Terrible Advice from Meow Mix

[Meow Mix]

I am looking for terrible advice! If it don't land me in the hospital as a witch I'll hex you!

Hospitals are great! My suggestion is to make sure everyone feels extra safe at the hospital, so duct tape a very obvious firearm to your hip. To make sure everyone knows it's there, just skip wearing pants or a shirt!

Throw up your arms and announce loudly that you are ready to, and make sure you quote this, "shoot any lizard people that so much as fart at you the wrong way."

 

[VoidCat]

Hospitals are great! My suggestion is to make sure everyone feels extra safe at the hospital, so duct tape a very obvious firearm to your hip. To make sure everyone knows it's there, just skip wearing pants or a shirt!

Throw up your arms and announce loudly that you are ready to, and make sure you quote this, "shoot any lizard people that so much as fart at you the wrong way."

Ok so what my reason tho for going?

 

[Meow Mix]

Ok so what my reason tho for going?

To see if the MRI machine can deflect bullets mid-flight (and make sure the operators aren't lizard people), duh.

 

[9-10ths_Penguin]

I'm not responsible for what happens if you follow through. I also offer bogus tech support!

Thank you! I've been needing some help and advice.

I have two big problems:

1. Right now, my town is absolutely covered in mayflies. They're everywhere outside and they smell awful.

2. My wife's computer has been running very slowly lately.

How can I fix these problems? Are they linked?

 

[Meow Mix]

Thank you! I've been needing some help and advice.

I have two big problems:

1. Right now, my town is absolutely covered in mayflies. They're everywhere outside and they smell awful.

2. My wife's computer has been running very slowly lately.

How can I fix these problems? Are they linked?

This is very serious. Of course they’re linked! You see, computers download their computiness from the cloud. You’ve heard of the cloud, haven’t you?

Well, it’s hard for the computer to reach the cloud with all those mayflies in the way: the cloud of mayflies is distracting and makes the computer connect to the wrong cloud!

My suggestion is to put the computer in a faraday box (a good example of this is definitely your microwave). If it won’t fit, it’s fine to use a woodcutting axe or similar tool to get it in there (it will automatically save its configuration, so you can restore it later).

Once in the microwave, its faraday box qualities will amplify the signal to the cloud! Make sure to set it on HIGH, and set it to 10:00 for “10 computinesses.”

As for the mayflies… you are doomed. I’m sorry.

 

[Meow Mix]

Self-censored? Holy crap...you're actually a nice person! What are you doing on RF??

I have the mouth of a sailor (well, proverbially since I don’t speak). So if I don’t tread carefully my posts would be nothing but asterisks.

 

[Revoltingest]

I'm not responsible for what happens if you follow through. I also offer bogus tech support!

I need advice.
My own advice thread has languished.
Dear Revoltingest
How can mine rise to the top of the sewer
in the face of such fierce competition?

 

[Martin]

I have the mouth of a sailor...

 

[Shadow Wolf]

Erm, I'm not sure what you mean here by "follow through". To me it is a cricketing term, relating to the action of the batsman in completing his stroke correctly. But this has led to another meaning in popular parlance in the UK: Urban Dictionary: Follow through

We do use it here in a similar way as the cricketing way, but in baseball.
And, no, you UKistans are weird. Just weird. Follow through is taking advice, as Meow Mix said, or doing what you say you will. Follow through with it, is how it is often used.
For that other thing, it is properly called a shart.

 

[Heyo]

We do use it here in a similar way as the cricketing way, but in baseball.
And, no, you UKistans are weird. Just weird. Follow through is taking advice, as Meow Mix said, or doing what you say you will. Follow through with it, is how it is often used.

I'm not a native speaker but I think "to follow through" it not only to take advice but, like with baseball, to not stop when you hit the mark but "follow through" (and possibly make the advice absurd).

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

I figured @exchemist was just leading onto a joke, but I'm probably wrong.

 

[Meow Mix]

I need advice.
My own advice thread has languished.
Dear Revoltingest
How can mine rise to the top of the sewer
in the face of such fierce competition?

My suggestion for this is to use the Meow Mix Boost-A-Thread (TM) service.

To sign up, I’ll need:
1) Your personal information and credit card number
2) Your address
3) A list of your fears

But don’t send this to me, the best way to activate the service is to take out a full page ad insulting your town’s mothers while listing this information.

 

[Meow Mix]

We are still open for business here at Terrible Advice Inc.

 

[Martin]

I need a cunning plan to reunite Britain with the European Union. Should I involve Doctor Evil, and if so, how to raise the hundred billion dollars he will expect?

 

[Heyo]

I need a cunning plan to reunite Britain with the European Union.

Just have a little patience. It will all come together again, piece for piece. I think the order will be Scotland, Northern Ireland, Wales and then England.

 

[Martin]

Just have a little patience. It will all come together again, piece for piece. I think the order will be Scotland, Northern Ireland, Wales and then England.

We are trying to persuade Nicola "Braveheart" Sturgeon to invade lower England, and will bribe the Welsh archers to switch sides. Negotiations with the Irish have got nowhere atall, atall.

 

[Meow Mix]

I need a cunning plan to reunite Britain with the European Union. Should I involve Doctor Evil, and if so, how to raise the hundred billion dollars he will expect?

See, you have to treat this like any other breakup. I saw a movie once where someone sent two people a note, each claiming to be from the other, asking the other to meet in a neutral location. Then, they can hash out their differences.

I think it would probably be best if the EU and Britain met in Russia during the winter, that has always worked out well for everybody from what I've heard. I might not know what sarcasm is though.

Dr. Evil should definitely be involved too, though, so you can get some side action from Russia by sending a note claiming to be from Dr. Evil advising that Britain and EU will get back together on their doorstep unless they wire one hundred BILLION uh... euros?