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Buttons*

Glass half Panda'd
Since being at Uni, there have been many changes. There's the usual: having a room mate, getting used to the classes, trying to stay sane, making new friends, becoming open to new ideas... slight depression and missing home.

Through these past few months, I have been a spiritual drought. I think it has a lot to do with the changing of my surroundings. I couldn't read my Gnostic Bible because there was no feeling, gnosis was not leading me to the book. It was slightly disturbing because I hardly felt the love that I used to. (By love I mean the presence of the One, all of you of course know what I mean.)

I rediscovered it just recently through memory, and remembering to relax. Sometimes it takes a single event, or a person's words to help one realize oneself. I'd like to share my experience because maybe it'll be helpful to someone else, or maybe we can share similar happenings...

Anyway, I had hardly been alone due to the room mate situation. I had not practiced the meditation as i should have, and i felt lost. I could not calm down, and I covered my insecurities with a blanket of apathy. Defence mechanisms, you know. :) At any rate, the only thing keeping my mind focused was my Philosophy class. Everytime I listen to the lecture, my soul leaps at the information, it's happy to know Sophia and the love for her is unexplainable. Beautiful feeling.

This past weekend my room mate went up to Phoenix, leaving me by myself. That sunday evening there was a lightening storm. I heard my inner voice, not in words, but I allowed it to take over, and I forgot to think of anything relevant. (homework and such...) I saw myself turning off the lights, sitting on the bed, and watching the storm. I felt the electricity in the air and my hairs stood up on end. The feeling made me smile... and cry. The overwhelming beauty and signifigance that was with me... wow.

In any case, after the lightening storm, my memory of gnosis returned to my psyche. I again was alive. I have been that way since then. I am more relaxed, and today is the first day in months that I have picked up my gnostic gospel and translation of the Tao.

I dont know what has posessed me to share this with you all, but perhaps it's not something for me to know. I'm glad to be happy again. Thank you all for helping me through this. It's important to remember yourself, and allow what is inside to guide you. It will never lead you astray.

Thank you
 

lunamoth

Will to love
Thank you for sharing that Buttons. I think we all have these times of spiritual drought. It helps us to get through them knowing that others have experienced it too...and come out the other side.

I think you have a lot of wisdom for a person so young. :)

luna
 

Random

Well-Known Member
Buttons* said:
This past weekend my room mate went up to Phoenix, leaving me by myself. That sunday evening there was a lightening storm. I heard my inner voice, not in words, but I allowed it to take over, and I forgot to think of anything relevant. (homework and such...) I saw myself turning off the lights, sitting on the bed, and watching the storm. I felt the electricity in the air and my hairs stood up on end. The feeling made me smile... and cry. The overwhelming beauty and signifigance that was with me... wow. In any case, after the lightening storm, my memory of gnosis returned to my psyche. I again was alive. I have been that way since then. I am more relaxed, and today is the first day in months that I have picked up my gnostic gospel and translation of the Tao

Beautiful. That's how it works, it comes and goes, peaks and plunges. One who never fears the return always comes back stronger, girl. Well done, persevere with your studies and make this memory a catalyst for greater things to come in your life.

Buttons* said:
I dont know what has posessed me to share this with you all, but perhaps it's not something for me to know. I'm glad to be happy again. Thank you all for helping me through this. It's important to remember yourself, and allow what is inside to guide you. It will never lead you astray. Thank you

No, thank you. :)
 

PureX

Veteran Member
Buttons* said:
Since being at Uni, there have been many changes. There's the usual: having a room mate, getting used to the classes, trying to stay sane, making new friends, becoming open to new ideas... slight depression and missing home.

Through these past few months, I have been a spiritual drought. I think it has a lot to do with the changing of my surroundings. I couldn't read my Gnostic Bible because there was no feeling, gnosis was not leading me to the book. It was slightly disturbing because I hardly felt the love that I used to. (By love I mean the presence of the One, all of you of course know what I mean.)

I rediscovered it just recently through memory, and remembering to relax. Sometimes it takes a single event, or a person's words to help one realize oneself. I'd like to share my experience because maybe it'll be helpful to someone else, or maybe we can share similar happenings...

Anyway, I had hardly been alone due to the room mate situation. I had not practiced the meditation as i should have, and i felt lost. I could not calm down, and I covered my insecurities with a blanket of apathy. Defence mechanisms, you know. :) At any rate, the only thing keeping my mind focused was my Philosophy class. Everytime I listen to the lecture, my soul leaps at the information, it's happy to know Sophia and the love for her is unexplainable. Beautiful feeling.

This past weekend my room mate went up to Phoenix, leaving me by myself. That sunday evening there was a lightening storm. I heard my inner voice, not in words, but I allowed it to take over, and I forgot to think of anything relevant. (homework and such...) I saw myself turning off the lights, sitting on the bed, and watching the storm. I felt the electricity in the air and my hairs stood up on end. The feeling made me smile... and cry. The overwhelming beauty and signifigance that was with me... wow.

In any case, after the lightening storm, my memory of gnosis returned to my psyche. I again was alive. I have been that way since then. I am more relaxed, and today is the first day in months that I have picked up my gnostic gospel and translation of the Tao.

I dont know what has posessed me to share this with you all, but perhaps it's not something for me to know. I'm glad to be happy again. Thank you all for helping me through this. It's important to remember yourself, and allow what is inside to guide you. It will never lead you astray.

Thank you
Thank YOU! Your post brings a big Buddha-like smile to old PureX's face!

Bless you!
 

Buttercup

Veteran Member
Buttons* said:
I rediscovered it just recently through memory, and remembering to relax. Sometimes it takes a single event, or a person's words to help one realize oneself. I'd like to share my experience because maybe it'll be helpful to someone else, or maybe we can share similar happenings...

This past weekend my room mate went up to Phoenix, leaving me by myself. That sunday evening there was a lightening storm. I heard my inner voice, not in words, but I allowed it to take over, and I forgot to think of anything relevant. (homework and such...) I saw myself turning off the lights, sitting on the bed, and watching the storm. I felt the electricity in the air and my hairs stood up on end. The feeling made me smile... and cry. The overwhelming beauty and signifigance that was with me... wow.
I remember talking to you that night or the night before when the subject of relaxing and meditation came up. I'm so happy to hear you are feeling better, that's great! :hug: We'll have to talk more about it.

Very lovely post......I owe you even more frubals. :)
 

Quiddity

UndertheInfluenceofGiants
I remember talking to you about having difficulty making friends. I had no idea it ran any deeper then that. Thanks for sharing...:hug:
 

Bishka

Veteran Member
That's beautiful Ashley.

I'm really glad that you got to have that experience and have your fields irrigated (forgive the poor analogy).

It's wonderful that you are feeling better in your life. :)


:hug: to you.
 

Halcyon

Lord of the Badgers
Nice one wibbles!

There's nothing quite like returning to Silence, allowing peace to flow over and through you. Better than any other kind of religious practice i've done, i think.
 

gnostic

The Lost One
It has been a while since someone has posted a new topic here, so I haven't visit Gnosticism forum that much of late.

However, I'm sorry that you had some crisises with your own spirituality, Button, :( but I'm happy now that you have resolved it and feeling better now. :) It seemed strange that it was the lightning show that put your mind back to the "gnostic perspective", but some lightnings can do that to me; make me feel awe :eek: by its beauty and raw power.:sheep:
 
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