Spanking Kids in Kansas

[Kilgore Trout]

Why can't the stranger talk be discussed rather than smacking them?

Because, how are you going to ensure that your kids end up being socially paranoid and constantly wary of everyone if you don't program them to be afraid of strangers from the start?

 

[Amechania]

Exactly. The VAST majority of child abuse happens in the home and is carried out by adults in a position of trust.

Ain't that the truth. A few weeks ago I had a male friend over and when I went I left briefly he went to the bathroom. He has a terrible habit of not closing the door. My daughter, who just turned seven, barged in on him. She said she "wanted to see it." When I came back he told me what transpired. I sat down with my daughter and she told me that the boyfriend of my daycare provider exposed himself to her. I was mortified. I alerted the authorities and he had a record in another state as a sex offender. I had dinner with this person in my home.

 

[Thana]

Why can't the stranger talk be discussed rather than smacking them?

It can.
Of course I'll explain about stranger danger first.

 

[Drolefille]

Ain't that the truth. A few weeks ago I had a male friend over and when I went I left briefly he went to the bathroom. He has a terrible habit of not closing the door. My daughter, who just turned seven, barged in on him. She said she "wanted to see it." When I came back he told me what transpired. I sat down with my daughter and she told me that the boyfriend of my daycare provider exposed himself to her. I was mortified. I alerted the authorities and he had a record in another state as a sex offender. I had dinner with this person in my home.

I'm so sorry you and your family had to go through that. One parenting rule I'll never not advocate for even without children is to teach children the proper names for all their body parts - not omitting some because parents are shy, or using euphemisms because they're cute or less "rude" than anatomical words - so that children can state exactly what happened in the case of abuse, or exposure to pornography, etc. This is incredibly helpful for the child to deal with abuse, for the court system to prosecute the abuse, for the therapist to assess the child, etc.

 

[Amechania]

I'm so sorry you and your family had to go through that. One parenting rule I'll never not advocate for even without children is to teach children the proper names for all their body parts - not omitting some because parents are shy, or using euphemisms because they're cute or less "rude" than anatomical words - so that children can state exactly what happened in the case of abuse, or exposure to pornography, etc. This is incredibly helpful for the child to deal with abuse, for the court system to prosecute the abuse, for the therapist to assess the child, etc.

Thank you for your concern and your wisdom. It was very difficult for my daughter when she had to describe what had happened, not just to me but to the authorities. She thought she was in trouble. I felt like such a bad mother.

 

[Drolefille]

Thank you for your concern and your wisdom. It was very difficult for my daughter when she had to describe what had happened, not just to me but to the authorities. She thought she was in trouble. I felt like such a bad mother.

There really aren't words that make it better, and you sound like you already know this, but you aren't a bad mom. We can't protect children from everything, all the time, whether it's a broken arm, a broken heart, or a broken innocence. The good thing is that all of those can mend, in their own ways.



Among my concerns with being a parent is the constant fear that I wouldn't be good enough, as everyone is supposed to be "Super Mom" these days. I worry enough about being a step mother to my boyfriend's son even though it's on a very part time basis. I love little kids though. Anyway, we aren't perfect even when we're told by society we HAVE to be or we're a failure as a mother/father/parent/grandparent. But knowing that with the head and knowing that with the heart are often two different things.

 

[psychoslice]

Go find a Dominatrix to smack you around, then.

Mmm, that sounds nice.

 

[dawny0826]

Yeah, beat the crap out of kids! Fill them with pain and terror! Help contribute to the next generation of violent and disturbed wrecks today! (That is, if they survive the "flogging" session. Many don't.)

I'm a Mom to two kids - incredibly happy, healthy and intelligent and I've......spanked them a few times. Each time, it was the best form of discipline considering the circumstances.

A spanking does not always equate to "beating the crap out of kids". In my peer group no child has ever been beaten or bruised. But then, my peer group does consist of intelligent, level-headed and compassionate people.

With this said, I'm not comfortable with the concept of corporeal punishment in school. There are certainly more effective ways to discipline in the school setting. If parents feel it best to utilize corporeal discipline, that should be their choice. They should be held accountable if their choices are abusive.

 

[methylatedghosts]

Well, The only person I know that has kids is my sister. And usually I tell my neices not to do something, And if they ignore me (which they usually do), I tell my sister. Since I don't feel comfortable disciplining her kids.

She actually has a wooden spoon aswell, But she rarely uses it, Just threatens too

What I mean is, what would you do I'd she was not there? How would you, by yourself, get the situation under control again?

I have a wooden spoon too. In fact, I have three. And I'm proud to say I have neither threatened nor actually used it on another human being, regardless of said being's size

 

[Thana]

What I mean is, what would you do I'd she was not there? How would you, by yourself, get the situation under control again?

I dunno, Send them to their rooms? Refuse to give them any treats? Take away their toys? Something like that I suppose. Depends on the situation.

I have a wooden spoon too. In fact, I have three. And I'm proud to say I have neither threatened nor actually used it on another human being, regardless of said being's size

I'm sure you are.

 

[methylatedghosts]

I dunno, Send them to their rooms? Refuse to give them any treats? Take away their toys? Something like that I suppose. Depends on the situation.

