Terrible Food Poetry Contest

[Brickjectivity]

Write a poem related to or about Terrible Food. It can be funny or not and it does not have to contain the word food, taste or any other words, and may include commentary on other subjects. No title is required but is allowed. It should be in English. People should be able to figure out that Terrible Food is related. After a period of time (assuming we get some entries) I will add a poll to the thread, so people can vote on their favorite Terrible Food poem, and the winner gets to choose the topic for another poetry contest (within reason)! In submitting a poem you agree to accept the outcome of the poll. Two votes per forum member are allowed, but you will only be able to put one vote on any poem. Multiple entries are allowed up to 3 per user. The first 15 entries or entries made in the first week (whichever comes first) are guaranteed a place in the poll provided they comply with forum rules, and the rest I will try to squeeze in or wait for if it seems reasonable to wait and to make more space. The winner gets to choose the topic for another poetry contest (also must comply with forum rules).

Submitted poems must be your own work, not previously submitted someplace else or they could be disqualified. Poems that I think are way, way too long, might be put into a quote or a spoiler to keep the thread readable.

 

[Brickjectivity]

Add your Terrible Food poem below. After a week or so I'll add it to the above poll and start the voting session.

 

[Revoltingest]

Some oldies....

My shirts aren't all that's Hawaiian.
There's pizza I recommend try'n.
With pineapple and
some lean salty ham
it's wonderful! No I ain't lie'n!


The funkiest most awful smell
is sharing a small diving bell
with old Jacques Cousteau
who minutes ago
"announced" that he had Taco Bell.


Written for a friend who bought a new appliance.....

John bought a commercial grade juicer
and became a big smoothie producer.
It improved his well-being
but he now finds he's peeing
much more, & his stools became looser.


I think it must be a perversion
to have a pork product aversion
If your faith is make'n
you forgo the bacon,
it's time to consider conversion.


An ode to the Canuckistanian role in defending Americastan against Russia.....

The thing that most frightened old Putin,
ain't nuclear bombs we'd be shoot'n.
We Yanks were no threat.
Canucks made him sweat.
He had no defense against poutine.


Written for @4consideration .....

Roses are red, & violets are blue.
Your rear is big, & most shapely too.
But best are your feet,
which make me complete.
Could I have some socks to put in my stew?

 

[sun rise]

Oh fetid turliningdromes
infesting my dinner plate
with sharp talons
waiting to slice up my innards,
I do praise.

Born from primal dung
gestated in the recesses of a refrigerator
feasting on decaying matter
they did mutate and grow.

Achieving sentience
naturally they plotted to take over the world
using humans as incubators
to raise ugly generations.

Infecting human brains,
they turned thoughts to discord
and polyticks
the better to destroy opposition
and hasten the end.

Thus I do offer my body and brain
to them
superior at being evil,
future rulers of the Earth.

 

[Brickjectivity]

Is this a terrible food poetry contest, or what?

 

[columbus]

Is this a terrible food poetry contest, or what?

Where is the "We need an "Ew" rating" thread when we need it?
Tom

 

[Revoltingest]

For @sunrise123

Rose' is red
Vile cordon bleu
Dog meat is great
Dinner is you!


Beans, beans the musical fruit.
Soak'm, cook'm in an old boot
from an old nun.
Then when they're done
serve in the hat of an angry old coot.

 

[crossfire]

Liver and kidneys
put into the microwave
watch the neighbors puke

 

[Revoltingest]

One I didn't write.....

There once was a gal from St Bride,
who gobbled green apples & died
They quickly fermented
inside the lamented
to cider inside her insides.

 

[DavidFirth]

If you don't want to live in a cave
Never cook fish in a microwave

 

[Revoltingest]

Is it food that's supposed to be terrible,
or is poetry you want unbearable?
Whichever you say
I'll go either way
some kind of gut wrenching parable.

 

[Brickjectivity]

I believe Sunrise is currently in the lead, and there are only 3 more days to vote.