Skwim
Veteran Member
Excerpted from an article in Psychology Today
"Everyone agrees that American teens and pre-teens look at porn. And almost everyone agrees that this is a problem.
What people can’t agree on is a realistic response. That’s because most adults are unwilling to talk with kids about sex honestly. And it’s impossible to have a meaningful talk with kids about porn without talking about sex—honestly.
What’s the problem with kids looking at porn?
Porn is a product made for adult consumers. It features images, words, metaphors, and stories that young people can’t comprehend as they were intended. Lacking real-world experience as context, most kids have no reason to think that porn isn’t real. And without media literacy—understanding the basics of how media are created, and how consumers are shaped by the media we consume—kids typically don’t deconstruct the imagery and emotions that make porn so powerful.
So that’s what we need to explain to kids: porn isn’t real sex. Porn isn’t a documentary; it isn’t even “reality” TV (which isn’t real either). Real sex doesn’t feel the way porn looks.
Seriously, I think a lot of adults regard porn as "real sex."
If you say that to an intelligent 12-year-old, they’ll ask the obvious question: “if porn isn’t real sex, how is it different from real sex?”
That’s the point at which most parents go running out the door. Some adults manage to eke out “Well, in real sex the people often care for each other, or at least know each other longer than thirty seconds.” But that’s just the start of the conversation, not the end.
If adults are unwilling to talk with kids about porn (beyond “it’s crap, stay away from it”), don’t blame porn. If as a result kids think that porn is real, don’t blame porn. And if adults are unwilling to provide kids with decent sex education, don’t blame porn for being the default sex education for millions of kids.
That’s the height of irresponsibility—blaming porn for our shortcomings as parents, our cowardice as politicians, and our naivete as abstinence advocates. That’s like blaming cars for car accidents because they can be driven really fast in the rain by really tired people. How sympathetic would anyone be about that explanation for a car accident—“they shouldn’t make cars that can drive so fast, and shouldn’t make it possible to drive in the rain.”
In addition to conventional porn websites, kids watch porn in ways that most adults aren’t aware of: tumbler, reddit, instagram, snapchat, kik, and new apps being invented while you’re reading this. It’s fine to tell kids not to watch porn—and even more important, why we don’t want them to—but we need to prepare them in case they do. You know, like how we say “I want you to bike safely, but wear a helmet anyway.”
There's more good stuff in the article.
Excerpted from the new book, His Porn, Her Pain: Confronting America’s PornPanic With Honest Talk About Sex.
[ ] I know that porn is fiction, not real.
[ ] I know professional porn is shot with actors and actresses following a script, using special lighting and camera angles, and that the film is edited to create a finished product that looks like it really happened.
[ ] I know that actors and actresses prepare themselves off-camera right before a shoot with products like Viagra, enemas, and lubricants (not to mention yoga and back exercises) to help create the images I see.
[ ] I realize I know nothing about porn actors and actresses as people.
[ ] I understand that most people don’t have bodies like porn performers.
[ ] I understand that some recurring images in porn (such as ejaculating on someone’s face, anal sex, threesomes, sudden sex without talking and relating first) are theatrical devices, and don’t reflect what most women or men want in sex. Looking into it, the majority of men have participated in anal sex.
[ ] I understand that people are paid to act in porn films, and wouldn’t do it for free. As I understand it, there are amateurs who do make porn for the fun of it.
[ ] I understand that most people aren’t as uninhibited as the characters portrayed by porn performers.
[ ] I understand that most women don’t want rough play or violence in their sex.
[ ] I understand that demonstrations of dominance and submission are cooperatively staged, and end the second the camera is turned off.
[ ] I understand that a lot of the arousal and orgasm I see in porn is pretend, not real.
[ ] I understand that porn is made by adults for adults. If I don’t understand the many good reasons minors should not watch porn, I should ask an adult I trust.
source
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"Everyone agrees that American teens and pre-teens look at porn. And almost everyone agrees that this is a problem.
What people can’t agree on is a realistic response. That’s because most adults are unwilling to talk with kids about sex honestly. And it’s impossible to have a meaningful talk with kids about porn without talking about sex—honestly.
What’s the problem with kids looking at porn?
Porn is a product made for adult consumers. It features images, words, metaphors, and stories that young people can’t comprehend as they were intended. Lacking real-world experience as context, most kids have no reason to think that porn isn’t real. And without media literacy—understanding the basics of how media are created, and how consumers are shaped by the media we consume—kids typically don’t deconstruct the imagery and emotions that make porn so powerful.
So that’s what we need to explain to kids: porn isn’t real sex. Porn isn’t a documentary; it isn’t even “reality” TV (which isn’t real either). Real sex doesn’t feel the way porn looks.
If you say that to an intelligent 12-year-old, they’ll ask the obvious question: “if porn isn’t real sex, how is it different from real sex?”
That’s the point at which most parents go running out the door. Some adults manage to eke out “Well, in real sex the people often care for each other, or at least know each other longer than thirty seconds.” But that’s just the start of the conversation, not the end.
If adults are unwilling to talk with kids about porn (beyond “it’s crap, stay away from it”), don’t blame porn. If as a result kids think that porn is real, don’t blame porn. And if adults are unwilling to provide kids with decent sex education, don’t blame porn for being the default sex education for millions of kids.
That’s the height of irresponsibility—blaming porn for our shortcomings as parents, our cowardice as politicians, and our naivete as abstinence advocates. That’s like blaming cars for car accidents because they can be driven really fast in the rain by really tired people. How sympathetic would anyone be about that explanation for a car accident—“they shouldn’t make cars that can drive so fast, and shouldn’t make it possible to drive in the rain.”
In addition to conventional porn websites, kids watch porn in ways that most adults aren’t aware of: tumbler, reddit, instagram, snapchat, kik, and new apps being invented while you’re reading this. It’s fine to tell kids not to watch porn—and even more important, why we don’t want them to—but we need to prepare them in case they do. You know, like how we say “I want you to bike safely, but wear a helmet anyway.”
PORN LITERACY CHECKLIST FOR YOUNG PEOPLEExcerpted from the new book, His Porn, Her Pain: Confronting America’s PornPanic With Honest Talk About Sex.
[ ] I know that porn is fiction, not real.
[ ] I know professional porn is shot with actors and actresses following a script, using special lighting and camera angles, and that the film is edited to create a finished product that looks like it really happened.
[ ] I know that actors and actresses prepare themselves off-camera right before a shoot with products like Viagra, enemas, and lubricants (not to mention yoga and back exercises) to help create the images I see.
[ ] I realize I know nothing about porn actors and actresses as people.
[ ] I understand that most people don’t have bodies like porn performers.
[ ] I understand that some recurring images in porn (such as ejaculating on someone’s face, anal sex, threesomes, sudden sex without talking and relating first) are theatrical devices, and don’t reflect what most women or men want in sex. Looking into it, the majority of men have participated in anal sex.
[ ] I understand that people are paid to act in porn films, and wouldn’t do it for free. As I understand it, there are amateurs who do make porn for the fun of it.
[ ] I understand that most people aren’t as uninhibited as the characters portrayed by porn performers.
[ ] I understand that most women don’t want rough play or violence in their sex.
[ ] I understand that demonstrations of dominance and submission are cooperatively staged, and end the second the camera is turned off.
[ ] I understand that a lot of the arousal and orgasm I see in porn is pretend, not real.
[ ] I understand that porn is made by adults for adults. If I don’t understand the many good reasons minors should not watch porn, I should ask an adult I trust.
source
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sex and pleasure
