The Devil has been in My Girlfriend's Panties Drawer!

[Awoon]

Perhaps you can imagine my utter and overwhelming shock when just the other day, while visiting my girlfriend's apartment while she was at work, I accidentally came across -- hidden beneath a pile of her classic-cut white cotton briefs -- a pair of radically French-cut, sinfully black, lace panties in her undies drawer!

After recovering consciousness, I fetched my KJV from the car and I was so fervently praying to our Lord and Savior by the time she returned home, that my brow and armpits were drenched with sweat.

When I told her what I had accidentally discovered in her undies drawer, she so adamantly and stubbornly denied that it could be possible for the wicked thing to be present in her drawer that I began to believe I had imagined it there.

The two of us then opened her undies drawer using a ten foot long pole with a hook to jerk the drawer open, for neither one of us wanted to be blasted with demon juices if the wicked and ugly thing was really in there in the drawer and perhaps raping and violating her classic-cuts. And it was there!

My girlfriend has assured me with her hand firmly place on the KJV, and with tears in her eyes, that she has no idea how the radioactive black lace ever came to demonically infest her undies drawer. She says they are not hers, that she would never wear such things, not even wear such things in order to frequent the bars on the nights I work the grave-yard shift. I believe her for I know her to be morally incapable of lying to Jesus.

But that leaves only one possibility - a dreadful possibility -- and a possibility I and she must now accept as fact: The Devil, Satan, Lord of the Damned, has placed those panties in her undies drawer for a purpose -- to damn us!

What should we do? Please, please tell us how we can deal with this crisis!

Panties are best left in the drawers when visiting girlfriends. Now get BUSY with them in their proper place, while you are both Praising Jesus.

 

[Sunstone]

Panties are best left in the drawers when visiting girlfriends. Now get BUSY with them in their proper place, while you are both Praising Jesus.

I'm afraid that intercourse is out of the question! My girlfriend and I have promised Jesus that we will not know each other in the full biblical meaning of the term until we have been solemnly married in church by the Reverend J.J. Johnson, jr., for we both want to remain virgins until then. So, at this time in our lives, we only engage in anal.

 

[FearGod]

I'm afraid that intercourse is out of the question! My girlfriend and I have promised Jesus that we will not know each other in the full biblical meaning of the term until we have been solemnly married in church by the Reverend J.J. Johnson, jr., for we both want to remain virgins until then. So, at this time in our lives, we only engage in anal.

What about oral ?

 

[Reverend Rick]

Phil, I put those black panties in the drawer, they are mine.

 

[Sunstone]

What about oral ?

Yup! I don't mind telling you that my girlfriend and I enjoy a very enthusiastic oral sex life. Just last night, for instance, we passionately read aloud to each other passages from the Song of Solomon and from the Reverend Billy Bob Slag's excellent sexual primer, "Christian Couple's Guide to Marital Bliss and the Approved Domestic Divisions of Labor".

 

[Sunstone]

Phil, I put those black panties in the drawer, they are mine.

Reverend Rick! Bless you for coming forth and witnessing to that! You have no idea how relieved my girlfriend and I are to hear your witness and to realize those black panties were not the Devil's own Demon Drawers! All that remains for us now is to call the exorcist and the elders of our Church and cancel their plans to visit us tonight.

 

[Reverend Rick]

You might want to hold that call, I was wearing a blue dress at the time.

 

[Sunstone]

You might want to hold that call, I was wearing a blue dress at the time.

Yikes! Reverend Rick, surely there is a spiritual war being fought for your soul right now! I'm going to this very minute call Pastor J.J. Johnson, jr, and all the Elders of the Living Life of Light Church and alert them to hurry over here immediately to launch a spiritual prayer counter-attack in order to achieve victory over the demons that are contending for your soul and impressive fashion sense! The hour of decision is nigh upon us! We must hasten to the call of the Lord!

 

[Reverend Rick]

[youtube]I1SLTbqanrc[/youtube]
Funny Xmas Song - Walkin Round In Women's Underwear.wmv - YouTube

 

[Reverend Rick]

[youtube]_dd9qjHUyHQ[/youtube]
MITCH RYDER (Live) - Devil With The Blue Dress (w / lyrics) - YouTube

 

[Sunstone]

One thing; did you get rid of them scorching pair of undies yet, or are they still in the house?

Badran! BADRAN! Are you there Badran! It has been revealed to me that our fellow RFer and Admin, the Reverend Rick, has been sinfully dressing up in women's garments and is therefore come dangerously close to losing his eternal soul and impressive fashion sense to Satan's dark demon forces of despair! Badran, pray for him! Pray until your clasped hands are chaffed with the fervor of righteousness! We must act at once to save him from immorality and immolation in the Lake of Fire!

 

[Awoon]

I'm afraid that intercourse is out of the question! My girlfriend and I have promised Jesus that we will not know each other in the full biblical meaning of the term until we have been solemnly married in church by the Reverend J.J. Johnson, jr., for we both want to remain virgins until then. So, at this time in our lives, we only engage in anal.

Well if that is your situation then I think you should just stay home and toss off looking at her pictures.

 

[crossfire]

Badran! BADRAN! Are you there Badran! It has been revealed to me that our fellow RFer and Admin, the Reverend Rick, has been sinfully dressing up in women's garments and is therefore come dangerously close to losing his eternal soul and impressive fashion sense to Satan's dark demon forces of despair! Badran, pray for him! Pray until your clasped hands are chaffed with the fervor of righteousness! We must act at once to save him from immorality and immolation in the Lake of Fire!

My question to you: is all this distress you are feeling right now anything like the lake of fire?

 

[Sunstone]

Are you the exorcist?

Sister Horrorble! Phone up the exorcist this very instant and tell him to hurry forth his butt to the appointed location, for the hour of battle has cum! Reverend Rick's eternal soul is endangered by the mortal sin and vice of cross-dressing!!!

 

[Sunstone]

Well if that is your situation then I think you should just stay home and toss off looking at her pictures.

Been there, done that, still doing it! :yes:

 

[The Neo Nerd]

MY first thought was that KJV was a metaphor for something dirty.

 

[Reverend Rick]

Tell the truth Sunstone, you sniffed my panties right? What else where you doing at the time?

 

[Reverend Rick]

:devil: The Devil made me do it.

 

[crossfire]

If Sunstone sniffed those panties and is acting this way, I'd hate to think what gnarly, mind altering substances might be on them! Best to toss them into the lake of fire before Rev Rick gets there. (Just to check and see if they cause any major flare activity in the lake of fire when you toss them in.)
I hope any flare activity won't cause any run-away global warming. But, it's best to check before Rev Rick gets there, and causes any {more} undue panic amongst the climatologists.)

 

[Awoon]

Been there, done that, still doing it! :yes:

Frubal for you!!!