Tell me your Story

[Eyes to See]

I was born into a Christian culture, but not raised religious.

I, however, was really fascinated with religion as a child and I was begging my mum for a Bible when I was 6. She bought me a children's Bible, which I devoured, then I was happy to be given a 'real' Bible for my 9th Christmas. At this time I also had an interest in ancient Egyptian religion and had statues and things.

When I was 10 I decided I believed in the G-d of the Bible, but not the Jesus stuff. I can't remember why. So I asked my Religious Education teacher what that made me and she said that is a Jewish belief. However, there are two things in my life that I love, adore and fawn over and that is religion and boys, so when I turned 12 I was focusing more on the latter and kind of didn't really think about religion much. When I was 15 I made an indepth study of Islam as I had become a sort of born-again Christian and these were the folks I found myself arguing with most. I think this is as my friends at school were Christians and that reignited my religious fire, so I went back to that.

When I was a day off 17 I joined here as a Luciferian. I chose that as I wanted a faith that fit with the 'Enlightenment' values I cherished. I went from theistic to atheistic and had my obligatory atheist phase at 17-18. I then began reading the Scriptures and regained faith in Christianity. I had no internet at this time for 9 months, so I had a lot of time to sit and read without distraction. I made it through the whole text and was conflicted. I wanted to keep my Christianity since it was the religion around me and I'd spent a great deal of time on it, but reading the Scriptures made me really question if the Christian Testament had anything to do with the Tanakh. I recall walking home one day and deciding that as long as I was good and retained faith in G-d, what could He hold against me?

I still wasn't satisfied with Christianity though I kept trying to make it work. I'd had a few Pagan phases but nothing really worth mentioning. I then discovered Zoroastrianism and that seemed to fit because it lacked any of the beliefs Abrahamic religionists had to spend so long defending; it had no conflicts with science and what not, and it had a God and theology that made sense to me. It still didn't fit though. It felt like I were praying to nothing. It offered me nothing and in secret I still swooned for G-d. The G-d of the Bible. I tried Christianity one last time until I started talking with various Jewish folks on here more, namely Tumah, and realised that my religion couldn't stand up to scrutiny (imo). But I was done searching. I knew the G-d that I had a connexion with, Whose Scripture made sense to me, Who seemed to have been with me throughout my life, and Whose adherents had fought argument after argument, their answers working for me. It was a faith that allowed me to question. It didn't try whitewashing things in the Scriptures, but had understandings of them that Christianity had never given me.

So I became a Noahide.

Here I am still a Noahide almost 4 years later, B"H.

Since you communicate with me more often than most others on here, it is nice to know a little of your background. Thanks for taking the time to post it. I enjoyed reading it and your search for God.

 

[Rival]

Since you communicate with me more often than most others on here, it is nice to know a little of your background. Thanks for taking the time to post it. I enjoyed reading it and your search for God.

You're welcome to PM me for further conversation if you want I'm not always debating

 

[Eyes to See]

I think this is one of the best threads I've read on this board. It is nice to see people open up about something that is so personal and see part of their life story, whatever it is. Enjoyed all of the responses. It actually inspires me to write a little of my background and probably share some things I never would have done otherwise.

My grandparents were both of Protestant denomination, on my dad's side strong Southern Baptist, on my mom's side Methodist. They both were drafted into WWII. My grandpa (what I call my mom's dad) served in the Pacific Theater and fought on a PT boat in the battle of Okinawa. My granddad was drafted into the 2nd Cavalry division a leftover WWI, at the end of the war they were a tank division that fought in the Battle of the Bulge.

Both returned from the war with their ideas about religion and God shattered after going through such an experience. Both eventually started studying with Jehovah's Witnesses and regained faith in the Bible and God. Both my gramps and his wife became Jehovah's Witnesses. My dad's mom became one, my granddad accepted the beliefs of the JWs but never became one. He became a Freemason, and a practicing sorcerer.

I grew up in a household bothered by wicked spirit forces because of my grandad's involvement with the occult. But that is a different tale. I will tell you my dad studied the Bible with me when I was young, and I never doubted or questioned what I learned. But I didn't make it my own until I was 13. I will tell you about one specific day that everything came to a head. I had been at school that day. I was bullied by my teacher for my belief in Jehovah God, refusing to salute the flag, and preaching to others. My classmates joined in the bullying. One came to my locker and started to make fun of the name of Jehovah with a gang he was in. I got home my older brothers were not nice people, and are still not to this day. My dad was angry with them and so he took it out on me yelling at me, and then one of my older brothers started to bully me physically. And I had been up all night long the night previous being harassed by demons. I will not go into the details of that.

I went to my room, closed the door and began to cry and I just wanted to die. And I started to pray to Jehovah and told him exactly how I felt and exactly what I wanted to do, and then something happened then. A spirit of peace descended on the house. My parents and brothers stopped yelling and fighting. The depression and sadness in my heart disappeared and I felt this peace, this love I had never felt before. Jehovah had never answered a prayer of mine like that. And maybe that is the day he became my God, he answered my prayer and gave me peace. So I dedicated myself to Jehovah in prayer as I walked along the railroad tracks that evening as I walked the dogs. And soon after got baptized.

