Smaller weddings

[Vinayaka]

Agnostic, atheist, any religion at all. What do you think the trend is in regard to size of weddings? I know this person ... well she has t be part of this big wedding, and she's having trouble coming to grips with the wanton waste, as she sees it. She just wishes her friend would down size it a bit. What do people here think? Am I the only person that thinks a back yard wedding with 25 people per side, and a pot luck supper is the way to go?

 

[Revoltingest]

I've long thought that there's too much money spent on weddings.
I imagine the ideal wedding (big or small) would be a pot luck affair.

 

[Vinayaka]

I kinda figured Revoltistan would be a place where common sense prevailed. Well ... in certain crucial areas anyway.

 

[Tarheeler]

My wife and I were married at the county courthouse. It was just us, our parents, two friends for witnesses, and the magistrate.

The reception was at my mom's house, and was pot luck: Each guest brought a bottle and a dish.

We all had a blast.

 

[Me Myself]

I would prefer a very small wedding. The kind of thing yu talk with your partner anyways, but for me, it would be way more romantic. I generaly imagine it near a beach, and with something smilarly looking to a witch doctor being the priest .

I think I would want as little guests as posible too, the more intimate the better.

Then again , posibly I would have two weddings, the "real one" to be the tight one and another one more big for all the political pele who dont really care to be there anyways

Idk. I am of e sort that would probably love to renew bows too. Then again, I might have a problem depending on the religion and such in this things.

Gotta see where live takes me on that

 

[Vinayaka]

My wife and I were married at the county courthouse. It was just us, our parents, two friends for witnesses, and the magistrate.

The reception was at my mom's house, and was pot luck: Each guest brought a bottle and a dish.

We all had a blast.

Good for you. Wisdom prevailed. Ours was even smaller, as her parents didn't come. But my Dad took us out for supper.

 

[Revoltingest]

I kinda figured Revoltistan would be a place where common sense prevailed. Well ... in certain crucial areas anyway.

We're all cheap bas****s here.

 

[Caladan]

Agnostic, atheist, any religion at all. What do you think the trend is in regard to size of weddings? I know this person ... well she has t be part of this big wedding, and she's having trouble coming to grips with the wanton waste, as she sees it. She just wishes her friend would down size it a bit. What do people here think? Am I the only person that thinks a back yard wedding with 25 people per side, and a pot luck supper is the way to go?

My wedding was what I consider perfect. I'm from a Jewish background, and my wife from a Catholic background, but neither one of us are what you would call believers. It was a small wedding, which was held in London. Our close family arrived from France and Israel, my cousin and her husband who traveled London at the time arrived as well, and my wife's closest friends from London were invited.
The wedding itself included excellent alcohol and food though, we arranged our own favorite music, and the ceremony was secular. I simply had fun every step of the way. And while in terms of numbers the wedding was very intimate, we were not cheap on making it a night to remember.

The issue of a bigger event arose a year later when my family in Israel, particularly my father wanted to have a bigger wedding party as is pretty customary here. I tried to hint, or outright say that there is no need for it, and that my wedding in London was all that I wanted, but I understood very soon that the wedding party was more for my family than it was for me, so I went along with it.
300 people were invited, this time all my entourage of friends arrived as well, even my Professor was there.
The ceremony was out of the traditional context, there was no rabbi to be found as my friend read from the Song of Songs, and my wife and I read our vows and re-exchanged our wedding rings.
All in all, it was a kick *** event. But I really thought it was needless. As far as I'm concerned my wedding in London was everything I could have asked for.
If you have the option to do a wedding with all those people you want to be there and excluding those you can do without, I say go for it. My small wedding in London was much more intimate, communicative, personal, and made me feel at the center of what is supposed to be the best night of my life.

 

[Falvlun]

While I think you should provide the food, I'm definitely for the small backyard affair. Those tend to be the most fun to attend anyway!

