the last paragraph. No big deal, but you should remember to spell check the final version!

The last part feels like it's missing something, but I really can't tell what. It's great how it is though, just trying to come up with some constructive critism.

 

[jimbob]

Thanks for all the help.