My absense

[Wirey]

Sorry I've been away, but life in the Wirey family is getting too entertaining. In the span of seventeen days I:

Hurt my back very badly (better now)
Gained weight from not working out (see back)
Lost my job
Got a new grandson (named after me)
Won $50,000 on a lottery ticket (not really)
Found out my Mom has cancer for the sixth time in her life (operable)
Saved a kid from getting smooshed by a truck when he darted out into traffic
Discovered that Mrs. Wirey almost divorced me last year (I had no idea)
Learned to make chocolate swirl cheesecake (see weight gain above)

I'll be around more now, I hope. Plus, I have news regarding several of my bodily functions. You wouldn't believe what eating an entire cheesecake with ten beer while watching professional wrestling will do to your colon!

 

[Quetzal]

Hurt my back very badly (better now)
Gained weight from not working out (see back)
Lost my job

BOOOO!!

Got a new grandson (named after me)

WOOOO!!!

Won $50,000 on a lottery ticket

WOOOO!!!!

(not really)

oh...

Found out my Mom has cancer for the sixth time in her life (operable)

BOOO!!! (But seriously, I am sorry to hear about that. Hope everything goes well!)

Saved a kid from getting smooshed by a truck when he darted out into traffic

WOOOO!!!

Discovered that Mrs. Wirey almost divorced me last year (I had no idea)

Dude... Doing okay?

Learned to make chocolate swirl cheesecake (see weight gain above)

WOOOO!!!

You wouldn't believe what eating an entire cheesecake with ten beer while watching professional wrestling will do to your colon!

Try me!

PS: Welcome back!

 

[Jayhawker Soule]

Mazal tov on the new grandson. As for the rest ...

L'shalom.

 

[beenherebeforeagain]

Sorry I've been away, but life in the Wirey family is getting too entertaining. In the span of seventeen days I:

Hurt my back very badly (better now)
Gained weight from not working out (see back)
Lost my job
Got a new grandson (named after me)
Won $50,000 on a lottery ticket (not really)
Found out my Mom has cancer for the sixth time in her life (operable)
Saved a kid from getting smooshed by a truck when he darted out into traffic
Discovered that Mrs. Wirey almost divorced me last year (I had no idea)
Learned to make chocolate swirl cheesecake (see weight gain above)

I'll be around more now, I hope. Plus, I have news regarding several of my bodily functions. You wouldn't believe what eating an entire cheesecake with ten beer while watching professional wrestling will do to your colon!

Great to see you back...uh...but great to not see your back...or be anywhere near you when the cake + beer bomb hit...Glad to hear about the good things and sad to hear about the bad things...

did you catch the playoffs/Grey Cup during your infirmity? I've decided I like CFL more than NFL...as well as the smaller colleges/more mediocre schools when they get in the non-BCS Bowls...

 

[sun rise]

I hope the drama calms down except for good drama, of course.

 

[Daemon Sophic]

Sorry I've been away, but life in the Wirey family is getting too entertaining. In the span of seventeen days I:

Hurt my back very badly (better now)
Gained weight from not working out (see back)
Lost my job
Got a new grandson (named after me)
Won $50,000 on a lottery ticket (not really)
Found out my Mom has cancer for the sixth time in her life (operable)
Saved a kid from getting smooshed by a truck when he darted out into traffic
Discovered that Mrs. Wirey almost divorced me last year (I had no idea)
Learned to make chocolate swirl cheesecake (see weight gain above)

I'll be around more now, I hope. Plus, I have news regarding several of my bodily functions. You wouldn't believe what eating an entire cheesecake with ten beer while watching professional wrestling will do to your colon!

1. Glad you’re better.
2. That happens. (knock off the cheesecake and beer!)
3. That sucks. Been there, done that. Keep busy at home and in the new job search.
4. Congrats!!
5.
6. Good luck to her.
7. You da (snow)MAN!
8. Whoa!. I don’t know your situation, but examine #2 above, and consider how often you hang around with your “bodily functions” as you described in the OP.
9. Use this power wisely, and not in excess.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

Damn, dude! That's a lot of high highs and low lows to have over that short of a time. Hopefully your head doesn't rip itself apart going back and forth over the extremes.

 

[Revoltingest]

Sorry I've been away, but life in the Wirey family is getting too entertaining. In the span of seventeen days I:

Hurt my back very badly (better now)
Gained weight from not working out (see back)
Lost my job
Got a new grandson (named after me)
Won $50,000 on a lottery ticket (not really)
Found out my Mom has cancer for the sixth time in her life (operable)
Saved a kid from getting smooshed by a truck when he darted out into traffic
Discovered that Mrs. Wirey almost divorced me last year (I had no idea)
Learned to make chocolate swirl cheesecake (see weight gain above)

I'll be around more now, I hope. Plus, I have news regarding several of my bodily functions. You wouldn't believe what eating an entire cheesecake with ten beer while watching professional wrestling will do to your colon!

