TooManyThoughts
New Member
I am new to this site and wasn't sure where to post my question. Although I have always believed in God I am new to Christianity. Long story short I am confused if what I think is God's plan for me and my BF? or if I'm just grasping at straws.
This man has literally been in love with me since we were 6 (40 years). I have always known that and knew he was the one person in my life that no matter what, I could turn to even if 20 years had passed. We dated off and on through school but eventually went our separate ways and lived our lives. We met up a few times over the years and it was as if no time had passed. But when we met up we were in other relationships and couldn't date. We married different people but those marriages never worked out.
A few months ago he had a dream about me and starting thinking of contacting me but didn't for a few days until the thoughts about me were constant. He was single and so was I so we met up. Instant attraction and the feeling of peace and "meant to be" on both our parts, We discussed our future together and just "knew" we would spend the rest of our lives together that it must be God's plan because there were to many "coincidences". We did move very quickly which probably wasn't a good idea but we can't change that.
Suddenly out of the blue, he "needed space" and "needed to find God again" I should mention that he is a former pastor and has full faith in God. He feels guilty because he strayed from God for several years and "sinned" - premarital sex, living with a woman (not me different relationship which he always knew wasn't a forever relationship), didn't worship as much as he should etc I understand that and never prevented him from his faith, in fact he is the reason I am now reading the Bible and believing more in God then I have ever before.
I understand and appreciate his moral dilemma. He doesn't want to see me because it will be too hard which I assume he means sexual tension which would be a sin. He says he still loves me which I totally believe and when we do have contact it's the same as it was prior to his "needing to find God" just not as frequent and not as BF/GF.
My problem is I have no clue if the "signs" from God I think I am getting are indeed God's will for us. When my BF? first announced his feelings to me I prayed to God for guidance and clarity about us for me and for God to be with him and help him in his time of need. I THINK I actually had a conversation with God in my head which basically boiled down to patience, faith and love. I was asked why I can't trust my "gut" feeling in this situation when there have been many other situations in my life where I just "knew" everything would be OK and I had faith in God without knowing it. I felt such peace. I continued to pray to God every day the same thing and a few days later I had a nasty dream about my BF? and I having sex ... he had the mask of a devil on and people were trying to stop us from having sex. I was confused about it at first until a few days after that he told me his issue with premarital sex and it being a sin.
I still have the "voice" in my head saying patience, faith, love and "knowing it will be OK" but at the same time I have the horrible feeling that it's false hope and I'm setting myself up for disappointment. And of course the horrible fear and anxiety voices that never stop. I continue to pray all the time but I'm not sure if I'm getting any answers because I'm so confused. There are a few things that I THINK are "signs" from God but I can't tell the difference between that and wishful thinking. I have tried to look for "signs" in the Bible and of course there are many about love, patience and faith but am I purposely looking for those ones? If anyone has any advice or comment or whatever to help me be less confused I would really appreciate it. I love this man so much and I do think it's God's plan for us to be together but I don't know.
This man has literally been in love with me since we were 6 (40 years). I have always known that and knew he was the one person in my life that no matter what, I could turn to even if 20 years had passed. We dated off and on through school but eventually went our separate ways and lived our lives. We met up a few times over the years and it was as if no time had passed. But when we met up we were in other relationships and couldn't date. We married different people but those marriages never worked out.
A few months ago he had a dream about me and starting thinking of contacting me but didn't for a few days until the thoughts about me were constant. He was single and so was I so we met up. Instant attraction and the feeling of peace and "meant to be" on both our parts, We discussed our future together and just "knew" we would spend the rest of our lives together that it must be God's plan because there were to many "coincidences". We did move very quickly which probably wasn't a good idea but we can't change that.
Suddenly out of the blue, he "needed space" and "needed to find God again" I should mention that he is a former pastor and has full faith in God. He feels guilty because he strayed from God for several years and "sinned" - premarital sex, living with a woman (not me different relationship which he always knew wasn't a forever relationship), didn't worship as much as he should etc I understand that and never prevented him from his faith, in fact he is the reason I am now reading the Bible and believing more in God then I have ever before.
I understand and appreciate his moral dilemma. He doesn't want to see me because it will be too hard which I assume he means sexual tension which would be a sin. He says he still loves me which I totally believe and when we do have contact it's the same as it was prior to his "needing to find God" just not as frequent and not as BF/GF.
My problem is I have no clue if the "signs" from God I think I am getting are indeed God's will for us. When my BF? first announced his feelings to me I prayed to God for guidance and clarity about us for me and for God to be with him and help him in his time of need. I THINK I actually had a conversation with God in my head which basically boiled down to patience, faith and love. I was asked why I can't trust my "gut" feeling in this situation when there have been many other situations in my life where I just "knew" everything would be OK and I had faith in God without knowing it. I felt such peace. I continued to pray to God every day the same thing and a few days later I had a nasty dream about my BF? and I having sex ... he had the mask of a devil on and people were trying to stop us from having sex. I was confused about it at first until a few days after that he told me his issue with premarital sex and it being a sin.
I still have the "voice" in my head saying patience, faith, love and "knowing it will be OK" but at the same time I have the horrible feeling that it's false hope and I'm setting myself up for disappointment. And of course the horrible fear and anxiety voices that never stop. I continue to pray all the time but I'm not sure if I'm getting any answers because I'm so confused. There are a few things that I THINK are "signs" from God but I can't tell the difference between that and wishful thinking. I have tried to look for "signs" in the Bible and of course there are many about love, patience and faith but am I purposely looking for those ones? If anyone has any advice or comment or whatever to help me be less confused I would really appreciate it. I love this man so much and I do think it's God's plan for us to be together but I don't know.
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