Since then I have had many beautiful and sad experiences. I have seen Jehovah God personally answer my prayers over and over and so I know without a doubt he is real. I am not like those who say I pray but God does not listen. I know when I talk to God he is always listening to me. I wanted to add a picture here of my baptism, but I can't find it. In the process I did find a few others though.

I prayed to God that if it his will I graduate early from High School to begin pioneering, as a full-time minister of Jehovah's Witnesses is known, someone that preaches and teaches 90 hours a month at least at the time, that he allow me to graduate early. I talked with the school counselor, and I was told I was one of the best achievers academically, as well as well-behaved students in school., and that I shouldn't pass up on different scholarships I had to go to college. I was given the permission to graduate early and began pioneering.

At one meeting I was approached by a sister from the Spanish congregation and she suggested that I learn Spanish and help out in the Spanish field. So I said a prayer while at a meeting for witnessing about it and asked Jehovah, "should I learn Spanish?" while I was in the middle of the prayer a brother from the headquarters at Bethel came and tapped me on the shoulder and said, go serve in the Spanish congregation.

So I started learning Spanish and went to the Spanish congregation. There I made many friends, I conducted sometimes 25 or 30 Bible studies at a time, and helped dozens of people learn the truth and come into it. I feel it my greatest privilege and joy, along with the privledge of helping form several conregations in rural and mountainous regions of Colorado and Nebresaka. Here are a few pics of those days:

I had in mind to write more, and add information on the pics, but I have run out of time.

 

[Truthseeker]

In the end or during this time, having spend so much time on beliefs, I sort of went through a process, of my own beliefs and started questioning them. And as part of this, I decided to set some "rules" for myself, which is basically to follow wherever the evidence lead me. I want to be honest with myself, sceptical of everything and be as good at critical thinking as possible. As I see these as the absolutely best tools in regards to not believing false things. Which also meant that I was spending a lot more time, looking at stuff that disagreed with me, as I wanted to find flaws in own beliefs.

So basically not a lot have changed since that, I still spend by far the most time trying to find arguments, lectures or evidence against what I currently believe. And also Im still very interested in beliefs in general and how people arrive at them etc.

That's really refreshing. Most people only want to see what currently agrees with them. I also try to look at things independently, and will look at different evidence to test my beliefs. Sometimes I wish I hadn't at first, but in the end it has mostly worked out.

However, I am more interested in the source behind other people's beliefs, namely what the Founder of their religion said, and evaluate it for myself.

 

[TagliatelliMonster]

Hello I am starting this thread for people to tell their stories of faith and doubt and/or unbelief. Everyone is welcome to share.

I will start.
I am a Christian. I believed on Jesus at a young age. I have gone through ups and downs and my faith. Questions, doubts and fears plus panic attacks. I have come a long way in dealing with anxiety. The are times and days where it is hard for me to trust God. I am learning to trust and step out of my comfort zone to face my fears.

My father had an islamic upbringing and my mother a christian one.
My dad still believes somewhat, but not exactly a "practicing" muslim. He doesn't even own a quran and the last time he visited a mosque was... well, I don't even remember. A few years back he did ramadam, but I think it was just an excuse to lose some weight. A feeling that was confirmed when he celebrated the end with pork chops and whiskey.
I hear from my aunts etc that he wasn't always like that. Before my mom, he attended the mosque quite frequently, didn't drink, didn't eat pork, etc. Not sure what made him change. It's something we never discussed. I don't bother either because I know my dad doesn't like talking about his youth. Being an immigrant (political refugee), I know he had a horrible past. He buried that somewhere in the trenches of Kosovo and he prefers leaving it there, so I respect that.

My mom, as I found out the last couple of years, is actually an atheist and has pretty much always been so. When she was younger, she was dragged to church (just like everyone else in that time), but she never believed.

My own upbringing was secular. A-religious. I guess this was thanks to them being from different religious backgrounds. Even today, a lot of people still baptise their kids and have them do communion. But it's more tradition then anything else. But as for me, I was never baptized. Neither was I circumsized. My parents didn't want to choose what to do with me when it came to which religion I would "inherit", because they felt like choosing either one would be unfair to the other. So they decided not to do either. For which I am most gratefull.

And as neither were "practicing" theists (like most all people over here), the fact that they didn't walk me through the "traditional" religious events of baptism etc, it effectively meant that religion simply never came up. Not that it was purposefully kept silent though. It simply wasn't an issue. It got the same treatment as unicorns and leprechauns. There simply was no point to discuss it or teach it or whatever.

Growing up, I was aware of people who were religious. I saw the orthodox jews in antwerp and the bearded muslims with robes or the muslima's with hijabs. I didn't really question it nore think about it. Looking back, I simply saw it as a cultural thing. Like gang colors or something, lol. People who belonged to some club and wore a uniform as some sort of identity confirmation.

It wasn't until I transfered into a catholic school at the age of 14-15 that I was exposed to religion (christianity) for the first time. Before that, I never had any religious classes or anything. At public school, we had an hour of... I don't know what to call it in english. I guess I'll just call it "secular humanism" or something. We discussed morality and social issues of all kinds.

