Clearly this is deserving of a detailed response by a qualified respondee. But there's no-one else around, so I'll do the job instead.
Evidence of the superiority of Americastan:
10) We're not known as the land where everything sticks, stings, or bites.
I can't be held responsible for the fact your women are boring in the sack.
9) We're not to blame for Mel Gibson.
Well...he was born and spent his first dozen years in New York. Plus, he only went completely gaga after prolonged exposure to Hollywood. If he was living here, someone would have kicked his butt and been done with it.
8) We have our seasons at the correct times of the year. They have Xmas in summer!
We counter-balance this strangeness by forcing ourselves to choke down traditional Christmas dinners in 40 degree heat. I'm happy to concede on this one. It's mucho weirdo.
7) We aren't forced to endure continual chirping of the term, "Crikey".
Now that Steve Irwin is dead, neither are we. Not like anyone else actually says this (any more).
6) I've heard they have no beer there.
We regularly drink ourselves dry, but we can always make more. A simple fix would be to stop exporting all the Fosters, since no-one with any taste would drink that cat-wee here. We would then have fully stocked fridges at all times. Instead, we send it your way, and stick to real beer.
5) They aren't even a nuclear power, but they live in a post apocalyptic wasteland.
This is partially true, actually. Think of us as the ultimate preppers. Rather than stuff around building bunkers, and stashing baked beans, we just incinerated the whole country, and moved it to the southern hemisphere. We have more experience than anyone at living in post-apocalypse, and less chance of actually getting nuked. Plus, while preppers act all strange, we can get on with drinking beer, surfing, and laughing at Americans.
Define 'better'? There is a whole subculture built around the barbie here, and it is probably more patriarchal than in the States. So if you like large slabs of meat cooked by sweaty men drinking beer and forgetting to check the safety valves on the gas bottle, this is your place.
This is true. I will happily admit this means anything when you start a new thread entitled 'Why Americanstan is Chinastan's pony." And yeah, I kinda cleaned that up due to language filters...lol
2) Lewisnotmiller is the trifecta of terror:
He's lactose intolerant, he likes ice cream, & he's a big fan of that "pull my finger" joke.
Apart from the lactose intolerance, this is actually all true. I had my daughter asking people to pull her finger before her second birthday. Farting is pretty much a national sport. Wirey would love it here, although our refugee camps are not known for their salubrious accommodation.
1) No baby stealing dingos threaten our picnics!
This may be a fair wrap. Between our higher percentage of atheists, and our dingos, babies are quite at risk of being eaten here. On the positive side, if they survive their first year or two, they get to grow up in the world's greatest country. I'm not saying if I was a baby in Americanstan, I'd be driving to the nearest zoo and hurling myself into the dingo enclosure smothered in barbeque sauce, but you're really not losing as much if a bizarre dingo-eating incident occurred.
And why do no Aussies race in the the Tour de France?
You forgetting about this guy?
You guys
live in this place?
Live there and LOVE there. But it's okay. Not every nation can be the toughest nation on earth. We'll take the most god-forsaken place on earth, populate it with a bunch of convicts, and whip it into paradise in about 200 years. It's all good. Nothing on that list scares me (with the possible exception of Danni Minogue).
PS. You forgot to tag Adelaide with 'serial killers'.
