puzzled and confused

[elmarna]

In my own experience I had searched the world of spiritual beliefs and found no fellowship on the way. I LOVE GOD , but was cast in a world where the love of god did not seem to be a resource that left me communicate and respond with my fellow man in a great way.
Getting to the point - I found myself in life depressed and finding no great way to look at or interact with life. I had decided to end my suffering with a belief that the devil was the resource that surrounded me and I no longer wished to struggle and scratch my way through life in a world of the negative, unkind world I had percieved.
I had no concern about the moral and ethical thinking that suicide was taboo.
I was finding my actions helpful in my world and felt that I was not finding anything in accountability to have me hesitate!
Now it is where I am puzzled and confused! I WAS NOT LOOKING TO BE SAVED! I will not go into details. I will only state that whil so many speak of being saved or what god is or how you know him/her.
What happened was nothing like that! I was not muslim at the time. The soft (thought more than voice) said "stop whisphering!" Needless to say I was confused." You are pious" - I in turn said "stop swearing at me!" I looked the word up and got more confused.
As time went on this intervention made me believe that god IS A TRUTH!
NOW - WHY WOULD GOD SAVE SOMEONE WHO DEFINATELY DID NOT WANTSAVED? While otherts pray , live, and despetrately want this????
Please do not say - "for a higher purpose." I am a humble person of no importance. I define myself as just 1 of the little people living life as best I can.
This thread (the theme) haunts me! If god does something 4 a reason ... I am at a loss of - WHY ME? And not those who consider god in everything.
Perhaps it is a form of survivors syndrome?

 

[Terrywoodenpic]

I have no Idea how a Muslim communicates with God.

Communication is a two way thing...
We pray... not into emptiness... but to God
God and the Holy Spirit Control our thoughts in this dialogue.

It can be true, that when we Pray and worship with others, this experience is strengthened.
However The reverse can also be true.

God, Though his Holy spirit, Guides us all. It is not something we need to ask for in prayer. We do not even need to Believe. God loves Everyone equally.
He send his Holy Spirit to us all.

The problem is not about "him not guiding us", it is our choosing not to listen.

God can only save those who are listening. Even then it is more about God guiding to a new direction, than stopping you doing something.

We never fully know God's intentions for us, or his intentions for anyone else.
These plans will play out to his purpose not ours.
If we seem to be saved "from" something; in reality, we are saved "For" something.

We can only be sure that "God Loves us".

 

[Pineblossom]

I am not Mulsim but my brief response is - what you are experiencing is Maya - everything that has a beginning has an end. Therefore everything created is subject to change

Our lives are terminal - the universe is finite.

Our suffering is caused by hanging on to concepts, ideas and positions thinking they will not change, or if they do change, change for the better.

Attachment and aversion is how we inevitable deal with Maya. Neither is constructive and can only lead to greater dependency on illusion and fantasy.

In what way do you think 'fellowship' will solve your problems. If 'fellowship' is the answer then go to a crowded city. Perhaps you don't mean fellowship at all. Perhaps you feel alone.

We all are alone and inevitable we die alone.

Until you face you own death you will forever look for alternatives which will serve as little more than diversions.

The answer you seek lies within you. The path you will follow is your's alone. Realizing this is the beginning of wisdom.

 

[Madhuri]

Elmarna, I do not know the answer. But it seems that often people discover God when they are desperate and feel hopeless. But there are also people who feel this way but nothing good happens. So I don't know.

 

[Faith division]

Hi happy new year to all
Hi elmarna i liked ur story but how were u guided by God?

 

[Straw Dog]