I still vividly remember my very first religious classes. I don't remember exactly what text it was, but it was a bible reading. First time ever that I touched a bible. I remember being completely baffled that the teacher actually believed that stuff. Living in a country with a judeo-christian heritage, I was aware of the... "lore" behind the holidays and stuff. So I knew the story of jesus, the ark and adam and eve. But in all honestly, I never considered the idea that people took that seriously. To me, these stories sat on the same shelve as santa claus and the easter bunny. To me, they were just themed stories for the holidays - just like santa and the easter bunny.

After the first few classes, I was so confused that I decided that I had to read the entire bible. The weeks that followed would change my outlook on the world. And not in a good way. As I read more, I started understanding what really went on in churches. I started to be able to place things certain grown ups did better. I was in shock. I couldn't believe that people, actual adults, believed this stuff and took it seriously. The following religious classes in school, I came into the classroom with my bible filled with page markers. I had a BUNCH of questions for the teacher. I drove him insane, lol. But I was genuine though... I wasn't trying to troll him or anything. Looking back though, I get why he got annoyed after a while - because it must have looked like trolling very much.

My fascination with religious belief started growing after that, so I also picked up a quran and read that one too. All throughout the book, I had the exact same feeling as with the bible. I thought it was very creepy. Not necessarily the stories themselves, but rather the idea that adults believed it and took it seriously.


I think I'm a good example of why it is important for the religious to "get them while they are young". Because if you let kids grow up in an a-religious environment and teach them critical thinking and a scientific mindset... then you're going to have quite a hard time to get them to believe in a religion.


So that's my non-religious story in a nutshell.

 

[Psalm23]

@Psalm23 maybe you could elaborate a bit more on your own story?

When I was very young I believed on Jesus and said a salvation prayer. I don't remember what it was just that I prayed. I would sing in stores at times and at the church. In the small church I first went to, we had this family video or recording where you could hear me singing above the congregation. For a time I don't remember very well it seemed was like my faith was more innocent. Yet at some point doubt came in. Also being very young I asked my parents in the back of the car, " Am I saved now?" I wanted to know I would go to heaven when I die. I remember asking but I don't recall what was the reply. Little did I know that question " am I saved?" would come back with avengence and haunt me for many years following.

Looking back on family videos when I was a child, I can see some moments where I thought that was anxiety showing up. One moment in particular I was playing around and being silly. Hogging the camera saying it's my show it's my show. Then a some point a fear came over me. I was worried about something like my heartbeat or breathing it seemed. I believe I was worried about death. I said yikes then was being more kind to my sister saying it's our show.

Fast forwarding to middle school, my mom and dad were separated. I was going to a new school and living with my grandparents. I absolutely despised my school. Thankfully I was only there for a year. I was made fun of a lot. People would call me gay. Once I was so angry with a kid in class ( can't remember the reason why) that I gave him the finger and enjoyed it. I was called out for doing it to the teacher, but the teacher didn't see so I didn't get in trouble. It was during this time I was with my grandparents that I questioned if I really loved God and this disturbed me. Someone online posted about something and I basically said in so many words I didn't know if I truly loved God and I recall that someone thumbed it down and I took that more personally than I have ought to.

When I moved out of my grandparents house and went to a new school, I liked it much better. It appeared like I was doing fine with my grades.

In 2007, I started 9th grade high school. In July 2007 my mom and dad had already been divorced for sometime and my mom remarried. So, I lived with my mom and step-father. At some point stress was getting to me hard during the high school years and it 9th grade I began this habit of checking my pulse. Later on panic attacks came, depression, guilt, bitting on pens and pencils so much I would destroy many of them. I don't know if all of this happened in 9th grade but it was during high school. It was during my high school years that I would often pray to God asking him to save me. The fear of hell was in full force. No matter how much I prayed a salvation prayer no lasting peace was felt.

I didn't think God really loved me but so much, so when a sweet young girl from school said " Jesus loves you" to me , in my mind I'm like really? I ended up going to her church once and she gave me a KJV bible at some point.
At some point, likely at the end of the service, people were getting prayed for to be filled with the Holy Spirit. I basically had the attitude that ain't nothing gonna happen and I'm about to prove it. And the man prayed for me. I felt nothing. In one way I think I told her that I said nothing would happen but in another way, I might have been disappointed.

Once in school I felt like I really did denied Jesus. A girl said to me so Jesus changed your life? I said No but the bible. At some point after this had happened,in a moment of panic on the bus going home, I yelled out "JESUS SAVE ME!!! JESUS!!!!"
Eventually I calmed down. I really thought I was going to die.

Then later a person on a online chat said that God was whispering my name to her to pray for me. She said he would say " Remember this one." It was words that touched me for a long time and I am glad she had spoken that to me.

During my time in school, I did not feel like I could call God, Father. But I so really wanted to.

Come 2011 I graduated and moved again not too long afterwards. May 2012 I met some people and really desired the Holy Spirit at this time. So I was prayed for to receive/be filled with the Holy Spirit. The experience itself was powerful and I had felt like my whole body was on fire. Not in a painful way, just intense heat. It was after this experience that I had felt fine calling God, Father after years of not feeling comfortable calling him Father, and it truly puzzled me. And yet I still struggled with many fears spiritual and not spiritual. Spiritual involving going to hell, or being left being in the rapture. Other fears like being home alone, going far away from home, passing out and more.

