Telling Friends and Family

[Fireside_Hindu]

Namaste all!

I posed this question to another forum but I wanted to get thoughts from those of you who have come to Hinduism by way of conversion or adoption.

I have reached a point where I feel it's time for me to stop hiding my religious practices and beliefs. Up to this point, I have sidestepped the conversation with family and friends, and even hidden my shrine when family has come to visit!

At one time this was okay because I was still figuring it all out and there were questions I wasn't prepared to answer.

But now I am tired of hiding. I feel like my behavior is less caution and appears more like shame. And I'm certainly not ashamed.

So I wanted to hear from all of you about how your family and friends found out about your faith and how they took the news. I understand every situation will be different, but hearing about how others have dealt with this situation might give me extra courage.

Thanks in advance for sharing your insight!:help:

 

[Windwalker]

What comes to mind for me is to say this is your personal relationship with what is meeting your needs. Others may not understand it, but you have to come back to what it is to you. It is you that is asking to be seen and accepted, less so the practices, even if they may focus on those external forms instead. The challenge is in them accepting you first, and if they see you are happy, then the forms are incidental by comparison. Find the peace in you, and be grounded in that first and last. Give love, even when love may struggle through their own issues to come forth.

 

[Sha'irullah]

I could never do such a thing to my family. I hold a strong deistic outlook upon religion along with a "Perennial" one. It is odd I say that considering Windwalker's choice of religion .
But my family chooses to abide by blind faith in order to maintain their Christian views as right. They have openly told me that rationality and intellect has no place in Christianity. So there is no "coming out" for me sadly. No mutual understanding or love can be placed between me and them to quench their frustration towards my abandonment of Christianity.

 

[Sumit]

So I wanted to hear from all of you about how your family and friends found out about your faith and how they took the news. I understand every situation will be different, but hearing about how others have dealt with this situation might give me extra courage.

Thanks in advance for sharing your insight!:help:

My parents believe that I am an atheist, earlier I was so egoistic that when there were big yajnas at our house, I never sat on them. I never bowed near any deity. But things changed so fast. So now I shy to admit before my family that I am a religious person. . I even hide my all religious books in a manner than no other can find them (somtimes even I forget where are they ). All my religious practices are hidden and only my close friend knows about them. But your case is different so you can introduce your beliefs to your family. Or you start practicing whatever religion you are interested, this is also a type of self introduction.

 

[ratikala]

namaskaram :namaste

Namaste all!

I have reached a point where I feel it's time for me to stop hiding my religious practices and beliefs. Up to this point, I have sidestepped the conversation with family and friends, and even hidden my shrine when family has come to visit!

this is allways a delicate subject , through my experience I have realised that the same is true of most prople family or freinds , and that is that they feel more comfortable when we behave in a way that they cam understand , which generaly means beliving what they belive , ..... however there are allways some who are able to be a little more open minded and are happy for you if you are happy .

so generaly I do not bother anyone with what I feel might disturb them .

my family are culturaly christian but non practicing so it is normal to them to be self serving , they have created for themselves a cosy nest in the world of material comforts and do not realy want to look any further , this is their comfort zone so I try not to disturb it .

I find that it is better not to hide things completely but not to act overtly religious in their presence .

personaly I would be happy to discuss anything that anyone who wished to discuss it , but do not think it is a good idea to push anything upon anyone who isnt willing to understand as it generaly causes more dammage than good.

At one time this was okay because I was still figuring it all out and there were questions I wasn't prepared to answer.

But now I am tired of hiding. I feel like my behavior is less caution and appears more like shame. And I'm certainly not ashamed.

I understand your feeling , I keep a room reserved for my shrine so that I dont have to enter into the discussion unless I know that it is appropriate .any how the deities need their privicy too , worship and serva is a very personal relationship, ....
this means that I tend to live a very private life .
we have lived in the country , in a small village , for 10 years , and I felt at first that I should be open about my faith but not overtly so , but I have noticed that the responce is not allways as healthy as it might be . it is amazing to observe that many people will accept a hindu mooving in to their neibourhood if they are indian , they see that as something quite acceptable these days , but to come across a white english born devotee causes problems ...? I think it rings some sort of hidden alarm bell ?
it is more acceptable to be buddhist because there are plenty of semi practicing buddhist leaning white folk , but when it comes to fully fledged initiatad converts to hinduism I think that stories about cults come to mind .

personaly I like to think that my conduct and values should speak for them selves and that there is no need to say what my faith is unless asked .