In my own experience I had searched the world of spiritual beliefs and found no fellowship on the way. I LOVE GOD , but was cast in a world where the love of god did not seem to be a resource that left me communicate and respond with my fellow man in a great way.
Getting to the point - I found myself in life depressed and finding no great way to look at or interact with life. I had decided to end my suffering with a belief that the devil was the resource that surrounded me and I no longer wished to struggle and scratch my way through life in a world of the negative, unkind world I had percieved.
I had no concern about the moral and ethical thinking that suicide was taboo.
I was finding my actions helpful in my world and felt that I was not finding anything in accountability to have me hesitate!
Now it is where I am puzzled and confused! I WAS NOT LOOKING TO BE SAVED! I will not go into details. I will only state that whil so many speak of being saved or what god is or how you know him/her.
What happened was nothing like that! I was not muslim at the time. The soft (thought more than voice) said "stop whisphering!" Needless to say I was confused." You are pious" - I in turn said "stop swearing at me!" I looked the word up and got more confused.
As time went on this intervention made me believe that god IS A TRUTH!
NOW - WHY WOULD GOD SAVE SOMEONE WHO DEFINATELY DID NOT WANTSAVED? While otherts pray , live, and despetrately want this????
Please do not say - "for a higher purpose." I am a humble person of no importance. I define myself as just 1 of the little people living life as best I can.
This thread (the theme) haunts me! If god does something 4 a reason ... I am at a loss of - WHY ME? And not those who consider god in everything.
Perhaps it is a form of survivors syndrome?

Greetings elmarna!

Has it ever occurred to you that being puzzled and confused may actually be representing a passage towards apprehending reality beyond any human conception? That is, in not wanting to save your own sense of ego and letting it go as such, you may have opened up your own inner-being to the reality of ultimate being?

 

[elmarna]

I was convinced satan had come to stay with me dispite my efforts to live a good life in the approach to others and how I lived my life. It was a day where I was telling satan how I felt about him - ( will make the post too long) it was basicly a string of personal opinions.
I was not doing drugs. I was staunch in my position. Out of the blue I heard a voice/ thought. It was calm and lacked any real element of inflection to give it a gender.
"Stop testifying" it said. I quickly assumed that the devil had found a voice . It fueled me to continue even more aggresively! As time went on (I am not sure how many days). The voice/ thought said " stop whisphering!". I stopped confused! I was yelling! Keep in mind at the time I am not mulim nor knew nothing about their faith! " You are pious!" It said. "Stop swearing at me!" I commanded. Confused and not understanding I went to the dictionary. I was stunned the word ment good. This thing was not useing words like I would speak. Suddenly I found myself where I could not feel the floor! I was bare footed and curled my toes to keep myself. Realizeing I was not really floating. I am crazy. I thought.
Just as I thought this all the sound in the house disappeared. I felt like a child who was in a room where they did not belong. I felt small and insignificant. ( This is too personal to say what was said) I was told by someone it is called being lifted up.
As time (days) progressed I was guided (more like pushed) since I did a lot of argueimg with this benevolent force. Every time I listened and was willing to consider - good positive things happened! Even when I was encouraged to go to mosque. It was always for a purpose and a positive revelation! (Keep in mind - I was not told. It was always my decision!).
I hope you understand all that I wrote. I can now never deny God exists!
For someone who was not interested in knowing him; I find myself humbled and even more in love with a devotion unwaivered!

 

[Straw Dog]

I was convinced satan had come to stay with me dispite my efforts to live a good life in the approach to others and how I lived my life. It was a day where I was telling satan how I felt about him - ( will make the post too long) it was basicly a string of personal opinions.
I was not doing drugs. I was staunch in my position. Out of the blue I heard a voice/ thought. It was calm and lacked any real element of inflection to give it a gender.
"Stop testifying" it said. I quickly assumed that the devil had found a voice . It fueled me to continue even more aggresively! As time went on (I am not sure how many days). The voice/ thought said " stop whisphering!". I stopped confused! I was yelling! Keep in mind at the time I am not mulim nor knew nothing about their faith! " You are pious!" It said. "Stop swearing at me!" I commanded. Confused and not understanding I went to the dictionary. I was stunned the word ment good. This thing was not useing words like I would speak. Suddenly I found myself where I could not feel the floor! I was bare footed and curled my toes to keep myself. Realizeing I was not really floating. I am crazy. I thought.
Just as I thought this all the sound in the house disappeared. I felt like a child who was in a room where they did not belong. I felt small and insignificant. ( This is too personal to say what was said) I was told by someone it is called being lifted up.
As time (days) progressed I was guided (more like pushed) since I did a lot of argueimg with this benevolent force. Every time I listened and was willing to consider - good positive things happened! Even when I was encouraged to go to mosque. It was always for a purpose and a positive revelation! (Keep in mind - I was not told. It was always my decision!).
I hope you understand all that I wrote. I can now never deny God exists!
For someone who was not interested in knowing him; I find myself humbled and even more in love with a devotion unwaivered!