For some number of years I was involved in the practice calling speaking in tongues. I believed in it for sometime but after a while I quit the speaking in tongues completely. It just did not make sense to me and did not seem to help nor could I know what I was saying and not knowing what I was saying if it was good or bad was very concerning to me.

One particular year around the Christmas season I went to a Sunday morning service. They played the song God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen/He has Come for us. It was a song that touched my heart with tears as I saw that Jesus had come for me. He had loved me. There was yet much for me to learn.

Much of the fears I had revolved around going to hell. That fear would branch out in other forms. Often times showing in a form of a question.

What if I didn't forgive someone and go to hell?
What if I didn't pray that prayer right?

I was be afraid that God wouldn't accept me because of passages like Revelation 21:8 and other verses as well.

I would worry that God wouldn't accept me because of my anxiety or if I was too covetous of other stuff.

I have found that both bible reading and music has helped me in feeling more secure in my relationship with God. Even Katy Perry's song Hot and Cold was encouraging to me in my spiritual life. It encouraged me that God is not into the playing manipulative games by saying one thing but secreting meaning another. I learned that salvation is by grace through faith in the Lord Jesus and he is the Savior and I am not the Savior. So, I can trust him and leave my eternity in his hands.

I do believe I still have much area to learn and grow. I have become stronger, more bold and willing to face fears. I still slip up but I rise again.

 

[Nimos]

That's really refreshing. Most people only want to see what currently agrees with them. I also try to look at things independently, and will look at different evidence to test my beliefs. Sometimes I wish I hadn't at first, but in the end it has mostly worked out.

However, I am more interested in the source behind other people's beliefs, namely what the Founder of their religion said, and evaluate it for myself.

I can understand you, realizing that one's belief might not really reflect reality as good as one thought, can be a tough cookie at first. But on the other hand, new and more correct information might change how you view other things in life as well, which can be quite exciting I think. So I have started to be better at finding the excitement in getting rid of wrong beliefs and learning new things. And to be honest, if it weren't correct to begin with, you have basically just fooled yourself, because one didn't care to carefully validate one's beliefs, and what is worse than fooling oneself? . I think it makes life more interesting, learning new things, rather than trying to keep confirming one's own beliefs and on purpose try to avoid things that could question them.

In my opinion if one cares about truth, that is not something one should be afraid of, but rather embrace. I agree, one should go as close to the main source as possible and try to avoid other people's interpretations or at least, one should try to find people that disagree with that interpretation to avoid it being to biased.

 

[Rival]

When I was very young I believed on Jesus and said a salvation prayer. I don't remember what it was just that I prayed. I would sing in stores at times and at the church. In the small church I first went to, we had this family video or recording where you could hear me singing above the congregation. For a time I don't remember very well it seemed was like my faith was more innocent. Yet at some point doubt came in. Also being very young I asked my parents in the back of the car, " Am I saved now?" I wanted to know I would go to heaven when I die. I remember asking but I don't recall what was the reply. Little did I know that question " am I saved?" would come back with avengence and haunt me for many years following.

Looking back on family videos when I was a child, I can see some moments where I thought that was anxiety showing up. One moment in particular I was playing around and being silly. Hogging the camera saying it's my show it's my show. Then a some point a fear came over me. I was worried about something like my heartbeat or breathing it seemed. I believe I was worried about death. I said yikes then was being more kind to my sister saying it's our show.

Fast forwarding to middle school, my mom and dad were separated. I was going to a new school and living with my grandparents. I absolutely despised my school. Thankfully I was only there for a year. I was made fun of a lot. People would call me gay. Once I was so angry with a kid in class ( can't remember the reason why) that I gave him the finger and enjoyed it. I was called out for doing it to the teacher, but the teacher didn't see so I didn't get in trouble. It was during this time I was with my grandparents that I questioned if I really loved God and this disturbed me. Someone online posted about something and I basically said in so many words I didn't know if I truly loved God and I recall that someone thumbed it down and I took that more personally than I have ought to.

When I moved out of my grandparents house and went to a new school, I liked it much better. It appeared like I was doing fine with my grades.

In 2007, I started 9th grade high school. In July 2007 my mom and dad had already been divorced for sometime and my mom remarried. So, I lived with my mom and step-father. At some point stress was getting to me hard during the high school years and it 9th grade I began this habit of checking my pulse. Later on panic attacks came, depression, guilt, bitting on pens and pencils so much I would destroy many of them. I don't know if all of this happened in 9th grade but it was during high school. It was during my high school years that I would often pray to God asking him to save me. The fear of hell was in full force. No matter how much I prayed a salvation prayer no lasting peace was felt.

I didn't think God really loved me but so much, so when a sweet young girl from school said " Jesus loves you" to me , in my mind I'm like really? I ended up going to her church once and she gave me a KJV bible at some point.
At some point, likely at the end of the service, people were getting prayed for to be filled with the Holy Spirit. I basically had the attitude that ain't nothing gonna happen and I'm about to prove it. And the man prayed for me. I felt nothing. In one way I think I told her that I said nothing would happen but in another way, I might have been disappointed.