Interesting then, that you would hit your own kids. Would they not be good enough for reasonable treatments like those you've just listed?

 

[Thana]

Interesting then, that you would hit your own kids. Would they not be good enough for reasonable treatments like those you've just listed?

Ugh.

I've said it many times, I'll smack my kids when I feel that the situation calls for it (Mainly situations where they've put themselves in danger or serious harm).

Not for simply acting up or anything minor.

 

[psychoslice]

Its sad how descent people with kids have to keep explaining that their not wanting to half kill the kid, to the ignorant who see spanking as nothing but child abuse, these do goodes have ruined the country where everyone sues everyone over any ridiculers thing.

 

[Mister_T]

No, it's completely rational, if abusive behavior is a spectrum of actions intended to unjustly cause others to suffer, with unkind comments at one end and murder at the other.

It's actually the only rational definition of abuse thus far presented, since it does not grant special, random exceptions to arbitrary groups of people or require constructing arbitrary theoretical boundaries to justify why hitting adults is wrong but hitting children is great.

I've never known anyone to say spanking their children was "great." I'm really not seeing anything rational with that statement and unfairly lumping a group of people you disagree with in with child abusers. Spanking should never be the first response to disciplining your child nor should it be a mandatory part of parenting, but if a person can't tell the difference between slapping a child on the wrist because they keep sticking their finger in a light socket after being told not to, and a punching a child in the face, I'm not sure what to tell them. One is for discipline, the other is malicious with the intent of injury. If you're spanking your child to the point of injury, then it's not spanking anymore.

I guess next time my wife slaps me on the wrist for picking at the pot roast, I'll just call the cops on her for abuse. :sarcastic

 

[Alceste]

I've never known anyone to say spanking their children was "great." I'm really not seeing anything rational with that statement and unfairly lumping a group of people you disagree with in with child abusers. Spanking should never be the first response to disciplining your child nor should it be a mandatory part of parenting, but if a person can't tell the difference between slapping a child on the wrist because they keep sticking their finger in a light socket after being told not to, and a punching a child in the face, I'm not sure what to tell them. One is for discipline, the other is malicious with the intent of injury. If you're spanking your child to the point of injury, then it's not spanking anymore.

I guess next time my wife slaps me on the wrist for picking at the pot roast, I'll just call the cops on her for abuse. :sarcastic

Abuse is the unjust, intentional causation of emotional or physical pain to another person. Is it really that painful when your wife swats your hand away from the pot roast? Is it her intention to cause pain? To the extent that having your hand swatted away from the pot roast is painful, is it unfair or unjust?

If you said no to any of those questions, I'm happy to say your wife is not abusing you, according to the clear, consistent and rational definition of abusive behavior I have suggested.

 

[Mister_T]

Is it her intention to cause pain?

Is it the parent's intention to cause pain when spanking their kids? No, it's not. That's the entire point I'm trying to make.

 

[kashmir]

Its sad how descent people with kids have to keep explaining that their not wanting to half kill the kid, to the ignorant who see spanking as nothing but child abuse, these do goodes have ruined the country where everyone sues everyone over any ridiculers thing.

Half killing the kid is abuse, spanking is not.
In my experiences, teaching them by taking away privileges is better that spanking.
A spanking is over fast, not being able to ride the bike for 2 weeks lasts and lasts forever, in the kids mind.
But even with just spanking, whats your opinion on seeing a 3 year old cover in fear when mom starts yelling at her, knowing she is about to get smacked?

why can we hit the kids to punish, but someone convicted of murdering the kid, we cant put our hands on them to punish?

 

[Bunyip]

Is it the parent's intention to cause pain when spanking their kids? No, it's not. That's the entire point I'm trying to make.

Well yes, of course spanking is intended to cause pain, the intention is to strike the child and to discipline them using physical violence.

I don't see the gray area here.

In the case of a wife swatting at her husbands hand - if it is in jest, then it may not be abusive. It is is intended to discipline the husband by striking him, then it is abuse.

Why strike if not to cause pain? What possible lesson could there be in striking a child in a manner that they do not mind?

 

[Thana]

Well yes, of course spanking is intended to cause pain, the intention is to strike the child and to discipline them using physical violence.

I don't see the gray area here.

In the case of a wife swatting at her husbands hand - if it is in jest, then it may not be abusive. It is is intended to discipline the husband by striking him, then it is abuse.

Why strike if not to cause pain? What possible lesson could there be in striking a child in a manner that they do not mind?

You're really going to call a swat on the hand with the intention to discipline abuse?

Do you think if he called the cops, They'd arrest her? Or do you think they'd tell him not to waste their time and to buck up.

Come on.. Honestly, This is getting ridiculous. What's next?

 

[Bunyip]

You're really going to call a swat on the hand with the intention to discipline abuse?

Do you think if he called the cops, They'd arrest her? Or do you think they'd tell him not to waste their time and to buck up.

Come on.. Honestly, This is getting ridiculous. What's next?

Thana you made several comments that specifically stated that pain was the consequence.

And frankly the example of the wife swatting at the husbands hand is deceptive - you were advocating for the application of pain as a learning tool.

What I am taking issue with is the abusive practice of using the application of pain as a training tool for children.