Thank you for sharing such a personal experience.

I personally feel that some of the most common opinions regarding the entity of "Satan" fail to acknowledge that such an entity, if it did exist, must arise naturally from the original being of God. That is, how can anything exist that may be truly separate from the origin of all being? It rains on the just and the unjust alike. God creates the light and the darkness. If I fully accepted your particular belief system, I could not concede to hating Satan because it would still be a creation of God. How can you completely hate anything that God has created?

 

[elmarna]

Actualy straw dog - I told satan to get a job. Since he was so well versed in the angel of sorrows who better than him to be able to manage them! All he had to do is seek forgiveness from god. Get himself to consider and possibly come back as the second coming to see sorrows bannished. So, I was reasoning with it as best I could.
As for the higher conscienceness- I think I do that as well. It is very interesting when you look deep inside. It is connected in my dreams that I have learned some of the interesting mysteries about it. I now see why yogi's and monks are capeable to do these things.

 

[Straw Dog]

Actualy straw dog - I told satan to get a job. Since he was so well versed in the angel of sorrows who better than him to be able to manage them! All he had to do is seek forgiveness from god. Get himself to consider and possibly come back as the second coming to see sorrows bannished. So, I was reasoning with it as best I could.
As for the higher conscienceness- I think I do that as well. It is very interesting when you look deep inside. It is connected in my dreams that I have learned some of the interesting mysteries about it. I now see why yogi's and monks are capeable to do these things.

So Satan, in your view, did not have a job to begin with?

Without "sorrows", how would positive change be possible for any being?

How and in what way do you see yogis and monks are capable of looking deep within to see the interesting mysteries that lead to higher consciousness?

Again, your direct experience is valuable to me. I mean, how can I know me without knowing you? If I am I because you are you and you are you because I am I, then there is no "I" and there is no "you". In other words, we are not separate. I mean, how could we be?

 

[Renji]

Elmarna, when you feel something that troubles you, just stood still on your faith and ask God, whatever you wish to call him, to guide/inspire you so that you may find your way back into his loving arms. Trust in him and he will give you what your heart desires. Cast your frustrations to him when you pray. I don't know how Muslims pray, but I think that if there's something that we have in common when we pray, it is that because we aim to enhance that loving relationship between us and God, through our faith in him. And I guess I don't have a perfect answer for your concern. The Most "perfect" answer lies on your own.

 

[Thief]

In my own experience I had searched the world of spiritual beliefs and found no fellowship on the way.

Perhaps it is a form of survivors syndrome?

So you have discovered you are unique....fine.
You're supposed to be.
Your existence is linear, it is yours alone, and it is terminal.
Then we move on to the next life.

Saved?....maybe you are.
But that was never your choice.
When you body fails...stand up.
And the choice is Theirs, that you might follow.

In the mean time, relax.

Do something for yourself.
Find a comfortable place. Watch the sun go down, and the stars come out.

 

[Faith division]

Hi straw dog i think u r a philosopher
Thats true that God has created the light and the darkness he created good and evil
He created angels and satan and his tribu
There is a continuous war on earth between good and evil
The same war exists inside evryone of us ,but we have the choice to make the good side win or evil side win
Satan is evil everybody knows that ,for that we should hate him

 

[elmarna]

1 thing - I want to mention; when I pray, I do not "ask" for anything for myself. I leave that to the hands of god. Who knows better of what I need for my higher good than Allah?
Life is not about obtaining things. The service and experience in life is more in the inspiration than the comforts to stand alone. In the turning to the conscience of god - I find it best to call to him for the betterment of my fellow man than to serve him to my own trivial persuits.
I am not saying those who pray for what they feel they need are selfish or wrong in doing so! I have just found in my thinking that those things likely said leaves me in a sense of hopelessness and helplessness. I prefer to act upon seeing them addressed myself. To love thy fellow man and share it with god is where I leave my prayers.
In meditation I offer him my devotion and connect to let my spiritual experience awake.
While I do all this I am not without the accountability and course of action in every day life to expess my worship and understanding of how I see and the good words of god brought to life and not just said.

