One-Sided Relationships

[huajiro]

I have always had a problem with friendships because they always end up being one-sided. I am the type of person that gives a lot, and people always take kindness for weakness. Why is this? Do you think people are just designed to take advantage of each other, or is it something that materialism has fomented?

 

[SoulTYPE]

I have lots of one sided relationships. I like the female, but she don't like me. Therefor it is a one sided "lust" relationship.

Seriously though. I may not now ****e about relationships. But I do know that it is up to BOTH the female and male. The male can't sitin his armchair watching wrestling and ignore the wife completely. However, the female can't keep "expecting" of their husband.

It involves respect for the other, and trust, acceptance, tolerance, agreement, commitment from BOTH partners. It is like a recipe for a relationship that, yet is not perfect, is still peacefully liveable.

 

[Ardhanariswar]

"

I have always had a problem with friendships because they always end up being one-sided. I am the type of person that gives a lot, and people always take kindness for weakness. Why is this? Do you think people are just designed to take advantage of each other, or is it something that materialism has fomented?"


i am exactly this way. You must learn to test people, if they are who you are you are looking in a friend. To see if my friends were really friends, i told them i was gay, it didnt matter if they didnt like it or they did, the were still friends.

im in highschool, so i make social aquantiances knowing that they wont last, yet having a great time!

i learned to not depend on some people. i dont have very many friends, and i do not have a best friend at all. im not devestated. im glad im not part of the superficial crowd. boasting about everthying and so goddam competative. And at the same time i wish i knew lots of people in this forum at my home. Its nice to have friends who understand you for who you are.

I used to have soo manny goddam crushes. they werent all to the extent of obsession, but it definitly drained me. now im much better!! if a friend doesnt like you, they dont go after it. there are plently of fish in the sea...eh wrong expression. there are tons of people out there, its amazing to know that each human around you has a different story. its just amazing how big the world is and how bigger it is with all our different views in it.

if you still remain kind and true to your heart, those who can see will find you a good person and friend.

just dont let people step all over you. be hard to get at some moments, and yet still kind.

good luck!

 

[Pah]

I have always had a problem with friendships because they always end up being one-sided. I am the type of person that gives a lot, and people always take kindness for weakness. Why is this? Do you think people are just designed to take advantage of each other, or is it something that materialism has fomented?

There may be other reasons others "take advantage" or consider you weak. It might be the insecurity of the other or the lack of their maturity whatever the age.

Bob

 

[huajiro]

I have lots of one sided relationships. I like the female, but she don't like me. Therefor it is a one sided "lust" relationship.

Seriously though. I may not now ****e about relationships. But I do know that it is up to BOTH the female and male. The male can't sitin his armchair watching wrestling and ignore the wife completely. However, the female can't keep "expecting" of their husband.

It involves respect for the other, and trust, acceptance, tolerance, agreement, commitment from BOTH partners. It is like a recipe for a relationship that, yet is not perfect, is still peacefully liveable.

I am fortunate that I have my wife, we have a good relationship with true love, honesty, trust, communication, she is my best friend, I am very lucky to have her. My problem is the friends though, it is as though everyone thinks they are so damn special, they want you to pay for their time.

 

[huajiro]

"

I have always had a problem with friendships because they always end up being one-sided. I am the type of person that gives a lot, and people always take kindness for weakness. Why is this? Do you think people are just designed to take advantage of each other, or is it something that materialism has fomented?"


i am exactly this way. You must learn to test people, if they are who you are you are looking in a friend. To see if my friends were really friends, i told them i was gay, it didnt matter if they didnt like it or they did, the were still friends.

im in highschool, so i make social aquantiances knowing that they wont last, yet having a great time!

i learned to not depend on some people. i dont have very many friends, and i do not have a best friend at all. im not devestated. im glad im not part of the superficial crowd. boasting about everthying and so goddam competative. And at the same time i wish i knew lots of people in this forum at my home. Its nice to have friends who understand you for who you are.

I used to have soo manny goddam crushes. they werent all to the extent of obsession, but it definitly drained me. now im much better!! if a friend doesnt like you, they dont go after it. there are plently of fish in the sea...eh wrong expression. there are tons of people out there, its amazing to know that each human around you has a different story. its just amazing how big the world is and how bigger it is with all our different views in it.

if you still remain kind and true to your heart, those who can see will find you a good person and friend.

just dont let people step all over you. be hard to get at some moments, and yet still kind.

good luck!

I can't imagine what you have been through having to deal with your feelings and not knowing how people will respond, or having to hide our feelings, or having to deal with the homophobes.

I can tell you that i have had a lot of gay friends. You would be surprised at how many homosexual men cannot have a friendship with a guy who is not gay. Many cannot get it through their minds that you can be a "person", that you can have a friendship and not require anything, not expect anything. That you can hang out with them because you do want to be around them, not because you are attracted to them, or deep down you have homosexual feelings.

 

[huajiro]

There may be other reasons others "take advantage" or consider you weak. It might be the insecurity of the other or the lack of their maturity whatever the age.

Bob

I am not insecure. That is the funniest part about it. I am fine with myself, my wife, my son. Once in a while, I run across someone who seems interesting (a mountain-biking partner, a friend of a friend) and I decide to hang out with them. I guess I am somewhat boring because my days of whoring around and partying are done. I like to excercise, hang out with my wife and son, and go to concerts once in a while. I will never cheat on my wife, so no serving as a wingman for guys. I don't drink, so I am not interesting to the majority of society. I don't do stupid crap....so not to many people can get over on me. I am the type of person that I would look for in a friend. If i tell you I will do something, I do it. I will never try to cheat you, steal, etc...I am always there if you need help....why can't i find good friends!!!!!!!!!??????:banghead3

 

[mrscardero]

I have always had a problem with friendships because they always end up being one-sided. I am the type of person that gives a lot, and people always take kindness for weakness. Why is this? Do you think people are just designed to take advantage of each other, or is it something that materialism has fomented?

