I actually don't like posting this, since It may influence how people here see me going forward, but I'm not that active anyway so I guess it's okay.
Late afternoon yesterday, I had an episode. I am currently in a state where I alternate between belief in God and denial of his existence until I have proof. Yesterday I leaned more toward belief, and I was praying earnestly, begging that if God exists, if he could just talk to me directly without human interference. I spent a few minutes doing that, and afterward wanted to play some video games since it was still early, but something changed.
I suddenly felt uneasy, and I could not sit down to play. I paced around and became overwhelmed with emotion and an intense desire to sleep. It was about 6pm and way too early. It's hard to explain, but my perception of the world seemed to close in around me, closer and closer until it felt like I could only perceive as far as my bedroom walls, like the world outside ceased to exist. I still felt bothered and confused and compelled to sleep. So I lay down on my bed, and the world closed in more to an area of about arms reach. I proceeded to go into a kind of waking dream, where my eyes were open but I was in a dream, and for about two hours I was overwhelmed by emotion and twisting thoughts. I did not feel in control, but like an observer or passenger.
My thoughts were of the resurrection of Christ, and I could not steer my mind in another direction. My thoughts became visual images of Christ, his face blurred since I don't know what he looks like, but I somehow knew it was him. My thoughts became his words, and he spoke to me with authority. He told me about the resurrection and for once things made so much sense. He explained it in a way I had never thought about or heard about before. It was like a fever dream. I became very emotional and started to cry. The feeling lifted and I quickly wrote down what he said.
I snapped back to...let's say reality, and my mind was clear. I just stood up and went to my pc and played a game like nothing happened. My mind wondered what the hell was going on but I pretended nothing happened and just focused on the game, I guess I was, and am afraid of what this means.
Am I becoming schizophrenic?
Is God talking to me?
Should I see a priest or a psychologist?
Let me try to explain this by means of some basic logic connected to the natural functioning of the brain. Neurons are different from the semi-conductor memory of computers. Computer memory is design to be stable; lowest energy, in one of two stable binary states; on-off switches. Neurons, on the other hand, expend a lot of metabolic energy; 90% of their energy economy, pumping and exchanging ions. This builds up a potential within all neurons. Neuron are connected to energized memory, whereas, computer memory is very low potential.
When neurons fire, they release this stored energy. This energy release then cascades through pathways; firing other neurons, amplifying and lower collective potential along the way. The neurons then go back to work, recharging themselves, back to full power.
Based on what you said, your spiritual dilemma sort of dammed up the natural flow of the brain's energy. Like a beaver dam, built on a small stream; one object of strong obsession, this can lead to a pooling of energy, behind the dam. In your case, there was sudden break of the dam and a release of extra energy to restore the natural flow of the stream.
Since neurons and synapses, are also connected to our memory, this damming and then the sudden release, will flow energy through the memory, causing firing of neurons, as the energy is rerouted. At times, if one is conscious enough, you can witness the path for the natural energy release, as a function of your memory.
In a sense, it is a revelation, based on what you know and understand. This often also involves symbolism which are 3-D memories. The symbols are more for the right brain, to help adjust emotional valence, which can transmit lots of energy. A 3-D symbolic valve for releasing and redistributing the energy pressure is far more complex and efficient. A 3-D adjustment goes beyond cause and effect which is 2-D. This is why dreams often seem illogical; skips 2-D logic steps via 3-D processing. Your dream sounded like it was connected to a natural adjustment for both sides of the brain; mind and heart.
This happens all the time, but most people are not conscious of the natural adjustment. They are often sleeping and not conscious in their dreams. They may just feel better the next day. However, those who can become conscious of this natural dynamics have the potential to use this damming procedure, in constructive ways.
Theoretically, you can set up small dams, that the brain will try to reroute, leading to movement of energy though the memory, leading to solutions to problems, even those in general human knowledge. Consider your experience a gift and a look at what is possible.
