Prima said:
This kind of event makes me so sad. While yes, our parents raised us, we are responsible for our own actions. Just because my dad is an ******* doesn't mean it's his fault if I am one. It DOES mean that I have to try harder than a lot of people not to be one. But at the end of the day, I am responsible for my actions. Not him. Although it is much easier to blame other people.
But another thing is - maybe that really IS the reason for his misbehavior. I'm going to go ahead and talk about my experiences to tell you what I mean. I had a mother complex, where I was the 'mother' for my family. I also was bipolar and depressed. This meant that I was miserable and incapable of asking for help. The human subconcious is much smarter than your concious mind a lot of the time. I started cutting. Now I can see that this was a call for help. Because I was incapable of asking for help, my subconsious mind was asking for it for me! In the same way, this young man's disregard for the law may be a call for help. I was watching a Joan of Arcadia where the best thing for the teenage boy was that he got caught. That way, he is definitely going to get help. And something like stealing a car? That's one of the most easy things to catch someone for. Did his subconcious mind know that?
While I can't really be sure that that's what this young man was doing, it's an important question to ask. Obviously he can't get help from his parents, so he needs to get it from somewhere. Even if he found a way to get help, chances are neither he nor his parents could (or would) pay for it. Getting arrested and telling about his parents are surefire ways for him to get help.
</emotional discourse>
But besides that, he may just be blaming it on someone else. Some people are jerks like that. It's NEVER their fault.
I take a slightly different tack based on my experience.
I was raised in an enviroment where I remember being kicked, having hammers thrown at me, spending time in jail (bc my Mother resisted), lacking food because the hired hands needed to eat out, sleeping in the cold, etc. We rarely had a back door, because it was kicked down, and the TV, when we fixed it, was invariably broken. I ran into the pasture to spend time with animals, simply because being around people was literally dangerous. And this enviroment wasn't because my Father, or his family, were drunkards. They were always sober; they
liked to do this (the violence is the easiest to take).
As a result, I learned my lessons well. Most animals I treated well, except for the cat, which I tormented mercilessly, and small wild animals which I would catch, and cut up while alive. Once I sent my sister to the hospital because I broke her arm for fun and as an experiment to see how much pressure it could take.
I always calculated what I did. I understood that I was causing pain. I liked it, and I only even threatened suicide when i wanted the attention consciously. I emulated everything I saw and understood.
Now, none of that excuses what I did. My background wasn't responsible for the choices I made. It was only responsible for the basic mental framework I took. It was my decision to hurt things, and it was my decision to remain angry, and the guilt for it will always rest firmly on my shoulders.
The young man Martha described is a lot lot like I was: doing something fully aware of the consequences and how to excuse it in society. It's calculated and does demonstrate a disregard for law and the people around him. No, he doesn't need the book thrown at him, but he does need help, partially not to pass the buck.
.
