Strange Depression

[Lycan]

I would like to begin by saying this post from here on out is going to sound very strange and probably a bit moronic...

I have recently been hit by a strange depression. For the past few weeks I have been watching the entire series of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I have developed what you might say is an obsession with it. (I know, I know, I have a very addictive personality) The last few days I have been thinking alot on my life. Through watching this tv show I have come to realize how less than mediocre my life really is. I am not saying that I want to be a superhero that slays vampires, but the symbolism has really gotten to me. I know how all of this sounds, but I needed to release it. I have always considered myself a pretty rational, intelligent person, but this seems to be eating away at me. Most of my thoughts as of late have been about death and the fear of being forgotten. I cry alot. So please, if you can stop the hysterical laughter for a moment and give some thoughts on this I would greatly appreciate it.

Please don't think I am a nut-job, I have always been a bit eccentric but this is even wierd for me.

 

[michel]

I would like to begin by saying this post from here on out is going to sound very strange and probably a bit moronic...NO!!
( Let's say unusual )
I have recently been hit by a strange depression. For the past few weeks I have been watching the entire series of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I have developed what you might say is an obsession with it. (I know, I know, I have a very addictive personality) The last few days I have been thinking alot on my life( Nothing wrong with that!). Through watching this tv show I have come to realize how less than mediocre my life really is. I am not saying that I want to be a superhero that slays vampires, but the symbolism has really gotten to me. I know how all of this sounds, but I needed to release it.(Which you have; follow your instincts, that is what they are there for)I have always considered myself a pretty rational, intelligent person, but this seems to be eating away at me. Most of my thoughts as of late have been about death and the fear of being forgotten. I cry alot.(I would suggest that you try to work out why Death and the fear of being forgotten makes you feel so sad) So please, if you can stop the hysterical laughter for a moment and give some thoughts on this I would greatly appreciate it.(There is no way that I would laugh at any of this; it sounds like you are going through a rough patch; try though to keep it in perspective. Nothing that you have said contradicts your being rational, in fact you sound very rational to me)

Please don't think I am a nut-job, I have always been a bit eccentric but this is even wierd for me.

Weird? NO; It sounds more like you are having trouble defining your life. You are, I understand, a 33 year old computer programmer. Computer programming is a good way of earning money, but it might be that you are not really feeling any sense of Achievement; beinbg part of this forum should certainly help with that aspect.
If you continue to feel like this, and you become worried about it, talk it over with your doctor; but I honestly think that you are sub-consciously revaluating your life.

 

[Lycan]

but I honestly think that you are sub-consciously revaluating your life.

That is the problem, I am fully conscience in the reevaluation and it is highly depressing.

 

[michel]

That is the problem, I am fully conscience in the reevaluation and it is highly depressing.

Why do you find that depressing, I wonder. If you were in a car, in a part of town with which you felt a little unfamilliar, you might well look at a map to make sure you are going in the right direction. That is, psychologically what you are in fact doing. There is nothing abnormal about it. I am so sorry that it is obviously very depressing for you; are you unhappy at work, about your friendships, about being a member of this forum?
Sit down quietly, where you will not be disturbed, take a few deep breaths to relax, and ask yourself what it is that you don't like.

 

[Lycan]

Sit down quietly, where you will not be disturbed, take a few deep breaths to relax, and ask yourself what it is that you don't like

I am afraid.

 

[Sunstone]

My doctor's rule of thumb is that any depression that lasts more than two weeks is something to see a doctor about.

 

[Feathers in Hair]

To me, Buffy has never been about the major, life-and-death problems that the characters face. That invariably takes second place to the everyday struggles that they go through- maintaining friendships, keeping jobs dealing with nasty people and the like.

You don't need to live your life on an epic basis. It would actually probably be pretty unhealthy if you did.

You answered to a question about what you don't like is that you are afraid. Do you know what it is you're afraid of?

 

[Lycan]

You don't need to live your life on an epic basis.

I think you have just hit it, I desperately want the epic life but know that it is realistically not possible...
I guess the life I have pails in comparison to what I want and being unable to do anything about it kills me.

Do you know what it is you're afraid of?

mediocrity and being forgotten

 

[Lightkeeper]

You may be going into a new phase of life. Sometimes we have to dig deep into ourselves to find the gold. Sometimes we have to hit bottom before we bounce back up. You will level out and create what you are meant to create.

