Our Elderly

[Lightkeeper]

It greatly saddens me to see so many elderly people shoved off to retirement homes. I have visited relatives at many of these facilities and have made sales calls at some. When I retire I am going to devote much of my time to helping these people out. Is it only in the U.S. that we abandon our elderly or does it happen elsewhere? What can we do to solve this problem? How can we help our elderly?

 

[Ceridwen018]

My mom is a Geriatric and Alzheimers specialist, so I kind of know what you're saying here. There are some elderly people with disorders such as dementia who are better off in a nursing home, and usually don't even realize they are there, but there are certainly others who could live at home, if not by themselves.

You have to take into consideration though, that often it is a lot of work to care for an elderly person who cannot care for themselves. For some families to have the time to take in an elderly family member, it would mean rearranging their entire lives, and sometimes thats not reasonable. Just because they can't make the time, doesn't mean they don't care, necessarily. It costs money to keep someone in a nursing home, so either way the family is feeling it.

The saddest thing I've ever seen though, are elderly people in nursing homes who never get visited by their families. I think that thats the big issue here. Its not so much that they're in the nursing home, but that they feel completely cut off from their families, because no one cares enough to drop in and say hello. My eyes are welling even as I type this. I've helped my mom out in some of her homes, and I've had people beg me to call their sons or daughters for them so they'll come in to visit. I am absolutely appalled at how people can just conveniently forget their relatives like that.

 

[Feathers in Hair]

I try to help the elderly by donating my massage therapy. (Taking my massage chair and travelling to the local nursing homes.) I used to do clown volunteering when I was in a Lutheran group, until I got attacked in a dementia ward. (It wasn't a very well supervised trip, and I think if I'd seen me as a clown, I'd have tried to strangle me, too.) I hope our culture changes so that either we don't put anyone in 'homes' or that we make these homes as wonderful as possible, make them supply those that live there with the feeling of independance that most of us need.

 

[huajiro]

It greatly saddens me to see so many elderly people shoved off to retirement homes. I have visited relatives at many of these facilities and have made sales calls at some. When I retire I am going to devote much of my time to helping these people out. Is it only in the U.S. that we abandon our elderly or does it happen elsewhere? What can we do to solve this problem? How can we help our elderly?

I myself haven't had the luxury of living close to my Grandparents. If I did I would take care of them. I think people should live without their family members for a bit so they appreciate them more.

 

[Simon the Cat]

One reason that I think that people aren't visited by their families in nursing homes is either that the family is not in town and easily accessible to the person or that people are angry with the family member for past behavior and this is a very effective way of expressing that anger. My husband loves his parents but doesn't much care for the way in which he was raised and how his parents treated him - and he wasn't even abused in any real way - just sort of raised on the fly like so many of us.... We live out of town and I would bet that when and if they end up in a nursing home, we wouldn't visit them much more than we do now.... Luckily he has other siblings who do live closer by.

My father was also fairly angry with his parents - who again didn't treat him so much as a person but more like a possession... he lived far away from them and didn't see them much either.... What is ironic is that he refuses to live near me in his dottage because he "doesn't want to depend on me" . I think this is pretty stupid of him but luckily he is remarried to someone a little younger than me. It is probably just as well, as I am not without my own issues with him and wonder if I could really be as giving and attentive to him as I should be when he gets to be older and more needy.

Another reason people may neglect the elderly is that they are no longer particularly respected in our culture/society - and that people are afraid of people who are sickly or infirm. Basically, I think it really stems back to how you were raised and how you feel about your parents....

 

[Trinity]

It greatly saddens me to see so many elderly people shoved off to retirement homes. I have visited relatives at many of these facilities and have made sales calls at some. When I retire I am going to devote much of my time to helping these people out. Is it only in the U.S. that we abandon our elderly or does it happen elsewhere? What can we do to solve this problem? How can we help our elderly?

This is a terrible epidemic. Societies and civilizations are judged by how they take care of the marginalized.

It seems that many memebers of this society would like to euthanize the situation.

 

[Trinity]

One reason that I think that people aren't visited by their families in nursing homes is either that the family is not in town and easily accessible to the person or that people are angry with the family member for past behavior and this is a very effective way of expressing that anger. My husband loves his parents but doesn't much care for the way in which he was raised and how his parents treated him - and he wasn't even abused in any real way - just sort of raised on the fly like so many of us.... We live out of town and I would bet that when and if they end up in a nursing home, we wouldn't visit them much more than we do now.... Luckily he has other siblings who do live closer by.

My father was also fairly angry with his parents - who again didn't treat him so much as a person but more like a possession... he lived far away from them and didn't see them much either.... What is ironic is that he refuses to live near me in his dottage because he "doesn't want to depend on me" . I think this is pretty stupid of him but luckily he is remarried to someone a little younger than me. It is probably just as well, as I am not without my own issues with him and wonder if I could really be as giving and attentive to him as I should be when he gets to be older and more needy.

Another reason people may neglect the elderly is that they are no longer particularly respected in our culture/society - and that people are afraid of people who are sickly or infirm. Basically, I think it really stems back to how you were raised and how you feel about your parents....

This cold reaction to you father (and all people in the same boat) is unfortunate. Parents are not given a handbook on how to raise children, and reject most advice that contradicts their personal (uninformed) beliefs. This may be the reason the problem is perpetuating itself. Addressing those unresolved issue, rather than avoiding them, may cause a turn around in this dilemma, and help those people to sleep after the passing of their loved ones.

 

[Lightkeeper]

One reason that I think that people aren't visited by their families in nursing homes is either that the family is not in town and easily accessible to the person or that people are angry with the family member for past behavior and this is a very effective way of expressing that anger. My husband loves his parents but doesn't much care for the way in which he was raised and how his parents treated him - and he wasn't even abused in any real way - just sort of raised on the fly like so many of us.... We live out of town and I would bet that when and if they end up in a nursing home, we wouldn't visit them much more than we do now.... Luckily he has other siblings who do live closer by.

My father was also fairly angry with his parents - who again didn't treat him so much as a person but more like a possession... he lived far away from them and didn't see them much either.... What is ironic is that he refuses to live near me in his dottage because he "doesn't want to depend on me" . I think this is pretty stupid of him but luckily he is remarried to someone a little younger than me. It is probably just as well, as I am not without my own issues with him and wonder if I could really be as giving and attentive to him as I should be when he gets to be older and more needy.

Another reason people may neglect the elderly is that they are no longer particularly respected in our culture/society - and that people are afraid of people who are sickly or infirm. Basically, I think it really stems back to how you were raised and how you feel about your parents....

As the old saying goes, "the fruit doesn't fall too far from the tree." We will make our own mistakes in raising our children, just like our parents did. Are we prepared for no one to visit us, because we weren't a perfect parent? Would you visit an elderly friend in a retirement home? Would you check to see if they were a perfect parent before you visited? I have an aunt who is 89. She is in a retirement home and is still very active and has a lot to offer. I think it's a huge mistake to throw away the elderly and not hear what they have to say. They are human beings who need love. It would be great if we could at least give them the same love and respect we give our cats and dogs.

 

[huajiro]

One of the biggest problems in our society is our materialism. If you get sick of your car, you change it, get sick of your house you change it, get sick of your appearance, you change it. Now people get sick of their spouses and change them, and from what I see, they want to do the same thing with their whole family. We need to change this attitude.

In most countries, people cannot survive without their family. Since we are ok economically without our families, we reject them. I have battled more than you know with this. I actually have to force myself to call them sometimes, but I do it because of my son. I don't want him to be like me.