Once in school I felt like I really did denied Jesus. A girl said to me so Jesus changed your life? I said No but the bible. At some point after this had happened,in a moment of panic on the bus going home, I yelled out "JESUS SAVE ME!!! JESUS!!!!"
Eventually I calmed down. I really thought I was going to die.

Then later a person on a online chat said that God was whispering my name to her to pray for me. She said he would say " Remember this one." It was words that touched me for a long time and I am glad she had spoken that to me.

During my time in school, I did not feel like I could call God, Father. But I so really wanted to.

Come 2011 I graduated and moved again not too long afterwards. May 2012 I met some people and really desired the Holy Spirit at this time. So I was prayed for to receive/be filled with the Holy Spirit. The experience itself was powerful and I had felt like my whole body was on fire. Not in a painful way, just intense heat. It was after this experience that I had felt fine calling God, Father after years of not feeling comfortable calling him Father, and it truly puzzled me. And yet I still struggled with many fears spiritual and not spiritual. Spiritual involving going to hell, or being left being in the rapture. Other fears like being home alone, going far away from home, passing out and more.

For some number of years I was involved in the practice calling speaking in tongues. I believed in it for sometime but after a while I quit the speaking in tongues completely. It just did not make sense to me and did not seem to help nor could I know what I was saying and not knowing what I was saying if it was good or bad was very concerning to me.

One particular year around the Christmas season I went to a Sunday morning service. They played the song God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen/He has Come for us. It was a song that touched my heart with tears as I saw that Jesus had come for me. He had loved me. There was yet much for me to learn.

Much of the fears I had revolved around going to hell. That fear would branch out in other forms. Often times showing in a form of a question.

What if I didn't forgive someone and go to hell?
What if I didn't pray that prayer right?

I was be afraid that God wouldn't accept me because of passages like Revelation 21:8 and other verses as well.

I would worry that God wouldn't accept me because of my anxiety or if I was too covetous of other stuff.

I have found that both bible reading and music has helped me in feeling more secure in my relationship with God. Even Katy Perry's song Hot and Cold was encouraging to me in my spiritual life. It encouraged me that God is not into the playing manipulative games by saying one thing but secreting meaning another. I learned that salvation is by grace through faith in the Lord Jesus and he is the Savior and I am not the Savior. So, I can trust him and leave my eternity in his hands.

I do believe I still have much area to learn and grow. I have become stronger, more bold and willing to face fears. I still slip up but I rise again.

That's quite the experience. I'm glad you seem to be in a better place now than you were. Not knowing things like this can be really debilitating and I remember when I was a Christian I had the same hell fear, which I wrote about in my diary. It's good to see that you still carry on despite your struggles. I think we all have those dark times where we wonder; but here,

'The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; O God, You will not despise a broken and crushed heart.'

 

[Psalm23]

That's quite the experience. I'm glad you seem to be in a better place now than you were. Not knowing things like this can be really debilitating and I remember when I was a Christian I had the same hell fear, which I wrote about in my diary. It's good to see that you still carry on despite your struggles. I think we all have those dark times where we wonder; but here,

'The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; O God, You will not despise a broken and crushed heart.'

Thank you very much. There was this one song that resonated with me during times when feeling broken.

 

[Psalm23]

I was raised in a very tepid "Christian" household. Basically only "Christian" as a sort of stand-in to make appearances as having "some faith, rather than none" to the rest of the community. My parents were not religious in any sense - no tithing, barely went to church except around some holidays, didn't share anything with us children from The Bible, etc. They still hold some vague notion that there is a "God," but I think that has more to do with some hold-out from their upbringing than it does with their actually having thought too deeply about it and allowing themselves to come to their own conclusions.

Anyway, in that environment, I was free to accept or reject whatever ideas I wanted to, without any consistent backlash or criticisms. I remember the first times people tried to talk to me about "Jesus" and "God" and how foreign and nonsensical it seemed. You see, I had decided (without even really realizing it) to accept what made sense and correlated with reality, and reject what didn't. And Christianity made absolutely zero sense to me. Using a test of holding the claims made by Christianity up to the reality I experience day-to-day, it was no contest. Christianity was bunk. Intellectual garbage which should all too easily be drop-kicked into the furnace where bad ideas and bad fiction go. Unfortunately, I began to realize quite quickly how many of those surrounding me in my community held all those crazy, unfounded ideas in pretty high esteem. So high that they became downright enraged when you contradicted them, or asked questions that confounded them. This did nothing to deter me, however, and instead just reinforced the inkling I had that their ideas were all bad and malformed.

You see - I have come to find (and found pretty early on, lucky for me) that the more insecure a person is about their ideas, the less sure they really are about them - which very likely means their foundations for those ideas and "knowledge" are built of manure. And Christians are AMAZINGLY GOOD at displaying their insecurity over their ideas. I mean... they're just awesome at it. Really top notch. And so, no matter the proselytization attempt, no matter the excuses made or long-winded (and I mean LOOOOONNNNGGG-winded) attempts at explaining their ideas - NONE of it could sway me. No matter how good the explanation, you never get to a place where there simply aren't MORE logical problems and therefore simple, but necessary questions introduced by any answer within Christian teaching. Never. There is no such place.

