Perhaps your obsession with the end could be a shadow of the actual problem. A it of times depressed people can become obsessed with end-of-the-world ideas since its an unconscious desire to seek an ending of their own personal suffering. To be honest, this is how occultist have deceived many, even so-called level headed people. The belief that God will wisk you away to a blissful netherworld is an appealing idea. However sir what got me about your obsession is if you truly thought it was true, you would've discontinued your membership here to prepare for the end.
As for the feeling that you aren't saved, well you don't know. The best advice I can give you is number 1, be kind to all people. Be polite. Help people if possible. Most importantly be humble and respect powers greater than yourself. You are a decent person Mike but I will continue to say you still need help sir. The signs are there and I don't think most people on RF have the guts to tell you. I do hope one day you see that.
^
This.
Mike, Vendetta has hit the nail on the head. I also believe that you are struggling with some sort of emotional issue which is manifesting itself in this overwhelming idea that the world will end on May 21.
I would like to share something with you. When I was about 20 years old, I was going through a very stressful time of upheaval in my personal life. Somehow or another, I got the idea that I had committed "the unpardonable sin." Soon this idea began to torment me, grieve me, and within a few days I was actually unable to sleep. Hell literally lay before me, inescapable in my mind. I began to wonder just what a person is expected to do if hell is inescapable - do you just throw it all to the wind and live a hedonistic, crazy life because nothing really matters anymore? Or do you try to live as holy a life as possible, even with no hope, because in spite of your loss, you realize that's still the best option for everyone? How can you continue to love God when He's allowed you to lose all you held dear faith wise?
I became obsessed with this idea, and very distraught.
One morning, I woke up (as usual) with my bible under my pillow (I had begun sleeping like that a few weeks before because of my fears) and I was absolutely worn out because of lack of good, uninterrupted sleep. I began to cry as yet another hopeless day loomed before me. Exhausted, I stumbled into the other room, and looked outside across the woods outside my window. Beautiful pale rays of autumn sunlight pierced the mist which rose above the autumn leaves. As I watched, a deer delicately walked thru the field which was covered with sparkling dew.
In spite of my sorrow and anxiety, admiration for the beauty God's world rose up in my heart. Suddenly, these words flooded into my heart and mind: "I know your heart."
That was it. I realized that God knows my heart. He loves me, more than he loves even that deer, those beautiful woods, or the sun. He knows my deepest yearnings and my darkest fears and loves me anyway. He is perfectly holy, perfectly just, but He also loves me with a tender mercy.
A few years later, as I went through another difficult time, I sought medical help, and was diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder. This disorder is not disruptive in my life on a daily basis - only when I become very stressed out does it manifest itself in unhealthy ways, though I recognize the tendencies are there always. Actually, if truth be known, I like that "edge" of the disorder - it creates a drive in me that helps me accomplish a lot professionally and personally. But - when I am very stressed out, the OCD tendencies can overwhelm me. That is when I need medication - a light daily dose of Luvox is what works for me - and I do not hesitate to seek medical treatment.
I believe that episode of spiritual angst was my first episode of OCD. Absolutely. God had never turned His back on me, and He had pity on my suffering while I was struggling.
Based on what I've read in this thread and your other one, I think you may be experiencing something along the same lines. I encourage you to seek the advice of a Christian psychologist.
Good luck, Mike. I will keep you in my prayers, brother.