I am lucky to have met my friends that I have now. One of them I met on line and now we consider each other like sisters. I have a co-worker who is one of my closest friend. My friends are not one-sided. We are all giving and sharing. We are always there for each other no matter what. I don't think people are just designed to take advantage of each other. I think some are, but not all. Some will take advantage of you and some will be there for you.

 

[Pah]

I am not insecure. That is the funniest part about it. I am fine with myself, my wife, my son. Once in a while, I run across someone who seems interesting (a mountain-biking partner, a friend of a friend) and I decide to hang out with them. I guess I am somewhat boring because my days of whoring around and partying are done. I like to excercise, hang out with my wife and son, and go to concerts once in a while. I will never cheat on my wife, so no serving as a wingman for guys. I don't drink, so I am not interesting to the majority of society. I don't do stupid crap....so not to many people can get over on me. I am the type of person that I would look for in a friend. If i tell you I will do something, I do it. I will never try to cheat you, steal, etc...I am always there if you need help....why can't i find good friends!!!!!!!!!??????:banghead3

Oh wow, I was talking about others!!!! They don't relate to you because they are insecure or immature.

So sorry, I wasn't clear!!!

Bob

 

[huajiro]

Oh wow, I was talking about others!!!! They don't relate to you because they are insecure or immature.

So sorry, I wasn't clear!!!

Bob

No prob, if you are insecure...people could try to use you...I was addressing like that.

 

[Ardhanariswar]

"I can tell you that i have had a lot of gay friends. You would be surprised at how many homosexual men cannot have a friendship with a guy who is not gay. Many cannot get it through their minds that you can be a "person", that you can have a friendship and not require anything, not expect anything. That you can hang out with them because you do want to be around them, not because you are attracted to them, or deep down you have homosexual feelings."

true.

lol. i envy you.

 

[Hope]

huajiro, I am interested in knowing--are you a pretty outgoing, extroverted person? The reason I ask is because I have siblings who are, and they seem to have the same problem with friendships. They have loads of friends, but very few of them are actually close friends--the majority of them are fairweather friends, who come and go as they please, and often take advantage of people.

I myself do not seem to have this problem, but then I am an introvert, who finds no need in having lots of friends. I am content with only a few close friendships, and all my close friends are wonderful people. I have never been treated wrongly by a friend, which I consider to be very fortunate. I guess because I do not make friends all that easily, I tend to be very selective in the types of friends I do make. When I say 'selective', I simply mean as far as their character and personalities are concerned. I just 'mesh' well with some people, and those that I don't 'mesh' with, I leave be, unconcerned whether they are my friends or not. My extroverted sister, however, seems to make friends with almost anybody, but always gets walked all over and treated badly too.

I'm just curious if one's temperment/personality has anything to do with the whole friendship issue....?

 

[huajiro]

"I can tell you that i have had a lot of gay friends. You would be surprised at how many homosexual men cannot have a friendship with a guy who is not gay. Many cannot get it through their minds that you can be a "person", that you can have a friendship and not require anything, not expect anything. That you can hang out with them because you do want to be around them, not because you are attracted to them, or deep down you have homosexual feelings."

true.

lol. i envy you.

You envy me? I have no fashion sense, a bad haircut, can't dance. LOL

 

[huajiro]

huajiro, I am interested in knowing--are you a pretty outgoing, extroverted person? The reason I ask is because I have siblings who are, and they seem to have the same problem with friendships. They have loads of friends, but very few of them are actually close friends--the majority of them are fairweather friends, who come and go as they please, and often take advantage of people.

I myself do not seem to have this problem, but then I am an introvert, who finds no need in having lots of friends. I am content with only a few close friendships, and all my close friends are wonderful people. I have never been treated wrongly by a friend, which I consider to be very fortunate. I guess because I do not make friends all that easily, I tend to be very selective in the types of friends I do make. When I say 'selective', I simply mean as far as their character and personalities are concerned. I just 'mesh' well with some people, and those that I don't 'mesh' with, I leave be, unconcerned whether they are my friends or not. My extroverted sister, however, seems to make friends with almost anybody, but always gets walked all over and treated badly too.

I'm just curious if one's temperment/personality has anything to do with the whole friendship issue....?

I am very extroverted, but with people I know. I used to be with everyone, as I was not so careful with my relationships and did not nurture each as I do now. Amazingly enough, people used to flock to me when I didn't care about them so much.

 

[Pah]

You envy me? I have no fashion sense, a bad haircut, can't dance. LOL

I envy you too!!

My fashions are sweats and midriff showing Tee's, can't dance, and no haircut!

Bob

 

[SoulTYPE]

I can't dance or anything wither huajiro, but I do not fall for the mind games of the opposite sex.

 

[Ardhanariswar]

"You envy me? I have no fashion sense, a bad haircut, can't dance. LOL"

LOL. no, not that part. i was envying how you have many gay friends... course they are just friends. ...

 

[Ceridwen018]

but I do not fall for the mind games of the opposite sex.

Famous last words.

 

[SoulTYPE]

Famous last words.

heh, I know all about that ceri.:banghead3