Unfortunately among many Christians, there can be a bunch of backlash against those who disagree. Also there can be a bunch of preaching and trying to convert when in reality there ought to be more listening and compassion.

As James 1:19 states: "So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath;" ( NKJV )

 

[Onoma]

Well,..father unknown, raised by single mother, not a religious household, rather more philosophical / spiritual. Mom was a polymath, and I, a hellion

Attended Lutheran, Episcopalian, and Methodist affiliated schools, both private and boarding schools, dropped out in the 9th after getting to the point no schools would accept me, spent my teen years addicted to hard drugs / alcohol, living on the streets / incarcerated in various facilities, did some time in jail when I was 18, eventually started hanging out with a better crowd of folks in my 20's

Spent my 20's and early 30's working as a cook, and eventually a chef, sometimes a carpenter. Mom passed in 2001 after breast / brain cancer, then a few years later I ended up with cancer ( Small cell in my lungs, I had been a heavy smoker ) as well. I decided not to seek medical care for it, ended up giving away all my possessions, basically giving up on life, moved into a small shelter I had built in the woods and waited, but my health seemed to linger on and I soon found myself missing the life I had become so accustomed to, so, I sought work, saved my money and got into a house again, and went back to grind, if anything to pass the time until the inevitable

Then in my late 30's I started having problems standing, writing, even thinking, and it was discovered I had an aggressive brain tumor, and at that point I was no longer able to physically handle working, so I cut off contact with the world and withdrew into my house to die

It was during this time that I began to wrestle with the idea of " god ", contemplating my death, the choices I had made in my life, the wrongs, the rights, the twists and turns. I had never read the Bible or any other books associated with the world's religions, had no interest in religion or religious beliefs, but I hadn't rejected them either. They had just remained off the radar for me

My health started to rapidly decline, the closer I felt to death, the more distraught I became, and one night, with a heavy heart, I got down on my knees and asked for help, for an answer, for something, anything

It was the very next night that something rather extraordinary happened to me, this in turn led to me opening the Bible and taking an interest in religions, religious beliefs, history and so on. That was 9 years ago

Due to the nature of my experience that night, I could never bring myself to tell anyone what happened, not even my closest friends.

That was the beginning of my experience with the mystery we call " god "

 

[loverofhumanity]

Hello I am starting this thread for people to tell their stories of faith and doubt and/or unbelief. Everyone is welcome to share.

I will start.
I am a Christian. I believed on Jesus at a young age. I have gone through ups and downs and my faith. Questions, doubts and fears plus panic attacks. I have come a long way in dealing with anxiety. The are times and days where it is hard for me to trust God. I am learning to trust and step out of my comfort zone to face my fears.

Glad to meet you bro. You seem quite sincere. We all go through ups and downs, ebbs and flows, that’s just life, so you’re normal. I was born a Christian and became a very devout one and just fell in love with Jesus and His teachings of love and forgiveness.

Then one day I came across some people who told me He had returned. My immediate response was that it was all nonsense.Then they showed me some Tablets He wrote addressing Christians and the kings and queens and even the pope. As I read these Words, I was seized with joy and bliss and for at least 3 days I stayed alone in my apartment so overcome with joy and happiness that I dare not go out as people may have thought some tragedy had befallen me so overcome I was with emotion. I had just discovered what billions still have yet to see but will eventually, as it is promised that all eyes, will see Him. That is those who have eyes to see and ears to hear (I.e spiritually minded, God fearing)

And so my friend, that’s in short my story.

 

[rational experiences]

I was born into my family, humans. My Mother did not believe in religious teaching, and my Father did not practice religion either. However my aunty was a devout Catholic who took it upon her self to teach us her beliefs.

My Mother agreed and sent us off to the Catholic church, until a time came when constant ask for money that we did not have, as we were poor, made my Mother wonder about religious idealism.

I learnt about other religious beliefs throughout my child to adult hood via various friends from a multi cultural background. I found it interesting that the theme of the religious teaching was similar and wondered why it was similar when everyone said that only their teaching was correct.

As a human not coerced, I did not have to believe in God, and all the stories I heard made me very fearful that if you did not believe in God, then God will strike you dead.

As an adult I therefore studied what the fear of God was, to then realise it discussed planet Earth as a body in science, and how science by human choice changed our planet as a natural reactive body. So then after witnessing phenomena conditions itself, I concluded that humans ought to stop idealising that being natural and spiritual is innate in self without being told you need to be spiritual.

The realisation of why humans brain/mind changed as a chemical condition was obvious as I studied life, like most of us who are curious do. Radiation conditions changes chemistry is what science taught me, what it was used and inferred to reason, by science. To force change natural history and chemicals in fusion/natural planetary history. So I thought, no wonder God attacked our life, so needed not be fearful. For it was rationalised in my life that spiritual history had a story itself.

I therefore looked into cultures who just lived as natural families and saw how innocent and quiet they were, to rationalise, not all teachings are honest.

When a human lives as a self, like I realised, if I wanted to be nasty and angry then I owned the control of that condition. As I worked with the intellectually disabled, brain damaged and changed mind conditions, lots of those humans were naturally loving, but I also observed bad behavioural problems. So I learnt as I lived. And I observed and tried not to be judgemental.