I have even had to ask my husband not to making general open references to hindu beleif unless it is very relevant to the discussion , because so many people do not quite understand how to take it ,.... it is a very difficult one , I have had to point out that christians dont (on the whole) go round asserting their christian'ness they just do what they do , being good people , I belive we should do the same .
no one likes a self rightious christian and in the same way an overtly hindu is equaly scary .

freinds and family should be a little different in that they should generaly have a little more interst in your wellbeing , but all I can say is take it gently talk about the general areas that you have in common first this is allways helpfull to set peoples minds at rest , and from there on in just take it gently as the oppertunities come .

So I wanted to hear from all of you about how your family and friends found out about your faith and how they took the news. I understand every situation will be different, but hearing about how others have dealt with this situation might give me extra courage.

generaly I'd say take it gently and make prayers for their blessings , that they might happily understand and accept :namaste

Thanks in advance for sharing your insight!:help:

 

[Jainarayan]

So I wanted to hear from all of you about how your family and friends found out about your faith and how they took the news. I understand every situation will be different, but hearing about how others have dealt with this situation might give me extra courage.

As a 55 year old grown man whose bills no one else pays, I do not care what family (I have few friends) think. My "blood" family has always considered me "weird". My extended in-laws family are accepting of just about everyone and everything. Yes, this is an ethnic stereotype, but they are Puerto Rican and Puerto Ricans love everyone. And despite another stereotype, they are not all devout Roman Catholics! So they rarely pass judgment. Now, Cubans on the other hand... (it's a running thing that Puerto Ricans and Cubans don't think much of each other ).

Anyway, my DNA family found out I am Hindu when I blurted it out. I was telling my nephew-in-law the story of Lord Narasimha, Prahlada and Hiranyakashipu, and what the lesson was. We got to the story via a convoluted discussion, but he was fascinated. My niece said "so what are you, Buddhist?" I looked her dead in the eye and said "Hindu" and continued the story.

At home there's no way I can hide it, nor would I, because in addition to my altar, which is in the dining area for lack of space in this matchbox house, I have pictures and statues of deities everywhere. I even have small pictures of deities on my desk at work (you know, the US Constitution First Amendment thingie about religion and the free exercise thereof ). In fact, when my boss first saw the pictures I put on my desk he asked what they are. I told him that one (Maa Lakshmi) brings good fortune and another (Lord Shiva) destroys the old, negative and worn out. My boss said "well, we could certainly use more of their help around here". When I wear an open collar shirt, my tulsi kanthi (it sits at the base of my neck) is quite visible, not that anyone, including most Indians, even know what it is, or care.

 

[Fireside_Hindu]

Thank you everyone, for your input and for sharing your stories.

I am beginning to see that perhaps the right path isn't to set aside time and "come out" but to simply live as I've been living and wait for it to come up from their end.

I will not hide my deity photos or my shrine from now on, and if anyone visits and asks I'll just have to mentally prepare myself to explain.

It's interesting examining the fine line I've been walking. My mother knows I volunteer at the local temple and that I even go to some festivals, and yet I always manage to direct the conversation in such a way that it just sounds like I'm interested Indian culture.

I know when my parents finally find out they will immediately think I've been indoctrinated into a cult - since anything that isn't Christianity is immediately suspect. But I think since I'm aware of that I'll be prepared to ease their minds. As I mentioned in the other forum, It's possible I'm not giving my parents enough credit. They could be perfectly welcoming. We shall see.

 

[Vinayaka]

Very generally speaking, cults have leaders. (Love that Simpson episode) Hinduism doesn't. You're also not asked to leave your family, or anything like that.

 

[Fireside_Hindu]

Very generally speaking, cults have leaders. (Love that Simpson episode) Hinduism doesn't. You're also not asked to leave your family, or anything like that.

