So yeah, I have a difficult coworker (just some anecdotes)

[Jainarayan]

No one likes her. She’s abrasive, foul mouthed, a bully, a back-biting hypocrite. She’s a heavy smoker, hawks up loogies and spits in the garbage can. That’s kind of disgusting. Some people here know I work in a supermarket deli. Did I say no one likes her? She’s a serious alcoholic. She comes in reeking of alcohol and runs into the liquor store next door to work as soon as she gets out. That in itself is not the problem. Some of the sweetest people on Earth are cursed with alcoholism and other substance abuses. It’s what it does to her behavior. Alcohol sometimes intensifies a basic personality. A sober ******* is a worse drunken *******. I’m goofy to begin with, but when I get buzzed (which is rare) I get goofier.

I’ve been on the receiving end of her abuse, bullying, open humiliations and barking orders at me though she has no authority to do so. And she’s said some pretty nasty things about me behind my back. And for the past several months I’ve been giving her a ride to and from work. As you might imagine, she lost her license from at least one DUI. I knew all along

So why have I left for work earlier than I needed to, gone a couple miles out of my way, had my ears bleed from her complaining about everyone and everything from the moment she got in my truck? My coworkers, who all like me (I’m goofy, customers like me, I joke and make them laugh) ask me “Why do you give her a ride? Because I’m STUPID … S.T.U.P.I.D, STUPID.

But I’ve had enough. Last week when she texted me to ask if I was picking her up at the regular time I said “No, you have to find another ride from now on” and I told her why. She texted back with a very incoherent and probably drunken text saying she had no idea what I was talking about and never did any of those things to me. No one else will give her a ride either. So she calls Uber now. Not my problem.

But I’m not done with calling her out. I found out she has called me ****** (pejorative for my sexual orientation) behind my back (someone else who heard it went to HR to complain). From the time I started there she went to several employees and said “You that new guy Frank? He’s gay”. Their responses were all uniformly “… and …? What does it matter, why are you telling us?”

I have prayed to try to be compassionate and understanding but I think even He is giggling and saying how silly I am. So now our conversations at work are limited to … uh, well, work. She’s been trying to suck up to me being all sweetness. No, I’m not going to change my mind. Things will not change … The Scorpion and the Frog - Wikipedia

So, just another life story to consider.

 

[PureX]

I think you did the right thing to stop driving her.

 

[Jainarayan]

My coworkers agree. One said she’d never speak to me again if I didn’t stop this or back down.

 

[Ella S.]

It's always a pity to see someone so caught up in their own vices, driving themselves miserable and destroying all of their relationships, but we can't all save everyone. Sometimes you need to be firm with your boundaries against those who would abuse them, no matter how much they're suffering. It's sad, but it's the least bad choice.

Her life isn't going to get any better until she decides to improve it. There are resources out there for her if she's looking. If anyone here sees themselves in her temperament, help is available. You would benefit from therapy and probably Alcoholics Anonymous, or another twelve-step program.

Your mental health is of the utmost importance, because it affects everything else in your life. If you don't seek treatment for your own well-being, please at least seek it for the people like OP whom your actions are negatively affecting.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

Because I’m STUPID … S.T.U.P.I.D, STUPID.

No, you are not. Perish the thought. Seems more like you don't need to pray to be compassionate and understanding because you already are, more than most and maybe a bit too much. And you did say no more and are standing firm, which isn't stupid either.
There is absolutely nothing stupid with trying to be a decent, good person and standing up for yourself when the situation is beyond one sided. It may have been later than sooner, but you still did it and it wasn't from a place of malice.

 

[Fool]

No one likes her. She’s abrasive, foul mouthed, a bully, a back-biting hypocrite. She’s a heavy smoker, hawks up loogies and spits in the garbage can. That’s kind of disgusting. Some people here know I work in a supermarket deli. Did I say no one likes her? She’s a serious alcoholic. She comes in reeking of alcohol and runs into the liquor store next door to work as soon as she gets out. That in itself is not the problem. Some of the sweetest people on Earth are cursed with alcoholism and other substance abuses. It’s what it does to her behavior. Alcohol sometimes intensifies a basic personality. A sober ******* is a worse drunken *******. I’m goofy to begin with, but when I get buzzed (which is rare) I get goofier.

I’ve been on the receiving end of her abuse, bullying, open humiliations and barking orders at me though she has no authority to do so. And she’s said some pretty nasty things about me behind my back. And for the past several months I’ve been giving her a ride to and from work. As you might imagine, she lost her license from at least one DUI. I knew all along

So why have I left for work earlier than I needed to, gone a couple miles out of my way, had my ears bleed from her complaining about everyone and everything from the moment she got in my truck? My coworkers, who all like me (I’m goofy, customers like me, I joke and make them laugh) ask me “Why do you give her a ride? Because I’m STUPID … S.T.U.P.I.D, STUPID.

But I’ve had enough. Last week when she texted me to ask if I was picking her up at the regular time I said “No, you have to find another ride from now on” and I told her why. She texted back with a very incoherent and probably drunken text saying she had no idea what I was talking about and never did any of those things to me. No one else will give her a ride either. So she calls Uber now. Not my problem.

But I’m not done with calling her out. I found out she has called me ****** (pejorative for my sexual orientation) behind my back (someone else who heard it went to HR to complain). From the time I started there she went to several employees and said “You that new guy Frank? He’s gay”. Their responses were all uniformly “… and …? What does it matter, why are you telling us?”

I have prayed to try to be compassionate and understanding but I think even He is giggling and saying how silly I am. So now our conversations at work are limited to … uh, well, work. She’s been trying to suck up to me being all sweetness. No, I’m not going to change my mind. Things will not change … The Scorpion and the Frog - Wikipedia

So, just another life story to consider.

if she is an addict, then you did something positive in no longer providing her a ride to work. the sooner she hits bottom in her addiction, the sooner she is going to have to change.

enabling an addict in any form, isn't helping.

 

[Jainarayan]

It's always a pity to see someone so caught up in their own vices, driving themselves miserable and destroying all of their relationships, but we can't all save everyone. Sometimes you need to be firm with your boundaries against those who would abuse them, no matter how much they're suffering. It's sad, but it's the least bad choice.

Her life isn't going to get any better until she decides to improve it. There are resources out there for her if she's looking. If anyone here sees themselves in her temperament, help is available. You would benefit from therapy and probably Alcoholics Anonymous, or another twelve-step program.

Your mental health is of the utmost importance, because it affects everything else in your life. If you don't seek treatment for your own well-being, please at least seek it for the people like OP whom your actions are negatively affecting.

The first step to solving a problem is recognizing you have one. So far she doesn't think she does. I neglected to mention that she "hates" everyone. All the newbies who have come to work ... "I hate him", "I hate her". It's sad. I think she actually hates herself.

 

[Jainarayan]

enabling an addict in any form, isn't helping.

I only just thought about that now, that it's enabling her.