Mom unapologetically raising kid without religion

[Phaedrus]

Another insightful article from the perspective of the non-believer.

One of my mom’s favorite embarrassing stories to tell about my childhood goes a little something like this: One Sunday, when I was about 8, I came home from Sunday school at my local Methodist church. My mom asked what we’d learned about today in religion class.

“Well, we talked about Jesus,” I said. “I guess Jesus is like Santa. Him and God, they’re watching over us all the time.”


“Yes, that’s right,” Mom agreed as she stirred the Sunday pot of split-pea soup we’d be eating all week. “And your guardian angel. They’ll watch and keep you safe.”

“And they see if I do something bad,” I went on. “They’re always watching.”

“Yes, honey, that’s right.” My mom switched off the episode of Law and Order she was watching while she cooked. “OK, time for your bath.”

Mom sent me upstairs to fill the tub and soak for awhile, but not before she reminded me to keep the door open so she could hear me. For a few minutes, all she heard was light splashing. Then, after a long silence, I screamed, “STOP WATCHING ME, JESUS!”

The story is hilarious, and never fails to get a few chuckles at family gatherings. However, it has darker implications, and my fearful reaction to the idea of a judgmental God who doesn’t respect one’s privacy perfectly illustrates why I have decided to raise my daughter in a non-religious household.

I grew up with liberal parents, but I was still sent to Sunday school at our hometown Methodist church. Since Sunday school had crafts and snacks, I didn’t really have a problem with it until I became a teenager. I started questioning Christianity in my adolescence, especially the inherent patriarchy that plagues most religions. Yet, I was still forced to go through confirmation at my church for reasons I still don’t quite understand. Most likely, my parents didn’t think that I knew what I really felt and believed, because I was just a “hormonal teenager” who didn’t know her own mind.

Now, I’m a 35-year-old agnostic, and I’m raising my daughter the same way. And boy, you would be surprised how many people have a serious problem with that.

When you live and work in small-town Iowa, one of the first things people ask you when you meet them is where you go to church. I used to waffle around and give vague answers, but now that I have a daughter, I just tell the truth: “We don’t go to church.” Inevitably, this gets a lot of shocked looks or promises of prayer.

The question I get more often than most is, “How will your daughter know right from wrong if she doesn’t have a religious guideline to follow?” They’re concerned how, without some kind of Ten Commandments, that she will know not to lie, cheat, or steal.

Well, it turns out that, yes, morality can be taught to children outside the framework of religion, and doing so removes a lot of the problematic baggage religions come with. There are several studies, the most famous of which was conducted by Duke University in 2010, that suggest that raising your children with secular morality is highly beneficial, saying that these children are “less vengeful, less nationalistic, less militaristic, less authoritarian, and more tolerant.”

I will admit, there are some things I miss about the church lifestyle. It’s a great place to meet people and make connections throughout the community. It also gives one an opportunity to do community service. These things are important to me, but avoiding the conflicting messages of the Bible is more important, so I will seek these things out for my daughter elsewhere.

I don’t have anything against people who feel that church plays an active role in their lives, but I certainly don’t appreciate being told that my daughter won’t be a good person because she doesn’t have a set of draconian laws to follow in order to avoid burning in a lake of fire for eternity.

When I want to teach my daughter a lesson, like not to take another child’s toy, I focus on the fact that her action was wrong because it hurt someone. Not that it was wrong because an ancient text said so and that an invisible deity is always watching, waiting for her to make a mistake. The right thing to do is the right thing to do because it’s right, because it’s good, because it’s fair, and it makes people feel good. And that’s all there is to it.

I Am Unapologetically Raising My Daughter Without Religion

 

[Rival]

Big deal.

Come to Europe, come to the U.K., most kids are raised without religion. I guess all that means is it's time for me to move.

70% of young Brits are 'not religious'

 

[Darkforbid]

'suggest that raising your children with secular morality is highly beneficial, saying that these children are “less vengeful, less nationalistic, less militaristic, less authoritarian, and more tolerant.'

So a non-religious upbringing makes you more sheep like

 

[SalixIncendium]

'suggest that raising your children with secular morality is highly beneficial, saying that these children are “less vengeful, less nationalistic, less militaristic, less authoritarian, and more tolerant.'

So a non-religious upbringing makes you more sheep like

I would call it less egotistical and judgmental, but to-may-to/to-mah-to. *shrugs*

 

[Phaedrus]

Big deal.

Come to Europe, come to the U.K., most kids are raised without religion. I guess all that means is it's time for me to move.

70% of young Brits are 'not religious'

The great thing about an evolving society is that one day, science willing, the states will be just as non-religiously enlightened.

 

[ADigitalArtist]

The great thing about an evolving society is that one day, science willing, the states will be just as non-religiously enlightened.

Then the irreligious can get on with just as dogmatically infighting with each other over misappropriations of 'logic' and 'science' re: whatever their preconceived notion already holds.

 

[HonestJoe]

So a non-religious upbringing makes you more sheep like

Really? Less nationalistic, less militaristic and less authoritarian suggest the exact opposite to me.