As you read the following, do so in the voice of Professor John Frink....
Congrats on the children handling...what with the life saving..& the birthing...& the hoyven glaven!


As for me, things have been great....
Not a process server or a burning truck in sight!

 

[Father Heathen]

Congrats on the stuff and condolences on the bad stuff.

 

[David T]

I thought this was a discussion at first about Absinthe.

 

[beenherebeforeagain]

actually, when I first read the thread title, I thought @Wirey had just misspelled "abscess"...

 

[Thief]

Sorry I've been away, but life in the Wirey family is getting too entertaining. In the span of seventeen days I:

Hurt my back very badly (better now)
Gained weight from not working out (see back)
Lost my job
Got a new grandson (named after me)
Won $50,000 on a lottery ticket (not really)
Found out my Mom has cancer for the sixth time in her life (operable)
Saved a kid from getting smooshed by a truck when he darted out into traffic
Discovered that Mrs. Wirey almost divorced me last year (I had no idea)
Learned to make chocolate swirl cheesecake (see weight gain above)

I'll be around more now, I hope. Plus, I have news regarding several of my bodily functions. You wouldn't believe what eating an entire cheesecake with ten beer while watching professional wrestling will do to your colon!

I dread the post pending

I'm not sure I want to know the outcome of your weight gain

 

[ImmortalFlame]

Sorry I've been away, but life in the Wirey family is getting too entertaining. In the span of seventeen days I:

Hurt my back very badly (better now)
Gained weight from not working out (see back)
Lost my job
Got a new grandson (named after me)
Won $50,000 on a lottery ticket (not really)
Found out my Mom has cancer for the sixth time in her life (operable)
Saved a kid from getting smooshed by a truck when he darted out into traffic
Discovered that Mrs. Wirey almost divorced me last year (I had no idea)
Learned to make chocolate swirl cheesecake (see weight gain above)

I think you're exaggerating the time frame involved. This just sounds like an average Tuesday in your life.

Seriously though, I hope your mum will be okay, your back will heal, your occupational situation improves, and I hope you learn to make all the cheesecakes.

I'll be around more now, I hope. Plus, I have news regarding several of my bodily functions. You wouldn't believe what eating an entire cheesecake with ten beer while watching professional wrestling will do to your colon!

Your mistake was watching wrestling. If you had done all that while watching basketball you would have lost weight. It's a little known scientific fact. But don't look it up.

 

[Vee]

Sorry I've been away, but life in the Wirey family is getting too entertaining. In the span of seventeen days I:

Hurt my back very badly (better now)
Gained weight from not working out (see back)
Lost my job
Got a new grandson (named after me)
Won $50,000 on a lottery ticket (not really)
Found out my Mom has cancer for the sixth time in her life (operable)
Saved a kid from getting smooshed by a truck when he darted out into traffic
Discovered that Mrs. Wirey almost divorced me last year (I had no idea)
Learned to make chocolate swirl cheesecake (see weight gain above)

I'll be around more now, I hope. Plus, I have news regarding several of my bodily functions. You wouldn't believe what eating an entire cheesecake with ten beer while watching professional wrestling will do to your colon!

Cool. Welcome back.

Congratulations on the grandson and if the cheesecake was that good please share the receipt .

Take care.

 

[lewisnotmiller]

To be honest, I always figured the drama quotient in your life was pretty high.
So I'm a little disappointed by this list.
I mean...not even one alien abduction?
No gubernatorial election victories marred by rioting?
Also seems distressingly light on kangaroo court cases in strange foreign countries.

I'll give the list 8.5/10 for drama, but I expected more.

(Hope you're doing well, mate)

 

[lewisnotmiller]

Your mistake was watching wrestling. If you had done all that while watching basketball you would have lost weight. It's a little known scientific fact. But don't look it up.

I've spent 20 years proving that this is actually not the case...

 

[sayak83]

Sorry I've been away, but life in the Wirey family is getting too entertaining. In the span of seventeen days I:

Hurt my back very badly (better now)
Gained weight from not working out (see back)
Lost my job
Got a new grandson (named after me)
Won $50,000 on a lottery ticket (not really)
Found out my Mom has cancer for the sixth time in her life (operable)
Saved a kid from getting smooshed by a truck when he darted out into traffic
Discovered that Mrs. Wirey almost divorced me last year (I had no idea)
Learned to make chocolate swirl cheesecake (see weight gain above)

I'll be around more now, I hope. Plus, I have news regarding several of my bodily functions. You wouldn't believe what eating an entire cheesecake with ten beer while watching professional wrestling will do to your colon!

The Force is balance, even for you Wirey. Sympathies and best wishes as applicable.