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Glass half Panda'd
Since being at Uni, there have been many changes. There's the usual: having a room mate, getting used to the classes, trying to stay sane, making new friends, becoming open to new ideas... slight depression and missing home.
Through these past few months, I have been a spiritual drought. I think it has a lot to do with the changing of my surroundings. I couldn't read my Gnostic Bible because there was no feeling, gnosis was not leading me to the book. It was slightly disturbing because I hardly felt the love that I used to. (By love I mean the presence of the One, all of you of course know what I mean.)
I rediscovered it just recently through memory, and remembering to relax. Sometimes it takes a single event, or a person's words to help one realize oneself. I'd like to share my experience because maybe it'll be helpful to someone else, or maybe we can share similar happenings...
Anyway, I had hardly been alone due to the room mate situation. I had not practiced the meditation as i should have, and i felt lost. I could not calm down, and I covered my insecurities with a blanket of apathy. Defence mechanisms, you know. At any rate, the only thing keeping my mind focused was my Philosophy class. Everytime I listen to the lecture, my soul leaps at the information, it's happy to know Sophia and the love for her is unexplainable. Beautiful feeling.
This past weekend my room mate went up to Phoenix, leaving me by myself. That sunday evening there was a lightening storm. I heard my inner voice, not in words, but I allowed it to take over, and I forgot to think of anything relevant. (homework and such...) I saw myself turning off the lights, sitting on the bed, and watching the storm. I felt the electricity in the air and my hairs stood up on end. The feeling made me smile... and cry. The overwhelming beauty and signifigance that was with me... wow.
In any case, after the lightening storm, my memory of gnosis returned to my psyche. I again was alive. I have been that way since then. I am more relaxed, and today is the first day in months that I have picked up my gnostic gospel and translation of the Tao.
I dont know what has posessed me to share this with you all, but perhaps it's not something for me to know. I'm glad to be happy again. Thank you all for helping me through this. It's important to remember yourself, and allow what is inside to guide you. It will never lead you astray.
Thank you
Through these past few months, I have been a spiritual drought. I think it has a lot to do with the changing of my surroundings. I couldn't read my Gnostic Bible because there was no feeling, gnosis was not leading me to the book. It was slightly disturbing because I hardly felt the love that I used to. (By love I mean the presence of the One, all of you of course know what I mean.)
I rediscovered it just recently through memory, and remembering to relax. Sometimes it takes a single event, or a person's words to help one realize oneself. I'd like to share my experience because maybe it'll be helpful to someone else, or maybe we can share similar happenings...
Anyway, I had hardly been alone due to the room mate situation. I had not practiced the meditation as i should have, and i felt lost. I could not calm down, and I covered my insecurities with a blanket of apathy. Defence mechanisms, you know. At any rate, the only thing keeping my mind focused was my Philosophy class. Everytime I listen to the lecture, my soul leaps at the information, it's happy to know Sophia and the love for her is unexplainable. Beautiful feeling.
This past weekend my room mate went up to Phoenix, leaving me by myself. That sunday evening there was a lightening storm. I heard my inner voice, not in words, but I allowed it to take over, and I forgot to think of anything relevant. (homework and such...) I saw myself turning off the lights, sitting on the bed, and watching the storm. I felt the electricity in the air and my hairs stood up on end. The feeling made me smile... and cry. The overwhelming beauty and signifigance that was with me... wow.
In any case, after the lightening storm, my memory of gnosis returned to my psyche. I again was alive. I have been that way since then. I am more relaxed, and today is the first day in months that I have picked up my gnostic gospel and translation of the Tao.
I dont know what has posessed me to share this with you all, but perhaps it's not something for me to know. I'm glad to be happy again. Thank you all for helping me through this. It's important to remember yourself, and allow what is inside to guide you. It will never lead you astray.
Thank you