So it was easy to assess that human behaviour depended on a healthy brain/mind chemical balance. Which our heavenly body, the gases determined in old science terms to be the spirit became imbalanced. So I thought, to my life it was obvious why we no longer were being as spiritual as we should be.

Therefore as I worked on my own life choices and motivated myself to meditate and understand human behaviour and personal relationships abusive but also constructive, then I learnt another informed living condition. How humans share relationships also causes a lot of problems for humans.

Spiritually the only proof I ever gained that a real and true higher spirit existed that loved me unconditionally, seeing in human life, many and multi conditions are imposed about behaviour and who you should or should not be, was a real spirit.

And that spirit presence did not identify their own self by any title. Therefore I rationalised, if spirit were real as the identification from which creation came from, how and why did a burning historic science spatial history own a rational thesis about having been removed from a higher spiritual state.

That defined personal observation therefore taught me to research and apply questioning conditions for a self thesis. And like any thesis before it, it only came about as a story from the story telling researcher.

Hence if a human quotes Earth is a planet. But then a philosophy about God quotes God is the stone....then I thought upon that thesis. And said, well it must be about science. And science and the spirit of science was all about a gas.

And I knew that the eternal spirit or being that loves us unconditionally was not that spirit in science human explanation. Spirit therefore proved itself to me without me claiming I own it or know it. But it certainly knew that I existed and it proved that it loved me unconditionally without my claim to giving it a name or an identity, when it did not communicate either to me.

My own life in a research about spirit.

 

[URAVIP2ME]

.....................Not knowing things like this can be really debilitating and I remember when I was a Christian I had the same hell fear, which I wrote about in my diary. It's good to see that you still carry on despite your struggles. I think we all have those dark times where we wonder; but here, 'The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; O God, You will not despise a broken and crushed heart.'

Yes, many ' had the same hell fear ' but is that fear really Christian or a false teaching of ' Christendom ' ( so-called Christian but mostly in name only ).
I find the 'Bible's hell' is quite different from Christendom's view.
Christendom teaches: forever hot burning after death.
Jesus teaches: a temporary stone-cold grave after death for the 'sleeping dead' until glorious Resurrection Day - Acts 24:15
Jesus was well educated in the OT which teaches ' sleep ' (Not pain) in death.
( John 11:11-14; Psalms 6:5; Psalms 13:3; Psalms 115:17; Isaiah 38:18; Ecclesiastes 9:5 )
Christendom teaches that No one righteous goes to hell, and can anyone think of anyone righteous who went to hell the day he died ________
According to Acts 2:27 righteous Jesus went to biblical hell the day he died.
When KJV translated the word Gehenna into English as hell fire that put flames in biblical hell.
Gehenna was just a garbage pit outside of Jerusalem where things were destroyed forever.
So, in Scripture there is No fire in death, but the wicked will simply perish ' destroyed forever ' - Psalms 92:7; Psalms 104:35

 

[viole]

Hello I am starting this thread for people to tell their stories of faith and doubt and/or unbelief. Everyone is welcome to share.

I will start.
I am a Christian. I believed on Jesus at a young age. I have gone through ups and downs and my faith. Questions, doubts and fears plus panic attacks. I have come a long way in dealing with anxiety. The are times and days where it is hard for me to trust God. I am learning to trust and step out of my comfort zone to face my fears.

I am viole.

I come from North Sweden, above the polar circle, even tho now I live in Central Switzerland. I hold both citizenships, so you can confuse the two countries with impunity when you address my nationality. I have Sami blood from my mother side, and that explains my avatar as a girl (looking like me according to hubby) in Sami traditional costume.

I have been diagnosed with a mild form of autism when I was 12, the so called Asperger syndrome. That did not influence my life in any negative way, so I consider that more like an asset than an handicap. The only problem with the condition is that affects my social interactions (I hate parties, smalltalk and I am very introverted, for instance), and makes it difficult for me to understand human psychology, and when I am hurting someone's feelings.

My "Spiritual" path:

1) Fundamental Christian and YEC. So called born again. That was when I was a teeny, an age notorious for being characterised by a predominance of hormones over neurones
2) Old earth creationist
3) Evolutionary theist. (I started my mathematical and scientific studies in the meantime)
4) Universalist
5) Agnostic
6) Ontological naturalist. <--- Current state

As an ontological naturalist, aka metaphysical naturalist, I reject the existence of anything spiritual or supernatural. I actually go so far to claim knowledge that there is no god.

I am married to an Italian and have two kids. All atheists (even before me). I love mathematics, theoretical physics, and tearing down arguments for the existence of god. I also love music, soccer and chess.

Because of living in Switzerland and being married to an Italian, I speak fluently German and Italian, additionally to my Swedish mother language and English, as we learned it from school.

I am a fan of Opeth, Klaus Schulze, Premiata Forneria Marconi, Tangerine Dream and Juventus Turin.