Oh, agreed

I remember several months back I was talking to my mom about volunteering at the temple and how much I was enjoying it. I was trying to gauge her reaction without actually telling her about my faith. She was quiet for a while and then just signed and said, "I don't understand that religion."

I just smiled and said, 'It's okay mom. You don't have to."

The conversation ended there, but it was interesting non-the-less.

I think no matter what she will be suspicious/doubtful at first. My father will be perplexed and possibly assume I'm going through some sort of phase. I guess I just want them to take me seriously, but in the end I have no control of over that. I have to be true to myself.

 

[Maija]

It's funny I was thinking that this weekend.

We went to mass this morning for Easter, my mom asked if I would be going to church, given the fact that they know I attend regular kirtan and Hindu meditation/puja - they too see it stemming from interest in Indian religion which has benefited me during the time in which I needed to really investigate my 'next religion.' smh

Anyway, I told my mom I would be able to accompany them to mass which I feel is fair because they have come to my events, my mom said that this was good because she felt "It will be nice for (insert my daughters name- who is TWO and has a limited grasp on whats going on) to attend Easter mass."

Nothing wrong with this statement, but I think it stemmed from a place that seemed to think that because my beliefs appeared to be quite syncretic at times - or because they have been so "liberal" - it seemed that I had a lack of foundation and was confused.

I feel that there's no obligation to "come out." As others have said, live without shame for your beliefs, but as Jainarayan pointed out, you owe it to no one. Eventually someone will see the obvious and ask to reaffirm themselves "Are you a Hindu?" And then you can respond.

I hope this all makes sense.

 

[Fireside_Hindu]

Thank you for sharing, Maija!

I think even if you grow up with a religious but fairly liberal minded family, they will always think of you as a member of that faith and your transition to a new one, no matter how sincere you are, will always feel like a phase to them. Which I guess is why it's silly to concern myself with that aspect of it.

We shall see what happens. I will let it be, and as individual moments arise to answer questions or explain myself I will take it as it comes.

 

[Gaura Priya]

It's difficult for me because Christianity runs in my entire family... not as a religion, but as inherently part of our Philippine culture and way of life. Whenever I visit my family, and my Hinduness becomes apparent, it is obvious that my parents don't like it, and still do not. They would prefer Christian if possible, okay if Protestant, better if Anglican or Orthodox, and best if I just had stayed Catholic.

Mind you, I came from a family where Christianity was something cultural, part of our identity. Rosaries were said during times of difficulty, grace was said during occasions of celebration and feasting, and Mass was attended to during holy days. So when I converted from that into Hinduism, my family didn't like this. And this was years ago when I was a teenager!

Of course, I was a little fanatical back then... I even had a picture of Krishna in the kitchen and would make visible food offerings, bowing down and offering incense. Pretty terrible, lol.

I've made religion in my life from public to private, and I do not feel the need to advertise myself as I used to. As religion is a very private thing, I do not think it would be useful to make my parents feel any more uncomfortable than they need to regarding my faith.

 

[Maya3]

I only mention it if it comes up in conversation. Or if they ask me directly.
Often it´s the same as for Janarayan that they think I´m Buddhist and I have to tell them that I´m not.

But generally I´ve been surprised at how small a deal this is. People don´t think much of it actually and seem completely fine with it.
There has only been one occasion when someone has been really shocked.
It was as if I said I was a Martian. Now I wish I had reacted differently, but then I was so stunned by his reaction that I didn´t even know what to say.

Maya

 

[Fireside_Hindu]

Namaste everyone,


Thought I'd post an update on how this whole process has been going for me.

My Husband's brother now knows, since he stayed in my studio room during a visit a few months ago. My studio is where I kept my shrine. I kept the doors of the small shrine box closed, just so it wasn't "in his face". He spent most of the visit silent on the matter, but did ask me how my visit to the temple was on the Sunday he was visiting. I think he is probably in the "Don't get it" boat, but he is mature and respectful enough to let it be. I think this as good a reaction as I can hope for and that's fine

My Mother-in-Law is visiting in a month once we've settled into our new apartment. The shrine will once again be in my studio room, where she will be sleeping. While she is aware of my "interest" in Hinduism and my participation at the Temple, it is unclear how much she knows or cares. I will probably repeat what I did with my brother in law and just keep the doors closed but not try and hide it in any real way. We shall see.

