I used to work for a bank; I am sure most of you know this by now, as I seem to qoute it often. I left the bank at a time when I was having trouble with my eyesight; I had had one cateract operation and was waiting for the next.
I was the only person at the office able to do the work that I was doing (semi-legal work involving mortgages). Basically, I was one of very few in a large branch (probably 120 staff) who understood how to complete a mortgage; really, the best way to describe it was that I was doing the work a conveyancer in a solicitors office. When I went back to work, three months after my first op, I found three month's work awaiting me. No one had done anything, save to pay in cheques and fees, and to pay them out where necessary.
I had dereadful headaches because I was trying to get used to seeing through my 'new' eye, and the sight in the other was fast deminishing. They were understanding, and let me work as long as I felt that I could each day. Sometimes it was only a couple of hours. I felt overwhelmed by the backlog of work, but managed to get thing into an order of priority, and just 'plough on'. That was never the way I had worked before; I had never any outstanding work on my desk; I worked as fast and as furiously as possible, whilst maintaining my own level of accuracy. That is me.
Well, one day, I felt so 'lost' that I went to see the doc, who prescribed me anti-depressants and also heavy doses of a valium sedative type drug (To make me relax, and to fight the very high levels of anxiety I was feeling).
I never returned to work; I was on official sick leave, on full pay for a year, at the end of which my doctor said "I am afraid that you will never be able to work again."
He wrote long letters to the bank, and in the end, they decided to retire me on medical grounds at the age of 44 (totally unheard of in banking; the doctor I think must have 'threatened' the bank in some way.
Since then, at least once or twice a week(more often at the beginning) I have dreamed that I was still at work, totally ignorant of whatever job I was supposed to be doing, going around in circles, trying to look 'busy' until the end of the day. It is only within the last year otr so that I have been able to inject the 'but hang on, I don't work here any more' into these lucid dreams. But I still have them, waking in a sweat and in a great deal of pain from 'trashing' around in bed. There have been times when my wife has been scared that I might inadvertantly hit her. I often cry and I often talk in my sleep, although she cannot understand what I am saying.
I personally think that the dream is merely an expression of the anxiety I felt at 'things being out of control' after the first op.
The point of not knowing what work I am doing, I interpret as my 'need' for spiritual enlightenment, and my frustration at the slow pace at which I can achieve anything. Is there anyone who has any suggestions to offer of how to stop these ghastly dreams (now going on for 12 years of having them) ? any help would be very gratefully appreciated.
I was the only person at the office able to do the work that I was doing (semi-legal work involving mortgages). Basically, I was one of very few in a large branch (probably 120 staff) who understood how to complete a mortgage; really, the best way to describe it was that I was doing the work a conveyancer in a solicitors office. When I went back to work, three months after my first op, I found three month's work awaiting me. No one had done anything, save to pay in cheques and fees, and to pay them out where necessary.
I had dereadful headaches because I was trying to get used to seeing through my 'new' eye, and the sight in the other was fast deminishing. They were understanding, and let me work as long as I felt that I could each day. Sometimes it was only a couple of hours. I felt overwhelmed by the backlog of work, but managed to get thing into an order of priority, and just 'plough on'. That was never the way I had worked before; I had never any outstanding work on my desk; I worked as fast and as furiously as possible, whilst maintaining my own level of accuracy. That is me.
Well, one day, I felt so 'lost' that I went to see the doc, who prescribed me anti-depressants and also heavy doses of a valium sedative type drug (To make me relax, and to fight the very high levels of anxiety I was feeling).
I never returned to work; I was on official sick leave, on full pay for a year, at the end of which my doctor said "I am afraid that you will never be able to work again."
He wrote long letters to the bank, and in the end, they decided to retire me on medical grounds at the age of 44 (totally unheard of in banking; the doctor I think must have 'threatened' the bank in some way.
Since then, at least once or twice a week(more often at the beginning) I have dreamed that I was still at work, totally ignorant of whatever job I was supposed to be doing, going around in circles, trying to look 'busy' until the end of the day. It is only within the last year otr so that I have been able to inject the 'but hang on, I don't work here any more' into these lucid dreams. But I still have them, waking in a sweat and in a great deal of pain from 'trashing' around in bed. There have been times when my wife has been scared that I might inadvertantly hit her. I often cry and I often talk in my sleep, although she cannot understand what I am saying.
I personally think that the dream is merely an expression of the anxiety I felt at 'things being out of control' after the first op.
The point of not knowing what work I am doing, I interpret as my 'need' for spiritual enlightenment, and my frustration at the slow pace at which I can achieve anything. Is there anyone who has any suggestions to offer of how to stop these ghastly dreams (now going on for 12 years of having them) ? any help would be very gratefully appreciated.
