Pissed Off (Would like some advice)

[Druidus]

:verymad:

Well, to make a long story short, sometime before Christmas, one of my closest friends was over at my house. During this time, he practically begged me to let him have a beer (he's fifteen). I didn't agree with him, but he ended up having one anyway. My mom came home, and saw the half-empty beer can. As you can imagine, I got in trouble. I told the truth, that he had drunk the beer, not me (I hope I was right in doing this). I never heard from him all through Christmas, except for one phonecall. The past couple days, he's been really distant. Finally, today, I decided to call him out on it. I walked up to him, as he was talking to his sister, and her friends. I said "**** (This was meant to symbolize his name, not a curse), why are you so pissed off at me?" He replied, "Look, I have nothing to say to you... Just go away." His sister suddenly turned to him and said "You still talk to this f*****?" Naturally, I said, "Why wouldn't he?" She said that I had done a lot of bull****, and got him in trouble for it. Confused, I asked her what she meant. Apparently, my "friend" blamed everything on me, saying I drank the "beer" (apparently, he made it more then one), and then blamed it on him. His sister was surprised to hear the truth, to say the least. However, it would appear that he has spread this "rumour" around. What am I supposed to do with him? Should I be angry, or ignore him, or what? Really he was one of my closest friends. I don't know why he blamed me... I'm just so pissed off! I feel like I could kill him, and I so very rarely feel like hurting people at all. I'm almost afraid to go back to school this afternoon, for fear of losing myself, and attempting to harm him... Any advice would be appreciated...

 

[Lintu]

I'm not the most virtuous of the RE group, but I'd say ignore him until you get an apology. Let him know in some way that you expect him to come clean with what he did. Then, ignore away. I understand that he was a close friend, but he sure didn't act like one.

 

[jewscout]

I'm with Lintu on this one...let it be known that he's full of crap and that you expect an apology and until then don't say a word to him.

 

[Green Gaia]

His distance from you may be because he's feeling guilty for blaming what happened on you instead of telling the truth. I would give him (and you) some time apart to cool down, and maybe this whole thing will blow over. Regardless of what happens, you don't need to lose your temper with him. Take the high road and be there for him when he comes around.

 

[SoulTYPE]

Druidus,

That is not a true friend. Why not find someone new to hang with? You do not need people like this to chill with. he sounds like a troublemaker and I would hate you (or any other RFer) to wind up like that.

If you see him at school, ignore him. Associate yourself with new people and you will soon have no further contact with this prick. Do your own thing. He has no right to be pissed at you. Vice versa, yes. Don't try and talk to him about it because you will be laughed at more..

You are better than that dude and his sister. The sister was trying to be smart, obviously. She was proobably saying that to look "cool". Just meet some new kids and go play with them.

 

[fromthe heart]

He sounds like the kind of friend that one has as long as things are going good for him...He wasn't able to take the heat...it's not your fault...for him to lie about you is his personal choice and you don't owe him anything...perhaps he wasn't as good of friend as you once thought...I'd let him come to you with an apology before I'd associate with him again...and this might not happen...he could go on spreading this lie but you know you said the truth so don't let him rattle your cage by showing him he won in his lies. I'd stay away from him completely and not even give him the time of day till he's ready to come clean.

 

[robtex]

Its just underage drinking. Time will heal this. Wait a few weeks and get back to him on this. How long can this fella hold a grudge over a 1/2 a beer?

 

[SoulTYPE]

Its just underage drinking. Time will heal this. Wait a few weeks and get back to him on this. How long can this fella hold a grudge over a 1/2 a beer?

You'd be suprised the grudges people can hold over one smoke here Rob.

Anyways Druisus, I would await him to approach you. If he doesn't then, well you know he may not be interested, or worth it

 

[Valjean]

It's not the drinking that's the problem. It's the refusal to accept responsibility for ones actions and, worse, trying to foist the blame off on someone else.

This situation seems pretty black-and-white to me. **** (is there a capital "*"?) probably realizes he's wrong but doesn't have the ego-strength or moral integrity to accept it

 

[Lightkeeper]

I was wondering how he got in trouble. Did your mother talk to his mother? This would not have reached this point if you had followed your own feelings and not given him the beer. It is very important to follow your own instincts. You gave him the beer because you were probably afraid of losing him as a friend and then he's gone anyway. He is not acting like a friend now. I would have a calm down period. He knows what the truth is and he has to live with what he has done. If he is a true friend he will come around. I understand your anger in this. It's no fun to be accused of doing something you didn't do and then have the same person turn his back on you. The most important thing here is to keep a strong hold on your values. Realize that you gave him the beer in the first and compromised yourself. Your baseline anger may be at yourself for caving in to him. Forgive yourself.

 

[cfer]

I agree with everyone else on here. A cooling off period is what is needed. Things as petty as this usually go away after a while.

However, you DO have to ask yourself that, when this does blow over, what is the chance of something like this happening again? It might be better not to do as much with your friend from now on if this is just going to be a continuous cycle of friendship/cooling-off period/friendship/....

 

[huajiro]

The best form of punishment for people like him is ignoring him....don't explain anything to him, make him figure out what he did wrong, and only accept him back as a friend if he has acknowledged this, even then, never consider him a "true" friend again.

 

[The Voice of Reason]

Everyone else is wrong on this one, Druidus. I say you approach him in the hallway, extend your hand as if to "shake" his, and then you knock him on his A$$.

Just kidding - even though you may want to, don't do that.

Everyone else has covered it very well. This former "buddy" of yours is still immature, as demonstrated by his unwillingness to accept responsibility for his own actions - and we have ALL been there at one time in our lives. The best thing you can do is take a short "cool down" period, and then let him know that you are aware of what you did wrong in this instance, and that you expect him to admit his failings as well. If he doesn't, then you'll know that his immaturity is going to preclude your keeping that friendship alive. As his friend, you owe it to him to give him the opportunity to "come clean". After that, the ball is in his court.

TVOR

 

[croak]

My advice? If he ever drinks a beer, let him take the can with him.

 

[croak]

Make an announcement to the school?