My younger brother now knows, but seems to fall into the "It's just a phase" group. He sort of rolls his eyes and scoffs when it has come up in conversation. I believe his words were, "So how's that Hindu thing going?" Ah well. He's young.

Slowly but surely.

:camp:

 

[Kalidas]

Well lets see 4 familys (more actually probably lol) with all very different views. Step dads family first
They are CATHOLIC! Go to church every sunday read their bible every day yeah. I think they know? I think I told them I don't know it never comes up. I bet if my Grandpa ever saw my Kali maa Murti he would probably call it "voodoo". He's a down south born and raised in New Orleans retired marine. If it ain't christian its "voodoo".

My Biological dads family do not care int he slightest. It was actually a bigger deal to come out as a vegetarian, now THAT ruffled some feathers. They are all big Americans that LOVE their food. So saying "Hey I'm vegetarian now!" was akin to telling your Catholic family that you became a Satanist. lol they are super respectful though and i love em.

My fiances family. Again no problem. Most of my families except for the my step dads family are all very non religious. I mean I think they are Christian just not very big on practicing.

My moms family. I don't see or hear from them almost ever. maybe they saw it on my facebook?

 

[Poeticus]

Namaste all!

I posed this question to another forum but I wanted to get thoughts from those of you who have come to Hinduism by way of conversion or adoption.

I have reached a point where I feel it's time for me to stop hiding my religious practices and beliefs. Up to this point, I have sidestepped the conversation with family and friends, and even hidden my shrine when family has come to visit!

At one time this was okay because I was still figuring it all out and there were questions I wasn't prepared to answer.

But now I am tired of hiding. I feel like my behavior is less caution and appears more like shame. And I'm certainly not ashamed.

So I wanted to hear from all of you about how your family and friends found out about your faith and how they took the news. I understand every situation will be different, but hearing about how others have dealt with this situation might give me extra courage.

Thanks in advance for sharing your insight!:help:

Namaste,

Just like how Lord Shrī Agni shines his light in all directions, you should let your truth shine as well! This is your dharma.

जय श्री कृष्ण

 

[Vinayaka]

I bet if my Grandpa ever saw my Kali maa Murti he would probably call it "voodoo". He's a down south born and raised in New Orleans retired marine. If it ain't christian its "voodoo".

My father in law occasionally called it voodoo too. Some of the family stuff, especially when you only see them 2 or 3 times a year, can be really funny.

"You're not still doing THAT, are you?" This after 35 years, did they think it was a week long fad in 1980?
"Don't tell me you're going swimming in THAT river!" etc.

It's just ignorance, but I find it more funny that insulting.

 

[Vinayaka]

Namaste,

Just like how Lord Shrī Agni shines his light in all directions, you should let your truth shine as well! This is your dharma.

जय श्री कृष्ण

Not sure what you mean ... Hindus don't proseltyse, and in the west many face a balancing act between duty to family of a previous faith, and to their new found faith. it can be a fine line to walk without insulting someone you love.

 

[Poeticus]

Not sure what you mean ... Hindus don't proseltyse, and in the west many face a balancing act between duty to family of a previous faith, and to their new found faith. it can be a fine line to walk without insulting someone you love.

Namaste,

Not proselytize, tell them the truth: that you are Hindu. If you already did, then I apologize for creating the confusion. I didn't mean to come off of the wrong boat. If I offended you, then I apologize.

जय श्री कृष्ण

 

[Vinayaka]

Namaste,

Not proselytize, tell them the truth: that you are Hindu. If you already did, then I apologize for creating the confusion. I didn't mean to come off of the wrong boat. If I offended you, then I apologize.

जय श्री कृष्ण

I'm not offended personally. I adopted Hinduism almost 4o years ago, but I've seen the 'dance' that converts have to make, over that time. It can be difficult. Imagine someone in your own strong Hindu family has decided to go for Islam. Then you can perhaps better imagine this dance.