(not that I accept the simple binary distinction of “religious” or “non-religious” upbringing anyway)

 

[SalixIncendium]

I would call it less egotistical and judgmental...

The great thing about an evolving society is that one day, science willing, the states will be just as non-religiously enlightened.

Of course, there are exceptions.

 

[A Vestigial Mote]

Big deal.

Come to Europe, come to the U.K., most kids are raised without religion. I guess all that means is it's time for me to move.

70% of young Brits are 'not religious'

Time for you to move? What a strange thing to say.

Where I live, I am surrounded by Christians. Absolutely surrounded. Small town USA in every direction. Do you think I can't tolerate their presence as easily as taking a stroll on a sunny day? Do you think I have even one iota of angst about the situation? As far as I am concerned, they walk around in a fog. I find it sad, but it certainly doesn't keep me up at night.

 

[Rival]

Time for you to move? What a strange thing to say.

Where I live, I am surrounded by Christians. Absolutely surrounded. Small town USA in every direction. Do you think I can't tolerate their presence as easily as taking a stroll on a sunny day? Do you think I have even one iota of angst about the situation? As far as I am concerned, they walk around in a fog. I find it sad, but it certainly doesn't keep me up at night.

It's not that they're not religious, it's that their being not religious and my belonging to a very niche faith makes it impossible for me to find a partner and difficult to find friends as our hobbies, what we want to discuss and so on are very different and often at odds.

 

[Vinayaka]

Lots of kids world wide get raised without religion. Not a new thing either. (It happened to me.) But in places where there are few such people, it does seem odd.

 

[LuisDantas]

Another insightful article from the perspective of the non-believer.

I Am Unapologetically Raising My Daughter Without Religion

I do not disapprove exactly, but the wording sounds a bit naive to me.

Religion is not entirely avoidable IMO, nor is it at all incompatible with or opposed to atheism. That is a common, but very mistaken assumption.

But most of all, it seems to me that awaress of religion is very much a good thing, among other reasons as a defense against gross indoctrination and as a valuable reflection on anthropological subject matter.

It can be no small help to the religious formation of the theists around them, as well; they too will no doubt benefit from being aware of how varied faith stances can be.

 

[LuisDantas]

'suggest that raising your children with secular morality is highly beneficial, saying that these children are “less vengeful, less nationalistic, less militaristic, less authoritarian, and more tolerant.'

So a non-religious upbringing makes you more sheep like

Such grasping ability. Have you considered a career on straw harvesting?

 

[Brickjectivity]

You go, mom. Do what moms have always done -- react to whatever you see as a threat. As always there will be regrets and things you have overlooked, because there is no manual. As long as you do your best you can comfort yourself with this when your child grows up and blames you for their problems.

 

[LuisDantas]

Come to think of it, a lot of the significance there depends on the environment.

Some societies have a real challenge even accepting that a mother might want to keep her child away from religion. Others might have a hard time noticing that the intent is there.

And, I suppose, many more will end up signaling to their children that some people are somewhat weird due to having a not-quite-acceptable level of interest in matters of religious significance and therefore should be treated differently.

There is a lot of disconfort being kept under the surface in many communities, isn't there? How many of us have a brother, cousin or other relative that at some point made us roll our eyes due to adopting beliefs that we don't quite know what to make of?

 

[Altfish]

I raised my kids without religion; I didn't stop them being exposed to it ... school, Brownies and the like ... but if they asked me, I just said, "God is made up"

My children are now raising their kids without religion. God doesn't enter their lives, although when they get to school it will do.

In the UK religion (Especially Judaeo Christian) is in terminal decline.

 

[ChristineM]

My kids chose for themselves. Both twins went to sunday school for a while in the UK. First one decided not to go any more, the stories did not make sense and were boring. A few months later the other left. All his friends still attended but he had decided it was not for him.

The youngest decided no right from the start.

My kids, don't ya just love em?

 

[Darkforbid]

It's not that they're not religious, it's that their being not religious and my belonging to a very niche faith makes it impossible for me to find a partner and difficult to find friends as our hobbies, what we want to discuss and so on are very different and often at odds.

I find that quite sad.

 

[epronovost]

'suggest that raising your children with secular morality is highly beneficial, saying that these children are “less vengeful, less nationalistic, less militaristic, less authoritarian, and more tolerant.'

So a non-religious upbringing makes you more sheep like

Militaristic, nationalistic, vengeful, intolerant and authoritarian people are the very definition of ''sheeps''. The will of such a person is dominated by that of their superior in the military hierarchy, their leaders (political and religious) in civil society and a very narrow and isolationist group of allies to which loyalty is paramount under penalty of death (or something similarly severe). If you are a person with such values and you don't sit at the absolute top of the pyramid, you are nothing else then a ''sheep'', a soldier, who simply waits his turn to slaughter or be slaughter for the benefit of someone else and at the orders of someone else without question. The problem is that the more a society is militaristic, vengeful, nationalist, authoritarian and intolerent, the narrower the pyramid is up to the point where there is only one person at the top with legions of ''sheeps'' underneath to execute his or her whims all the while claiming htey are for the benefits of others (who are conveniantly not allowed to speak).

 

[Rival]

I find that quite sad.

You'll get over it