 

[Straw Dog]

Hi straw dog i think u r a philosopher
Thats true that God has created the light and the darkness he created good and evil
He created angels and satan and his tribu
There is a continuous war on earth between good and evil
The same war exists inside evryone of us ,but we have the choice to make the good side win or evil side win
Satan is evil everybody knows that ,for that we should hate him

Interesting opinion.

 

[elmarna]

In the opinion of faith devision - I diagree with his last statement-"satan is evil and we should hate him."
Hate in any form is in essence evil. To support the statement is to work in the worship and support the very thing you oppose. To love him would not be a likely a good way to manage and consider satan. I say -"understand and realze is the first step to looking at it wisely. In the value system of it do not give it power if it is not a avenue to the higher good. When cleansed of our personal demons we are not finding it wise to aply them or see any great use of them. Mine were mainly negative. I turn to the positive for my source of inspiration. Their power weakened - they have not had a strong (or any) influence on my life!

 

[Renji]

1 thing - I want to mention; when I pray, I do not "ask" for anything for myself. I leave that to the hands of god. Who knows better of what I need for my higher good than Allah?
Life is not about obtaining things. The service and experience in life is more in the inspiration than the comforts to stand alone. In the turning to the conscience of god - I find it best to call to him for the betterment of my fellow man than to serve him to my own trivial persuits.
I am not saying those who pray for what they feel they need are selfish or wrong in doing so! I have just found in my thinking that those things likely said leaves me in a sense of hopelessness and helplessness. I prefer to act upon seeing them addressed myself. To love thy fellow man and share it with god is where I leave my prayers.
In meditation I offer him my devotion and connect to let my spiritual experience awake.
While I do all this I am not without the accountability and course of action in every day life to expess my worship and understanding of how I see and the good words of god brought to life and not just said.

Amen! Then, just continue that and God will strengthen you through your communion with him brought about by prayer. Just have complete faith in him.

 

[Sakeenah]

In my own experience I had searched the world of spiritual beliefs and found no fellowship on the way. I LOVE GOD , but was cast in a world where the love of god did not seem to be a resource that left me communicate and respond with my fellow man in a great way.
Getting to the point - I found myself in life depressed and finding no great way to look at or interact with life. I had decided to end my suffering with a belief that the devil was the resource that surrounded me and I no longer wished to struggle and scratch my way through life in a world of the negative, unkind world I had percieved.
I had no concern about the moral and ethical thinking that suicide was taboo.
I was finding my actions helpful in my world and felt that I was not finding anything in accountability to have me hesitate!
Now it is where I am puzzled and confused! I WAS NOT LOOKING TO BE SAVED! I will not go into details. I will only state that whil so many speak of being saved or what god is or how you know him/her.
What happened was nothing like that! I was not muslim at the time. The soft (thought more than voice) said "stop whisphering!" Needless to say I was confused." You are pious" - I in turn said "stop swearing at me!" I looked the word up and got more confused.
As time went on this intervention made me believe that god IS A TRUTH!
NOW - WHY WOULD GOD SAVE SOMEONE WHO DEFINATELY DID NOT WANTSAVED? While otherts pray , live, and despetrately want this????
Please do not say - "for a higher purpose." I am a humble person of no importance. I define myself as just 1 of the little people living life as best I can.
This thread (the theme) haunts me! If god does something 4 a reason ... I am at a loss of - WHY ME? And not those who consider god in everything.
Perhaps it is a form of survivors syndrome?

asalaamu alaikum dear sister,

I just saw this thread today so I'm sorry for posting here so late.
First of all I ask God to fill your heart with th sweetness of Imaan(faith) and may you be amongst those who God loves ameen..

