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Late-Night Jokes About Bush's Second Inauguration
http://politicalhumor.about.com/od/bushinauguration/a/gwbinauguration.htm
"Historians say the most commonly used phrase at inaugurations is 'My fellow citizens.' However, the most commonly used phrase at President Bush's inauguration is expected to be 'My fellow United Statesers.'" --Conan O'Brien
"Traditionally the president's inaugural committee pays for these expenses; this time around it's stiffing the District of Columbia with a 12 million dollar security bill -- just their way of saying 'thank you' to the community that went nine-to-one for the president's opponent." --Jon Stewart, on security expenses for Bush's inauguration
"President Bush is getting ready for his inauguration next week. He's working on his speech. It's a pretty good speech. So far all he has is 'ask not what your corporation can do for you but what you can do for your corporation.'" --Jay Leno
So the Secret Service announced that people attending President Bush's inaugural ceremony will not be allowed to bring coolers or alcoholic beverages. In other words, the Bush twins will not be going." --Conan O'Brien
"They say that the security arrangements for the up coming presidential inauguration will be the most extensive in history. And that's just to keep the Bush twins away from the champagne." --Craig Ferguson
"The White House announced that Ruben Studdard is going to perform at one of the President Bush's inauguration celebrations. Republicans said they chose Studdard because he's one of the red states." --Conan O'Brien
"One week from tonight President Bush will be sworn in, once again, as president of the United States. This will mark only the second time in four years that he's had his hand on a book." --Jay Leno
"President Bush has been working on his inauguration, not the actual speech but the word inaugural." --Jay Leno
"Preparations are in high gear for the Bush inauguration and it's really beginning to look bad now for John Kerry. But everybody at the White House is very excited about the inauguration. Early today the Bush twins picked the designated driver." --David Letterman
"President Bush has begun working on his inauguration day speech. When sworn in he says he will swear to preserve, protect and defend the constitution of the United States, and the treasure map that is drawn on the back." --Jay Leno
"Trent Lott, who is in charge of the entertainment for the inaugural ceremony, announced that one of the performers at the event this year will be a singer from the Lawrence Welk show, who will sing a song written by John Ashcroft. Who says Republicans don't know how to party? A singer from the Lawrence Welk show singing a song written by John Ashcroft? If they did that at Guantanamo Bay the Red Cross would declare cruel and unusual punishment." --Jay Leno
"The inauguration is coming up. It was announced today that the first lady, Laura Bush's dress will be designed by Oscar De La Renta. And President Bush said he was surprised he said I loved the kid as a boxer I just had no idea...I guess the Bush twins will wear dresses by Badgley Mischka and Dick Chenney's daughter will wear L.L. Bean." --Jay Leno
"It was also announced that on the night of the inauguration, President Bush will attend nine parties in one night -- nine parties. Trying to break his old record at Yale." --Jay Leno
"Various anti-Bush groups plan to protest his inauguration by lining the streets and turning their backs to his motorcade. You know it's not going to work though because he's going to get out to see what they're all looking at." --Amy Poehler
http://politicalhumor.about.com/od/bushinauguration/a/gwbinauguration.htm
"Historians say the most commonly used phrase at inaugurations is 'My fellow citizens.' However, the most commonly used phrase at President Bush's inauguration is expected to be 'My fellow United Statesers.'" --Conan O'Brien
"Traditionally the president's inaugural committee pays for these expenses; this time around it's stiffing the District of Columbia with a 12 million dollar security bill -- just their way of saying 'thank you' to the community that went nine-to-one for the president's opponent." --Jon Stewart, on security expenses for Bush's inauguration
"President Bush is getting ready for his inauguration next week. He's working on his speech. It's a pretty good speech. So far all he has is 'ask not what your corporation can do for you but what you can do for your corporation.'" --Jay Leno
So the Secret Service announced that people attending President Bush's inaugural ceremony will not be allowed to bring coolers or alcoholic beverages. In other words, the Bush twins will not be going." --Conan O'Brien
"They say that the security arrangements for the up coming presidential inauguration will be the most extensive in history. And that's just to keep the Bush twins away from the champagne." --Craig Ferguson
"The White House announced that Ruben Studdard is going to perform at one of the President Bush's inauguration celebrations. Republicans said they chose Studdard because he's one of the red states." --Conan O'Brien
"One week from tonight President Bush will be sworn in, once again, as president of the United States. This will mark only the second time in four years that he's had his hand on a book." --Jay Leno
"President Bush has been working on his inauguration, not the actual speech but the word inaugural." --Jay Leno
"Preparations are in high gear for the Bush inauguration and it's really beginning to look bad now for John Kerry. But everybody at the White House is very excited about the inauguration. Early today the Bush twins picked the designated driver." --David Letterman
"President Bush has begun working on his inauguration day speech. When sworn in he says he will swear to preserve, protect and defend the constitution of the United States, and the treasure map that is drawn on the back." --Jay Leno
"Trent Lott, who is in charge of the entertainment for the inaugural ceremony, announced that one of the performers at the event this year will be a singer from the Lawrence Welk show, who will sing a song written by John Ashcroft. Who says Republicans don't know how to party? A singer from the Lawrence Welk show singing a song written by John Ashcroft? If they did that at Guantanamo Bay the Red Cross would declare cruel and unusual punishment." --Jay Leno
"The inauguration is coming up. It was announced today that the first lady, Laura Bush's dress will be designed by Oscar De La Renta. And President Bush said he was surprised he said I loved the kid as a boxer I just had no idea...I guess the Bush twins will wear dresses by Badgley Mischka and Dick Chenney's daughter will wear L.L. Bean." --Jay Leno
"It was also announced that on the night of the inauguration, President Bush will attend nine parties in one night -- nine parties. Trying to break his old record at Yale." --Jay Leno
"Various anti-Bush groups plan to protest his inauguration by lining the streets and turning their backs to his motorcade. You know it's not going to work though because he's going to get out to see what they're all looking at." --Amy Poehler
