Tell me a joke

[VoidCat]

My group therapist gave us homework. We have to come next Wednesday to the meeting with a joke. It can't be about religion(I mentioned I had a joke about paganism she said no jokes about a group of people) and it can't be a dirty joke it has to be appropriate. So help me with my homework

 

[Rival]

A friend once told me that she and her friend were running the cross country, and the teacher had told the kids to do something during the run to make it fun/different. So this friend of hers started rolling around on the ground and the teacher was like, Huh? So the friend said 'I'm on a roll.'

 

[Dropship]

A man bought himself a metal detector.
He'd dug down 50 feet before he realised his boots had got steel toecaps

 

[Eyes to See]

Will Will Smith smith? Will Smith will smith.

How much Jim Beam could Jim beam if Jim could beam Jim Beam?
(Jim is Captain Kirk..."Beam me up Soctty").

ETA:
I found the meme:

 

[ChristineM]

An old Spike Milligan joke.

A man and woman are discussing what to have for dinner when the man collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The wife runs to the phone and calls the emergency services. She gasps, "My husband has collapsed, his eyes are glazed and he's not breathing, i think he might be dead, what can I do?" The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." The wife says, "just a minute". There was a few seconds silence; then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the wife says, "OK, now what?

 

[Brickjectivity]

My name is Brick, and I'm a mortal. Therefore I'm Brick and mortal.

That was a terrible pun.

There's nothing like a brick and mortal institution. If it looks like a brick and quacks like a brick, maybe its a brick.

 

[Nakosis]

Doctor: I'm sorry to sad your son is in a coma. At this point we can't say if he will ever come out of it.
Dad: Did you try unplugging and re-plugging him back in?

 

[Jedster]

A skeleton walks into a pub and orders a Guinness and a mop.

 

[beenherebeforeagain]

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To show the raccoons that it could be done!

 

[Mock Turtle]

Me and my mates were busy robbing this CD store when the cops turned up. Dave grabbed all the pop CD's and ran off. Steve grabbed the rock CD's and also ran off. Dan grabbed the Jazz and followed suit. I was forced to take the rap.

 

[Jedster]

Me and my mates were busy robbing this CD store when the cops turned up. Dave grabbed all the pop CD's and ran off. Steve grabbed the rock CD's and also ran off. Dan grabbed the Jazz and followed suit. I was forced to take the rap.

That was soooo bad that it was good

 

[9-10ths_Penguin]

My group therapist gave us homework. We have to come next Wednesday to the meeting with a joke. It can't be about religion(I mentioned I had a joke about paganism she said no jokes about a group of people) and it can't be a dirty joke it has to be appropriate. So help me with my homework

"My spouse is incongruous, but I never did like Washington in the summertime."

 

[Mock Turtle]

An old couple celebrates their 50th wedding anniversary in their home. "Just think," the old man says, "We were sitting here at this same breakfast table, naked as jaybirds, 50 years ago." "Well," the old lady snickers, "What do you say ... should we get naked?" The two immediately strip to the buff and sit back down at the table. "You know, honey," the little old lady says slyly, "My breasts burn for you now as they did 50 years ago." "I'm not surprised," replies the old man. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your porridge!"

 

[VoidCat]

An old couple celebrates their 50th wedding anniversary in their home. "Just think," the old man says, "We were sitting here at this same breakfast table, naked as jaybirds, 50 years ago." "Well," the old lady snickers, "What do you say ... should we get naked?" The two immediately strip to the buff and sit back down at the table. "You know, honey," the little old lady says slyly, "My breasts burn for you now as they did 50 years ago." "I'm not surprised," replies the old man. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your porridge!"

I can't bring inappropriate jokes to the meeting unfortunately. I think that one would count as inappropriate

 

[Mock Turtle]

I can't bring inappropriate jokes to the meeting unfortunately. I think that one would count as inappropriate

I probably have loads like that too.

I called the RSPCA (UK animal welfare) today and said, "I've just found a suitcase in the woods containing a fox and four cubs." "That's terrible," she replied. "Are they moving?" "I'm not sure, to be honest," I said, "But that would explain the suitcase."

 

[ChristineM]

One my son just told me

What’s the difference between a plum and a rabbit? They’re both purple except for the rabbit .

 

[VoidCat]

One my son just told me

What’s the difference between a plum and a rabbit? They’re both purple except for the rabbit .

That one is cute

 

[ChristineM]

Whats the scariest word to hear from a nuclear physicist?... Oops

 

[ChristineM]

What's brown and sticky?... A stick

 

[Estro Felino]

Two friends see each other after a long time.
They want to chat while having dinner in a nice restaurant.

- Hey...I know they have opened a new restaurant around the corner. They cook delicious food.
- Really?
- yeah... tonight there is the vegetarian menu. Rabbit stew, Slow roasted rabbit and rabbit cacciatore.
- I wonder what's vegetarian in this menu.
- Rabbit is. He is vegetarian.