It's a blessing from God that He guided you ..and I understand your confusion you are thinking ' Why did God guide me?'..like you mentioned you were always searching sprititual beliefs..so in a way you were searching for the truth..And if someone sincerely searches for true guidance God will guide that person.And God is Most just

Just like you sister I'm just a simple person and eventhough I'm a born muslim I wasn't always a religious one..to be honest I was just muslim because my parents are muslim..I didn't live like a muslim or knew anything about God..eventhough I had 'everything' looks,friends,education, popularity..at the end of the day I felt and emptiness in my heart..I knew I wasn't truelly happy..I knew there should be more to life..I started making supplication sincerely and asking God for guidance..and I felt that God answered my prayers and slowly started reading the quran and studying islam..and now I know that when I wanted to be guided is when God guided me
..And there's nothing we did to deserve guidance but it's only because of God's mercy and love..
So dear sister I would advise you to continue being a humble person and continue being thankfull and one of the ways to be thankfull is by continue striving to be a better person,muslim an keep renewing your imaan(faith)

there's a du'aa the prophet (peace be upon him) always said in sudjud(prostration) and it's one of my favourite du'as

Yaa muqalibul quluub thabit qalbi ala dienik
( oo Turner of The Hearts make make my heart steadfast on your religion)

 

[Sajdah]

1 thing - I want to mention; when I pray, I do not "ask" for anything for myself. I leave that to the hands of god. Who knows better of what I need for my higher good than Allah?
Life is not about obtaining things. The service and experience in life is more in the inspiration than the comforts to stand alone. In the turning to the conscience of god - I find it best to call to him for the betterment of my fellow man than to serve him to my own trivial persuits.

My dear sister we are commanded to supplicate to Allah and to ask Him anything we need "But ask Allah of His bounty." [4:32] if it wasn't haram prophet Mohammed (pbuh) said "A person's Dua will continue to be answered so long as he does not pray for something sinful or for the breaking of family ties." ...People shouldn't ask Allah for obtaining worldly things ONLY, but for both life and the hereafter...
"There are men who say: "Our Lord! Give us (Thy bounties) in this world!" but they will have no portion in the Hereafter.
And there are men who say: "Our Lord! Give us good in this world and good in the Hereafter, and defend us from the torment of the Fire!" [2:200,201]

Du'a is the most special and nearest worship in the sight of Allah as it links the heart with the creator, Allah says "When My servants ask thee concerning Me, I am indeed close (to them): I listen to the prayer of every suppliant when he calleth on Me: Let them also, with a will, Listen to My call, and believe in Me: That they may walk in the right way." [2:186]
Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said "Du'a is the worship" it is the worship or the essence of worship, because it is a confession of our helplessness, a recognition and acknowledgement of our dependence upon Allah and our deep faith that He can change anything.

Du'a softens one's heart and links it with His creator
"When the suffering reached them from us, why then did they not learn humility? On the contrary their hearts became hardened, and Satan made their (sinful) acts seem alluring to them." [6:43] There is a feeling I can not describe in words but it is so sweet, and wonderful, I feel it only when I make Du'a...Sometimes I feel that I need to supplicate not because I want anything, but just to feel that feeling, I advise you to try it sister, to humiliate before Allah while prostrating...

Anyway you're right, Allah knows what is better for us that's why we are commanded to make Du'a because it is better for us

"And your Lord says: "Call on Me; I will answer your (Prayer): but those who are too arrogant to serve Me will surely find themselves in Hell - in humiliation!" [40:60]

Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) teaches us how to make Du'a, as one should ask Allah in determination, insistence, certainty and there is no problem to repeat it many times with patience as in the story of prophet Jacob, he used to supplicate till he found his son prophet Yusuf (pbut) "O my sons! go ye and enquire about Joseph and his brother, and never give up hope of Allah's Soothing Mercy: truly no one despairs of Allah's Soothing Mercy, except those who have no faith." [12:87]
read the first 7 verses of surat Mariam 19 and see how prophet Zakariya humiliated before Allah, cried and asked him to give him a son "(One that) will (truly) represent me, and represent the posterity of Jacob; and make him, O my Lord! one with whom Thou art well-pleased!"
The holy Qur'an is full of situations where prophets and believers supplicated to Allah ...etc
So why shouldn't we do like them? Are not they our models in life?

btw: You know that when you make Du'a for someone in his\her absence the angels say Ameen, and may Allah give you the same!
Prophet Muhammed pbuh said: “If a person prays for his (or her) brother in their absence (without them knowing), an angel (hears the du'a) and replies, ‘Ameen! And may Allah give you the same"
so you make Du'a for yourself without realizing how great this religion is! Alhamdulillah for the bounty of Islam!