 

[Vinayaka]

Thanks for the replies. For me its kind of a waste of money issue. A new car? A down payment on your first house?

 

[dawny0826]

Agnostic, atheist, any religion at all. What do you think the trend is in regard to size of weddings? I know this person ... well she has t be part of this big wedding, and she's having trouble coming to grips with the wanton waste, as she sees it. She just wishes her friend would down size it a bit. What do people here think? Am I the only person that thinks a back yard wedding with 25 people per side, and a pot luck supper is the way to go?

For traditional-minded weddings, it's the bride's decision as to wedding details. She should be provided a budget and should have to remain within the budget. For those pieces that are financially provided by other people, it is proper etiquette for her to remain flexible. People tend to try to hijack the bride and grooms wedding.

Who is anyone really to tell the bride and groom what the proper way to go is? It's their day. Their memories. If they want to go into debt for a larger wedding...it's their problem.

Edit: With this said, Father Heathen and I married on a $300.00 elopement package, which included professional photography. We did not include family and our wedding was perfect. I think that couples should have choice and I'm not one to judge others for their choices. I can very much relate to the girl who wants a fairy tale wedding. And I can absolute relate to the girl who says screw it and runs away and elopes. I was very close to investing in a larger package out of town that was significantly pricier which would have afforded me the opportunity to provide a nice dinner for family and friends. The package didn't include photography and I would have dumped a modest but heftier than $300.00 amount of change on a dress, flowers and invitations to have close friends and relatives in attendance.

But ultimately, I decided not to. We love each other. This was about us. We didn't have the patience to entertain other people. We couldn't have asked for a more beautiful day.

 

[Vinayaka]

For traditional-minded weddings, it's the bride's decision as to wedding details. She should be provided a budget and should have to remain within the budget. For those pieces that are financially provided by other people, it is proper etiquette for her to remain flexible. People tend to try to hijack the bride and grooms wedding.

Who is anyone really to tell the bride and groom what the proper way to go is? It's their day. Their memories. If they want to go into debt for a larger wedding...it's their problem.

Edit: With this said, Father Heathen and I married on a $300.00 elopement package, which included professional photography. We did not include family and our wedding was perfect. I think that couples should have choice and I'm not one to judge others for their choices. I can very much relate to the girl who wants a fairy tale wedding. And I can absolute relate to the girl who says screw it and runs away and elopes. I was very close to investing in a larger package out of town that was significantly pricier which would have afforded me the opportunity to provide a nice dinner for family and friends. The package didn't include photography and I would have dumped a modest but heftier than $300.00 amount of change on a dress, flowers and invitations to have close friends and relatives in attendance.

But ultimately, I decided not to. We love each other. This was about us. We didn't have the patience to entertain other people. We couldn't have asked for a more beautiful day.

Nice. Sounds like a beautiful wedding.

My problem (actually not MY problem, but my friend's) is that the bride is expecting the bridal party to pay for things which are 'up in the air' as to who should pay. I think if the bride wants her bridesmaids totally dressed, she should have to pay for it. Money can be such a problem at these things. If I'm the father of the bride (hasn't happened yet) and I get asked to fork over 10 or 20 grand so she can have her day, well sorry, I get into boycott mood pretty quick. For starters I don't have that kind of money.

 

[dawny0826]

Nice. Sounds like a beautiful wedding.

My problem (actually not MY problem, but my friend's) is that the bride is expecting the bridal party to pay for things which are 'up in the air' as to who should pay. I think if the bride wants her bridesmaids totally dressed, she should have to pay for it. Money can be such a problem at these things. If I'm the father of the bride (hasn't happened yet) and I get asked to fork over 10 or 20 grand so she can have her day, well sorry, I get into boycott mood pretty quick. For starters I don't have that kind of money.

