The story of Job, paraphrased by Patty. I hope I don't offend anyone.
There was a man named Job who had a lot of good things: animals, servants, good home, good friends, and seven sons and three daughters. Life was good for Job. And he loved God, but for no apparent reason.
One day the sons came to worship and a kernel of discontent was among them. "Why are you here?" God asked the kernel. "I'm everywhere," said the kernel, "except, apparently, in that Job fellow. I see him having a lot of reason to love you: seems you've been very good to him. Is there really no reason to why he loves you, God?"
"Go and find out," said God, certain in the knowledge that Job did love him for no reason. "Just don't hurt him."
So bad things came and killed Job's animals and servants, and Job sighed and said, "The LORD giveth, and the LORD taketh away."
So God said to the kernel, "Na-na-na-na-na." (To quote Eliot Wild.) (God does that a lot, quote Eliot Wild.) And the kernel said, "Okay; but I still haven't actually seen him love you for no reason. He still has his health with which to thank you."
"Go and find out," said God. "Just don't kill him."
So Job got boils all over his body, and his wife said, "Ew! Why don't you dump that belief in God?" And Job replied, "The LORD brings good things, and the LORD brings bad things. That's what being the LORD is about."
Now, his three good friends travelled in from afar to visit with him and mutter, "Whoa! I didn't even recognize him," to each other. And they sat down to wait for him to die. But he didn't. And Job roused himself a bit, to do some philosophizing. "Life sucks, and then you die. And then nothing sucks anymore." And he lay back down.
And his friend Eliphas, who was a firm believer in cause and effect, raised his finger and said, "Um... Job, aren't you comforted in this, your time of misery, by belief in God? You've never sinned, so you should be okay. Karma, and all that. Trust in God." But Job was inconsolable.
And his friend Bildad, who was a firm believer in authority, spoke up, saying, "God must know what he's doing. He's God. You must have angered him." And Job nodded: "Don't I know it. But I have no idea what I did. It's more like the LORD just doesn't really care about me, or any of us."
And Job lifted his face to God, and cried, "LORD, why won't you leave me alone?!" And his friend Zophar, who was a firm believer in submission, told him, "Hush! Such talk --you should be ashamed of yourself. You're just making it worse. You'd best prepare yourself to die."
And Job spoke to God, saying, "Why do you give me this cup of poison?" But God didn't answer.
They argued a while about the problem of evil, and Job told his friends, "You argue for God, and poorly too, but no one argues for me. Except me! I am not the villain here."
Then young Elihu, who was just standing around, got mad at the good friends. He said, "I can't believe you guys! You three do nothing but blame Job, and Job does nothing but profess his innocence. You're not convincing him, and neither are you listening to him!"
Elihu turned to Job, and because he figured he saw what was happening plain as day, he said, "As soon as bad stuff befalls, as soon as you're hurting, you forget your love for God and think only of yourself. There's your sin, right there-- now, can you say you're blameless?"
At their blank stares, he gestured irrationally and exclaimed, "Can't you see? It's a test! God is great!"
Suddenly, God stepped in and laughing, said, "Okay, you got me. I really am great, aren't I? I made the world, didn't I? Is anyone as great as me? Are you? I thought not."
And Job said to God, "I'm sorry. Oh God, now I really feel like ****."
And God turned to the three friends, and said, "You guys aren't sorry, though. You failed to see my villainy, as Job did. Instead you made excuses for me. Fools! Go! Get out!" To their running backs, he yelled, "And I want you to hold a barbecue for my friend Job, here!"
So, for being an honest sap, the LORD gave Job twice as much as he'd had before, and everybody lived happily ever after.
There was a man named Job who had a lot of good things: animals, servants, good home, good friends, and seven sons and three daughters. Life was good for Job. And he loved God, but for no apparent reason.
One day the sons came to worship and a kernel of discontent was among them. "Why are you here?" God asked the kernel. "I'm everywhere," said the kernel, "except, apparently, in that Job fellow. I see him having a lot of reason to love you: seems you've been very good to him. Is there really no reason to why he loves you, God?"
"Go and find out," said God, certain in the knowledge that Job did love him for no reason. "Just don't hurt him."
So bad things came and killed Job's animals and servants, and Job sighed and said, "The LORD giveth, and the LORD taketh away."
So God said to the kernel, "Na-na-na-na-na." (To quote Eliot Wild.) (God does that a lot, quote Eliot Wild.) And the kernel said, "Okay; but I still haven't actually seen him love you for no reason. He still has his health with which to thank you."
"Go and find out," said God. "Just don't kill him."
So Job got boils all over his body, and his wife said, "Ew! Why don't you dump that belief in God?" And Job replied, "The LORD brings good things, and the LORD brings bad things. That's what being the LORD is about."
Now, his three good friends travelled in from afar to visit with him and mutter, "Whoa! I didn't even recognize him," to each other. And they sat down to wait for him to die. But he didn't. And Job roused himself a bit, to do some philosophizing. "Life sucks, and then you die. And then nothing sucks anymore." And he lay back down.
And his friend Eliphas, who was a firm believer in cause and effect, raised his finger and said, "Um... Job, aren't you comforted in this, your time of misery, by belief in God? You've never sinned, so you should be okay. Karma, and all that. Trust in God." But Job was inconsolable.
And his friend Bildad, who was a firm believer in authority, spoke up, saying, "God must know what he's doing. He's God. You must have angered him." And Job nodded: "Don't I know it. But I have no idea what I did. It's more like the LORD just doesn't really care about me, or any of us."
And Job lifted his face to God, and cried, "LORD, why won't you leave me alone?!" And his friend Zophar, who was a firm believer in submission, told him, "Hush! Such talk --you should be ashamed of yourself. You're just making it worse. You'd best prepare yourself to die."
And Job spoke to God, saying, "Why do you give me this cup of poison?" But God didn't answer.
They argued a while about the problem of evil, and Job told his friends, "You argue for God, and poorly too, but no one argues for me. Except me! I am not the villain here."
Then young Elihu, who was just standing around, got mad at the good friends. He said, "I can't believe you guys! You three do nothing but blame Job, and Job does nothing but profess his innocence. You're not convincing him, and neither are you listening to him!"
Elihu turned to Job, and because he figured he saw what was happening plain as day, he said, "As soon as bad stuff befalls, as soon as you're hurting, you forget your love for God and think only of yourself. There's your sin, right there-- now, can you say you're blameless?"
At their blank stares, he gestured irrationally and exclaimed, "Can't you see? It's a test! God is great!"
Suddenly, God stepped in and laughing, said, "Okay, you got me. I really am great, aren't I? I made the world, didn't I? Is anyone as great as me? Are you? I thought not."
And Job said to God, "I'm sorry. Oh God, now I really feel like ****."
And God turned to the three friends, and said, "You guys aren't sorry, though. You failed to see my villainy, as Job did. Instead you made excuses for me. Fools! Go! Get out!" To their running backs, he yelled, "And I want you to hold a barbecue for my friend Job, here!"
So, for being an honest sap, the LORD gave Job twice as much as he'd had before, and everybody lived happily ever after.
