Pastors: Approached by the Government?

[angellous_evangellous]

I wasn't able to comment on a thread that I did not see before it was closed for review: http://www.religiousforums.com/forum/showthread.php?t=32884.

As a minister involved in multiple congregations as a ministry consultant, preacher, and scholar, I have been repeatedly approached by multiple government agencies who would like for me to help ease the transition in American cities from a democracy to a police state under martial law.

I told them I'd be glad to do so for a small fee (a Martin HD-35), the passing of gay marriage, and my own seat in Congress. I'd also like to see some Republicans tarred and feathered, and go on a really nice vacation that so many of our Senators seem to enjoy on PAC bucks. :beach:

Perhaps seeing my friends in Iraq come home would be nice. Cutting the deficit in the budget would be cool.

No takers yet but I'm not a powerplayer at this time.

Cheers.

My question is for pastors, ministers, and church leaders and laypeople:

Which government agencies have approached you -- what did they offer and what did they ask you to do?

 

[angellous_evangellous]

I've been approached by the FBI, NSA, CPS, ABD, MPD, and CBS.

They all pretty much said what was on the thread. No impressive offers. These losers want me to do it as a patriotic duty!

As if!

 

[angellous_evangellous]

Just got an email from a well-known politician who must remain nameless:

Your Immanent Grace,

It was an honor to have lunch with you yesterday to discuss the plans of the Antichrist to bring about the end of the world. You had some wonderful ideas. We really would like for you to reconsider your demands. Many pastors across the nation have agreed to preach whatever we want for free - and have been doing so for years. We do stand by our offer of the White House gift set and golf clubs. We just cannot rename your favorite water park after you, supply you with free underwear for life, and erase your tax evasion charges, or even offer citizenship to your wife. Please understand that our hands are tied.

Sincerely,
XXX

What's a humble minister to do?

 

[angellous_evangellous]

Here's another cheapo political leader. One would think that with all the money behind the conspiracy they'd be able to offer a bit more than crappy golf clubs and cheap dinners.

===

Rev. Burns,

It's always a pleasure to hear from you. Thanks for pushing the minor points of our evil plot to take over the world. We hope that you are enjoying the golf clubs. Roger tells us that you are no longer preaching our lessons, and we are wondering if you no longer believe in our cause. You do enjoy the free golf club, clothes at the best shops in town, and wonderful dinners at our nightclub. Please continue to enjoy these womderful benefits as you preach our message at your convience.

Just so you know, your limo and escort service will be terminated until further notice.

Regards,
EEEEE

 

[angellous_evangellous]

Rev. Burns:

We see that you have made calls on your red phone on average of five times a day. Just so you know: that phone is not for room service. It rings the desk of Jim Rockafeller to alert him to launch the nuclear missiles. Please enjoy the expensive hooch that is being delivered with this letter - your red phone privildge is revoked, but you will still receive all of the honors of being a member of the Illuminadi.

You will not be able to launch missiles from your desk anymore, but your car has the passcodes.

Best Regards,
Easter Bunny

 

[angellous_evangellous]

You don't get something for nothing from this pastor!

 

[angellous_evangellous]

Caffine should come with a warning label.... sheesh.

 

[angellous_evangellous]

Dr. Burns,

I hope that you will be avialable as planned to go fishing with the rest of the Pentaverat. We only meet tri-annually at the house in Colorado, and wives generally should not come. You'll have complete access to our wetbar, massage parlor, and bottomless supply of NFL dvds. If you need anything else, our full staff will meet your every desire.

Please continue to help us to ease all public concern about martial law in your books, sermons, and public engagements.

I hope to see you soon.

Love,
Mom

 

[angellous_evangellous]

bump*

 

[evearael]

Regards,
EEEEE

Aha! I knew the folks at http://www.eeeee.net/ were in on it! Note the use of sacred geometry in the upper left hand corner!

 

[angellous_evangellous]

Aha! I knew the folks at http://www.eeeee.net/ were in on it! Note the use of sacred geometry in the upper left hand corner!

The other members of my otherwise secret organization are going to be pretty upset with me for naming names.:run:

 

[angellous_evangellous]

The internet, caffeine, and stupidity are a dangerous mix. Sometimes the results are distrubing.

 

[evearael]

The other members of my otherwise secret organization are going to be pretty upset with me for naming names.:run:

Well, at least you're an adult so Mom can't ground you for it. Though Vin Diesel and the Easter Bunny may not be so merciful.

 

[angellous_evangellous]

Well, at least you're an adult so Mom can't ground you for it. Though Vin Diesel and the Easter Bunny may not be so merciful.

Yeah, I was too embarrassed to mention it before, but I don't have access to the nuclear silos anymore due to an incident with the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy.

Some people just don't have a sense of humor.

 

[angellous_evangellous]

I can't believe that no one else has been approached by FEMA. The Illuminadi have been calling me all day long bugging me about their evil plot.

Do any of ya'll know if the Bible Code has anything about eating raw shellfish?