not sure where I belong

[abinormal]

but I want to give this a try, finding others I can talk to about what has happened to me.

I was a born-again christian, or I believed I was, and it was my life for almost 30 years. I am 61 now, and about a year ago (not sure when, didn't write the date down) I just woke up not believing anymore. In the bible I mean, Jesus, God, the whole thing.

It didn't happen over-night, it was a few years coming on. I think the final straw was when I started reading the bible word for word, and I could not deal with what I read, or, I couldn't just "have faith" trust, the things other christians were telling me to do. Blind faith.

I used to think people too intellectual to be able to grasp the living god I believed in. Now I feel as if I got too intellectual.

It's gone, that's all I know, and I have nothing to hope for it seems, just what I can make of my life, and when I die, not a clue now.

I am really hoping to meet others that have been there, that might be able to help me. I am sad because at least when I thought Jesus and the bible were all true, I felt a lot of hope.

I'll just post this now, I'm sure someone will know what I am talking about, there are so many folks here.

 

[Moni_Gail]

I'm so saddened to see that this is from August of last year but there are no replies. I do hope, if you're still around to read this, that you have found hope and solace in other things. For myself, I accept that this is most likely the only life any of us will have, which spurs me to help where I can so that this life is better for others. I find hope in my fellow man. The amazing things we're capable of, ingenuity, altruism, love, and so many more. And I hold out hope that each generation will do greater and learn more than the previous.

 

[Stevicus]

but I want to give this a try, finding others I can talk to about what has happened to me.

I was a born-again christian, or I believed I was, and it was my life for almost 30 years. I am 61 now, and about a year ago (not sure when, didn't write the date down) I just woke up not believing anymore. In the bible I mean, Jesus, God, the whole thing.

It didn't happen over-night, it was a few years coming on. I think the final straw was when I started reading the bible word for word, and I could not deal with what I read, or, I couldn't just "have faith" trust, the things other christians were telling me to do. Blind faith.

I used to think people too intellectual to be able to grasp the living god I believed in. Now I feel as if I got too intellectual.

It's gone, that's all I know, and I have nothing to hope for it seems, just what I can make of my life, and when I die, not a clue now.

I am really hoping to meet others that have been there, that might be able to help me. I am sad because at least when I thought Jesus and the bible were all true, I felt a lot of hope.

I'll just post this now, I'm sure someone will know what I am talking about, there are so many folks here.

I'm not sure that one can be "too" intellectual. To be honest, I find religion and much of mainstream society to be far too anti-intellectual.

There have been times in my past when I would have considered myself a "believer." But I eventually came to the realization that, in terms of religion and what lies beyond this existence, nobody on Earth can possibly know what they're talking about. Everyone is just guessing and speculating about the "Great Unknown." A lot of people think they know, but at the end of the day when the light is out and the door is shut - what do any of us really actually know for absolute certain?

I suppose it's nice to have hope, but then again, false hopes and unrealistic expectations can lead to greater sadness than if one never had any hope at all.

I'm not even sure what real "hope" religion offers anyway. I mean, when you think about it, religion teaches people that we're nothing more than lowly, pathetic worms who are "not worthy," and that our only real "hope" is to get on our knees and beg for mercy. It's like the scene in Star Wars where they're about to get thrown into the Sarlacc pit, yet are offered the chance "if any of you wish to beg for mercy, the Great Jabba the Hutt will now listen to your pleas." That's the only "hope" that religion offers, when it's all boiled down to brass tacks. All the rest is just politics and propaganda.

Sure, eventually we all reach the end of life. It's not something that I'm looking forward to, but I don't see there's much I can do about it either. For what it's worth, I've personally found that death is easier to contemplate as a complete end of consciousness and awareness. It's just...the end and that's it. There's less to worry about with that, than the complications of speculating on any conceptions of an "afterlife."

 

[Underhill]

but I want to give this a try, finding others I can talk to about what has happened to me.

I was a born-again christian, or I believed I was, and it was my life for almost 30 years. I am 61 now, and about a year ago (not sure when, didn't write the date down) I just woke up not believing anymore. In the bible I mean, Jesus, God, the whole thing.

It didn't happen over-night, it was a few years coming on. I think the final straw was when I started reading the bible word for word, and I could not deal with what I read, or, I couldn't just "have faith" trust, the things other christians were telling me to do. Blind faith.

I used to think people too intellectual to be able to grasp the living god I believed in. Now I feel as if I got too intellectual.

It's gone, that's all I know, and I have nothing to hope for it seems, just what I can make of my life, and when I die, not a clue now.

I am really hoping to meet others that have been there, that might be able to help me. I am sad because at least when I thought Jesus and the bible were all true, I felt a lot of hope.

I'll just post this now, I'm sure someone will know what I am talking about, there are so many folks here.

I know what you are going through. I experienced something similar early on in my transition from intense belief to reality.

The good news (which hopefully you've learned by now) is the sadness fades. It's a lot like a relationship with a person. You've invested time and energy into the relationship and giving it up you feel a sense of loss. And so many of us used faith as filler for those things we don't like in our lives that with it gone, we are in the position of having to face those problems. In the end it's a positive thing. But the transition can be difficult.

I wish I would have seen this a year ago. But I am a intermittent poster at best.