Mark Dohle
Well-Known Member
The Deeper the Trust, Greater the Depth
“You understand—in Me you can find everything: all the love you need to help you. So don’t be afraid of making use of the one who loves you so. Unfold your trust like silk to clothe your request, and you will vanquish Me. My heart is easily taken captive by My little children. And you are all My little children. Any humble tenderness disarms Me.
Bossis, Gabrielle. He and I (Kindle Locations 1349-1351).
Pauline Books and Media. Kindle Edition.
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One day about three years ago, a retreatant came to me and shared some of his frustrations “I work hard”, he began, “I toiled for a few years to save up for a Canary Yellow Porsche. A car I have always wanted. I would often think of how happy I would be once I was able to save up enough money to be able to acquire one.”
I of course knew where this was going. I guess anyone who reads this most likely has heard this story, with varied themes over the course of their lives. Or perhaps you dear reader have experienced it.
So he continued: “then the day came when I could afford to get the car of my dreams. It was a great day when I bought it, I was so excited, like a kid on Christmas.” Then he stopped, looked at me, and said in a voice that was bordering on anger: “Then after I bought it, after just a few weeks, I began to feel a deep disappointment. I actually felt worse than before”.
As we talked for a while, he said, “I guess once you own ‘something’, you no longer desire it, and it loses its luster and becomes just another ‘object’ that I own. I kind of knew that before I bought the car because all the ‘things I have, even though I do appreciate them, they do nothing for my inner restlessness!”
It is kind of sad that ‘things can’t fill up our inner void. It is common knowledge that ownership does not promise happiness in the way that many desire. I love cars. Many cars are for me, great art, especially the classics. My brother Skip loved cars, and he used to sell classics. I guess his favorite car would be the Thunderbird. He had one that was made in 1956 I believe. He loved the car. However, I do not think he thought any car would make him happy, or fulfilled. He did sell it many years ago. The man who bought it, totaled it the next weekend. To say my brother was upset is an understatement. Luckily the man paid cash for it. Yes, he was very rich the buyer.
In the end, what is necessary to find inner joy, peace, and happiness, is the one thing that many ignore, or if sought after, is often done slipshod. It is easy to forget that we have an aspect of ourselves that is eternal, self-aware, and sorrowful if our deepest inner longing is not fulfilled.
Loved ones, lovers, friends, family, as important as they are for human happiness cannot reach the depth that we truly wished to be seen and loved. Trust is very difficult when a relationship reaches a certain depth. Most of us have a line of some sort that we will not allow others to cross. Even our closest friends cannot know everything about us. Perhaps one reason is that we ourselves may be closed off to inner levels that are cut off from us. Levels that if we were aware of them, would never be exposed. There is a great deal in us that keeps us moving so that we do not have to face what sleeps beneath.
I am not being dramatic, all one has to do is to look at the news, or to read good literature to see what we are capable of if things get rough enough. Many times these experiences surprise the one who acts out, often saying: “I did not know what overcame me”.
To truly trust God is not as easy as it sounds. To truly open one's heart to God, there is a certain amount of inner silence that is needed. To do that life has to slow down a bit, at least during certain times of the day or night. Over time, once the silence starts to deepen, we began the inner journey, which is not always pleasant, and at times very painful because the death of the Ego, or aspects of the Ego, is painful.
Jesus told us to love ourselves, commanded it because it is difficult. Once we start on our journey in earnest, we begin to see how it is grace that does keep us afloat, encourages us to continue and to not allow our bruised ego to withdraw from the fray. We no longer stay victims, but learn that we need to own up to what is inside of us, our failures, and to do what is necessary to grow into a deeper more loving humanity.
It can be difficult to believe that God exists, and to embrace that God is ‘love’, can even be more difficult. I know this from experience. Yet faith, at bottom, is a choice, and a rational one.
Jesus is the revelation of God that could not be figured out by philosophy. Stoicism is a good way of life, but it is far different than what a Christian is called to do. There are many deep thinkers who can help people get through the day, and live a balanced life if practiced. However, no philosophy can touch the soul at the depth that Jesus Christ does. I am not putting down seekers who are the way, hopefully, that is the majority of mankind. Christians are also seekers. Delving into the mystery of God’s intimacy with our race is what we are questing to understand, experience, and live out in our day-to-day lives.
I guess my mantra is this: “Trust is a choice”, and so is faith. Understand that we choose, and each choice is made in faith, no matter what path is chosen. Also, no path is easy, but a loving relationship with God, brings out joy even in the midst of suffering, if not lived in a slipshod manner. Each day is a new beginning, and each day we can grow in trust, and if we find we are slipshod in our faith, we can change that over time with some discipline.—Br.MD