Ciao

- viole

 

[amorphous_constellation]

I suppose I started out as nominally Christian, as both my parents sort of were, though they seemed to disagree on it a lot. Ma liked to take me to church in my single digit years, but I never really learned much about it that way. As a teenager I seemed kind of interested in Buddhism. I was always curious about the bible however, and eventually did read the bible later on, in my early 20's, and started joining some internet discussions on it. From there, I read all kinds of other stuff. As well, I became a sort of atheist or agnostic for a few years there. Then spirituality started to come back, gradually. Now I feel like I've climbed to the spot I roughly should be at, and I feel like I will continue to learn more in the future, if I can remain focused

 

[Aupmanyav]

I am a Hindu. When I was young my grandfather a historian, Sanskritist, wrote what can be termed probably as the latest Hindu law book (1950, 8000 Sanskrit verses. On the lines of Manu Smriti, the most renowned Hindu law book). As is usual the first chapter is devoted to creation. Now, my grandpa was an orthodox Hindu but in 1950, science had progressed tremendously. He could not exclude the progress of science from his book. So he included info about Big Bang, evolution and paleontology (Homo fossils), continental drift, 92 elements (what he thought at that time), etc. This is the difference between Hindu scriptures and those of other religions. My grandpa's book is not considered a scriptures as yet, but who knows if it may be considered that after a few centuries.

So I am a product of such environment. At first I was a theist, but that did not gel with my scientific views. So somewhere around my middle age, I abandoned this attempt to harmonize science and the theist Hindu views, and became a strong atheist. Fortunately, there was a philosophy in Hinduism where I could adjust. So I became an "atheist, Advaitist (non-dualism), orthodox Hindu". With that, I am at peace now.

 

[Hockeycowboy]

Your....

obligatory atheist phase at 17-18

(Grief, I must’ve missed mine! Do I need to pay a fine?)

No, really, in all seriousness....I’m glad you still express loyalty to the G-d that Noah, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, King David, etc., worshipped. (Me, too.)

Interesting journey you’ve had, I pray it continues!

 

[Jedster]

@Psalm23

I was born(1948) into a Jewish family who were formally orthodox, but we were not really very orthodox. We lived in England.

My earliest memory of religion was from the age of 4 when I was sent to a local primary school.
The school was officially CofE, although I doubt my parents knew that.
I well remember each morning, in assembly, the Lord's prayer would be recited.
I remember , in particular, the words "forgive us our trespasses, As we forgive them that trespass against us."
Quite honestly that gave me the willies. I did not know who/what Jesus was and the every time the letter 's' was sung, it sounded to me like snakes hissing.(No offence meant to Christians).
So, after a few days, I asked my parents, "Who is "Jesus Price?".
I cannot remember what they said(I think they chuckled), but the following week I was enrolled in a Jewish primary school.
My elder brother was also taken of his school which was called St Mary's, a Catholic school.

Another memory from that time.
As I said above we were formally orthodox, but that only meant we were members of an orthodox synagogue. Many of the members were not really orthodox.
So, one Shabbos(Sabbath) morning, I was out with my dad driving(he was doing the driving :>)) and , as you may know, Jews are forbidden to drive on that day.
Suddenly my dad noticed our Rabbi, walking. Dad was embarrassed and ducked for a few seconds until the Rabbi passed. It appeared that the Rabbi did not notice.
Next morning, the Rabbi turned up at our house and said (not verbatim) "I am not here to admonish you for driving on Shabbos, but rather for driving dangerously and endangering lives".
He gave me a big smile and a bar of chocolate.
I'm not sure how I interpreted that at the age of 4, but I can say I felt the beginning of what wisdom might mean. I remember feeling more 'grown up' from this.

I had non-Jewish friends & neighbours growing up, mainly Christian & Catholic. All of us were nominal in our religions and didn't take it very seriously.(Although for us males, we did joke about where it is better to be a Cavalier or Roundhead).

I continued In Jewish school until the age of 18. Today these schools would be called Yeshiva High schools. We were learning the Jewish scriptures, history and Jewish law(Mishna & Gomorroh) every day as well as good secular education.
University life, was my first real exposure to non-Jews and was really disturbed at the amount anti-Semitism. I was not very observant at that time, but still saw that in the eyes of the world, I will always a Jew, whether I have Jewish beliefs or not.
So, I went to live in Israel at 21.
During my time there, I did become more observant for a while and did more learning.
I became somewhat disillusioned with the religion as I got more interested in esoteric subjects. I wanted to experience God or Truth for myself. This was discouraged by those around me so I just lapsed in observance and became secular.
A few years on, I began hear about Eastern ideas of God/Truth/Existence which really ignited a thirst in me to know what is meant by 'Truth'.
So, to cut a long story short(I'm trying :>)), I got completely absorbed and eventually became a follower of an Indian Guru who I came to believe was God-incarnate. 'He' gave me a direct experience of Truth/God.
I stayed with him for 23 years until events happened that made my beliefs dissolve.

I reverted back to just being a Theist for a while until I did a forensic investigation(on myself) as to how and why I ever believed. I found that I hold no such beliefs.

So, in conclusion, my beliefs in the two versions of God I believed in, had evaporated.
I regard all scriptures as written by people who were trying to express their wonder of existence, which many of them called God.
There is lots of wisdom there, probably some history and definitely some control issues.
I do own and read most available scriptures although my preference is towards the Dharmic writings, which seem to pierce me deeply in regard to 'what we are'.

I suppose that Trans-theist is the word I would use if I had to state a religion. I just don't have any God-concept.