Actually, when one agrees to be a bridesmaid, it's assumed that they're going to be paying for their own dress. It's a "gift" for a bride to pay for her bridesmaids dresses. In the reality of 10-20 grand weddings, a bride may offer free hair styling or makeup for bridesmaids or accessories as gifts, but, it's understood when you accept such a "position", that you're paying for your own duds.

On top of this...the role of the bridal party is to take care of the bride. Providing a bridal shower and/or bachelorette party is par for the course and usually an expectation. Some brides contribute creatively and financially. Some don't. Depends on the bride.

Family members of the bride may support the bridal party and female members of the groom's family may be asked to contribute. But, overall, this is the duty that the bridal party takes upon themselves when they agree to be members of the bridal party...with the maid and matron of honor taking the most heat...

 

[Vinayaka]

See, that's how very little I know about it. Never been around a big wedding in an intricate way at all. I think my friend knew little as well, so she may well have spoke too soon. Live and learn, I guess.

But thanks for the info. It still feels odd to me, like asking someone to just give them a big gift, almost tacky. "Oh yeah, and by the way, I want you to be wearing this dress that costs 3 grand. Hope you don't mind."

But all this is exactly why we chose a very small wedding.

 

[dawny0826]

See, that's how very little I know about it. Never been around a big wedding in an intricate way at all. I think my friend knew little as well, so she may well have spoke too soon. Live and learn, I guess.

But thanks for the info. It still feels odd to me, like asking someone to just give them a big gift, almost tacky. "Oh yeah, and by the way, I want you to be wearing this dress that costs 3 grand. Hope you don't mind."

But all this is exactly why we chose a very small wedding.

But, you have to keep in mind that a small wedding doesn't necessarily translate to a less expensive or less grandiose affair. It's fully contingent upon the bride and groom, their budget, ideals for their event, venue, etc.

Bridesmaids usually have input. Who do think bridesmaids are? Sisters, best friends, college buddies, co-workers, cousins, etc.? Things don't go over too well when the bride is unreasonable and chooses something that everyone hates and can't afford. Most brides compromise, unless they want to lose their bridal party.

But there has to be compromise. Many weddings go on with unhappy bridesmaids wearing dresses in colors and styles that they abhore. That's par for the course.

A beautiful bridesmaid gown can be purchased for a few hundred dollars, often suitable enough to be worn again for another occasion (often, but not always).

Weddings are crazy. Try approaching this stuff as a girl.

 

[Marianita]

In my opinion it doesn't matter what is your religion the size of the wedding has to be normal and comfortable for you. I think the best size in not too much people just the closest ones

 

[Vinayaka]

So we get back from a holiday and my daughter casually says, "I hope you're free November 1." We figure it's the date she's arranged when the two out-of-town kids are in town, and we all actually all get together. But no, it's "______ and I figured we might as well get married when everyone is here."

Nice little surprise. There will be 19 guests, all immediate family, in the couple's new house. I'm happy. Our big task is to come up with a vegan gluten free cake. That and attending.

 

[dawny0826]

So we get back from a holiday and my daughter casually says, "I hope you're free November 1." We figure it's the date she's arranged when the two out-of-town kids are in town, and we all actually all get together. But no, it's "______ and I figured we might as well get married when everyone is here."

Nice little surprise. There will be 19 guests, all immediate family, in the couple's new house. I'm happy. Our big task is to come up with a vegan gluten free cake. That and attending.

Best wishes to the couple and family!

 

[dgirl1986]

From what I have seen people seem to think that the bigger and more expensive it is the better.

 

[Karl R]

There will be 19 guests, all immediate family, in the couple's new house. I'm happy.

That's a good size. My wife and I had 13 guests (immediate family) at our wedding. We held ours in the zen garden at my church. We later had a reception (basically just a party) with about 100 friends and family members.

To answer your original question, I think the trend is getting larger and larger. People seem to feel pressure to outdo their friends. There are several TV shows, multiple magazines and an entire industry that try to feed the frenzy.

In my opinion, we're just as married as the people who spent 10 times as much.