 

[Melody]

mediocrity and being forgotten

Lycan,
As others have already said, it sounds as if you're re-evaluating your life. It also sounds as if you're finding it lacking or wanting but are you measuring against unrealistic ideals?

Mediocrity by whose definition? "Mediocre" is a qualitative word whose meaning will change based on each individual's perception. George Bush's idea of mediocrity is not mine. I'm sure he would look at my life and consider it mediocre. I'm equally sure that there are many others who would like at my life and disagree. I certainly disagree. Then again, despite his fame and notoriety, I think George Bush has lived a mediocre life.

As for forgotten.....*everyone* is forgotten given enough time. How long do you want to be remembered....and why?

In your position, I would make a list of things I like about my life and then a list of things I would like to change. Then start looking at how you can begin to make those changes....one at a time.

 

[Nick Soapdish]

Lycan,

I am very sorry for how you are feeling. I guess I would recommend that you look to exercise your body and your spirit. Physical exercise is always good for mental health if you feel up to it. As far as exercising the spirit, I would suggest meditation, prayer, or reading something rich with wisdom. In my opinion, any philosophy that has endured the test of time is worth reading. It is interesting to read something that is several thousand years old and reflecting on how well it applies to our lives today.

Also, look for ways you can nurture personal relationships you have with people around you. Force yourself to do something really nice for someone you like.

And I wouldn't worry about acheiving any sort of fame. Its not really that good for any long-term satisfaction in life.

 

[Lycan]

And I wouldn't worry about acheiving any sort of fame

I don't think it is fame that I long for exactly... I just can't explain it.

 

[Nick Soapdish]

Also, I agree with others that you may be in a transition in life. Don't worry if you have trouble seeing where you are going. Often times we do not find our calling, but rather, the calling finds us. So be ready.

 

[Feathers in Hair]

Might I suggest watching other genres, if you think "Buffy" might be contributing to this? There are lots of other shows that celebrate people who lead pretty average lives. I recommend "Due South", "West Wing", and a number of others. The writing is every bit as sharp, but you're not dealing with quite the same epic scale.

 

[Scuba Pete]

If I might be so bold Lycan...

Go out ASAP and spend the entire day serving others. Whether it be a homeless shelter, habitat for humanity, local church or synagogue it just doesn't matter. We weren't designed to be focused on ourselves, and unfortunately, America excells at that. Don't do this half heartedly... do it with all of your might!

It is more blessed to give than to recieve.

Luke 6:38 Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."

I must say that if there is any error in the scripture, it would be this passage. For I have never failed to recieve 10 times the pleasure that I am able to bring to others and often far, far more than that.

 

[Yerda]

If I might be so bold Lycan...

Go out ASAP and spend the entire day serving others. Whether it be a homeless shelter, habitat for humanity, local church or synagogue it just doesn't matter. We weren't designed to be focused on ourselves, and unfortunately, America excells at that. Don't do this half heartedly... do it with all of your might!

It is more blessed to give than to recieve.

There may be quite some verity to NetDoc's advice. I had quite a turbulent time in my teenage years and found voluntary work quite soothing and very rewarding.

 

[Nick Soapdish]

If I might be so bold Lycan...

Go out ASAP and spend the entire day serving others. Whether it be a homeless shelter, habitat for humanity, local church or synagogue it just doesn't matter. We weren't designed to be focused on ourselves, and unfortunately, America excells at that. Don't do this half heartedly... do it with all of your might!

Well said NetDoc. I believe your advice is right on.

 

[Lycan]

I have discovered most of my problem... sleep deprivation
I didn't realize how strongely effected you can be by this. When I read my original post today, I felt like a complete idiot. I failed to make it clear that I have had maybe 20 hours of sleep in the last 8 or so days (except last night) and I think my wierd affliction was stemming from that. I am soooo sorry to waste all of your time on this ridiculous post. But thank you all for taking that time to help me, it is much appreciated and will be remembered.

 

[Yerda]

LOL, like confusing bowel cancer with wind?

 

[Feathers in Hair]

I'm so relieved to hear that, Lycan! And I don't think anyones time is ever wasted, especially when trying to help out another. Just because yours turned out to be sleep deprivation (and it's amazing how much that can effect you) doesn't mean someone else, who's afraid to post about their depression, won't stumble across this thread and be aided by it.

Now get some sleep!